It was not my feeling that anybody had been insulting or in any way 'wrong'.
I had an emotional reaction to some things that were said...and I posted from that reaction.
I am sorry that I did that, but the post is out there and I can't take it back and redo it now.
Also, I wasn't terribly clear in my initial post. I wasn't sure what I was trying to say then...and going through the responses has helped me to get closer to what I mean and feel.
All the responses here are truly valued (except for the crack remark) and helpful with figuring out this stuff.
There's no need for anybody to shut up at all. The discussion tripped some stuff in me and I reacted. That happens in life. Life goes on.
Please don't anybody enforce a gag on themselves because I got emotional. It just ain't right, Mable!
“What I wrote was an honest answer to what CW was asking. If you don't wish to participate in her request for information, that is all well and good. But don't cast your lame epithets at me such as being a crackhead because I choose to do so.”
I apologize. I was reading . . . .
“Gee, I feel so "out there" now. Please won't a few other guys talk about their sexual interests and fantasies. It's like the recurring dream like we all have...naked in a room of clothed people for me.”
And I did not feel like sharing, thus the comment. I meant it as a minor, kidding, but it was taken otherwise, for which I apologize.
Generally among circles wherein I fly open discussion of such topics as not done.
My comment obviously was un-needed and possibly hurtful. I am sorry.
“Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that 50 something males are no different from 20 something males...except it just takes a little longer. It seems that 50 something men think about, want, try to get and complain when they don't get sex just as much as a 20 something male.”
Apparently so.
“Also, it seems that if a woman 40-50 something wants more out of life than sex, she's got some sort of problem.”
I was in error to have given that impression. Please do not take such a message from me.
To my knowledge each of us are individual and as such we can each have entirely different appetites. As we age, many medical conditions can effect both our appetites as well as our ability to partake in such.
I have no knowledge that would imply that men are any different from women in this matter.
I apologize for having given the impression that women must have anything wrong with them.
“Straighten me out if I'm misunderstanding here.”
Again I was in error, please accept my humble apology.
i'm sorry for my only responses being HA and ;)-->
this is too personal a subject for me personally (;)--> there i go again ;)-->)
i remember wierwille saying "men teach women how to love with their bodies and women teach men how to love with their hearts." i don't know if that's really true. actually it (he, really) makes me sick
and by the time we're around 50..... have we learned that much ?
you all are nice people
--
i don't think the above came out right.... oh well
i just know men with great lovely hearts. wierwille said that kind of thing because he had an agenda, you can bet your life on it, at least in my case
so it's hurtful
but anyway..... is it true we won't have sex or genders in heaven ? in one sense, it seems like it would be such a shame. in another sense, it would make sense since it can be so confusing at times....
love should be the answer to all of this, i know, but people have complicated pains, pasts, etc......
This is a difficult topic culturally and emotionally. I think it is great that we can share and learn from each other. The suggestions that there might be a physical problem, in and of themselves are not bad, I think where things went wrong is that the suggestion was repeated several times and the topic sort of got stuck there.
Galen, I am impressed and touched by your responses to others here. :)-->
"Two people have to be honest and determine where their interests fall. Like any area of a relationship a couple can work together and determine a middle ground. When heads butt and lines are drawn is when problems begin."
I think that is the best response I have read here so far.
The other side of the coin. . . .
I think, sometimes, we women assume that the man in our life should be like the leading men in romantic movies - - able to read our minds, always ready to offer the emotional and physical, but nonsexual support we need. In reality, they can't read our minds any more than we can read theirs. So, we have to clearly and specifically tell them what we want.
And because culturally and in general terms, men do not display affection the same way women do, we have to keep communicating with them on this subject in a non-accusatory way.
I think, sometimes, we women assume that the man in our life should be like the leading men in romantic movies - - able to read our minds, always ready to offer the emotional and physical, but nonsexual support we need. In reality, they can't read our minds any more than we can read theirs. So, we have to clearly and specifically tell them what we want.
________________________________________________
AMEN!! AND AMEN!! Ohhhhhh, the problems that could be avoided if woman would only TELL USwhat they wanted!
Of course it would be the man's responsibility to respond in an appropriate manner once the woman's needs are made known to him.
Comedian Larry Miller once remarked that if women could read our minds, they'd never stop slapping us! :D-->
Honestly, it's not like that. My wife and I are almost 50, and we still have our "moments"; but it's the rest of the time we share that keeps us together.
WOW......what alot happened on this thread today, that'll learn me to not skip checking in at gspot during lunch.
CoolWaters...I apologize if anything I said annoyed or hurt you in anyway. I completely admire you for being willing to put such a private concern out here on the threads for public consumption. I hope you find the answers you were searching for.
I will always be amazed at the great wealth of experience, understanding and wisdom that can be found here at Greasespot. We may disagree....experience misunderstandings, hate what one another has to say....but there is something about being able to share hearts with other former *cult* members that is absolutely invaluable. I think I am gonna print and save this thread. Thank you to all of you. CW.....you are the best......so full of guts!!!!
With sales of Viagra and Cialis in the billions I can assure you that these men, predominantly 40 and above, aren't taking these performance enhancment drugs to stimulate their urge to stop an smell the roses. Getting laid, getting laid and getting laid are the only three things men want to predominate their portfolio. If you happen to find any men, 40 and up, who think differantly,,, THEY'RE LYING THRU THEIR TEETH!!! :D--> :D-->
I joined the 50 club earlier this year. So I'll jump in.
As far as desire goes, when I was in my 20s and 30s I desired sex all all all the time. Every so often I wouldn't think about it, but mostly my thoughts seemed to gravitate toward it. Today, it's different but not totally different. Desire/arousal feels the same as it ever did; it just doesn't happen as often. I don't think of sex as taking longer; either the desire is there or it isn't. I can still go for days at a time where I desire it, but this is followed by days at a time where I don't. It's not like menstrual cycles where it's THIS many days of one thing and then THIS many days of something else; I don't count days, but my sex drive today does seem cyclical. By the way, my wife says her periods are like clock work and always have been except for pregnancies just in case some of you women take issue with "THIS many days".
My wife and I still sleep in the same bed. There are 3 general moods I can be in regarding sex at any time: 1) Really really desire it, 2) really really don't desire it, or 3) could go either way. Same for my wife. If either one of us really doesn't want it, it shouldn't happen. If one of us wants it, and the other one could go either way, then yes, the one who could go either way is obligated to please the other, make some effort to get into it. This could reveal that 'could go either way' is now become 'don't want it', but more often than not if I'm the one who could go either way, I end up glad we did it. If one or both people don't EVER want it, then it's either a medical problem or a relationship problem. Knowing which one might not make it any easier to correct, though.
quote: Beyond that, however, it is more enjoyable for me for the sex act to be a natural extension of the closeness every day...sort of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence...not always the subject of the sentence.
That's all well and good, but if sex is going to happen, then someone has to DELIBERATELY touch someone else. A man has 3 God given tools with which to stimulate his wife: 1) penis (lots of mass, but little sensitivity), 2) tongue (lots of sensitivity, but little mass), and 3) fingers (best combination of both mass and sensitivity). If some of you want to include blenders or power tools, then you're on you're own. I don't mess with that crap. My point is, just because you can't get an erection doesn't mean you can't bring your wife to climax. Your fingers and/or tongue plus the love in your heart should feel better to your wife than any vibrator ever made if that's all you can contribute.
quote: Sometimes woman who say they don't like it have other issues going on
Are you saying that no DOES mean yes??????? well, sometimes?
quote: Getting laid, getting laid and getting laid are the only three things men want to predominate their portfolio. If you happen to find any men, 40 and up, who think differantly,,, THEY'RE LYING THRU THEIR TEETH!!! :D--> :D-->
B as in "B", and S as in "S" You have your standards, and I have mine.
Get a grip on reality, and realize that not all folks (scuuuze me -- men) --> have their head face down in the gutter like you are so willing to admit to for yourself.
I like it as much as any other guy, but being un-married, and with other concerns, and being older -- it is not that big a deal anymore.
Oh -- wait a minute -- you're speaking about the BOT, aren't you?? Well -- what you said may apply to them, but try and give the "average joe" (such as myself) a break, and don't denigrate the entire male population in front of all these women, by saying there is only one thing that we think about, cause it just is not true.
Maybe for you it is, and I am guessing you have one hell-uva-shallow relationship. Post your next thoughts in the Prayer Forum -- sounds like you could use them. :D-->
This thread has been very thought provoking and that is a good thing. I liked what John I Am said about the moods...No...Maybe...and YES!
Years ago I remember the wonderful Helen Gurley Brown (editor of Cosmo way back when) saying that if your sweetie was in the mood and you were feeling neutral to go for it, that you might be pleasantly surprised and really enjoy yourself.
I say Helen is wonderful, because she was a real pioneer. It's only been in the last 3 or 4 decades that women's needs have been out in the open. So glad the "dutiful" sexual relations is fading out.
NO needs to mean NO and Yes needs to mean Yes and hopefully someday that will be easier for all parties concerned.
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markomalley
Likewise, I thought I was providing a responsive answer, not an insulting one. I'll shut up now.
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CoolWaters
It was not my feeling that anybody had been insulting or in any way 'wrong'.
I had an emotional reaction to some things that were said...and I posted from that reaction.
I am sorry that I did that, but the post is out there and I can't take it back and redo it now.
Also, I wasn't terribly clear in my initial post. I wasn't sure what I was trying to say then...and going through the responses has helped me to get closer to what I mean and feel.
All the responses here are truly valued (except for the crack remark) and helpful with figuring out this stuff.
There's no need for anybody to shut up at all. The discussion tripped some stuff in me and I reacted. That happens in life. Life goes on.
Please don't anybody enforce a gag on themselves because I got emotional. It just ain't right, Mable!
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Galen
Oenphile-
“What I wrote was an honest answer to what CW was asking. If you don't wish to participate in her request for information, that is all well and good. But don't cast your lame epithets at me such as being a crackhead because I choose to do so.”
I apologize. I was reading . . . .
“Gee, I feel so "out there" now. Please won't a few other guys talk about their sexual interests and fantasies. It's like the recurring dream like we all have...naked in a room of clothed people for me.”
And I did not feel like sharing, thus the comment. I meant it as a minor, kidding, but it was taken otherwise, for which I apologize.
Generally among circles wherein I fly open discussion of such topics as not done.
My comment obviously was un-needed and possibly hurtful. I am sorry.
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Galen
Coolness-
“Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that 50 something males are no different from 20 something males...except it just takes a little longer. It seems that 50 something men think about, want, try to get and complain when they don't get sex just as much as a 20 something male.”
Apparently so.
“Also, it seems that if a woman 40-50 something wants more out of life than sex, she's got some sort of problem.”
I was in error to have given that impression. Please do not take such a message from me.
To my knowledge each of us are individual and as such we can each have entirely different appetites. As we age, many medical conditions can effect both our appetites as well as our ability to partake in such.
I have no knowledge that would imply that men are any different from women in this matter.
I apologize for having given the impression that women must have anything wrong with them.
“Straighten me out if I'm misunderstanding here.”
Again I was in error, please accept my humble apology.
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excathedra
i'm sorry for my only responses being HA and
;)-->
this is too personal a subject for me personally (
;)--> there i go again 
;)-->)
i remember wierwille saying "men teach women how to love with their bodies and women teach men how to love with their hearts." i don't know if that's really true. actually it (he, really) makes me sick
and by the time we're around 50..... have we learned that much ?
you all are nice people
--
i don't think the above came out right.... oh well
i just know men with great lovely hearts. wierwille said that kind of thing because he had an agenda, you can bet your life on it, at least in my case
so it's hurtful
but anyway..... is it true we won't have sex or genders in heaven ? in one sense, it seems like it would be such a shame. in another sense, it would make sense since it can be so confusing at times....
love should be the answer to all of this, i know, but people have complicated pains, pasts, etc......
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Galen
Abi-
Point taken.
Stayed too long-
The examples you give run a full gambit for both sexes. Which I believe to be fairly accurate.
CW-
I do not believe that my ‘fantasy’s are anything unusual. Giving pleasure to the woman that I love.
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Abigail
This is a difficult topic culturally and emotionally. I think it is great that we can share and learn from each other. The suggestions that there might be a physical problem, in and of themselves are not bad, I think where things went wrong is that the suggestion was repeated several times and the topic sort of got stuck there.
Galen, I am impressed and touched by your responses to others here.
:)-->
"Two people have to be honest and determine where their interests fall. Like any area of a relationship a couple can work together and determine a middle ground. When heads butt and lines are drawn is when problems begin."
I think that is the best response I have read here so far.
The other side of the coin. . . .
I think, sometimes, we women assume that the man in our life should be like the leading men in romantic movies - - able to read our minds, always ready to offer the emotional and physical, but nonsexual support we need. In reality, they can't read our minds any more than we can read theirs. So, we have to clearly and specifically tell them what we want.
And because culturally and in general terms, men do not display affection the same way women do, we have to keep communicating with them on this subject in a non-accusatory way.
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Stayed Too Long
Abigail:
________________________________________________
I think, sometimes, we women assume that the man in our life should be like the leading men in romantic movies - - able to read our minds, always ready to offer the emotional and physical, but nonsexual support we need. In reality, they can't read our minds any more than we can read theirs. So, we have to clearly and specifically tell them what we want.
________________________________________________
AMEN!! AND AMEN!! Ohhhhhh, the problems that could be avoided if woman would only TELL USwhat they wanted!
Of course it would be the man's responsibility to respond in an appropriate manner once the woman's needs are made known to him.
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oenophile
Galen,
You are a stand up guy. Thank you.
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excathedra
like i said, you are nice people
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GeorgeStGeorge
Comedian Larry Miller once remarked that if women could read our minds, they'd never stop slapping us!
:D-->
Honestly, it's not like that. My wife and I are almost 50, and we still have our "moments"; but it's the rest of the time we share that keeps us together.
Which reminds me...time to get off the computer!
George
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Radar OReilly
WOW......what alot happened on this thread today, that'll learn me to not skip checking in at gspot during lunch.
CoolWaters...I apologize if anything I said annoyed or hurt you in anyway. I completely admire you for being willing to put such a private concern out here on the threads for public consumption. I hope you find the answers you were searching for.
I will always be amazed at the great wealth of experience, understanding and wisdom that can be found here at Greasespot. We may disagree....experience misunderstandings, hate what one another has to say....but there is something about being able to share hearts with other former *cult* members that is absolutely invaluable. I think I am gonna print and save this thread. Thank you to all of you. CW.....you are the best......so full of guts!!!!
ror
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Hills Bro
With sales of Viagra and Cialis in the billions I can assure you that these men, predominantly 40 and above, aren't taking these performance enhancment drugs to stimulate their urge to stop an smell the roses. Getting laid, getting laid and getting laid are the only three things men want to predominate their portfolio. If you happen to find any men, 40 and up, who think differantly,,, THEY'RE LYING THRU THEIR TEETH!!!
:D--> 
:D-->
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johniam
I joined the 50 club earlier this year. So I'll jump in.
As far as desire goes, when I was in my 20s and 30s I desired sex all all all the time. Every so often I wouldn't think about it, but mostly my thoughts seemed to gravitate toward it. Today, it's different but not totally different. Desire/arousal feels the same as it ever did; it just doesn't happen as often. I don't think of sex as taking longer; either the desire is there or it isn't. I can still go for days at a time where I desire it, but this is followed by days at a time where I don't. It's not like menstrual cycles where it's THIS many days of one thing and then THIS many days of something else; I don't count days, but my sex drive today does seem cyclical. By the way, my wife says her periods are like clock work and always have been except for pregnancies just in case some of you women take issue with "THIS many days".
My wife and I still sleep in the same bed. There are 3 general moods I can be in regarding sex at any time: 1) Really really desire it, 2) really really don't desire it, or 3) could go either way. Same for my wife. If either one of us really doesn't want it, it shouldn't happen. If one of us wants it, and the other one could go either way, then yes, the one who could go either way is obligated to please the other, make some effort to get into it. This could reveal that 'could go either way' is now become 'don't want it', but more often than not if I'm the one who could go either way, I end up glad we did it. If one or both people don't EVER want it, then it's either a medical problem or a relationship problem. Knowing which one might not make it any easier to correct, though.
quote: Beyond that, however, it is more enjoyable for me for the sex act to be a natural extension of the closeness every day...sort of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence...not always the subject of the sentence.
That's all well and good, but if sex is going to happen, then someone has to DELIBERATELY touch someone else. A man has 3 God given tools with which to stimulate his wife: 1) penis (lots of mass, but little sensitivity), 2) tongue (lots of sensitivity, but little mass), and 3) fingers (best combination of both mass and sensitivity). If some of you want to include blenders or power tools, then you're on you're own. I don't mess with that crap. My point is, just because you can't get an erection doesn't mean you can't bring your wife to climax. Your fingers and/or tongue plus the love in your heart should feel better to your wife than any vibrator ever made if that's all you can contribute.
quote: Sometimes woman who say they don't like it have other issues going on
Are you saying that no DOES mean yes??????? well, sometimes?
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dmiller
B as in "B", and S as in "S" You have your standards, and I have mine.
Get a grip on reality, and realize that not all folks (scuuuze me -- men)
--> have their head face down in the gutter like you are so willing to admit to for yourself.
I like it as much as any other guy, but being un-married, and with other concerns, and being older -- it is not that big a deal anymore.
Oh -- wait a minute -- you're speaking about the BOT, aren't you?? Well -- what you said may apply to them, but try and give the "average joe" (such as myself) a break, and don't denigrate the entire male population in front of all these women, by saying there is only one thing that we think about, cause it just is not true.
Maybe for you it is, and I am guessing you have one hell-uva-shallow relationship. Post your next thoughts in the Prayer Forum -- sounds like you could use them.
:D-->
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CoolWaters
It's great that we here at the Cafe can accept one another and move beyond our differences!
Galen, thanks!
ExC, thanks!
STL...too kewl!
GStG...
:D-->
ROR...you make me blush!
:)-->
Hills...God gave you a big ol' @h*t stirrer and far be it for you to ignore God's gifts...right?
;)-->
johniam...thanks!
dmiller...you are so great!
:)-->
Everybody...this thread has stirred up a truly great conversation between my hubs and I...and we talked for 4 hours last night.
You all probably wouldn't believe just how much you've helped us!
Thank you {{{{{Everybody}}}}}!
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reikilady
This thread has been very thought provoking and that is a good thing. I liked what John I Am said about the moods...No...Maybe...and YES!
Years ago I remember the wonderful Helen Gurley Brown (editor of Cosmo way back when) saying that if your sweetie was in the mood and you were feeling neutral to go for it, that you might be pleasantly surprised and really enjoy yourself.
I say Helen is wonderful, because she was a real pioneer. It's only been in the last 3 or 4 decades that women's needs have been out in the open. So glad the "dutiful" sexual relations is fading out.
NO needs to mean NO and Yes needs to mean Yes and hopefully someday that will be easier for all parties concerned.
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reikilady
Coolness (love that name!), that is absolutely awesome that you and Mr. Coolness had such a great talk.
I wish you all the best in all areas of your life!
Happy Holidays!
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