'Polite' fighting words

[Sushi]

This was originally posted in 2002, but seems apropos in light of recent events.

I suspect I will never be invited to Miss Manners' home for high tea, but there seems to be a need for this. So, I'll post Miss Manners' polite 'fighting words'. This is from "Miss Manners' Guide For The Turn Of The Millenium" by Judith Martin.

Swords and pistols being illegal now for settling differences of opinions or avenging insults, sharp words are generally the weapon of choice. Rude people use blunted ones. The few vulgarities with which the angry attack one another are so commonplace as to be ineffective. Meanwhile, the language of strict formality is so rarely used as to be more compelling than ever.

The truth is, rude language is anything but direct. Obscenity, by using the language of what we shall euphemistically call romance, expresses the exact opposite of what is meant. Here, then, for those who have forgotten, are basic phrases that polite people use to insult one another.

"I beg your pardon." This is the best all purpose warning that the other person has transgressed. Different degrees of anger can be expressed by it. "I beg your pardon?" asked with raised eyebrows means, "You'd better explain that you did not mean what you actually said." A loud "I beg your pardon!" means "Retreat this instant!"

"Pardon me." Said as "Pardon me?" this means "You have just insulted me." (It should be noted that "pardon" is only challengingly these days. The expression of true regret is "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry")

"I believe you are gravely mistaken" If the word mistaken is emphasized, this means "You don't know what you're talking about." With additional emphasis on "gravely" it means "You're lying."

"Perhaps you are unaware of the fact that..." This raises the challenge. It means, "You're lying because you're trying to conceal a fraud."

"Perhaps I did not make myself clear." Now we are really getting rough. This is positively the last warning to retreat before war is declared. By restating your position after this remark, you convey the meaning, "If you challenge me on this again now, we will fight it out."

"How dare you?" This is it, the declaration of war. It means "I will not give up until you surrender by apologizing or otherwise undoing whatever it is you did." Even then, politeness must be maintained. When an opponent finally declares himself defeated by saying that his transgression "was not what I intended." the victor is obliged to confine himself to the polite expression of triumph: "Of course not, it was only a very unfortunate mistake." He may then add, but only in a gracious tone, "I'm sure it will never happen again." That means, "Watch yourself, because you may be sure that I'll be watching you."

Edited September 6, 2007 by Sushi

[doojable]

How's about this:

Pardon me? You seem to be gravely mistaken. How dare YOU?

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear...

If I finish this I'll end up not being so polite...

Sushi, thanks. I'm not practicing on you, just practicing. ;)

Edited September 6, 2007 by doojable

[waysider]

"Pardon me, sir, exactly what part of ---'GEEZE!, You're Dumb SOB!'--- didn't you understand?"

;)

Come on, now, you know you wish you could say it at least once!

Edited September 6, 2007 by waysider

[GarthP2000]

"How dare you?" This is it, the declaration of war. It means "I will not give up until you surrender by apologizing or otherwise undoing whatever it is you did."

Uh ohh! :unsure: And how (politely that is) will that war be fought? ... A slap across the face with one's dainty silken hanky? ... A threat to 'get really, really _upset_'?

This reminds me of a skit that Bill Hicks once did. Check it out. (Warning! Cuss words are freely used, as Bill Hicks' humor isn't exactly confused with Bill Cosby's. :blink:

[Ham]

Here's some I used on someone being just a little too belligerent:

"Can you see the door?"

"well.. yes.."

"it's in your best interests to be on the other side of it.."

true story..

well.. it worked.. though the other poor rational people involved thought I was being a little too generous..

Edited September 6, 2007 by Mr. Hammeroni

[HAPe4me]

When I find someone's assertion to be less than truthful or less than correct, I might say......

"hmmm that is an interesting way to view this"

[Eyesopen]

I'm not usually that subtle. Usually I just step up and say, "Buddy you have just crossed a line, you might want to put it in reverse."

Sometimes I just tell some dumb SOB to take his or her happy a$$ elsewhere and leave me or my household alone!

Edited September 6, 2007 by Eyesopen

[doojable]

I sometimes tell folks that I don't give a tiny little rats a$$...

But there we go talking about arses,

[Eyesopen]

I sometimes tell folks that I don't give a tiny little rats a$$...

But there we go talking about arses,

One of my fav subjects...especially when attatched to the right person.

[dmiller]

It's a wonderful thing to be accepting of another's way of thinking.

But if refusal of your acceptance is evident and persistant ---

A picture is worth a thousand words, in re-butt-al:

(When I use this one -- I'm not subtle at all -- Nor do I care (at that point).

[Eyesopen]

A picture is worth a thousand words, in re-butt-al:

(When I use this one -- I'm not subtle at all -- Nor do I care (at that point).

Gives new meaning to kiss my a$$

[dmiller]

Gives new meaning to kiss my a$

Eyes -- no -- more like *see some sunshine for once*.

(To put it politely). :)

[Eyesopen]

Eyes -- no -- more like *see some sunshine for once*.

(To put it politely). :)

"Sunshine on your shoulders makes you happy,

until you light a match,

because life has been too crappy,

and flames shoot out your a$$."

Edited 'cause Dooj says I can't spell! As if I didn't know that....

Edited September 6, 2007 by Eyesopen

[dmiller]

Edited 'cause Dooj says I can't spell! As if I didn't know that....

Dooj tells me I don't know Pizza toppings either.

Hahahahahahahaha! (like I believe THAT!!!) ;)

[doojable]

Hon, it's not that you don't know pizza toppings... you just don't know pizza! ;)

[Rocky]

Hon, it's not that you don't know pizza toppings... you just don't know pizza! ;)

Should I give lessons in subtlety?

[Kevlar2000]

Now that's what I call circular reasoning!