My counseling was done by the LC/TC in my former fiances area..we lived 4 hrs apart..they were wonderful folks and were so happy for us...no restrictions were upon us..
Now if it were to have been done in my area, by the BC/TC...forget it.....she would of strangled the life out of us..like she did to the other 30 couples in the area, of course, our example would of been center stage.
1984, my bride-to-be had taken the class, but only because I asked. I asked the local clergy to marry us and he just hemmed and hawed and procrastinated. We gave up and finally had a stranger marry us. That was the beginning of the end for me. After thousands of hours and thousands of dollars of support, TWI could not see fit to marry us with their own clergy.
Anyway, we're still married. That's more than I can say for most of the clergy I knew.
My "pre-marriage" counselling pretty much consisted of taking classes. I had to take all the required classes for the advanced class and then we both had to be registered for the advanced class. The clergy was willing to marry us before the advanced class, provided we were registered, so we could take it as a married couple for our honeymoon.
Beyond that, there really wasn't any counseling. I think I recall being asked if I was willing to "submit" to the man I was going to marry, but it was never explained to me what that meant. Nor do I think there was ever any explanation for what it meant to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Then again, TWI never did focus much on that aspect of the marriage relationship, compared to the emphasis on the submission part. At least, that is how it was during the 90's.
Rev. John Hill married Sudo and I. We had several pre-marriage counseling sessions with him and they were wonderful. Before each session, we had to fill out "questionnaires". One was about ourselves, our families, and the other person and their family. Also had to go into specifics about what we wanted from marriage, our spouse, personal goals, couple goals, etc. Had questions regarding parenting styles. Sex was covered but not a lot of emphasis on it, although it was recommeneded we read "The Act of Marriage". Think the intent was to find out if we were on "the same page" about things, and if not, to address them before marriage, not after.
I found the counseling very valuable. And John is such a loving, fabulous person. He was really concerned for us and that our marriage be the best it could become. Don't remember a lot of "ministry" stuff at all - like classes taken, etc., although Sudo and I were both AC grads.
One of these days I may be able to dig up the questionnaires. Being the pack rat I am, bet they are here somewhere!
Our premarital counselling consisted of the limb leader telling us he wanted to be sure the best man did what he was supposed to do. There was a long list of the responsibilities of the best man and he had been burdened with making sure these were carried out for other couples, and was sick to death of it.
So it was all about him, not us.
After 30 years, I'd said we did okay without him (he and his then-wife were divorced only a few years and two kids later.
Our premarital counselling consisted of the limb leader telling us he wanted to be sure the best man did what he was supposed to do. There was a long list of the responsibilities of the best man and he had been burdened with making sure these were carried out for other couples, and was sick to death of it.
So it was all about him, not us.
WG
Well then, did the best man perform his duties, or was the counselling a COMPLETE wast of time?
I was on campus in the college program when I got engaged. We asked one of the Rev's that visited the location on a regular basis if he would marry us. He agreed but we had to meet with him maybe four different times for counseling. First, he gave us a long questionniare to fill out (I probably do still have a copy but I'll have to dig through some files to find it). We each filled it out separately, then got together and discussed our answers. And then we discussed what we had discussed with him.
On the surface, that sounds good. The thing covered everything... finances, kids, short-term goals, long-term goals, etc. However, since I knew what answers were expected of a good way-wife, that's how I answered. Because that was what I was aspiring toward. Nevermind that it didn't fit my personality very well, or that people change over time, or that my eventual spouse was completely fabricating his answers as well.
Worst of all, we did bring up some subjects that were problems between us -- things that had us at each other's throats -- and our chosen Rev just passed it all off as typical stuff that all married couples have to work out. Gave us the ol' line of "any two believers can make it work if they put the word first" and we swallowed it hook-line-and-sinker. Looking back, the truth was we had completely different ways of approaching just about everything in life, and I believe a competant counselor would have picked up on that in short order and questioned whether we were a good match.
It still amazes me how twi leadership so often broke up really good relationships and worked so hard to salvage the really bad ones!!??!!?? Competent to counsel... NOT.
My first wife and I received absolutely no counselling, we were told flat out that he would not marry us. The prime reason was that I had dropped out of the Corps Apprentice program (couldn't get my money together) which was considered prima facae evidence that we shouldn't get married. We had a judge do the honors.
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likeaneagle
My counseling was done by the LC/TC in my former fiances area..we lived 4 hrs apart..they were wonderful folks and were so happy for us...no restrictions were upon us..
Now if it were to have been done in my area, by the BC/TC...forget it.....she would of strangled the life out of us..like she did to the other 30 couples in the area, of course, our example would of been center stage.
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Jim
Yeah, kind of a sore subject for me.
1984, my bride-to-be had taken the class, but only because I asked. I asked the local clergy to marry us and he just hemmed and hawed and procrastinated. We gave up and finally had a stranger marry us. That was the beginning of the end for me. After thousands of hours and thousands of dollars of support, TWI could not see fit to marry us with their own clergy.
Anyway, we're still married. That's more than I can say for most of the clergy I knew.
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Abigail
My "pre-marriage" counselling pretty much consisted of taking classes. I had to take all the required classes for the advanced class and then we both had to be registered for the advanced class. The clergy was willing to marry us before the advanced class, provided we were registered, so we could take it as a married couple for our honeymoon.
Beyond that, there really wasn't any counseling. I think I recall being asked if I was willing to "submit" to the man I was going to marry, but it was never explained to me what that meant. Nor do I think there was ever any explanation for what it meant to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Then again, TWI never did focus much on that aspect of the marriage relationship, compared to the emphasis on the submission part. At least, that is how it was during the 90's.
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Suda
Rev. John Hill married Sudo and I. We had several pre-marriage counseling sessions with him and they were wonderful. Before each session, we had to fill out "questionnaires". One was about ourselves, our families, and the other person and their family. Also had to go into specifics about what we wanted from marriage, our spouse, personal goals, couple goals, etc. Had questions regarding parenting styles. Sex was covered but not a lot of emphasis on it, although it was recommeneded we read "The Act of Marriage". Think the intent was to find out if we were on "the same page" about things, and if not, to address them before marriage, not after.
I found the counseling very valuable. And John is such a loving, fabulous person. He was really concerned for us and that our marriage be the best it could become. Don't remember a lot of "ministry" stuff at all - like classes taken, etc., although Sudo and I were both AC grads.
One of these days I may be able to dig up the questionnaires. Being the pack rat I am, bet they are here somewhere!
Suda
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WhiteDove
Pretty much the same as Suda described we went every two weks for several months 15 - 20 hrs.
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Watered Garden
Our premarital counselling consisted of the limb leader telling us he wanted to be sure the best man did what he was supposed to do. There was a long list of the responsibilities of the best man and he had been burdened with making sure these were carried out for other couples, and was sick to death of it.
So it was all about him, not us.
After 30 years, I'd said we did okay without him (he and his then-wife were divorced only a few years and two kids later.
WG
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GeorgeStGeorge
Well then, did the best man perform his duties, or was the counselling a COMPLETE wast of time?
George
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TheHighWay
I was on campus in the college program when I got engaged. We asked one of the Rev's that visited the location on a regular basis if he would marry us. He agreed but we had to meet with him maybe four different times for counseling. First, he gave us a long questionniare to fill out (I probably do still have a copy but I'll have to dig through some files to find it). We each filled it out separately, then got together and discussed our answers. And then we discussed what we had discussed with him.
On the surface, that sounds good. The thing covered everything... finances, kids, short-term goals, long-term goals, etc. However, since I knew what answers were expected of a good way-wife, that's how I answered. Because that was what I was aspiring toward. Nevermind that it didn't fit my personality very well, or that people change over time, or that my eventual spouse was completely fabricating his answers as well.
Worst of all, we did bring up some subjects that were problems between us -- things that had us at each other's throats -- and our chosen Rev just passed it all off as typical stuff that all married couples have to work out. Gave us the ol' line of "any two believers can make it work if they put the word first" and we swallowed it hook-line-and-sinker. Looking back, the truth was we had completely different ways of approaching just about everything in life, and I believe a competant counselor would have picked up on that in short order and questioned whether we were a good match.
It still amazes me how twi leadership so often broke up really good relationships and worked so hard to salvage the really bad ones!!??!!?? Competent to counsel... NOT.
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Watered Garden
He performed his responsibilities admirably.
WG
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Oakspear
My first wife and I received absolutely no counselling, we were told flat out that he would not marry us. The prime reason was that I had dropped out of the Corps Apprentice program (couldn't get my money together) which was considered prima facae evidence that we shouldn't get married. We had a judge do the honors.
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shortfuse
No counselling received. Were told the Corps training was counsel enough.
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