Ham

Forty-five times. At least. I figured this number from the fifteen years that I was REALLY gung ho. We ran a MINIMUM of three classes a year. I was in every one of them. I usually ran the tapes. To this day, I can quote even every stinking joke. It's pathetic.. somehow, I am now supposed to "master" PFAL. No thanks. No more- I'm done with it.. Not really ranting, I'm laughing my rear end off as I write this.. just one of my "interesting" mornings. But really.. after all that, if I have to somehow work it for "da hidden meaning" to somehow become more spurtual, somethings wrong. Already done that. No more- I'm done with it..

For the thousandth time, speaking politely, "I do not want more PFAL". The number of documentable times I sat through that class- at least 45. No friggin kidding. Add to that the HOURS of study time. No more. I've had enough. The likelihood of sitting through it again rates with the likelihood of it raining gold bullion on a clear day. No thanks, I have had enough. Same goes for WAP, or any of the other "reincarnations". But if you're still not convinced: I wrote a little poem.. Won't you take this class with me? No, not even if its free. Would you take it in a car? I'd rather drive to the next bar. Would you take it in a boat? Not in a boat, or in a mote. You could take it from afar.. I'd rather dip myself in tar. Why oh why, do you hate me so? I don't hate, I just won't go. We could run it in a park.. I'd rather eat some fresh pine bark. We could do it in the kitchen- I'd probably start really itchin. Why not in a comfy chair? I'd just as soon pull out my hair. We could have it in the attic- Not unless I turn real spastic. Don't you know it's made of gold? You can have it, it's way too old. We could hear it over dinner- no, it would make me really thinner. Why not when we're raking leaves? I do not want to further heave. Why not listen down a well? I'd think I'd died and gone to hell. Would you, would you, in a church I'd gladly leave you in the lurch. Why oh why are you so mean? I'd rather paint my body green. Why not listen in a bus? The driver would get rid of us. Listen to it when you jog? I'd beat the walkman with a log. We could listen hanging loose I'd prefer to get bit by a moose Why not in the open air? I'd rather wrestle with a bear. Won't you ever take this thing? Only if the cows would just sprout wings.

It's kind of funny how stuff like this comes back to bite you in the rear. You will never forget. I only made a handful of those kind of "mistakes". Makes me wonder what it's like for Loy and crowd. Screwed over so many people, I don't see how he can live with himself. I suppose anti-depressants would help..

I said my share of stupid stuff.. wish I could take it back. At least I have the priviledge to know how stupid it really was.

Oh well.. in a way, I think we all were..

Probably how we got WAP

Might be rough at dinner time. "whadya fellows want tonight"? "Pizza" "chile" "no, no, it's gotta be sardines.."

Hey, you never know. Maybe that's what I need, five or six of me. Safety in "a multitude of councilors" you know.

Engine.. just to let you know, I think you were one of the finest examples of what "leadership" were back then. When I made this comment, you were the LAST person on my mind.

But really, to me, that is refreshing. Maybe not as bad as I first thought.. finally, one of the Waybots is showing perhaps a little originality, and perhaps a little annoyance. Perhaps they have a few more human qualities left after all. Whether they want to admit it or not, they have to get out of bed and put their pants on the same way as the rest of us.

Funny.. I just listened to that one last night. Found it on CD at local bookstore. Brings back a few memories..

Mr. bread and vegetables probably would have believed it..

"We KNOW something is seriously wrong with you. It will go better for you if you admit it. Spill your guts, it's your only chance". Unbelievable.. they must've "mastered" da revelation manifestations alright. I should have told him, "you're right. My mother and father were from outer space".

But now it looks like they have "upgraded" the process. Apparently, now you can throw a few insults. I guess things are changing there. Getting worse.

I dunno.. I've been on both ends of this Oldies, snobber and snobbie. Marker and avoider, and marked and avoided. Now I'm just another humble greasespot, heh heh. Gives me a unique perspective I think. All the little things the guy was doing was just so typical of some of the things that leadership instructed ME to do. Just act kind of nice, even though you know that YOU and Da MINISTRY are right, and act as nice as you can. Avoid ANY kind of logical discussion, avoid talking about the word or the ministry, and excuse yourself as soon as you can possibly do so. This is the standard operating procedure when it comes to dealing with "copouts". As far as family tables are concerned, there is nothing left to even complain about, heh heh.. really. Gone almost as quick as it started.

For the life of me, I just can't see how or why anybody would want to go back- even to "da good old days". Even then, many of us had the most anal, obsessive, STUPID and sadistic leadership that one could ever wish for. Even in the EARLY 1970's. I am of the opinion that God gives us a calling that is unique, one that fits YOU. And your personality, and your own personal abilities. One thing I observed about TWI, they had no clue about how to figure out what God REALLY wanted you to do. At least in my case, all of the classes and activity did little more than to cover up my true calling. Mike, so you think the whole end of life is to "master" PFAL? Go ahead, nobody is stopping you. Maybe, just maybe, that is really what YOU need to do. Maybe this "fullness of the spirit all nine all the time" lifestyle fits YOU. Hey, I am willing to even concede, maybe that's even what God's telling YOU to do. Not me. I find myself in my own personal God-given "training course". I do not have the time in life to ignore what God would have me to do, and go back to endless rework "da accuracy" of PFAL. I have taken what good I can get from PFAL, and have moved on. And I would not mandate my course in life to anybody. Anybody who knows me would readily admit that it just would not fit anybody else, or very few.. Reminds me of "God told me to tell you.." maybe He's just telling YOU.

It all makes so much sense, at least now. I think in general, religion, twi more so, and maybe less now- society, tries to put both parties in a box that just plain old does not fit. The woman is supposed to be some kind of meek, subservient that relies on the man for any kind of final say for anything. That may be awful, but look what they do to the man. He is supposed to be some kind of superman, able to take on all problems without getting even out of breath. For most, it is very dissapoining to find out that these kind of expectations in a relationship are impossible, or at the least, unworkable. We held so tightly to GUIDELINES that we lost freedom, at least in my opinion. Add to this all of the defensive mechanisms that most people have in place. It is almost guaranteed that you do not really know who or what you married, and that for a very long time. My poor ex woke up one day to finally realize she was married to a 47 year old hippy- that was not really likely to change. I on the other hand, woke up to find approximately the same age of a redneck. I kind of thought it was "cool" though. I could live with it, she couldn't. And I don't blame her or have any hard feelings about it. I think a lot of this "renewing of the mind" really was responsible for this kind of nonsense. Just covered up what people were really like. Sometimes I joke about sending the poor newlyweds a sympathy card, heh heh. But that's life I guess.. sometimes everything does not work out the way you wanted or planned. I guess sometimes it does.

If he is one of the unknown posters here, I imagine I will find out shortly, heh heh.

Same guy (and I won't give a name in a million years- he turned out kind of OK) would pray for God to "bless" his maijuana, but not his acid. Thought the acid was a little too far outside of "God's jurisdiction".

Maybe we are talking about the wrong kind of "recovery". What I am thinking of would require an army of plastic surgeons..

Just one question. "did you pass the acid test?"

Maybe the emails are robot generated. They can then blame the machine for giving out insults.. that would be typical.

I once knew a guy that relied on "revelation" to be able to pass cars on blind turns.. yikes.

Lets see. I did not, at least at the time, believe that those were "the words da holy ghost speaking to you by me" and never really bought into that concept. The Bible talked about SIT, and for me, that was good enough. On top of that, I had and still have some real doubts about the India experience he spoke about in session one. In spite of not LITERALLY believing wierwille, and not LITERALLY carrying out his instructions, I spoke in tongues. Now he says, "If you believe that this is just VP, you will never manifest." At the time, I thought he was giving far too much credit to himself. Are you suggesting, that somehow, counter to Wierwille's writings, that somehow I received "a false tongue"? Lets consider things a little further.. it was not a known language to me, and I was not possessed, completely in control of my faculties. Neither did I open my mouth and "breath in the spirit" I just spoke. Maybe this is like the baptism issue. Got everything, but somehow must humble oneself and go back to get baptized because somehow, the new birth really means nothing. So, if what he said was actually true, and THE WORD OF GOD, in order for me to genuinely manifest the spirit, I must go back, humble myself to da teachings of wierwille, and do it all over. Somehow, I don't buy it.

But I should be allowed to get in a little trouble. This is "just plain silly" after all.