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vickles

Honesty goes only so far socially?

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I'm starting this thread because sometimes its hard to know when to tell someone that they look awful or as I have seen compliment someone when they are looking their worst. Afer you answer this poll would you please explain the reasons for your answer? If this one thread goes well I am planning on asking another question with some answers. If not oh well......hehe Some of these questions seem rather silly but they are life and sometimes can be hard to handle when actually in a situation. Here is the question....

What would you do if your in a meeting with your co-worker or even boss and you notice they have a bugar hanging out of their nose?

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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I don't know if I would truly do this but thinking about it I would want someone to tell me if I had a problem like that that is for sure. I haven't been in this exact situation but there have been embarrassing moments in my life and went the whole day and wondered why no one told me.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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Depends on the person.

If my boss is an ego maniac then telling him to check his nose might be a nail in my job coffin.

He has lots of "bugars", I only have one job!

If were my husband, on the side, I would tell him.

Someone I was a bit comfortable with, I would tell them privately or in their ear "check your nose."

Someone like a salesgirl at a store, I would probably ignore it. My waitress? I would probably not eat as I would think something fell in my food.

Dot Matrix

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if they were "running" the meeting, i would do the hand gesture so as not to interrupt (plus i wouldn't be able to look at them through the whole meeting)

but i voted that i would take them aside privately

but then again if someone like simonzelotes was in the meeting, oh god forget it.... i would get fired

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A would tell a co-worker they have a buger hanging...

of course a buger is an easy poll question...

What I am trying to figure out is how to tell a co-worker that she has toooooo much perfume on.

I'm serious, I can tell where she has been 10 min. after she has left because of lingering perfume odors.

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Z-Shot - That's happened to me and I have told people that I have developed a sensitivity to smells, even ones like their perfume that I actually like, but they wreak havoc with my respiratory system.

And I tell them that since this has happened to me, I have found a surprisingly large number of others with sensitivities to smells.

That way I compliment them while hopefully making an impression on them.

SimonZ - Yes, you are correct. It is spelled booger. Being the pro I am, I declare me an authority. Pro speller that is, not pro booger hanger... icon_eek.gif

Actually, my experience has been more in telling people they have things like broccoli stuck between their teeth. I always try to find a way to tell 'em - I would hate for someone not to tell me not that it's ever happened to ME, of course!!! icon_rolleyes.gif:rolleyes:-->

B - Better

O - Off

W - Without

t - the

w - way

i - international

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quote:
Originally posted by vickles:

I'm starting this thread because sometimes its hard to know when to tell someone that they look awful or as I have seen compliment someone when they are looking their worst. Afer you answer this poll would you please explain the reasons for your answer? If this one thread goes well I am planning on asking another question with some answers. If not oh well......hehe Some of these questions seem rather silly but they are life and sometimes can be hard to handle when actually in a situation. Here is the question....

What would you do if your in a meeting with your co-worker or even boss and you notice they have a booger hanging out of their nose?

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!


Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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Sorry about the double post and also the spelling. I guess I'm just human and make mistakes. How novel is that?

I know its a silly question but honestly there are other things also that we deal with in life and so do we tell them or not or how do we deal with it. Like do you tell someone their fly is open or just let it go? I have had it happen to me both ways. My blouse I wore to work one day had a button that came undone and I went through the whole day and no one told me until I had gotten home and went to change clothes. When I was working as a manager at a convenient store a guy had his fly open and I told him. It was rather embarrassing for him but hey would he have rather gone through the day exposed? You see booger hanging out of the nose is silly but it happened to me. I was visiting my uncle in California. When he met me off the amtrak he kissed my cheek and just before he did I noticed he had a booger hanging out of his nose. I didn't say anything and it repulsed me. Now whenever I speak to him on the phone or think of him I can't get it out of my mind. So should I have told him or not? Now I wish I would have.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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If it is a man, then I usually try to tell the person privately. If they are female, then I find another female and ask her to tell the offending female. I have had to do this previously, and my concern was largely one of avoiding commiting any felonys. In the military, you should never speak with a female privately, and when addressing their attire or behavior you must have a female witness, and you need to get the witness's written statement about the conversation BEFORE she leaves the room (if the witness does not provide the statement that moment, her memory may 'change').

If I am doing it, I would always end it with a compliment. The compliment (by law) must not be: about anything sexual, about their attire, their beleifs, their culture. The compliment must be about their job performance.

Can you beleive that I have actually been through courses on how to do these things?

Galen

ET1 SS - USN Retired,

Knight of the Rose Croix,

Knight of the order of St Andrew,

Pilgrim of the Ancient Arabic Order Nobles of the mystic shrine.

Bless you

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What about the times that WE have had a booger hanging out, a button undone, a fly open? What was said to us?

This stuff happens to everyone. I want for someone to tell me and not be repulsed, it's just life that happens sometimes.

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Did Dorothy cover boogers in her book?

The best "fix yourself" moment that was ever done to me came one time when I had a piece of broccoli (dark green, yum) stuck between my teeth after lunch. An adult student friend of mine (Xian, non-TWI) quietly brought me a mirror and told me. Classy, and caring, I thought.

I think I'd bring your co-worker (or boss, if I was on talking terms) a tissue!

Regards,

Shaz

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I would want to know! Wouldn't you? But I would whisper to them. I wouldn't embarrass them in front of everybody. And Vickles it's NOT a silly question. Miss Manners has brought this up countless times in her column and I believe she always has said to be discreet but tell them. But be gentle lol.

babyrott60percent.gif

It's hard to be humble when you're just a rottie monk.

[This message was edited by RottieGrrrl on June 17, 2003 at 11:21.]

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Rottie-

You are correct it is an important question.

You would certainly deserve to be told, so you could avoid humiliation.

I would like to think that I would be a good enough brother to tell you.

Galen

ET1 SS - USN Retired,

Knight of the Rose Croix,

Knight of the order of St Andrew,

Pilgrim of the Ancient Arabic Order Nobles of the mystic shrine.

Bless you

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i don't like to see anyone humiliated or embarrassed, especially in front of a lot of people

i think this was one of my biggest hurts when i was in the way corps program and on staff

i'm talking about the hurt i saw of others

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I was one of them that was humiliated. And let me tell you that it did something to my self confidence that is for sure!!!! And they call that God's love? icon_mad.gif

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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(((((((vickles))))))) i've been there too. i want you to know i understand and i'm sorry (meaning saddened)

i grew up with so much shame and then later on in the way i felt like history was repeating itself. ah well. life is so much better today

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I'm glad its better today.

There is nothing like having over a couple hundred people at a meeting and your name is called for something. They had me stand up in front of everyone. Its like they wanted to strip my whole life with it. Its a very humiliating experience. After it happened no one would look at me. I thought it was because they were embarrassed they even knew me. Now looking back I think it was because they were afraid that it would happen to them since a lot of them had been guilty of it. I think for honesty it should be done in a very loving way if you need to tell someone. Not to humiliate them but to let them know so that they can be a better person.

Heck ex, I thought I was over it and by gosh its still hurting. That was many years ago but I think it does something to the psych.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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vickles, it hurts to read about that. At least it's past. I can't think of many situations that would benefit from public discussion like that. It's a totally stupid way to deal with important concerns if they are that, yet it's so prevalant in the Way. I used to hate it when VPW would do that, too. Two of the very few times he and I had it out when I worked at the Way Nash involved his temper tantrums and his tendency to fly off in public over things that he could have handled privately. Everyone would figure "well, maybe God told him to do that". Right, that's a good excuse for anything, y'know. Unfortunately he set a horrible example in that category. Many of the people who were exposed to him up close picked up on it, figuring if that's the way he handled things there must be a good reason for it. They just turned around and copied him. It also gave people with short fuses a license to Rip, rather than control their anger and do good by people. Many people liked that feeling that "God is HOT TONIGHT!" when some toilet mouth would get on a rant about someone or something. Like cheap entertainment, but the cost to people is very very high. Sick...

In observing various leaders over the years, I'm sure that the power/control side effects of that kind of thing were big motivators. Now, that might sound obvious, but some people act that way just because their callous boors. Others do it so that they can establish boundaries to control with. It's like "I'm the Boss and if I say you need a New One ripped tonight, that's what's gonna happen".

Plus some people are just plain mean, they like to hurt others and some people like to watch it.

Add a few Singalong the Way tunes and you've got a Branch meeting in some places. Very weird.

Isn't it good to be out of that whole environment?

As far as Nose Goblins in public, ya gotta say something! I'd want to be pulled aside and handed a kleenex or something. That's probably what I'd do with someone else. icon_wink.gif;)--> I went walking in to work one morning with my zipper down. icon_biggrin.gif:D--> A guy I know grabbed me and pulled me over to look at the cafeteria menu that was posted up and leaned over and said "zip it up man you're going to catch cold!" I greatly appreciated his approach. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

'when you're in love, there's no time and no space. there's a permanent smile on your face...

and hey somewhere, you threw your fear in the sea of no cares...'

[This message was edited by socks on June 19, 2003 at 2:42.]

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Thanks so much for your response. What you said was very very true. Yes, I'm so glad to not be in twi anymore. I don't have to shoulder the guilt anymore. I thought I had worked through this but when I started thinking about it it all came back. I really don't know why but now at least I can work it out of my system in a healthy way.

What a great way for someone to let you know. That was very smooth and a very kind way for him to do it the way he did.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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Friday night I was out and about and ran into a man that not only had a shirt open at his tummy, but his zipper was down too. I assumed maybe he'd just come from the toilet or a quickie with XXX XXXXX, but I said to him

Hey, your horses are gonna get out". He responded by telling me that his horses were old and he let them out whenever possible.

Loved his answer. I saw him several times more while there and he stayed exposed. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

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Oh Shell, that is so funny!!!! You didn't know he was a dirty old man....hehe what a crack up!!!!

At least you feel good in doing your part in it.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

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oh no, I knew he was a dirty old man, known the dude for ever. Just thought he'd maybe quit torturing us with his exposure. HA

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