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"Main Bridge."

"Repeat command."

"I said, Main Bridge."

"The computer has been slow all morning. A processing accelerator is down.

Commander La Forge is running a Level-1 diagnostic to isolate the problem."

"I'm running a level 1 diagnostic!"

"For thirty hours? That would never take you more than four. You're incapable of that level of incompetence, Mr. La Forge!"

"I could get used to the idea of a Ferengi Ensign...but Admiral Picard... on a Romulan Warbird? What is that all about?"

""Shut up!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said 'shut up'! As in 'close your mouth and stop talking.'"

"Will... that happened sixteen years ago."

"That day on Onias Three you were infected with a strain of Altarian encephalitis. A retrovirus that incorporates its DNA directly into the cells of its host. It can lie dormant for years, then suddenly become active, as it did in your case ten days ago."

"Will... this virus invariably destroys all memory back to the moment of the original infection. In your case, all the way back to Alpha Onias Three."

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I don't remember the exact title, something like "Future Imperfect." Riker wakes up, supposedly forgetting the last 15 years, so now he's captain of the Enterprise. Picard is an ambassador working with the Romulans. Riker is a widower with a son. He realizes it's all a charade when his departed wife turns out to be "Minuet" (of "11001001" fame). The scene changes, and now he's captured by the Romulans, along with the same boy who was his "son." He realizes that that is phony, too. Finally, the boy confesses that his whole environment is essentially a giant holodeck; he want ed Riker to stay with him because he was so lonely. Riker brings him to the Enterprise.

George

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I don't remember the exact title, something like "Future Imperfect." Riker wakes up, supposedly forgetting the last 15 years, so now he's captain of the Enterprise. Picard is an ambassador working with the Romulans. Riker is a widower with a son. He realizes it's all a charade when his departed wife turns out to be "Minuet" (of "11001001" fame). The scene changes, and now he's captured by the Romulans, along with the same boy who was his "son." He realizes that that is phony, too. Finally, the boy confesses that his whole environment is essentially a giant holodeck; he want ed Riker to stay with him because he was so lonely. Riker brings him to the Enterprise.

George

That's the plot, and the correct episode name.

Riker's suspicions that something is up reveal it's all a Romulan plot.....

and Riker's suspicions about THAT reveal the Romulan plot was a ploy,

and it was all about a poor, lonely child stranded on that planet.

Riker offers him transport on the Enterprise (which he accepts).

The big clues for Riker of the original ploy were the computer pausing

whenever he tried to go somewhere unexpected- it was stalling so the

correct hologram could be set up....

...and "Minuet" being his late wife when Minuet herself was only a

holodeck program he met once!

Of course, we just talked about the episode where she appeared,

which probably made this episode easier to guess.

(It's what inspired my choice.)

It's George's turn again.

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"How are you, Lieutenant?"

"You know what they say - put the shoe on the right foot first, but put the left foot first into the bathtub."

"Are you finished with me?"

"Unless you'd like to pour yourself through my foretic analyzer. I'd love to see the results."

"What do you think?"

"What is it?"

"A clock! Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Did you really build that?"

"Apparently so."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"The Klingon, Doctor; what did you find?"

"He's still dead, if that's what you mean."

George

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No.

"So, this is how it all ends."

"For you."

"You know what disturbs me? The ingratitude. I offered you my kindness, my help, my leadership and how do you repay me? With betrayal. But you won't get rid of me so easily. You see, unlike you, I understand history. My name will blaze across the stars long after your petty treacheries have been forgotten."

"But you won't be here to see it."

"Is this a Ferengi fashion I'm not aware of?"

"How are you, Lieutenant?"

"You know what they say - put the shoe on the right foot first, but put the left foot first into the bathtub."

"Are you finished with me?"

"Unless you'd like to pour yourself through my foretic analyzer. I'd love to see the results."

"What do you think?"

"What is it?"

"A clock! Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Did you really build that?"

"Apparently so."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"The Klingon, Doctor; what did you find?"

"He's still dead, if that's what you mean."

George

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"Station log, stardate 46922.3. We have identified the dead Klingon. His name was Hon-Tihl, First Officer of the Toh'Kaht. Why he died, and the cause of his ship's destruction, is still unknown."

"Personal log, Miles O'Brien. Stardate 46923.1. We've managed to retrieve a portion of the Klingon Officer's journal. Of course, Major Kira heard about it immediately. She must have spies everywhere."

"I think we'll let it go... this time."

"So, this is how it all ends."

"For you."

"You know what disturbs me? The ingratitude. I offered you my kindness, my help, my leadership and how do you repay me? With betrayal. But you won't get rid of me so easily. You see, unlike you, I understand history. My name will blaze across the stars long after your petty treacheries have been forgotten."

"But you won't be here to see it."

"Is this a Ferengi fashion I'm not aware of?"

"How are you, Lieutenant?"

"You know what they say - put the shoe on the right foot first, but put the left foot first into the bathtub."

"Are you finished with me?"

"Unless you'd like to pour yourself through my foretic analyzer. I'd love to see the results."

"What do you think?"

"What is it?"

"A clock! Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Did you really build that?"

"Apparently so."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"The Klingon, Doctor; what did you find?"

"He's still dead, if that's what you mean."

George

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"I've been friends with Benjamin Sisko for many years... In many ways, he's like a son to me. Or at least a nephew... Some kind of close relative anyway..."

"I want you to arrest them. Kira and every Bajoran officer on this station. I want the names of every sympathizer..."

"That's not a good idea, sir. There are a lot more of them than there are of us. If we tip our hand, it could work against us."

"What can we do?"

"Leave the station."

(shouting) "NEVER! Get me a phaser, and I'll get rid of Kira!"

"Hear me out, sir... We leave the station. Raise a Federation attack force... and return. (pause) And on that day we'll get rid of all your enemies."

"How do we proceed?"

"I need a few more hours to free up the Valerian ship. I've already talked to their captain. He's more than happy to take us back to Federation space."

(whispering) "Call me as soon as you're ready."

"Station log, stardate 46922.3. We have identified the dead Klingon. His name was Hon-Tihl, First Officer of the Toh'Kaht. Why he died, and the cause of his ship's destruction, is still unknown."

"Personal log, Miles O'Brien. Stardate 46923.1. We've managed to retrieve a portion of the Klingon Officer's journal. Of course, Major Kira heard about it immediately. She must have spies everywhere."

"I think we'll let it go... this time."

"So, this is how it all ends."

"For you."

"You know what disturbs me? The ingratitude. I offered you my kindness, my help, my leadership and how do you repay me? With betrayal. But you won't get rid of me so easily. You see, unlike you, I understand history. My name will blaze across the stars long after your petty treacheries have been forgotten."

"But you won't be here to see it."

"Is this a Ferengi fashion I'm not aware of?"

"How are you, Lieutenant?"

"You know what they say - put the shoe on the right foot first, but put the left foot first into the bathtub."

"Are you finished with me?"

"Unless you'd like to pour yourself through my foretic analyzer. I'd love to see the results."

"What do you think?"

"What is it?"

"A clock! Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Did you really build that?"

"Apparently so."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

"The Klingon, Doctor; what did you find?"

"He's still dead, if that's what you mean."

George

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All righty, then...

This was the DS9 episode "Dramatis Personae." Another one of those ancient-energy-life-forms-take-over-personnel-to-re-enact-some-ancient-war stories. Early in Season One, this one plays on distrust between Federation and Bajoran personnel. Odo saves the day.

FREE POST!

George

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

"Dress uniform?"

"I haven't worn this in almost three years... I must've lost some weight... it feels... kinda baggy..."

"First contact isn't what it used to be."

"Klon peags. Highly sought in our culture. They have many different uses."

"Ah. I'm sorry. I have enough sticks right now."

"McCoullough's the one who wrote the revised First Contact procedures for Starfleet..."

"That right... ?"

"I wish McCoullough were here right now instead of me."

"Well, with all due respect to the procedures and to McCoullough, I've had it. This is as far as duty calls me. Just keep 'em happy."

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"Dress uniform?"

"I haven't worn this in almost three years... I must've lost some weight... it feels... kinda baggy..."

"First contact isn't what it used to be."

"Klon peags. Highly sought in our culture. They have many different uses."

"Ah. I'm sorry. I have enough sticks right now."

"McCoullough's the one who wrote the revised First Contact procedures for Starfleet..."

"That right... ?"

"I wish McCoullough were here right now instead of me."

"Well, with all due respect to the procedures and to McCoullough, I've had it. This is as far as duty calls me. Just keep 'em happy."

"You like our gemstones? You will have the opportunity to win more... a lot more."

"How long have you been a security officer, Lieutenant?"

"Six years. Why?"

"Lost many Commanders?"

"Lost?"

"Because you've lost one now."

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"Dress uniform?"

"I haven't worn this in almost three years... I must've lost some weight... it feels... kinda baggy..."

"First contact isn't what it used to be."

"Klon peags. Highly sought in our culture. They have many different uses."

"Ah. I'm sorry. I have enough sticks right now."

"McCoullough's the one who wrote the revised First Contact procedures for Starfleet..."

"That right... ?"

"I wish McCoullough were here right now instead of me."

"Well, with all due respect to the procedures and to McCoullough, I've had it. This is as far as duty calls me. Just keep 'em happy."

"You like our gemstones? You will have the opportunity to win more... a lot more."

"How long have you been a security officer, Lieutenant?"

"Six years. Why?"

"Lost many Commanders?"

"Lost?"

"Because you've lost one now."

"Second shap? Can't we start at the beginning?"

"Only children enter at the first shap."

"Perhaps we're being given some sort of behavioral test... like a laboratory rodent that has to work its way out of a maze..."

"Behavioral test... now wait a minute..."

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Is this the DS9 episode where Quark plays a game with some visitors to the station, using the crew as "pieces"? The title was the name of the game, something like "Run Away Home."

George

"The Wadi". It was a First Contact situation, where the Wadi made a beeline for Quarks' and immediately

began playing. When Quark got tired of excessive winning, he tried to rig the table.

They responded by making Quark play THEIR game.

The name of the game was "Chula" according to the script.

(That's confirmed on Memory Alpha.)

("According to one of the writers of the episode, Jeanne Carrigan-Fauci, the name of the game, "Chula", comes from and is a portmanteau of Chutes and Ladders, as the maze game is a "three-dimensional form" of the game.")

The goal in the game is to "move along home", which is the name of the episode.

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"Sir, in the past three years I've lived more than most people do in a lifetime."

"Mr. Dirgo - I would appreciate it if you didn't bury me before I'm gone."

"If there is one thing that I've learned from you, it's that you don't quit. And I'm not gonna quit now. I've seen you think yourself out of worse situations than this; and I'm gonna think us out of this. You're not gonna die. I'm not gonna let you die. I'll get to the water. And I'll keep you alive, until they find us. I promise."

George

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"Sir... you don't know this. No one knows this. Because I've never told anyone. All of the things that I've worked for - school, my science projects, getting into the Academy... I've done it all because I want you to be proud of me."

"Sir, in the past three years I've lived more than most people do in a lifetime."

"Mr. Dirgo - I would appreciate it if you didn't bury me before I'm gone."

"If there is one thing that I've learned from you, it's that you don't quit. And I'm not gonna quit now. I've seen you think yourself out of worse situations than this; and I'm gonna think us out of this. You're not gonna die. I'm not gonna let you die. I'll get to the water. And I'll keep you alive, until they find us. I promise."

George

P.S. I tried to use twiztv to find the script, since I'm running out of IMDb quotes, and Memory-Alpha has none. My anti-virus software (AVG) blocked the site as harmful. That hasn't happened before. Any ideas what may have happened?

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