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It is really hard for me to come clean, but here goes


anothen
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well i just went back and found that i did in fact email him back and thank him for his prayers initially

this was in 2002

and then he sent pics of himself in a few different casts. one leg from skateboarding. one arm. two were in color. one was in black and white. none had his face

and he asked me my kid's name and for a picture of his cast or if would describe it

it was major creepy (for me)

i started asking him more about himself in my last email. that was the last i heard from him

i remember thinking he has a thing for boys and defintely for casts ??????????

he said he was a member of this forum but i had never seen him here

whatever

Edited by excathedra
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I'm working through it all trying not to feel as if I have to give my compassion away to protect me, I'm working on finding where I fit, I have been given plenty of wise words to consider, I just feel sadness in my heart due it all and I can't explain why. Nor am I saying that anyone here said I had to be hard rather than compassionate.

James Taylor is playing in the background and I'm on the roof in my heart looking down trying to find my safe place and still love me.

I am on the same roof same reasons Love You(((((((((Kathy))))))))))

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I'm working through it all trying not to feel as if I have to give my compassion away to protect me, I'm working on finding where I fit, I have been given plenty of wise words to consider, I just feel sadness in my heart due it all and I can't explain why. Nor am I saying that anyone here said I had to be hard rather than compassionate.

James Taylor is playing in the background and I'm on the roof in my heart looking down trying to find my safe place and still love me.

I am glad you have stepped away from the roof. I am using your post, but this is to Rainbow too. It isn't about becoming hard, giving up compassion or empathy. It is about healthy boundaries - about loving yourself too. When you truly love yourself, you put boundaries in place regarding what you will and will not allow in your life. You put boundaries in place with respect to how you expect people to treat you, how you expect people to behave in your home, how you expect people to behave in your presence. You draw a line in the sand and you love yourself enough to not allow someone else to cross that line.

That doesn't mean you stop loving other people, it simply means you love yourself too.

For instance, would I be loving myself, taking care of myself, if I allowed someone to bring drugs in my home possibly jeapordizing my freedom, my right to raise my children? If I set a boundary and I say no, you can't do that, does that have to equate with "I don't love you, I don't empathize with you, I have on compassion for you?"

Would I be loving myself/taking care of myself, if I allowed someone else's problem to consume me so totally that I didn't have the time/mental or emotional ability to take care of the things I need to take care of for myself?

I would really recommend you do some google researches on healthy boundaries. Not every person has the same boundaries, but it is important to know what your boundaries are and be able to hold them firm.

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Abi thanks and I know you are right and I agree; definitely.

I am a caretaker with Josh and Bri and most men I ever dated...all the healthy ones scared me I did not understand normal. I am working on it though!

One thing I do not understand! like Kathy I want to give everyone the same changes and consideration God and Jesus Christ gave me in every respect i try to help and believe with boundaries.... mostly! Yet the right things always weigh in God helps me find the balance with this: "God's ways are higher than my ways"; "God's thoughts are higer than my thoughts" and other gems like that. Here is a really applicable one: when God speak of people having their consciences seared...I don't use it to judge but when I weigh the fact I know in the circumstance It is a reminder to think careful and to act carefully. I don't know what is that is so wrong that I too try to be as fair and loving as possible...I am not blind and I do over look a lot of stuff but I learned when to say ask God I don't know! Isn't that balance enough???

I love You, Abi, RG

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IMHO, an important aspect of setting boundaries is not to put ourselves in situations in which our boundaries are vulnerable to being breached (if it can be avoided). We have to learn to allow someone else handle those situations, not us...at least until we can grow stronger and shore up those boundaries.

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Abi thanks and I know you are right and I agree; definitely.

I am a caretaker with Josh and Bri and most men I ever dated...all the healthy ones scared me I did not understand normal. I am working on it though!

One thing I do not understand! like Kathy I want to give everyone the same changes and consideration God and Jesus Christ gave me in every respect i try to help and believe with boundaries.... mostly! Yet the right things always weigh in God helps me find the balance with this: "God's ways are higher than my ways"; "God's thoughts are higer than my thoughts" and other gems like that. Here is a really applicable one: when God speak of people having their consciences seared...I don't use it to judge but when I weigh the fact I know in the circumstance It is a reminder to think careful and to act carefully. I don't know what is that is so wrong that I too try to be as fair and loving as possible...I am not blind and I do over look a lot of stuff but I learned when to say ask God I don't know! Isn't that balance enough???

I love You, Abi, RG

I can't tell you what is balance enough for your life, only you can decide that. But again, I go back to the notion that a) we aren't gods and b) it is possible to forgive, love, empathize and still maintain the necessary boundaries to protect your self, to take care of yourself.

Some will never recognize and accept the boundaries you set for yourself. There will always be people who want to move your boundries. If you hold them fast, those people will be hurt, angry, they will blame you, instead of respecting and understanding you. From my perspective, when someone pushes me after I have politely asked them to respect my boundaries, it tells me they have no care or concern for me - that their wants and needs are selfish and will mostly likely cause me harm. That is one of my first flags to walk away from the person. That doesn't mean I don't care about them, it simply means I care enough about myself to take care of myself. Another side to that is, I know my limits. I know there are some people I am not qualified or able to help. I do them a disservice if I lead them to think I can offer them assitance, healing, whatever, when I cannot.

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Abi,

As mstar's piece plays in another window the peacefulness it affords me right now will probably make me a little mushy but I don't know this world of personal boundaries and limits that I am allowed to place. I have been at the beckoned call of the pleasure of another over my own life so many times that what you say is like another language to me. But what has changed I imagine notably is that I have more determination and self confidence to call it like it is now and let the pieces fall where they may, I have something in that department never mine before so I know I can learn these life tools in time and will take all of the wisdom provided into my heart and mind.

Thank you Abi for loving me enough to be honest with me like this.

Kathy

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Abi,

As mstar's piece plays in another window the peacefulness it affords me right now will probably make me a little mushy but I don't know this world of personal boundaries and limits that I am allowed to place. I have been at the beckoned call of the pleasure of another over my own life so many times that what you say is like another language to me. But what has changed I imagine notably is that I have more determination and self confidence to call it like it is now and let the pieces fall where they may, I have something in that department never mine before so I know I can learn these life tools in time and will take all of the wisdom provided into my heart and mind.

Thank you Abi for loving me enough to be honest with me like this.

Kathy

Kathy, you have a strong voice inside you, it comes through in these forums. In time, I pray you may figure out how to use it in the real world too.

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I believe it can be mine, for many years I just accepted I was to be abused, it was my lot in life so to speak, but not now, now I believe it can be mine. I just never realized how important this step was, and if I could be thankful for this dude showing up for something it would be to have gotten to this point personally.

Thank you for your encouragement because I know you mean what you say.

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I just went back and read all the previous posts this man has put on this forum since he joined in 2003. There aren't very many and all can be found linked to his profile.

The one that sticks out is the one he did in My Story: http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/index.ph...amp;#entry34610 At the end of his first post he talks about a girl who came to visit him while he was still at the Gainesville State School, a youth facility for juveniles who have broken the law and the judge decides to send them there instead of jail or juvenile hall (usually for their 1st offense I think).

He said "A few weeks later, I recieved a visitor who shared some bible with me, I don't even remember what was taught, but her daughter was about nine years old and it was the first time I had ever hear anyone speak in tongues. That caught my attention and sparked my interest even further."

Instead of commenting about what she taught him, he says he doesn't remember and after the next comma he first mentioned her 9 year old daughter, then he talked about hearing tongues for the first time. He had not once to that point in ANY of his posts talked about any children, of any age group, but a post written about a 9 year old girl caugh my attention quickly. Did it matter what her age was to anyone but him? What did she have to do with what her mother taught him, that he claims he doesn't remember. He also wasn't clear, which caught his attention .. the 9 yr old girl, the speaking in tongues, or both?

Following the time periods of his life as things happened, by putting together all this posts, it was a few years after this period of confinement as a youth, that he comitted the molestation of the 9 year old girl that he was confined in jail, just under a year for. While he did speak of doing jail time in those past posts in 2003, he did not say what he got put in jail for. He didn't reveal that until the other day in 2007, as we all know.

Beyond what all Abi, Kathy and others have already pointed out so well, I wanted to just put in my 2 cents on related issues that I didn't see mentioned. If they were, I missed them and it wasn't intentional.

He didn't tell us why he stopped. Was it voluntary or did someone approach the scene and he was forced to stop what he was doing and/or she ran to safety? He refers to this incident as his 'original crime'. Any perps I've spoken to in the past use that term when they have comitted the same crime more than once and it's used as a reference to which one he's talking about. It was used more than once in his post, so I can't accept it as a moment of bad wording. After you live anywhere for some length of time, including jail, you pick up words and terms the locals/neighbors/roommates use and they become part of your normal way of speaking to others. I'd be curious to see his full arrest record to see if that was indeed the only time he was in jail for this offense.

My personal feelings after talking the majority of my life to friends that are/were cops, social workers, prison guards or guards in a mental hospital for prisoners who comitted sexual crimes that can't be put in a normal prison, are this. Everyone has their personal sexual perferences. A man I might be attracted to, a girlfriend could have absolutely no interest in romantically. The same goes for men attracted to women. Some people like redheads, some blonds, some brunettes and may prefer the hair to be short, long, half way in between or bald. Some of us like tall mates, some like short ones. Some are attracted to people their own age, others tend to prefer someone a few years older or younger .... some prefer them a lot younger.

They send pedophiles to special doctors to try to help them. They give them drugs. They give them jail time. When all is said and done, they still are attracted to the type of person who turns them on sexually, just like all of us are. They normally don't feel remorse (although they may say so to get less jail time), they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing! It's as natural to them as our attraction to men and women close to our own ages are to us. The few have strong enough will power to ignore the life long urges when they see a child that's their 'type', but as we know from reading the news, more and more pedophiles are being caught and put in prison these days.

True story. A man I know that works in the mental hospital for the criminally insane told me last year in chat one night about a new prisoner they just got in who was arrested for raping a cow. Yes, a cow. When asked why his answer was very simple. He said 'I'm a pedophile and I looked all night and couldn't find a little boy to rape and I needed a release, so when passing a farm as I was out crusing/looking, I used the cow to relieve myself instead.' He also said that he couldn't wait to be released so he could find himself a nice boy, the cow just wasn't the same. He saw nothing wrong at all with what he had done, nor with his plans for once released. (He won't ever be released the guard told me, that was wishful talking on the perv's behalf.)

I must agree this isn't a help forum for child molesters. This is a forum for victims of TWI. A forum for those who have also done his crime is the place he needs to go and discuss it. This isn't the place.

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Going back to the original post

The reason I cannot stand VPW or LCM is that they NEVER ever said they were wrong or they were sorry. They did not change their "ways" but tried to recruit others to join them in sexually abusing teenagers looking for Jesus.

But you came on here and pretty much said you were wrong, sorry and getting help.

I always said if TWI ever said something like that I would forgive them.

I am sickened by your crime as I am the crimes of VPW and LCM. However, I must say if you truly are sorry and you truly are seeking help and you do understand the horror of your actions then it took courage for you to come here.

However, some of your statements really have me concerned such as:

I have had plenty of opportunity to Sexually Abuse before my original offense, by children that were sexually aggressive.

What does that mean?

Because, in all honesty, with certain of your statements it is clear you still really need help. And on going never ending chemical castration might be in order. I saw a pediphile being interviewed and he said he actually tells the people around him that he is a pediphile to ensure people have been warned because the urges never go away.

I have a few questions for my learning. And to help keep children safe. Now, I jumped from page 3 to here so if it was covered, just tell me.

How do we avoid you? What is it that drives you? Why the innocent? is it about power? Stealing innocence?

How did you think -- without being crude but in an effort to be able to "spot" others like you

This guy on TV talked about the seduction, the targeting the loner kid with problems is all that true?

Here is what I do not get, you see a child that has "problems" and you have nothing within you that feels compassion? Nothing that says to your brain -- that poor kid? Instead, it is like a bob cat and an injured rabbit? How does one see a child as an object to be used?

I was that child you went after (not the actual but I could have been) and for years I have questioned "why?" and "why me?"

It is fact that after being sexually abused as a child your chances soar to become an alcoholic, drug addict and under acheiver. In other words, the life they would have had has been forever thrown off course. I think about the guys who did it to me and I still want to know why? I never knew why they did that to me?

I just want to know why?

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Dot I must add to your comments that again this man in this statement indicates other offenses and another key phrase to him blaming his victims. He stated sexually aggressive child. So now it's the fault of the victim because they are sexually aggressive. Usually if a child is sexually aggressive it's because they have already been sexually molested. So now what it's ok to add insult to injury and it's not your fault.

Here's a clue. They are children he was an adult!!! I don't know why I keep coming back to this thread because it sickens me, but I worry this man will assault another little girl.

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This is from the "About Us" section of Greasespot's home page:

GreaseSpot Cafe is a gathering place, bringing together people and information.
We welcome all who have an interest in The Way International
, including former followers, current followers, and those who may have friends or family members who are involved.
Our mission is to provide information that tells the other side of the story about The Way International and its trustees.
Our hope is that GreaseSpot Cafe serves as a place where those who have been impacted by The Way can make connections with people and information which will support their particular process of recovery.

I don't see a darn thing in there about helping pedophiles, child molesters, rapists or other criminals of any kind. :unsure:

Furthermore, there is not one certified therapist or professional on Paw's payroll to help this person. There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained from dissecting his evil confession. It's good to know his character and history for our own safety, but beyond that, there's nothing more to be gained from it and there's certainly no possibility or obligation for any of us to try to "help" him.

Heck, you can't help someone who doesn't even think they did anything wrong and you certainly can't help someone who thinks they've gotten an unfair punishment for ruining someone's life. It's like the murderer who thinks being put in prison is "too harsh" and unfair for his "one little" crime.

He's not a child molester because of TWI, he's just a child molester who just happened to have some association with TWI at one small time in his life.

Edited by Belle
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Well I personally looked at some other sources of his and found some of his comments :realmad: and if I were not convinced before that I should be more careful with extending myself I certainly am now.

If you are reading anothen you still need to see someone professionally and I hope you do because you seem to have the willingness to work at it, I hope you take it to the wall.

But don't get around children for your and their good please.

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Anothen:

You are nothing more than a creepy pedophile, If you think that child is doing well you are out of your friggin mind. You will never know how much of her life was lost as a result of your urges. Does she think with disgust what you did? No matter how much therapy she has gotten she will always have to remember you for the sick person you were. Prison in this life time is too good for you, They should take you and your likes and use you for ground cover in Baghdad.

You will never get any kind of sympathy from me, as a matter of fact I really hope I never get the make me sick opportunity to meet you.

Hey, Moderator, is there some way I can make it so this creep can't ever PM me or that I don't ever have to read any of his posts again?

Oh. by the way. I edited this post again so everyone can see only the kinder, gentler side of me.

Edited by Out There
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Anothen:

You are nothing more than a creepy pedophile, If you think that child is doing well you are out of your friggin mind. You will never know how much of her life was lost as a result of your urges. Does she think with disgust what you did? No matter how much therapy she has gotten she will always have to remember you for the sick person you were. Prison in this life time is too good for you, They should take you and your likes and use you for ground cover in Baghdad.

You will never get any kind of sympathy from me, as a matter of fact I really hope I never get the make me sick opportunity to meet you.

Hey, Moderator, is there some way I can make it so this creep can't ever PM me or that I don't ever have to read any of his posts again?

Oh. by the way. I edited this post again so everyone can see only the kinder, gentler side of me.

Put him on ignore and I don't believe he is contacting people privately.

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I don't think he would send you a private message myself because he doesn't appear to be trying to one to one with us.

He wants to help teach us about abusers but he is not equipped to do that because he still needs fixing himself. And he thinks we lean towards mass hysteria regarding people that abuse children and that counteracts the protection process for them, yet I could find nothing suggesting he had anything to teach to help protect our children from him.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and I still want him to seek help and find some personal peace inside him even still but I do not want him to come here and think he can help us protect our children from him.

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