Oh man! I'm excited now! Chomping at the bit! I have always dreamed of working for someone who dreams of scorpions...After hearing of the Right Reverend So-and-so-Groucho turning in his resignation – I was wondering if his secret decoder ring is up for grabs to anyone employed under your misery ministry. I really really really really and virtually [but minus any virtues] would like to be on your research staff. I have included a sample of the work I did for another outfit. The following is a fabrication translation I made up worked up from two different documents: The Extreme-Egomaniac Persnickety Text and The Hypocritical Insinseriously Text.
Exodus 20: 1-21
1 And Shyster spake all these words, saying,
2 I am the lord thy god, which have brought thee out of the land of Christianity.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth – unless you run it by me first – and if and when it meets my approval said graven image shall beareth tribute to me.
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to anyone else, nor serve them: for I the lord god Shyster am a jealous Shyster, visiting the duplicity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate my agenda; and make sure there's a parking spot for my motor coach when I come to visit;
6 And shew mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not mix a drink in the name of the lord god Shyster in any pure grain alcohol save Drambui; for Shyster shalt lay such a guilt-trip on you.
8 Remember Uncle Harry day, to keep it holy – and I won't give a rat's ar$$ what you do the rest of the year.
9 Six days shalt thou labour for me, and do all thy other work that pays the bills on your own time:
10 But the seventh day is Shyster's Day: in it thou shalt not do any of thy other work that pays the bills, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates [unless of course they are earning extra money to pay for my class]:
11 For in one day the lord god Shyster made this two-bit operation, yah see, and all that in it is, and rested thereafter on his lazy ar$$: wherefore the lord god Shyster blessed Shyster's Day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father in the word and give me your mother: that thy days may be long within my two-bit operation which the lord thy god Shyster giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill time with any hobby or recreation that taketh away from your duties, responsibilities, and required meetings of aforementioned two-bit operation.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery – that's my job.
15 Thou shalt not steal – that's my job too!
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against Shyster – and if thou should be dumb enough to do such a thing then thou shalt surely die…the slow death of character assassination by way of but not limited to being labeled demon-possessed.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his foot, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's – as I said before and for the last time – that's my job! And let's keep it simple – bring the neighbor's wife and maidservant around to my motor coach – all the other stuff drop off at my treasury office [but use some common sense if it's big like a house just bring the title deed]…oh and touch base with me later as far as what to do with the manservant.
18 And all the people saw Shyster's hissy-fit of thunderings, and lightnings, and the noise of the ar$$-trumpet, and the smoke coming out of his earballs: and when the people saw all these things, they removed their brains, and stood afar off from their brains.
19 And they said unto Shyster, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not reason speak with us, lest we also die the slow death of character assassination.
20 And Shyster said unto the people, Fear not: for I have come to prove you, and from henceforth this fear of me shalt be re-labeled "love."
21 And the people continuously stood afar off from their brains, and Shyster drew near unto the thick darkness which he claimed was due to snow blindness in the middle of July.
".. from henceforth, let this day, the nineteenth day of January, be known as the Day of the Shyster, and full benefits thereof not limited to MOGS but MOGETTES and MOG wanabes, and MOG mini-mes, not to imitate the Shyster, but to BE the Shyster, to solemly pledge to plagiarize, to pillage, and to plunder, all the days of their life.."
I wanna be the kool-aide - ummmm kitchen coordinator!
I can spike the cheesecake!
dooj, my girls can work in the kitchen when they aren't dancing in the bus. I'm pretty sure they can mix good koolaid serve cheesecake properly.... the should be able to rip the cellophane off all those cheesecake wedges all right... I hope.
judging from what I've heard of the MOG tradition, our MOGWOTHs will probably procreate indiscriminately and we'll have to convince many of our male members that they have not been cuckolded by their GWOTH dancer wives... once we arrange advantageous marriages to secure our power strengthen our ministry... are you game for the challenge? there will be descendants!
I'm buying the first round! Set up the Drambuie and keep it coming! Or does the Right Rev Groucho have a different brew in his cup on the pulpit? And is that a breath mint or an LSD tab???
You people are missing the point. I am the prophet. I have the gift of dreams. My dreams REVEAL your secret sins and craven betrayals, your fellowship with devils, the inner wickedness and depravity of your twisted souls, and your culpability for all manner of injuries and sorrows to God's people.
So here's the deal. I do it to you, I got credentials to say it's from God. You do it back to me, call it whatever, it's defamation of my fine character, and I'm gonna sue your guilty behind. Why? Because I'm way too precious to take my own medicine.
Ah Reverend Groucho fine sir…this dream boy is starting to give me nightmares…is it my imagination or is he a kinda mean?...alright – if yah ain't looking for any research staffers – how about a damn fine plagiarist? I'll do yah proud! Need more clergy? I've got the gift ministry of an idiot.
While Satori may have been the chosen one of our big daddy which laid hands on him in public and proclaimed Satori heir to the farm of poo-tang, we all know now it wasn't because of his special secret spiritual fantasies with the under age coeds, but rather big daddy's privates envy that got him the mantle. As big daddy said in private many times:" you can't get a bigger dick than Satori".
Now word circulating on the street is that big daddy made a secret last incredible stop at Groucho's home on his way to POOP at his favorite bus drivers foreign stall and gripped Groucho and declared:" you are like me son, hung like a mouse; if Satori don't follow my missionary position as I the great big daddy has taught you all; you know what to do!"
Don’t mean to be putting pressure on either group – but you all better settle this quick! Before Tom Strange gets wind of it and calls in the Mother Ship – that thing will swoop down here faster than lightning and steal everybody away!
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T-Bone
Oh man! I'm excited now! Chomping at the bit! I have always dreamed of working for someone who dreams of scorpions...After hearing of the Right Reverend So-and-so-Groucho turning in his resignation – I was wondering if his secret decoder ring is up for grabs to anyone employed under your misery ministry. I really really really really and virtually [but minus any virtues] would like to be on your research staff. I have included a sample of the work I did for another outfit. The following is a fabrication translation I made up worked up from two different documents: The Extreme-Egomaniac Persnickety Text and The Hypocritical Insinseriously Text.
Exodus 20: 1-21
1 And Shyster spake all these words, saying,
2 I am the lord thy god, which have brought thee out of the land of Christianity.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth – unless you run it by me first – and if and when it meets my approval said graven image shall beareth tribute to me.
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to anyone else, nor serve them: for I the lord god Shyster am a jealous Shyster, visiting the duplicity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate my agenda; and make sure there's a parking spot for my motor coach when I come to visit;
6 And shew mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not mix a drink in the name of the lord god Shyster in any pure grain alcohol save Drambui; for Shyster shalt lay such a guilt-trip on you.
8 Remember Uncle Harry day, to keep it holy – and I won't give a rat's ar$$ what you do the rest of the year.
9 Six days shalt thou labour for me, and do all thy other work that pays the bills on your own time:
10 But the seventh day is Shyster's Day: in it thou shalt not do any of thy other work that pays the bills, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates [unless of course they are earning extra money to pay for my class]:
11 For in one day the lord god Shyster made this two-bit operation, yah see, and all that in it is, and rested thereafter on his lazy ar$$: wherefore the lord god Shyster blessed Shyster's Day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father in the word and give me your mother: that thy days may be long within my two-bit operation which the lord thy god Shyster giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill time with any hobby or recreation that taketh away from your duties, responsibilities, and required meetings of aforementioned two-bit operation.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery – that's my job.
15 Thou shalt not steal – that's my job too!
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against Shyster – and if thou should be dumb enough to do such a thing then thou shalt surely die…the slow death of character assassination by way of but not limited to being labeled demon-possessed.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his foot, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's – as I said before and for the last time – that's my job! And let's keep it simple – bring the neighbor's wife and maidservant around to my motor coach – all the other stuff drop off at my treasury office [but use some common sense if it's big like a house just bring the title deed]…oh and touch base with me later as far as what to do with the manservant.
18 And all the people saw Shyster's hissy-fit of thunderings, and lightnings, and the noise of the ar$$-trumpet, and the smoke coming out of his earballs: and when the people saw all these things, they removed their brains, and stood afar off from their brains.
19 And they said unto Shyster, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not reason speak with us, lest we also die the slow death of character assassination.
20 And Shyster said unto the people, Fear not: for I have come to prove you, and from henceforth this fear of me shalt be re-labeled "love."
21 And the people continuously stood afar off from their brains, and Shyster drew near unto the thick darkness which he claimed was due to snow blindness in the middle of July.
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potato
Groucho, I have a bus. can I join the order of the gwoths? first on my agenda is a music festival... the festival of gwoth music.
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GrouchoMarxJr
My first official announcement is that Rev potato will be the music and festival coordinator for the region of the United States!
potato...do you know any hot chicks that know how to dance?
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potato
lots of them! I will be the madame coordinator of the gwoth groupies dancers!
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doojable
I wanna be the kool-aide - ummmm kitchen coordinator!
I can spike the cheesecake!
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Ham
".. from henceforth, let this day, the nineteenth day of January, be known as the Day of the Shyster, and full benefits thereof not limited to MOGS but MOGETTES and MOG wanabes, and MOG mini-mes, not to imitate the Shyster, but to BE the Shyster, to solemly pledge to plagiarize, to pillage, and to plunder, all the days of their life.."
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potato
dooj, my girls can work in the kitchen when they aren't dancing in the bus. I'm pretty sure they can mix good koolaid serve cheesecake properly.... the should be able to rip the cellophane off all those cheesecake wedges all right... I hope.
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doojable
Let this be a day of independence for all the GWOTHs and their decendants...
If any....
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pond
you know being "defamed" isnt so bad.
happens to me alot actualy.
hapeened to Jesus Christ alot.
I guess it has alot to do with how much stock one puts into the idea of Fame , or being famous.
for me not so much , so when, as the bible says, i am not welcomed i brush the dust off my shoes and move on to the next who will welcome me.
what the heck?
i bet this is about MONEY!!!!!
maybe??????
could be???
now that is important !!!
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potato
judging from what I've heard of the MOG tradition, our MOGWOTHs will probably procreate indiscriminately and we'll have to convince many of our male members that they have not been cuckolded by their GWOTH dancer wives... once we arrange advantageous marriages to secure our power strengthen our ministry... are you game for the challenge? there will be descendants!
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T-Bone
Yikes – it looks like trouble’s a brewing at Grease Spot Café…Anytime there’s a brouhaha in bogusville we usually settle it the old fashion way – an arm wrestling contest at the counter…Yup yup…The Challenging Counter-Fight: The Satorites versus the GWOTHs.
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Ham
See what happens when you leave Groucho in charge, Satori?
This place goes to h*ll in a handbasket..
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doojable
I'm buying the first round! Set up the Drambuie and keep it coming! Or does the Right Rev Groucho have a different brew in his cup on the pulpit? And is that a breath mint or an LSD tab???
Oh man! That Holy Spurt dove is flying, Dude!
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satori001
You people are missing the point. I am the prophet. I have the gift of dreams. My dreams REVEAL your secret sins and craven betrayals, your fellowship with devils, the inner wickedness and depravity of your twisted souls, and your culpability for all manner of injuries and sorrows to God's people.
So here's the deal. I do it to you, I got credentials to say it's from God. You do it back to me, call it whatever, it's defamation of my fine character, and I'm gonna sue your guilty behind. Why? Because I'm way too precious to take my own medicine.
Bless you all, I love you.
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ChattyKathy
You're having entirely too much fun dear.
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doojable
Hey! I'm not the one with the stash.
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T-Bone
Ah Reverend Groucho fine sir…this dream boy is starting to give me nightmares…is it my imagination or is he a kinda mean?...alright – if yah ain't looking for any research staffers – how about a damn fine plagiarist? I'll do yah proud! Need more clergy? I've got the gift ministry of an idiot.
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potato
welcome to the GWOTH side, T-bone.
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Ductape
While Satori may have been the chosen one of our big daddy which laid hands on him in public and proclaimed Satori heir to the farm of poo-tang, we all know now it wasn't because of his special secret spiritual fantasies with the under age coeds, but rather big daddy's privates envy that got him the mantle. As big daddy said in private many times:" you can't get a bigger dick than Satori".
Now word circulating on the street is that big daddy made a secret last incredible stop at Groucho's home on his way to POOP at his favorite bus drivers foreign stall and gripped Groucho and declared:" you are like me son, hung like a mouse; if Satori don't follow my missionary position as I the great big daddy has taught you all; you know what to do!"
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ChattyKathy
Satori......almost I am persuaded (by myself) to post in open what I just posted to you in private.....
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waterbuffalo
You forgot to say, "Precious little ones?"
Let's get it right, Satoori. You're slipping.
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doojable
Satori - you may be the prophet and the interpreter of dreams - but
the Right (Left?) Reverend Groucho has the bus and the Kool-aide errrr cheesecake!
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T-Bone
Don’t mean to be putting pressure on either group – but you all better settle this quick! Before Tom Strange gets wind of it and calls in the Mother Ship – that thing will swoop down here faster than lightning and steal everybody away!
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excathedra
take me take me
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