One big factor in those ED cases is guys getting out of shape. Not exercising. Getting pot bellies. Type II diabetes. Elevated cholesterol and triglycerides. Elevated blood pressure. Not only can they not get it up any more.. they can hardly get up amy more.
I was one of those guys, Radar. Pretty typical 50 something male. But it snuck up on me so slowly. A few pounds a year. Bad (LDL) cholesterol always up. Good (HDL) cholesterol always on the low side. Blood pressure up just a tad more from year to year. Then.. it really hit home. I couldn't get it up on command any more. That had a solution, though. Viagra. Yeah, I took it and what they say is true. It does work. So was life was good again?? Maybe to some men.
But I was a heart attack and/or stroke waiting to happen and I knew it. So now I had to do something. I did a LOT of reading and decided to do the Atkins low carb diet. I say I did the Atkins diet but that is a little misleading, I think. Most people think about going on diets as a temporary thing. You know.. you go on a diet, lose weight, and then go off the diet, right? Even though we all know that going back to doing what we did before will bring the same results. So what I'm doing is what's called Atkins For Life. That is, this low carb eating is my new lifestyle. I ain't ever going off it. Oh, I know its controversial but there are a lot of folks who are going to have to eat a lot of crow, in my opinion, Radar. See, I'm healthier than I have ever been in my life. I eat more vegetables than I ever ate, just not the high carb veggies. No corn, potatoes and beans but all the brussels sprouts, spinach, squash, cabbage, broccoli, stir-fry veggies and salad I want. It's great, really. I'm telling you, this is the diet for me and the pounds fell off almost like magic. I was eating like a pig and losing weight. Go figure.
And the best thing is how my cholesterol and blood pressure plummeted. In fact, my doctor took me off the Zocor because in just a few months, my cholesterol went from 250 to 138. And the LDL went from 130 to 72. The HDL (the good kind again) went from 32 to 50 and the triglycerides from 300 to 85! My blood pressure now runs about 118/68 and I FEEL better than I have in years. More energy.
And the problems in the bedroom?? Gone with the wind. I'm functioning like I was in my 20's again. Life is good. I no longer have the nagging fear I'm going to start having chest pains any day now. I fully expect to live another 40 or so years. And.... I feel GREAT!
.. and a great side benefit?? I look lots better, I think but judge fer yourself.. here I am before...
:D-->
sudo (who's still wearing some oversized clothing)
In addition to his rediscovered sexual prowess, Sudo makes a mean "better than sex stew." I'm serious. All by itself is a reason to make the next annual weenie roast. Your taste buds will scream with pleasure...oooo baby. If you want Sudo to share his beer with you make sure bring some of your own to share with him. :)-->
Like Sudo, Mr Bramble has lost alot of weight and now(post TWI) works out regularly, aerobics and weight lifting. We have sex more now then we did before we left TWi. He has more imagination, too.
Must be reduction of stress. Plus he reads alot more(sci fi from the library, sheesh, not girlie mags)which might help with the imagination.
I'm in perimenopause(isn't everyone?)but have not noticed any changes in sex drive. But if I do, I'll be on the doc's door step.
What I wrote was an honest answer to what CW was asking. If you don't wish to participate in her request for information, that is all well and good. But don't cast your lame epithets at me such as being a crackhead because I choose to do so.
Sudo ..nice change and testimony. Its amazing what loose pants and brussel sprouts can do for your sex life. hehehe :D-->
as for giving advise on this thread..Ex and all other ladies please write me with any questions, experiences, favorite positions.. maybe an essay entitled "From Birth to 50" along with current photo/video ..because I'd like to have our teacher- client relationship remain personal and confidential. :D--> :D--> :D-->
Sudo, thanks for showing the before and after pictures. I admire your lifestyle change. Cool Waters, there is this awesome book that is out of print,however, you can get it used on Amazon by Sondra Ray. It's called "I Deserve Love". It's wonderful. It's difficult when one person is all reved up and ready to go and the other person wants to do other things. Intuitively, I get that you don't feel that organized and you need to feel like you have the daily stuff taken care of before you can make love and put your mind on it. I also get that you want to be related to in other ways.
I started this thread hoping to get an understanding of the 50 something male psyche.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that 50 something males are no different from 20 something males...except it just takes a little longer. It seems that 50 something men think about, want, try to get and complain when they don't get sex just as much as a 20 something male.
Also, it seems that if a woman 40-50 something wants more out of life than sex, she's got some sort of problem.
Is this the message you all wanted me to get? Am I understanding these posts correctly?
There was one exception...and that was Oen...and he was told to get off the crack.
I don't know how "normal" I am (as a 50-something male) but I'm not nearly as obsessed with sex as I was as a 20 year-old.
From about age 15 till somewhere in my 30s, I thought about little else (I seldom managed to actually do anything about it, but that's another story).
After another 20 years (and being married for that whole time) thankfully, I've found time to actually do other things. I guess I've turned into a "once-a-weeker", and that's fine with me. I just don't have the interest for much more than that.
And on a positive note (for Mrs. Curmudgeon, anyway), I don't go looking for any "stray stuff" either.
I occaisionally run into a guy my age who still seems to have the teenaged obsession with sex, but they do seem to be rather rare. Maybe I'm just hanging out with a bunch of jerks, but the "I've just gotta get laid" type of guys just strike me as being childish.
I have stayed out of this thread because I didn't like the direction it took. But now that CW has responded, I will speak up. If you read her posts, it is pretty clear she wasn't looking for advice on how to increase her own sex drive, what she was looking for was a better understanding of how men view sex, specifically within a long-term/marital relationship.
Oen and Geo offered her some insight into this, which is wonderful. It's too bad more men aren't willing to. From a woman's perspective, some of you men might do well to remember a woman needs to feel loved and cherished outside the bedroom in order to more fully enjoy what goes on inside the bedroom.
Galen,
I find it very interesting that you are unwilling to share your personal experiences and perspective on male sexuality, but you are more than willing to tell everyone of your wife's difficulties. Not very nice, in my opinion.
That was not the message I was trying to communicate, Coolwaters. Not at all. People have different sex drives and sometimes people change. If you want to relate differently than that is what you want. It doesn't mean you have a problem, it means you want something different.
One thing I have noticed is that if the man is not having a problem with something(anything, including sex) than they ususally think there is no problem. I find that frustrating when something in my relationship with a man is bugging me.
There is still a part of me that thinks I should comply and that I'm unreasonable when something is bugging me. Than it makes it harder to say what's on my mind until it's to the boiling point.
I'm real big on naming the issue and not pointing fingers at the person. I do this in most of my relationships.
Geo makes a good point about compromising and finding some middle ground. Finding another lover would set off a whole plethora of new problems, even in an open marriage/relationship. It's not always the guy that wants sex more than the woman. So you communicate and look within yourself to ask why? Why do I not want make love as often as I used to, or Why do I feel like having sex more and why is that so important to me?
CW its not that men at 50 think of sex 1/3 of the time. Its just that sex and marrage change as we grow older. I think of sex two to three times a week. Trust me I don't try then because my spousal unit doesn't like to think about sex at all.
It is in our natural being that we think of procreation. Now does that mean that women are differant because they don't.
Women are differant than men. In every marriage there is going to be a differance on this. Men still want it and women want to forget it.
quote:Men still want it and women want to forget it.
See, it's statements like this that get me so emotional.
I don't want to forget about sex. I doubt that many women want to forget about sex.
I do, however, want sex to be a natural extension of the love shared in day-to-day life...not the end to which every means lead.
Sex just for sex's sake is not enjoyable to me very often anymore. When it is enjoyable is when we haven't had much personal time for quite awhile and we need to just get down for getting down's sake. Ya know?
Beyond that, however, it is more enjoyable for me for the sex act to be a natural extension of the closeness every day...sort of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence...not always the subject of the sentence.
Very well said, CW. I am very fortunate to have found a man who shows his love to me outside of the bedroom to the extent that I can be totally comfortable with whatever we decide to do inside the bedroom. But it wasn't that way with my ex-husband at all. This is why I was able to understand what you were saying.
It isn't that women don't think about sex or don't enjoy it, it is that we view it as a natural extension of a loving relationship - one of many (one might say a 1000)ways of expressing love, not the ONLY way of expressing love.
okay-- Ill probably take heat for this---I dont care.
Sex is cultural. That said...understanding that it then becomes individual is even more complicated.
There are Native American Tribes that STILL obstain up to 5 years after the birth of a child...try that on Joe modern....never---they are convinced ....by our western commercialized use sex to sell everything culture that they cannot go 5 weeks....it is still very much in the head...the big head.
When I had cancer, I did not even think about it...im sure hubby did, but he is not selfish, and it was not something we even needed to talk about not having--sex that is.
Under normal circumstances, he is always more interested than I am. And for the record, I dont think medaling with hormones is a real good idea...I dont feel like I am supposed to change who I am by taking pills. I think sex is great, but I think our culture has ruined a lot about it---Like Abby said--its an extension of so much more.
The cultures I know of that see sex as a much less important aspect of their relationships do elevate other concepts.
Lianne Pierce - Washingtonweather
I also think any guy with a shadow of ideas about sex from the way TWI promoted life.....has shallow understanding and needs more healing time.
Beyond that, however, it is more enjoyable for me for the sex act to be a natural extension of the closeness every day...sort of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence...not always the subject of the sentence.
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krys
Thank you Radar!
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Sudo
Radar,
One big factor in those ED cases is guys getting out of shape. Not exercising. Getting pot bellies. Type II diabetes. Elevated cholesterol and triglycerides. Elevated blood pressure. Not only can they not get it up any more.. they can hardly get up amy more.
I was one of those guys, Radar. Pretty typical 50 something male. But it snuck up on me so slowly. A few pounds a year. Bad (LDL) cholesterol always up. Good (HDL) cholesterol always on the low side. Blood pressure up just a tad more from year to year. Then.. it really hit home. I couldn't get it up on command any more. That had a solution, though. Viagra. Yeah, I took it and what they say is true. It does work. So was life was good again?? Maybe to some men.
But I was a heart attack and/or stroke waiting to happen and I knew it. So now I had to do something. I did a LOT of reading and decided to do the Atkins low carb diet. I say I did the Atkins diet but that is a little misleading, I think. Most people think about going on diets as a temporary thing. You know.. you go on a diet, lose weight, and then go off the diet, right? Even though we all know that going back to doing what we did before will bring the same results. So what I'm doing is what's called Atkins For Life. That is, this low carb eating is my new lifestyle. I ain't ever going off it. Oh, I know its controversial but there are a lot of folks who are going to have to eat a lot of crow, in my opinion, Radar. See, I'm healthier than I have ever been in my life. I eat more vegetables than I ever ate, just not the high carb veggies. No corn, potatoes and beans but all the brussels sprouts, spinach, squash, cabbage, broccoli, stir-fry veggies and salad I want. It's great, really. I'm telling you, this is the diet for me and the pounds fell off almost like magic. I was eating like a pig and losing weight. Go figure.
And the best thing is how my cholesterol and blood pressure plummeted. In fact, my doctor took me off the Zocor because in just a few months, my cholesterol went from 250 to 138. And the LDL went from 130 to 72. The HDL (the good kind again) went from 32 to 50 and the triglycerides from 300 to 85! My blood pressure now runs about 118/68 and I FEEL better than I have in years. More energy.
And the problems in the bedroom?? Gone with the wind. I'm functioning like I was in my 20's again. Life is good. I no longer have the nagging fear I'm going to start having chest pains any day now. I fully expect to live another 40 or so years. And.... I feel GREAT!
.. and a great side benefit?? I look lots better, I think but judge fer yourself.. here I am before...
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oenophile
In addition to his rediscovered sexual prowess, Sudo makes a mean "better than sex stew." I'm serious. All by itself is a reason to make the next annual weenie roast. Your taste buds will scream with pleasure...oooo baby. If you want Sudo to share his beer with you make sure bring some of your own to share with him.
:)-->
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Bramble
Like Sudo, Mr Bramble has lost alot of weight and now(post TWI) works out regularly, aerobics and weight lifting. We have sex more now then we did before we left TWi. He has more imagination, too.
Must be reduction of stress. Plus he reads alot more(sci fi from the library, sheesh, not girlie mags)which might help with the imagination.
I'm in perimenopause(isn't everyone?)but have not noticed any changes in sex drive. But if I do, I'll be on the doc's door step.
Some women swear by oatmeal.
;)-->
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oenophile
Galen,
What I wrote was an honest answer to what CW was asking. If you don't wish to participate in her request for information, that is all well and good. But don't cast your lame epithets at me such as being a crackhead because I choose to do so.
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excathedra
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excathedra
sudo you look mahvelous dahlink !!!!!
next time post some closeups
;)-->
;)-->
;)-->
;)-->
i love the festive christmas tree and your wife is lovely
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Hills Bro
Sudo ..nice change and testimony. Its amazing what loose pants and brussel sprouts can do for your sex life. hehehe
:D-->
as for giving advise on this thread..Ex and all other ladies please write me with any questions, experiences, favorite positions.. maybe an essay entitled "From Birth to 50" along with current photo/video ..because I'd like to have our teacher- client relationship remain personal and confidential.
:D--> 
:D--> 
:D-->
After all the privacy act does exist.
:D--> 
:P-->
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excathedra
HA !!!!!!
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reikilady
Sudo, thanks for showing the before and after pictures. I admire your lifestyle change. Cool Waters, there is this awesome book that is out of print,however, you can get it used on Amazon by Sondra Ray. It's called "I Deserve Love". It's wonderful. It's difficult when one person is all reved up and ready to go and the other person wants to do other things. Intuitively, I get that you don't feel that organized and you need to feel like you have the daily stuff taken care of before you can make love and put your mind on it. I also get that you want to be related to in other ways.
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CoolWaters
I started this thread hoping to get an understanding of the 50 something male psyche.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that 50 something males are no different from 20 something males...except it just takes a little longer. It seems that 50 something men think about, want, try to get and complain when they don't get sex just as much as a 20 something male.
Also, it seems that if a woman 40-50 something wants more out of life than sex, she's got some sort of problem.
Is this the message you all wanted me to get? Am I understanding these posts correctly?
There was one exception...and that was Oen...and he was told to get off the crack.
Yikes!
Straighten me out if I'm misunderstanding here.
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George Aar
Cool Waters,
I don't know how "normal" I am (as a 50-something male) but I'm not nearly as obsessed with sex as I was as a 20 year-old.
From about age 15 till somewhere in my 30s, I thought about little else (I seldom managed to actually do anything about it, but that's another story).
After another 20 years (and being married for that whole time) thankfully, I've found time to actually do other things. I guess I've turned into a "once-a-weeker", and that's fine with me. I just don't have the interest for much more than that.
And on a positive note (for Mrs. Curmudgeon, anyway), I don't go looking for any "stray stuff" either.
I occaisionally run into a guy my age who still seems to have the teenaged obsession with sex, but they do seem to be rather rare. Maybe I'm just hanging out with a bunch of jerks, but the "I've just gotta get laid" type of guys just strike me as being childish.
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Abigail
I have stayed out of this thread because I didn't like the direction it took. But now that CW has responded, I will speak up. If you read her posts, it is pretty clear she wasn't looking for advice on how to increase her own sex drive, what she was looking for was a better understanding of how men view sex, specifically within a long-term/marital relationship.
Oen and Geo offered her some insight into this, which is wonderful. It's too bad more men aren't willing to. From a woman's perspective, some of you men might do well to remember a woman needs to feel loved and cherished outside the bedroom in order to more fully enjoy what goes on inside the bedroom.
Galen,
I find it very interesting that you are unwilling to share your personal experiences and perspective on male sexuality, but you are more than willing to tell everyone of your wife's difficulties. Not very nice, in my opinion.
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CoolWaters
George,
Thank you! I was beginning to feel like the whole point of marriage was sex.
Abigail,
Thank you, too! You got me summed up better than I got me summed up!
:)-->
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reikilady
That was not the message I was trying to communicate, Coolwaters. Not at all. People have different sex drives and sometimes people change. If you want to relate differently than that is what you want. It doesn't mean you have a problem, it means you want something different.
One thing I have noticed is that if the man is not having a problem with something(anything, including sex) than they ususally think there is no problem. I find that frustrating when something in my relationship with a man is bugging me.
There is still a part of me that thinks I should comply and that I'm unreasonable when something is bugging me. Than it makes it harder to say what's on my mind until it's to the boiling point.
I'm real big on naming the issue and not pointing fingers at the person. I do this in most of my relationships.
Geo makes a good point about compromising and finding some middle ground. Finding another lover would set off a whole plethora of new problems, even in an open marriage/relationship. It's not always the guy that wants sex more than the woman. So you communicate and look within yourself to ask why? Why do I not want make love as often as I used to, or Why do I feel like having sex more and why is that so important to me?
Those are my thoughts.
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reikilady
You make excellent points Abigail. Excellent points. Coolwaters, I've always thought that sex was only 1/6th of a marriage,if that.
I hope you find out what you want to know, Coolwaters.
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CoolWaters
reikilady,
I'm sorry that my post was so generalized as to include you and others who understood what I was asking.
I just got so emotional over the other responses that I posted in reaction instead of thinking things through completely.
Again, I'm sawry.
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reikilady
My emotions have been on overdrive, also. I appreciate the post.
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ex70sHouston
CW its not that men at 50 think of sex 1/3 of the time. Its just that sex and marrage change as we grow older. I think of sex two to three times a week. Trust me I don't try then because my spousal unit doesn't like to think about sex at all.
It is in our natural being that we think of procreation. Now does that mean that women are differant because they don't.
Women are differant than men. In every marriage there is going to be a differance on this. Men still want it and women want to forget it.
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CoolWaters
See, it's statements like this that get me so emotional.
I don't want to forget about sex. I doubt that many women want to forget about sex.
I do, however, want sex to be a natural extension of the love shared in day-to-day life...not the end to which every means lead.
Sex just for sex's sake is not enjoyable to me very often anymore. When it is enjoyable is when we haven't had much personal time for quite awhile and we need to just get down for getting down's sake. Ya know?
Beyond that, however, it is more enjoyable for me for the sex act to be a natural extension of the closeness every day...sort of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence...not always the subject of the sentence.
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CoolWaters
Also, if my husband were to ever refer to me as his "spousal unit", he wouldn't dare ask, either...because he'd get handed a "unit" and told to enjoy.
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Abigail
Very well said, CW. I am very fortunate to have found a man who shows his love to me outside of the bedroom to the extent that I can be totally comfortable with whatever we decide to do inside the bedroom. But it wasn't that way with my ex-husband at all. This is why I was able to understand what you were saying.
It isn't that women don't think about sex or don't enjoy it, it is that we view it as a natural extension of a loving relationship - one of many (one might say a 1000)ways of expressing love, not the ONLY way of expressing love.
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DaddyHoundog
okay-- Ill probably take heat for this---I dont care.
Sex is cultural. That said...understanding that it then becomes individual is even more complicated.
There are Native American Tribes that STILL obstain up to 5 years after the birth of a child...try that on Joe modern....never---they are convinced ....by our western commercialized use sex to sell everything culture that they cannot go 5 weeks....it is still very much in the head...the big head.
When I had cancer, I did not even think about it...im sure hubby did, but he is not selfish, and it was not something we even needed to talk about not having--sex that is.
Under normal circumstances, he is always more interested than I am. And for the record, I dont think medaling with hormones is a real good idea...I dont feel like I am supposed to change who I am by taking pills. I think sex is great, but I think our culture has ruined a lot about it---Like Abby said--its an extension of so much more.
The cultures I know of that see sex as a much less important aspect of their relationships do elevate other concepts.
Lianne Pierce - Washingtonweather
I also think any guy with a shadow of ideas about sex from the way TWI promoted life.....has shallow understanding and needs more healing time.
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dmiller
My feelings, exactly.
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