Lifted Up

I listened for less time then you but continued to believe it for longer, i.e. around three decades. My waking up on this subject, as on a few other things, started with my best survivor friend's account of a very caring friendship she had had in the past. This friend eventually died of AIDS. But I quickly learned in real time that her testimony, and her friend's caring, was real., mainly thrugh other friends I met through her. And, even before my mnd was really changed, the seeds were planted, unintentionally, by the hate spewed in LCM's rants.

I was led to believe in the Way and Way Corps that gays and lesbians did not have the capacity for real care and compassion. I was very wrong. I see lots of it, and benefit from some of it.

spam? That's an interesting one. I had made a modesty lengthy post that vanished. Let's just say for now I forgot to enter the post, though I am awfuly sure I did. No, I became involved in TWI in 1975, entered the 8th corps, and my sexual assault happened in 1979. I just fully recalled it in the fall of 2017, though I began to remember it as a "minor event" around the time Kristen Skedgell published he book and when, for a couple years, I was by far the most prolific poster on her blog, "Thriving Reality"' A bit later Kristen moved beyond talking about her Way time publicly, but I came across a wonderful non-Way non-cult person who took her place as my best survivor friend,.In the last year and a half I have acquired plenty of recovery resources so I'm not appealing to anyone to take their place. In fact, my recovery resources are intentionally non-Way, because I see little compassion for the hurting among those who promote and/or teach the "love of God" the same "way" as was done in The Way. That includes the "splinter" groups; do any acknowledge Wierwille's misdeeds without passing them off as irrelevant to them?

What did "loosening up" mean?

I will make a short version of y reply which was in here. But I know my main sexual assaulter is one of those who ignores hurts and carries on with wonderful sounding words and prayers in the one she is in.

I find it hard to accept "The Word" taught inor out of The Way, if it had its roots in, never mind how long ago or by whom or how good sounding and "non-cultic" the teaching. In The Way all looked down on anybody not from the Way who promoted Christ and I know that trend continues, Way or splinter. Just like Thw Way...and what was once my favorite restaurant...was founded "for the glory of God"....by prolific abusers and sexual assaulters...and rapists. Do any, Way or splinter, acknowledge that that happened without demeaning survivors?

My sexual assault, at the hands of two women, was followed by me retreating across to my side of the trailer, and burying myself in my top bunk, but awake. Meanwhile, the two women involved told one or two of the corps guys on my side about the "event". For some reason, no doubt partly because they came in after "lights out", they had no idea I was already there, still, silent, and awake. they started talking to the others about it, and somebody said that it was good for me to be loosened up. So quite right about the meaning. No. VPW didn't do anything on that coach invite, just worked away while I snacked on the pastry. I never heard that he went for males like he did for the women.

You have obviously adopted on of my skills of winding up apologizing for thinking I said the wrong thing! No offense taken. But maybe I gave you that impreression, so maybe I SHOULD apologize LOL. I suppose I could see your wondering more if I were an actual victim in that coach...but even then I always look at intent. My "event" came at the hands of two corps women at HQ. And for corn sakes, don't go by my old old old ancient waybrained posts from over ten years ago...i.e. pre-"Losing the Way".

LOL. I don't remember from my only visit in 1978. Maybe because I only got a pastry there? (He invited me in after seeing this lifelong non coffee drinker run the coffee crew. I wasn't sexually assaulted there; that was later at HQ)

Yep. And if this is for newbies, can returning oldies use the info too?

When your body leaves, and your mind is still in, you may not feel traumatized at the time, but it may come back and hot you decades later. It can be a mixed bag, with great feelings of relief at thinking for yourself being accompanied or followed by feelings not as good. I think my awakening got going slowly more than a decade ago, then was given a huge push by a fellow 8th corps account of her abuse and sexual assault...you can guess who I mean. Then I came across others, including my best survivor friend...completely non-Way and non-cult...whose support helped me remember my sexual assault and break my silence about it last fall. Others have helped, not even with the aim of doing something for just me...e.g. not the least of whom is this Penworks person! (You might say she takes the Edge off our trauma!) Not to mention...okay, I am LOL...a lifelong friend of the survivor friend above, just by being an example with her great unconditional sensitivity to people, as opposed to what at times seemed like genuine caring in the Way, but which also seemed to hinge on one's loyalty to the group and doctrines. So as not to ignore the rest of your post, my childhood was pretty good. Parents split up when I was a wee one (believe it or not, i WAS little once) but Mom was great, and we spent plenty of time with Dad while he was alive. I just got involved by a co-worker invite, and like many, was captured by the conditional care....the love bombing if you will...and there I was. Much better to have people care for you unconditionally...including one I should mention given all I have bared here, my counselor.

Does whitewashing have any relationship to sweeping the dirt under the carpet?

BTW, I did the only actual work I ever did in a political campaign 50 years ago this fall in Columbus OH, for a losing candidate, though he was the incumbent. Maybe another reason to avoid politics!

I acquires two facebook friends who are rather avid political posters, on opposite sides of the spectrum. It wasn't by design, but seeing their political posts (which are a majority for each off all their posts), I became more adamant than ever about staying out of politics on FB. I see their posts, and of course they are not targeting me personally, but most of their posts are designed to demonize the other side to the extent that I have to be a complete idiot and/or morally bankrupt to believe other than what their post says. Or to put it another way, black is made to seem as white an d vice versa...and this reminds me too much of my deprogramming. In the process, if I don't watch myself, I CAN draw unintended personal insults from these posts...the worst of these actually happened a few years ago here on Greasespot, though I kept my peace about it. I also think that, wierdly enough, my work as a baseball umpire during the summer helps me see both sides of an issue. Not that I don't have political opinions or don't think political results are unimportant. But I guess I'm naive (did I spell that right?)...in thinking we should be able to have political discussions with respect, but as this does not seem to be the case, I pretty much stay out of politics on FB. But, I keep those polical friends to help remind me of the reason.

Well hi there OAK. What a break; my own visits are pretty rare. These days a lot of the people I know keep adding grandkids!!! Hey, at least he still works. What does retire mean anyway? Saw my former Big Brother (from the like named group) a couple weeks ago in the DC area for the first time in 38 years. He is 72 and still works (as a ploygraph expert...I can refer you!) And Oak likes people; who else would come up here to visit like he did years ago?

Kristen's blog is at Losing the Way: Kristen's blog I made my first post anonymously then all the rest with my name (Billy). I was referring to the brief private exchange we had in which you told me you thought my deprogramming experience was worse than the crap you put up with because they were playing with my mind in the deprogramming. It was bad enough, but that factor was hardly absent in the abuse you took. However, true or not, it helped give me a perspective on how difficult it can be to live through then try to recover from trauma; physical, mental, or both.

You're not late; you needed to read it now; I needed to read it four years ago.

As I more or less said a few years ago, that's what generally has the real impact. And that is what Kristen gave, personal testimony, and not a lecture on others' experiences; she simply and plainly told us what happened to her. Perhaps I am much more sensitive to the difference, having had a lot of stuff shoved down my throat in a deprogramming. As a bonus to me, not only did Kristen give her personal testimony, but as such, it rang a lot of extra bells. I was in the same state under the same limb leader during the same year for our "apprentice" corps year, then at Emporia during that first 8th corps residence year she spends so much time on. But the bells kept ringing after that time, all the way to the start of my final residence year at HQ when I went through my own minor sexual "incident", which for all of its minor nature, red flagged the much worse experiences that Kristen and excie and others went through. Better not get going too much though or I won't be able to stop. You may not wanna hear me go on and on; besides, if you do, Kristen's blog posts are sprinkled very liberally with my responses over the last four years or so. A few years ago, after Kristen's book came out, Excie told me something in a message related to her abuse and my deprogramming. What she told me was bull :) but I still love her for it.

Over a year since anyone posted here. Time to get a couple minutes at the top.

I won't argue with either. Now, how many minutes is the 8th corps thread gonna be on top?

Valerie, I don't remember her as being 8th corps, though that isnt an absolute guarantee she wasn't.. BCW

Geez, that's what happens when I visit so rarely; last time I cam in I didn't even see this; I was in and out so fast. I miss my first 8th corps roomie.

Well, Peg, I haven't come around too often lately, but others eveidently haven't been either. Glad to see you're still making it. Rummy, where are you? Hawk? havent seen him either.