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When I read John 5:30 now it sounds like power given from authority. Jesus acted as another rational responsible being would. Using power he already had and exercising the right as a higher authority would. When thinking "all nine all the time" it's as if you're giving yourself over and God is totally running your being. That is enmeshment. That is not a relationship. Well, toxic, yes.

Oh my! That's what cults do...... You were too kind, too obedient. I didn't know that the pottie brown shirts patrolled your work that tightly!! You had every right to show a little bit of rebel-spirit and spend time with friends from YOUR country.

My very first RoA (and first time at HQ) was spent as apprentice corps skivvying in the dishroom and in the meal tent. I had looked forward to a RoA and all the things it supposedly brought, and saw little to none of it. I also saw very, very few of my home twig, which was just a bit unkind since they'd flown from the other side of the world (as had I). And so proceeded all future RoAs that I was at. I often got lumbered with cleaning the portaloos, which I was glad to do because everyone likes a clean toilet; but it would have been nice to have enjoyed some of what was on offer. Funny story: one year I was scrubbing out toilets and a "roving minstrel" came to find me and sing me a song. The people who had asked this person to do so was a lovely family that I'd met at Family Camp a little earlier in the year, and they'd sought me out with great diligence because their little boy had really taken a shine to me. I was seriously surprised at this minstrel's visit, came out to see the family, we had a brief chat and I returned to duties. Soon after, that set of toilets blocked up. I'd been so surprised that I'd dropped the toilet brush down the portaloo...! A less funny story: my home twig were at my last RoA (diligent lot; very big airfares involved) and wanted to spend a little time with me. I was kept too busy and on the very last day was begrudgingly given 1/2hr to spend with them. It was a very cold day and one of them gave me a winter sweater (!) and I gave them a load of materials to take back to the home country, all my Corps notes etc, because I would be leaving myself in a couple of weeks after cleanup. How mean-spirited, though. Here I am, away from my twig, in the US; my twig from another country come to visit, and I'm not allowed (kept too busy) to see them... three years running. You'd think, half an hour or even an hour, over a week, wouldn't have been too much - but it was, apparently.