Steve!

Ah, Piers Anthony, was it the Xanth series? It gets kind of tired after the first 10 or so books.

It HAS to be better than Timeline! That book was written for the masses, and has plot holes that a truck could drive through.

BetterOff, you've got the wrong URL. The correct one is: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/c...tuff/chimp2.jpg

Nope, David Offenkrantz sort of matches that description, except he was kind of skinny, 6'4", and yes, blond, blue eyes, mustache, glasses, but he didn't speak Russian, and he DID graduate with the 11th corpse.

Ted - "White blues"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? sorry, bad joke. Ted, I'm thinking that you are uniquely qualified to write a book on the roots of modern music, beginning with the year 1900. I'm totally serious. At the very least, you dictate notes to someone who can then "pretty up" the words and turn it into a book.

Chattsy - You didn't know that?

Zixar - No, not with NT/W2K and forward. You've got to explicitly add those files, or you won't have a bootable floppy. Maybe someday they'll set it up so that you can do it the way you described, but it ain't that way yet.

Chattsy, the sun melted most of it, downtown is as grey as ever.

Isn't that Blair Allen towards the middle of the picture? Dang, I forgot he was 7th corpse.

Anyone ever hear of Hayseed Dixie? If you are a "fan" of AC/DC, you have GOT to hear them!

Has anyone heard from Pawtucket in the last 5 days? Where was he going after he left Denver? As far as I know, he was posed ta be in Chicago by now. Any news?

You know, Tucket's right. There are only 4 fruitcakes in existence, they just keep getting circulated.

Only at the lakefront, which, coincidentally, is where I work - I can look out the window and see the Sears Tower a block away.

Holy sh!t, Batman! Is it that time again already? Why, you had a birthday just last year! I hope it's a truly wonderful one this time around!

Chattsy - Most newer computers already come with an Ethernet card, which is a NIC (network interface card). If your puter doesn't have a NIC, then a USB port would be sufficient - I connected my sister-in-law's computer to a router, and she didn't have an ethernet card OR a USB port in it. I had a spare USB card that I installed in that machine, got a USB-to-Ethernet cable (10-base T) adapter, and voila! she was good to go. The adapter was aabout $10 or so.

Uppity - of COURSE not. You came back for THE. THE never forgets. THE will reward.

Q. How many psychologists? A. Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change. Q. How many surrealists? A. Soap. Q. How many Denverites does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two, but they usually use a hot tub. Q. How many New Yorkers? A. NONE OF YOUR F'IN BUSINESS! Q. How many VietNam vets? A. YOU CAN'T KNOW, MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE! Q. How many Californians? A. 6 - one to change the bulb, 5 to "share the experience." Q. How many programmers? A. None, that's a hardware problem. Q. How many plumbers? A. That's the electrician's job! Q. How many Microsoft employees? A. None, they just revise the standard to be "dark". Q. Why does it take 5 women with PMS? A. CUZ IT JUST DOES!

Ig - Now I won't sleep tonight, thank you very much!

In case you haven't seen this before......... ---------- WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? Shakespeare: To cross, or not to cross, that is the question. Frank Sinatra: Why did that crazy old chickie-baby skippa-da-bop-bop cross that kickin' road? I'll tell ya why - she gets a kick outta you! A Mafioso: Fuhgeddaboutit. No chicken crossed no road, capisce? Will Rogers: The reports of a chicken crossing a road have been greatly exaggerated. Chicago Cop: I'll find out why he crossed the &$#%ing road. I'll beat the cr@p out of him until he talks. LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. DAN QUAYLE: I believe it's actually spelled c-h-i-c-k-e-n-e. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR., I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone old us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? NEIL ARMSTRONG It was one small step for a chicken, one giant leap for chickenkind. RICHARD M. NIXON I am not a cook. GEORGE BUSH Read my lips, the chicken will not cross the road. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken 98 BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? COLONEL SANDERS I missed one? CHRISTOPHER WALKEN The chicken. It crossed. It crossed the road. Why did it cross? No one knows. No one. Will ever know. Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability. Oliver North: National Security was at stake. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Ronald Reagan: I forget. Schrodinger: The act of observing the chicken while it was in the roadway was the determinate factor in the crossing. If the chicken had not been observed, it would simultaneously be in the road and on both sides of the road. Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. O.J. Simpson: The chicken did not cross the road, and I vow to hunt down whatever creature it was that *did* cross the road. Hellary Rotten Clinton: It was because a vast, right-wing conspiracy chased him across the road. Bill Clinton: Does she have a sister? Accenture Consultant: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Accenture Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Accenture helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Accenture Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Accenture consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Accenture Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

The best lines to use to discourage a man asking for an intimate encounter 1. Would you mind if my father watches? 2. Would you mind if my father joins in? 3. Would you mind if my dog joins in? 4. Would you mind if my father, son, brother and dog join in? 5. My gynecologist called. He said that he doesn't think that I'm contagious any more. Is that okay? 6. My real name is Bruce. 7. Have you ever heard of Typhoid Mary? 8. Would you mind if your mother joined in? 9. Before we do it, you have to lie very still in a bathtub full of ice water for a while, to get that "death" look....... 10. How does broken glass, Cool Whip, candle wax, and handcuffs sound? 11. Sure - you got $300?

HOW TO GET EVEN WITH SOMEONE GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, lawn furniture, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, Just come around back and Come early! X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Secretly hide it in a piece of the victim's carry on luggage. As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped and inspected by airport security officials. an absolute classic . . . OIL SPOT: At night pour used oil underneath the victim's car while parked in the driveway. Pour enough that will be alarming. Continue to do this each night. The subject will spend great deals of money trying to get the oil leak repaired time and time again. I have even heard of a person buying a new car after the repeated attempts at repair. Imagine their surprise when that new car starts leaking too. PAPER MONEY: Write a sexually oriented solicitation message, victim's name and phone number (inviting a phone call) on the edge of several pieces of paper money before spending them. The victim will receive many eye popping inquiries. another favorite . . . FAX MACHINES - Write whatever you wish on 9 pages of 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper and tape them together (end to end). Dial the victim's fax number and start sending the pages through. After page two has been transmitted, tape the top of page 1 to the bottom of page 9 making a continuous loop. The document will continue to cycle until the victim's fax machine has run out of paper. Be sure and disable your phone number from being printed on the fax and also disable caller I.D. This prank is great to get even with a business or individual who has somehow cheated you. This can have same results as OIL SPOT. I went to the store and bought one of those long rubber snakes which are coiled up. I poked a hole in the roof of it's mouth and attached about 6 inches of fishing string to its mouth. Then I coiled it up in the toilet and then taped the end of the fishing line to the underneath of the toilet lid. First one to go in the restroom screamed "oh my god" because when she lifted the lid up the snake looked like it was jumping out of the toilet.

What color is a piano? Pink! What color is a ghost? Boo! What color is a belch? Burple! What color is a phone? Yellow! What color is a newspaper? Red! How do you catch a unique cat? Unique up on him. How do you catch a tame cat? Tame way. ------------- Are you a turtle?

Dangit, Ig, now I have drool all down the front of my shirt and on my keyboard.

Chatster - You are exactly right. If for some reason you have any concern that the cable might go out, leave the modem in your PC. It really doesn't take up *that* much resource time/space - it won't hurt your pc for you to leave it in.

Chattsy - If you didn't have some sort of video card, your monitor wouldn't show any picture. Except for replacing the memory, everything else is very easy. The memory is only slightly more difficult.