Ham

Now I know where to send my Christmas wish list to..

As viciously as Loy attacked the offshoots, you'd think that they must have had something right.

"Da prevailing" choir.. good grief, rather listen to Sgt. Peppers- "Twenty years ago today, Sgt. pepper taught the band to play.."

Probably have to stuff the back 3/4 of the place with "blow up" people.. I remember my name was in that book.. probably not any more.

Well.. what more can one say. But if they were, somebody would be saying, "my, we have a lot of sailors at twig tonight"- heh heh.

It is PRINTED in my syllabus, and it was TAUGHT. But the previous post- as strange as all this may sound, I would not trade the experiences in life for anything. First of all, there is NO WAY to change it- I have faced that. I have heard kids talk.. "well, I would want a STRONG husband, one who can do this, do that, one that can renew his mind, one that can.." Cripe. Find somebody that can love you.

Unrealistic claims, unrealistic expectations- a lot of it was good, but a lot of it- well, whew. In my opinion, anybody who swallows it hook line and sinker just hasn't lived life. "Promotes harmony in the home" - I guess its time to work this one over. Bull- frigging- dang. Sorry for the cussing.. Sure, some things work OK, but. Sure did not save my marriage. I don't blame God, or the Word as such. But I think we had some real unrealistic expectations. Maybe not everybody has had the same experience, but I know what happened to me. Why I am posting this, God only knows.. One day you will wake up and find that you're a tenth the man you thought you were- or your wife will- especially if you've bought into these unrealistic claims. Honestly. Some day you or your spouse may finally face the fact that you can't fix everything. You can't always jump over the tallest devils with a single bound, that you can't stop every natural disaster in history, that you can't deliver anything near this kind of expectation. They will wake up, and finally figure out that you are just plain miserable at times. They will find that at times, you can just be downright devilish. You may wake up one morning, and find out that she is not the "submissive" wife that you though she was.. and that she just won't take any more "dang". Myself, I thought that was the neatest thing. Crap I did not know I was even giving out. Sometimes, they find that you are about perceptive about what's going on as a brick- and its still not necessarily your fault- just the way you are. Some of us need our attention gotten almost with a two by four sometimes. They may find that you still can't communicate like they'd want you to in some categories. Cripe, I don't blame her for leaving- I know who she was married to! Neither do I condemn myself.. I am only human. It's real easy to sit on the sidelines and claim the "God-breathedness" and "accuracy" of PFAL.. Real easy to MAKE the claims. Real easy to DEMAND others to live up to them. Its WAY too easy. When I ask for some results, I have a few good reasons. I bought into the greatness of it at one time. Ignoring doctrinal objections for a minute- some of it worked OK- but sorry, in a lot of practical details of MY life, it failed, miserably. Want to blame me? Somehow, that I "failed" PFAL? Go ahead- I hope you don't have to walk in my shoes.

Yep.. I had some situations like that- sometimes giving no answer was far better than the one "leadership" gave us- but even when I did- can't condemn myself. I was just a little bit ignorant too- even with all of the study, all of the "mastering" of the sacred materials..all the classes. Looking back in the "good old days" I see times I wasn't much better than "a brute beast"- but thank God I've forgiven myself, thank God I've changed in a FEW categories. But for me, what it took to really purge the "cancer is devil" crap was for it to happen so close to home for me. Suddenly, I was confronted with a few facts and truths that othewise I'd probably never figured out. Really gave me a chance to "take out the garbage". My kid "possessed"? Not in a thousand years. Despite doing the best I knew to do, it STILL HAPPENED. We prayed. We read the bible. We read and attempted to apply what we learned the best we could- including PFAL. There was no fear, no fear that my family would get sick, no fear that I'd lose anybody in my family.. no fear. I was- and still am (at least somewhat- maybe more realistically now) "the Confident Believer". I still believe God heals.. seen if happen first hand, just not the way I would have thought it should have been done. Sure taught me some stuff.. but I wouldn't wish this lesson on ANYBODY. For those who still hold to the "accuracy" of PFAL.. Still think cancer is a devil spirit? Think you have the magic formula to fix everything? Go ahead, keep your friggin error- keep your illusion.. but it sure is not practical or realistic. I hope you don't learn this lesson the hard way- I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

"Rocky, give him the left, the left!"

"The words whey"- how to read between the lines and milk it for all its worth..

But the number one question of the day: Raf- got "the marlboro man" against the ropes still?

Has happened- I wake up with the thought, "my God, what are you doing to yourself???" heh heh.

Raf, I smoked about two packs a day for over ten years, and quit, cold turkey. It's been about eighteen years for me so far. No regrets of quitting. I go through some real strange things though- sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night from a dream- I dreamed I was smoking- I wake up gagging.. heh heh.

"The Whey of a bun dance and power"- udderly ridiculous.

Looking back- I would say we stayed the correct course. As wonderful as some of the stuff was that I DID get out of PFAL- I think we got deliverance IN SPITE OF a lot of it. There is so much more to God and life outside of the confines of PFAL and TWI. Let's say I went the PFAL way- expect to "cast out" the cancer and expect it to dissappear. Just "believe" big enough. Just read enough Bible verses- make her "renew her mind" to eat the hospital food. My kid wouldn't be here today, really. Sometimes you just can't make God do things in the way you want them done. Work all the keys, do this, do that- crap sometimes STILL happens. Like it or not, the flesh is weak. Despite your best efforts, sometimes people DON'T get deliverance. Who knows why.. but if results are guaranteed, that kind of thinking is gonna kill you- SOMETHING you must have done wrong, some "truth" you must have not "mastered"- can only lead to insanity. We knew of families of good hearted people that lost the fight. Every day, good hearted Christian people lose the fight- even with prayer and believing that God heals, all the way to the end. Anybody that would suggest that somehow they "missed it" or lacked to "master" some arcane doctrine- well, If I wasn't a civilized human being, I'd really get unglued. On the other hand, I wouldn't lay back and accept defeat either. But sometimes crap just plain happens- what are you gonna do then?

Heh heh heh..

Then the schedule came to rounds of Cis-Platin- and that was the worst chemotherapy agent- we declined. We saw what it did to kids- it was literally a “kid-killer”. Talked to the docs- said “well, the other stuff seems to be working- why not use another agent. We see what this stuff does to kids.” The latest biopsy from the bone surgery showed that the cancer was dead, kaput. Even the docs were not convinced that that the further treatments would not cause further cancer. They said no way, this is the program, and we won’t stray from it.. OK- the only other option we have is- we withdraw her from the “program”. “Fine”. At that point we knew it was right- she was healed. It has been over five years, and she has no reoccurrence. None- it’s gone. Anybody wanna hold on to the old “cancer is devil” doctrine still? The “accuracy” of Doc Vics opinion about it? I’ve got some real issues with you. Anybody who could even THINK that this kid, who has three times the believing and goodness than I have can get possessed with a devil spirit from hell, I’ve got some real problems with you. I think one reason we got deliverance- I took out the trash. Really. All the crap like “It must’ve been MY fault- what did I do wrong- just have to figure out where the fear is”- the forever analysis of the situation- how could something this so spiritually “wrong” get under my great all nine all the time radar? One thing I was convinced of- my daughter was not possessed. Sure, we trusted God- but we got out of His way. Let Him do His job. We had ours- it was to love and support our daughter the best we could. Trying to work in all of the little “magic keys” would have only done one thing- gotten in the way. All we could do is pray, read the bible a little, and expect the best. How did we get the deliverance? I believe 1. The power of God. 2. The love from people. Not “the power of PFAL”. Sure, PFAL helped- about five percent or so. It was only a TOOL. Sure, I learned a few things- God is good always, God heals- but with God Almighty working only in the confines of PFAL , I am convinced she would not have made it. I KNOW if we were involved with the ministry she would not have- we would have been berated and yelled at to no end for seeking outside help- help they could and would not have been able to provide. All the “mastering”, all the studying- good grief. Either you’ve got it or you don’t. Cripe- gotta work it over a couple of more hundred times? You’re just not honest “Master” PFAL? Ha. The only way you’re gonna “master” it is to get honest and be willing to throw out the junk that came with it, and keep the good, if you can. What are you afraid of? I’d rather toss some and find out I need to run back and dig it back out before the big truck comes, than to hold on to a bunch of error- and I have done that once or twice.

God had just the right guy there to help us figure out that we needed to give her some real nutritional support, and what to do. By the way, he was Roman Catholic by religion. We ran across literature- even in the hospital of oddest places- talked about the benefits of tomato juice. Every little bit helped. The treatments destroy white blood cells- most receiving the treatment can experience some pretty bad infections. Most of the kids got one or more blood transfusion a week to replace the white cells. Our daughter only needed extra blood once. Our daughter developed a real allergy to hospital food- just the smell of it and she heaved. The staff had to be instructed not to even open the door to the room during meal times. We found that she could eat and actually hold down, of all the oddest things, PIZZA- with the spiciest toppings, even during chemo sessions. Miracle one- we found a way that she could EAT. Thank God we did not have any numbnuts around to recommend that she just “renew her mind” to the hospital food- probably would have killed them, heh heh. But that much pizza was rather costly. The school had a couple of fund-raisers to generate a pizza fund- and it was needed- it was used up by the end of all the hospital visits. We saw miracle after miracle. Even the small ones were big- one of them involved simply getting some ice cream for her. Somehow, just out of nowhere a “guy” shows up asking my now ex, “what can I do for you”? Could have asked for anything I guess- but “she would really like some ice cream”. Took FIVE minutes. Closest store was at least twenty minutes there and back, for what she specifically wanted. And this stuff was not available in the hospital, at least at that time. Miracle? You tell me.

By the way, I consider you folks friends. Even Mike- maybe a little wacky, but a friend nonetheless. So here's more. So… what did we do? We prayed. Then we sought out help. Not from the numbnuts in TWI- no way. I could almost hear the response- “well, you got what you deserved” or some such nonsense. “If you come back and prove yourself, grovel right, we MIGHT be able to do something”. We sought help and support from the community. Anybody that would pray, anybody that believed in healing, anybody that could help. We sought help from the school system. We found a LOT of real good, Christian individuals. Person after person, God put the right person in our path- not one of them was currently from the way, but several were ex-way- and yes, Corps Grads- they were wonderful, and they were real loving sincere people. One of the offshoot ministries actually helped us acquire good transportation to take her to the hospital and back. No condemning, no criticizing. No analysis, trying to figure out where “the fear” that caused it was- there was none anyway. I think the main help and best advice came from some people who we didn’t even know what church or denomination they were with- but they said, "when she goes to the hospital, at least one of you had better be there with her, on guard. If you don’t like what they are doing- threaten, scream, do anything you have to. They can, and often do make mistakes- NEVER leave her alone”. This proved to be most valuable.

I suppose I should take up my own challenge.. Well- I don’t know if this is exactly the right place for this, and it is rather long, but- I do have my daughters permission to tell you guys about this, and it does fit the context of this thread, more or less. Considering only about three people reading this may actually know who we are I feel that I have some anonymity. Anyway- what did PFAL do for me? There were four things that I can positively identify that were really useful after we left the ministry. 1. God is good, always. Somehow, I could never abandon that idea. Fine teaching, but could and have heard it a few hundred other places. 2. God’s will is for a person to be healed. Same thing- heard it even before I went to twig in the early days. 3. Don’t blame God. Pretty common, though some disagree. 4. God answers prayer. 5. Don’t condemn yourself. Sometimes crap just happens- and its not necessarily your fault. That one, I did NOT get from PFAL or the ministry, but thank God I figured it out before this story begins. I think one of the absolute WORST errors in PFAL- “All life is spirit, cancer is life in itself, therefore cancer is caused by a devil spirit”- i.e., being “possessed”. That is downright closest to the most devilish thing I have ever heard. The only devil spirit I would consider would be the one promulgating that lie. Sure, it’s life in itself- but holy smokes- it’s not a stupid devil spirit, its GROWTH LIFE that’s gone amok. Anybody who’s anybody in Christianity or the medical profession knows this stuff. Why do those in the Way hold on to this kind primitive SUPERSTITION- and even some here? When my older daughter was a sophomore in high school, she started experiencing extreme pain in her left knee. One day she fell on it- the pain was so severe that we demanded it to be x-rayed by the doctors. Then came the news- drop everything, run as fast as you can, it could be the worst thing possible. More x-rays, more tests- it was Osteogenic Sarcoma. If you have not heard of it- it is the absolute worst. It’s cancer in the soft tissues, and literally eats out bone mass. About sixty percent of the kids that contract this thing do not survive. Many do not survive the side effects of the treatments alone. Many have further complications after drugs and surgery- it spreads to the lungs- and most do not survive it when that happens. When I heard this diagnosis- I did not think even once that we might lose her. To me, that was not even an option. Logically, God would have to energize some kind of healing. I did not condemn myself. Would have been easy to do- I know myself better than I should I suppose. One of the main things I prayed for is that her beauty would be protected- that she would retain her beauty through this crap, along with her zest for life.

Still quiet here.. silence may speak volumes..

"Well, spiritually, you would never understand" is completely unacceptable. If it's THAT elusive, that hard to understand, it can't be the word. I knew better than that even when I was busy gorging myself on the kool-aid.

Oh well, we may have to wait a few more eons- cripe- it only took two or three little eunuchs to dispose of Jezebel properly. Surely there is somebody at headquarters that could oust at least two of the stinkers there. Looks like little piddly eunuchs have more "balls" than at least two of the BODs.

"I have seen large-breasted-ladies smash empty beer cans with a breast." Makes me thing of Yoda's advice as the guys are walking into the "titty" bar- "not afraid are you, you WILL be, YOU WILL Be- muwahahahaha.."

All this makes me feel so neglected. You guys are just soooo "lucky" to come accross all that dough just a waitin to be claimed. I only got about one of those offers last year- apparently da debil axed a bunch of them before they even hit my hotmail account, heh heh.