I think bribery is totally underrated. My youngest first used the potty before she was two, then she changed her mind and it was another year before she took any more interest in it. I was only able to revive her interest after buying a stash of those little peanut-butter M&Ms. When she used the potty, not only did she get one (only one) for each hand, but so did her sisters, so there was a little peer pressure happening, too. Anyway, she was "trained" within a week. I hear girls are easier, though, so your results may vary.
I've been bartering with my kids since before they could talk, and they all are (mostly) happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. And potty-trained, too.
I was pushing my uncooperative (in potty training) toddling son in a basket in a toy store. He was into guns and holsters...wild west stuff...hats chapps - the whole shebang. He saw a cowboy set with 2 guns and holsters and wanted same.
Brilliant idea flashed through my mind. Right then and there I said no way. (It was cool Fall weather) - - because of all that was involved in changing his pants. First take off his coat...then the guns and holsters...then take his pants off...then change the diaper - then put pants on....etc...step by step. I told him he wouldn't have time to play outside with the stuff with all that.
I promised that when he could do the whole job all by himself, I would get him what he weanted.
When we got home he ran right into his room and tried to get out of his pants...and diaper. I heard him rumbling around in there and went in...he pulled off his shoes and opened his drawer for his "big boy underwear" and put them on. I tried to pull them off reminding him that he couldn't wear them because of all the times he wet them and soiled them, I didn't think he was ready. He complained....so I said something like "suit yourself" and he put everything back on...more or less correctly, but it was late in the afternoon and not a time to go out.
He scrambled down the hall just in time to pee that evening...and managed it himself.
I fought to put the diaper on at night but he would have none of it saying he wouldn't be wet in the morning. (I thought yeah - right)
Before we went to bed, we brought him to the bathroom to empty his bladder....and he was sound asleep immediately when he was back in bed.
In the morning I didn't hear him playing in his crib....he had already gotten up...went to the bathroom and was sitting in the kitchen with his father having breakfast by the time I got there.
Dad said son was up and climbed out of his crib and down the hall to pee while he was in the shower.
He did everything, all by himself all day....poops too. That evening after he went to sleep in his underpants, I drove to the store and got the set! A promise is a promise!
It wasn't important enough to him....as long as he had the diaper...he was busy playing and doing stuff....why bother.....and I figured he knew everything well enough in advance.....he just needed an incentive. Not one accident after that.
The next weekend we took the crib apart and bought him a regular bed!
I know - I was bad...bribery is not good! [holding out wrist for somebody to slap real hard]
Hmmmm . . . good point. I have to think about that one. Okay, my daughter was rewarded for desired behavior. But is candy a reward? All the baby books I was reading at that time sort of frowned on my child-rearing strategies. By the third kid, though, I just went with what worked.
Or maybe you mean Krysilis. The cowboy suit does seem like more of a reward.
I have heard of a book called "Potty Training in Just One Day". My neighbor down the street used it with her Downs' Syndrom daughter and she was trained in 1 day - - before my kid! (they were 6 weeks apart)
Anything that a child really wants, is a reward. And how much hard did a couple of handfuls of peanut butter M$M's over the course of a week do to her? nada!
People who write bookd don't know what they're talking about. All the ones I read said bowels movements were easier to train than urine and would come first.
Every kid I know of first peed in the appropriate space and shortly thereafter pooped too. And once they get it - they've got it. No muss no fuss!
Another thing I DIDN't use was pull-ups. I think they sort of confuse the issue becaue they are so much like a diaper. I think I waited until my boys were closer to four, but what I did was explained to them that they were big boys who no longer needed to wear diapers and could use the toilette. We talked it through for a couple of days and then I just started putting them in underwear.
I think for the first two or three days I took them to the bathroom to try every fifteen or twenty minutes, then gradually spread over the next week to half our, then an hour, until they were pretty used to and comfortable with the idea.
With my oldest son, it took about four days. With my youngest, I thought he would never get the hang of it, but eventually, with the proper rewards (which for him was cold hard cash) it did work.
Working with the DD community (Developementally Disabled), we don't use the word "bribery", or "reward". We use the word "re-enforcer", and any such is given after the "client" does what is expected of him/her.
one summer my son learned by peeing in the yard when he got the urge. we still look upon his pee pee rock with great affection. i imagine he'll take it with him when he moves to his own home
When I said I wanted my son to do the whole job himself, I meant it. I didn't even go in the bathroom with him. He knew the drill. I think he wanted privacy in there.
Also - the morning he had breakfast early with Dad - Dad put him on his step stool and showed him he didn't have to get all undressed....he could just stand there and let it fly....and told him how lucky he was to be a boy because girls had to get undressed and get cold on their legs and sit down to do the deed.
Also - my kidlet did not like sitting on the toilet frontwards...sat himself backwards...I think he felt safer 'cause he could hold on.
And every one of these stinkers (to quote shell) is different.
My daugther was slightly under 2 and she had a close-nit group of friends (4 or 5) whose mothers (3 of us) trusted each other and would take turns supervising the girls and doling out snacks....sometimes even lunch. She was the youngest of the group and one day while over one of their houses, 2 of them went to use the bathroom at the same time...and one of them told my kidlet that it could be her turn if she wanted...so mine decided to be just like the others. And it worked.
The mother put the dry diaper in a paper bag to bring home and qickly put on fancy ruffled underpants which my kid promised not to spoil. Then she called me and told me. In this case it was peer pressure and the kidlet was just about ready...although at night I used a diaper for several weeks because she wasn't that ready! Besides she was a peanut at the time...I figured how big could her bladder be?
Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha! Peeing rock. Gives "See you at the rock" a whole new meaning.
Take heart, Chas, they all catch on eventually.
For my son, I'm convinced it was just stubbornness, because the day he made up his mind, that was it. Not one accident of either kind from that day forward, day or night. He was 3.
I'd been trying and trying to potty train him, and then one day my babysitter--a very wise and wonderful woman--told him as she changed his diaper, "You know, you're getting to be a big boy. I shouldn't have to be doing this."
That same night, a friend of mine was visiting and she changed his diaper and told him the same thing. He said, "Okay." And the diapers went bye bye.
On a similar note, my youngest nephew (who would kill me if he knew I was posting this) took so long to get weaned from the boob that we joked that he'd have to take my sister to school with him.
I should probably stay off this thread...I've posted so much already - -
But I would like to suggest that if you've been struggling with this for a while, as it seems....just back off and give it a rest. Resist every temptation to say anything about it...and look for "currency" - - something he wants or wants to do that he doesn't have now. Try to wait until he brings up the subject...and then nonchelantly (sp) pounce on the idea. I don't personally know of any child who trained unless he first decided for himself it was a good idea.
I just used a REALLY dumb babysitter. Me and my husband went out for the evening with instructions for her to take our 3 yr.old into the potty every half hour or so. We walk in the door at the end of the night to see her holding our ONE year old on the toilet! We explained that she had the wrong kid and she just giggled and said,"Oh well the little ones been going pee on it all evening." So it was that our kid that could barley walk was toddling into the bathroom and pounding on the toilet lid when she had to go. Well the older one wasn't about to be outdone by a bratty little sister, so she had to get her act together too.
I hadn't been harping on the little guy about going potty - someone told me to wait until he "showed interest".
So, I've been waiting.
He does tell me after he's gone in his diaper that, "I want to go to the potty now, pleeezzzee!" (We both know it's too late, but that's his schitk at the moment...)
But now my monster-in-law is giving me a hard time about the fact he's still in diapers (although she has NEVER changed one of his diapers yet!)
The little spud has been to the bathroom with hubby to see how fun it can be to pee standing up. He wasn't impressed - he could top that anyday by pooping in the bath, which always gets mommy and daddy excited (read: grossed out).
Today we got him some cotton training pants. He loves them and was very upset when I put him in a diaper at bed time...
By the way - I like the incentive plans you guys have come up with but I'm having trouble finding anything that the kid can't live without. He's the type who will walk away from anything if it's not done on his terms. In short, he's a tough customer!
There is hope!! The kid will really do when he is ready. Not just physically but mentally too.!! More than anything I found that potty training was really a power struggle issue thing for me and my son. It isn't worth the fight. Just know that he will eventually do it all on his own Trust me you won't be packing that diaper bag too much longer and then you are gonna miss it!!!!
quote: Today we got him some cotton training pants. He loves them and was very upset when I put him in a diaper at bed time...
Maybe that's what it will take! He might just like the feel of these better than the diapers. Diapers have to be the pits for a kidlet his age...he's probably walk a whole lot better without all that bunching between his legs.
I wonder what would happen if you offered hem a choice?
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laleo
I think bribery is totally underrated. My youngest first used the potty before she was two, then she changed her mind and it was another year before she took any more interest in it. I was only able to revive her interest after buying a stash of those little peanut-butter M&Ms. When she used the potty, not only did she get one (only one) for each hand, but so did her sisters, so there was a little peer pressure happening, too. Anyway, she was "trained" within a week. I hear girls are easier, though, so your results may vary.
I've been bartering with my kids since before they could talk, and they all are (mostly) happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. And potty-trained, too.
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krys
I used bribery. Out and out bribary.
I was pushing my uncooperative (in potty training) toddling son in a basket in a toy store. He was into guns and holsters...wild west stuff...hats chapps - the whole shebang. He saw a cowboy set with 2 guns and holsters and wanted same.
Brilliant idea flashed through my mind. Right then and there I said no way. (It was cool Fall weather) - - because of all that was involved in changing his pants. First take off his coat...then the guns and holsters...then take his pants off...then change the diaper - then put pants on....etc...step by step. I told him he wouldn't have time to play outside with the stuff with all that.
I promised that when he could do the whole job all by himself, I would get him what he weanted.
When we got home he ran right into his room and tried to get out of his pants...and diaper. I heard him rumbling around in there and went in...he pulled off his shoes and opened his drawer for his "big boy underwear" and put them on. I tried to pull them off reminding him that he couldn't wear them because of all the times he wet them and soiled them, I didn't think he was ready. He complained....so I said something like "suit yourself" and he put everything back on...more or less correctly, but it was late in the afternoon and not a time to go out.
He scrambled down the hall just in time to pee that evening...and managed it himself.
I fought to put the diaper on at night but he would have none of it saying he wouldn't be wet in the morning. (I thought yeah - right)
Before we went to bed, we brought him to the bathroom to empty his bladder....and he was sound asleep immediately when he was back in bed.
In the morning I didn't hear him playing in his crib....he had already gotten up...went to the bathroom and was sitting in the kitchen with his father having breakfast by the time I got there.
Dad said son was up and climbed out of his crib and down the hall to pee while he was in the shower.
He did everything, all by himself all day....poops too. That evening after he went to sleep in his underpants, I drove to the store and got the set! A promise is a promise!
It wasn't important enough to him....as long as he had the diaper...he was busy playing and doing stuff....why bother.....and I figured he knew everything well enough in advance.....he just needed an incentive. Not one accident after that.
The next weekend we took the crib apart and bought him a regular bed!
I know - I was bad...bribery is not good! [holding out wrist for somebody to slap real hard]
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satori001
Bribe
Function: noun
1 : money or favor given or promised in order to influence the judgment or conduct of a person in a position of trust
Reward
Function: noun
4. (psychology) something reinforcing desired behavior: something positive that follows a desired response and acts to encourage desired behavior
**
Why not call it a reward?
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laleo
Hmmmm . . . good point. I have to think about that one. Okay, my daughter was rewarded for desired behavior. But is candy a reward? All the baby books I was reading at that time sort of frowned on my child-rearing strategies. By the third kid, though, I just went with what worked.
Or maybe you mean Krysilis. The cowboy suit does seem like more of a reward.
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krys
I have heard of a book called "Potty Training in Just One Day". My neighbor down the street used it with her Downs' Syndrom daughter and she was trained in 1 day - - before my kid! (they were 6 weeks apart)
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krys
Anything that a child really wants, is a reward. And how much hard did a couple of handfuls of peanut butter M$M's over the course of a week do to her? nada!
People who write bookd don't know what they're talking about. All the ones I read said bowels movements were easier to train than urine and would come first.
Every kid I know of first peed in the appropriate space and shortly thereafter pooped too. And once they get it - they've got it. No muss no fuss!
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Cowgirl
If this is of any comfort to you, boys do take longer to pottytrain than girls..........
Cowgirl
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Abigail
Yup, used the reward system.
Another thing I DIDN't use was pull-ups. I think they sort of confuse the issue becaue they are so much like a diaper. I think I waited until my boys were closer to four, but what I did was explained to them that they were big boys who no longer needed to wear diapers and could use the toilette. We talked it through for a couple of days and then I just started putting them in underwear.
I think for the first two or three days I took them to the bathroom to try every fifteen or twenty minutes, then gradually spread over the next week to half our, then an hour, until they were pretty used to and comfortable with the idea.
With my oldest son, it took about four days. With my youngest, I thought he would never get the hang of it, but eventually, with the proper rewards (which for him was cold hard cash) it did work.
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dmiller
Working with the DD community (Developementally Disabled), we don't use the word "bribery", or "reward". We use the word "re-enforcer", and any such is given after the "client" does what is expected of him/her.
And yes -- It works!!
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dmiller
Guess I should clarify, that "the re-enforcer" is used for a multiplicity of looked for, hoped for, and expected results, with the folks I work with.
I think it's been shown, that it works with "potty training" too.
:)-->
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excathedra
one summer my son learned by peeing in the yard when he got the urge. we still look upon his pee pee rock with great affection. i imagine he'll take it with him when he moves to his own home
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krys
When I said I wanted my son to do the whole job himself, I meant it. I didn't even go in the bathroom with him. He knew the drill. I think he wanted privacy in there.
Also - the morning he had breakfast early with Dad - Dad put him on his step stool and showed him he didn't have to get all undressed....he could just stand there and let it fly....and told him how lucky he was to be a boy because girls had to get undressed and get cold on their legs and sit down to do the deed.
Also - my kidlet did not like sitting on the toilet frontwards...sat himself backwards...I think he felt safer 'cause he could hold on.
And every one of these stinkers (to quote shell) is different.
My daugther was slightly under 2 and she had a close-nit group of friends (4 or 5) whose mothers (3 of us) trusted each other and would take turns supervising the girls and doling out snacks....sometimes even lunch. She was the youngest of the group and one day while over one of their houses, 2 of them went to use the bathroom at the same time...and one of them told my kidlet that it could be her turn if she wanted...so mine decided to be just like the others. And it worked.
The mother put the dry diaper in a paper bag to bring home and qickly put on fancy ruffled underpants which my kid promised not to spoil. Then she called me and told me. In this case it was peer pressure and the kidlet was just about ready...although at night I used a diaper for several weeks because she wasn't that ready! Besides she was a peanut at the time...I figured how big could her bladder be?
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Linda Z
Exsie:
Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha! Peeing rock. Gives "See you at the rock" a whole new meaning.
Take heart, Chas, they all catch on eventually.
For my son, I'm convinced it was just stubbornness, because the day he made up his mind, that was it. Not one accident of either kind from that day forward, day or night. He was 3.
I'd been trying and trying to potty train him, and then one day my babysitter--a very wise and wonderful woman--told him as she changed his diaper, "You know, you're getting to be a big boy. I shouldn't have to be doing this."
That same night, a friend of mine was visiting and she changed his diaper and told him the same thing. He said, "Okay." And the diapers went bye bye.
On a similar note, my youngest nephew (who would kill me if he knew I was posting this) took so long to get weaned from the boob that we joked that he'd have to take my sister to school with him.
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krys
I should probably stay off this thread...I've posted so much already - -
But I would like to suggest that if you've been struggling with this for a while, as it seems....just back off and give it a rest. Resist every temptation to say anything about it...and look for "currency" - - something he wants or wants to do that he doesn't have now. Try to wait until he brings up the subject...and then nonchelantly (sp) pounce on the idea. I don't personally know of any child who trained unless he first decided for himself it was a good idea.
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CoolWaters
Go to Dr Phil's site. He guarantees potty training in one day. Has had several parents on his show stating that it worked for them.
Otherwise...well...boys are always wanting "mama" to clean up after them. LOL
;)-->
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dmiller
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Doorleven
I just used a REALLY dumb babysitter. Me and my husband went out for the evening with instructions for her to take our 3 yr.old into the potty every half hour or so. We walk in the door at the end of the night to see her holding our ONE year old on the toilet! We explained that she had the wrong kid and she just giggled and said,"Oh well the little ones been going pee on it all evening." So it was that our kid that could barley walk was toddling into the bathroom and pounding on the toilet lid when she had to go. Well the older one wasn't about to be outdone by a bratty little sister, so she had to get her act together too.
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ChasUFarley
I hadn't been harping on the little guy about going potty - someone told me to wait until he "showed interest".
So, I've been waiting.
He does tell me after he's gone in his diaper that, "I want to go to the potty now, pleeezzzee!" (We both know it's too late, but that's his schitk at the moment...)
But now my monster-in-law is giving me a hard time about the fact he's still in diapers (although she has NEVER changed one of his diapers yet!)
The little spud has been to the bathroom with hubby to see how fun it can be to pee standing up. He wasn't impressed - he could top that anyday by pooping in the bath, which always gets mommy and daddy excited (read: grossed out).
Today we got him some cotton training pants. He loves them and was very upset when I put him in a diaper at bed time...
Is there really a glimmer of hope here?....
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ChasUFarley
By the way - I like the incentive plans you guys have come up with but I'm having trouble finding anything that the kid can't live without. He's the type who will walk away from anything if it's not done on his terms. In short, he's a tough customer!
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orientswife
There is hope!! The kid will really do when he is ready. Not just physically but mentally too.!! More than anything I found that potty training was really a power struggle issue thing for me and my son. It isn't worth the fight. Just know that he will eventually do it all on his own
Trust me you won't be packing that diaper bag too much longer and then you are gonna miss it!!!!
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krys
Maybe that's what it will take! He might just like the feel of these better than the diapers. Diapers have to be the pits for a kidlet his age...he's probably walk a whole lot better without all that bunching between his legs.
I wonder what would happen if you offered hem a choice?
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mj412
chas
Im the one who needed diapers when I first handed my kids the car keys. trust me on this one.
just a warning. milestones of life.
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krys
amen mj!
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outandabout
yeah they do turn into teenagers.
Take me back to potty training!
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