the longest prayer

[nandon]

1 thing i loved about twig (fellowship), was that anyone could pray.

but there was always one person who would pray for... EVERYTHING

would take about 5 legit minutes, which felt like 35-45 min.

they'd start like:

Dear most gracious and loving, all knowing, all caring heavenly father who knew each and everyone's name and the hairs on our head before the foundations of this, just, terrific earth I just want to thank you for, just, blessing my.. our lives with the... just... tremendous commitment of the Board of Trustess god... (board of directors)...

and... just... the TREMENDOUS... god...{nearly in tears at this point}

Commitment, god, and heart, god, and, just, that daily vigilance, god, and...and... (searching searching)

just that good solid horse sense that's, just, so great and it just blesses our lives on a daily basis... well... just every 24 hours, god.

(at this point, half the fellowship has one eye half open, 1/4 of the fellowship is holding back laughter)

and god, i just really want to thank you...god... for the tremendous teaching that we are going to hear, and that we are just going to put it on in our daily lives, ever 24 hourse god, just minute by minute god...

and that you just love us so much god, with just, just, such a huge amount of love god,

and for the household god, that we can just bless each other with... just... that right word fittley spoken and that we can ...just stay sharp...

and that we can just deafeat that...da...darn devil, god,,, that we know that he's just plain darkness, and that you can just keep on lovin' us god...

and that...

(by this time, the prayee is starting to prespire, because he/she is so worried that they have left something out, and that they'll be "lovingly confronted" after fellowship if they don't remember what it is... so much pressure).

and... that we can just keep being strong...in you...daily... <-----pure filler....

and, and.... (((OH YA))) and for mr. and mrs. XXXXX opening up their house ((((nearly in tears again))) on a daily... weekly,,, err.. well just a lot.. to us. and that you can keep on blessin'em big time god, with just all your blessings on that daily basis.

and that we can just have the best fellowship, and teaching and be blessed hangin' out after god...with the household god...

in the name of your son, our big brother, our savior who's coming back god, that you just raised right up from the dead god, and that we can do even greater works than he did, god... your only son,... begotten son... god... jesus the man the christ... amen....

(the fellowship/twig coordinator IMMEDIATLY calls out song #52 and starts to sing it....)

I hated those guys who prayed like that... and no, im not exaggerating.

and BTW... this person would have got reproved for not thanking god for his word....

Edited January 11, 2007 by nandon

[doojable]

And just Father, for making sure the word "just" was in the English language so that we just could use it just so much, Father God... we just want to thank you...

Then there were the prayers that started with Dear Heavenly Father, we just want to thank you for being our Daddy and just for our big brother.....

Considering the word "just" got used so much you would think that the prayer would have been limited to "just one or two things."

Edited January 12, 2007 by doojable

[Ham]

and... just... the TREMENDOUS... god...{nearly in tears at this point}

a little ambiguous here- who's in tears?

If its god, it makes more sense

[RumRunner]

a little ambiguous here- who's in tears?

If its god, it makes more sense

God was probably more like ROTFL - or as Dooj would point out - his just heavenly floor

[doojable]

God was probably more like ROTFL - or as Dooj would point out - his just heavenly floor

That would be:

JROTHFJLMHAOJPIMHP.....

Just Rolling on the Heavenly Floor Just Laughing My Heavenly A$$ Off, Just Peeing in My Heavenly Pants

Man oh Man! I'm tired - I need a drink!

Edited January 11, 2007 by doojable

[coolchef]

man that does bring back memories!! thank for the chuckle

[mstar1]

I was at a Branch meeting once that already had gone on too long, when someone closed with a prayer like that.

It went on and on and on and on, finally a couragous voice boomed from the back of the room

" LET MY PEOPLE GO!"

[WordWolf]

I remember that stuff.

I also remember having the teens pray.

We got in prayers for everyone there, our families, the teens of the area, the ministry,

and the community, in the time one of those really lengthy prayers.

[dmiller]

You can thank God for SOME of the people ALL the time,

And you can thank God for ALL of the people SOME of the time,

but in twig -- ya dang well better thank God for ALL of the people ALL of the time!

(otherwise -- you be in a big heap of trouble).

[waysider]

Almost as bad were the "ministering" sessions that listed every known part or function of the human body.

" And Father God I just thank you at this time that all toe nail fungus will completely disappear and the disgusting halitosis will just vanish immediately. And Father may all flatulance cease right now in the name of Jesus Christ."

Edited January 12, 2007 by waysider

[dmiller]

" And Father God I just thank you at this time that all toe nail fungus will completely disappear and the disgusting halitosis will just vanish immediately. And Father may all flatulance cease right now in the name of Jesus Christ."

:biglaugh:

[johniam]

At my WOW training someone prayed for 5 minutes...at breakfast. Thanks for cold eggs.