Was I happy? I was happy like a pet dog. An animal that was trained to sit, sleep, beg and eat in a certain way and at certain times. Do it all right and get a treat. Do it wrong and get reproved or worse.
Am I happier out of the pack? I don't know. I miss a lot of the sweet people I knew. But I'd never go back.
On the other hand, now I'm free and at peace with myself. I'm responsible for my own happiness. That's fine with me.
I was very happy initially, and probably through about my first seven years with TWI (1978-1985). Things got progressively harder, and I got less happy. I have a feling that one could probably do a good regression analysis on the factors affecting happiness in TWI. A close fellowship probably would be positively correlated, but "level of service" (i.e., TC, Corps, Staff) and length of time in TWI would be negatively correlated. It's probably also a function of calendar year, but I don't think that's as straightforward, because it seems that there are those quite happy NOW in TWI.
Most of us went through abuse, it was a cult we were sucked into and hopefully we are trying our best to forget it like a bad dream.
I was happy because I was told to be happy. LOL
In answer to your question, when I look back now. At first I was happy, but they sucked the life out of me and gradually I became a walking zombie. And if you ask anyone with any brains that exactly what happens to anyone who stays long enough.
Now, I'm seeing some of that life I once had come back and it's reflected in my accomplishments.
I don`t think that I was *happy* per say. There were brief moments of happiness. I`d have to describe myself as grimly determined.
I was in the spiritual battle, no time for emotions. I was focused on the next twig, the next class, witnessing, under shepherding, taking more classes, lots and lots of prayer....volunteering at the limb, volunteering at Emporia...
Pressure pressure pressure. Pressure to preform, to teach, to have a new person at twig, to have a new person in each class...to go wow to be corpes....to be sharp so I could serve God and not get tricked into working against him.
I don`t think that I knew HOW to be happy, or to have fun.
That was one of the single biggest obsticals to overcome after leaving ...is the insane need to be doing something for God 24 hrs a day...I was like a little dog manically spinning in circles trying to catch my own tail.
(((Lisa))) That was a horrible thing to happen to you....I understand though, I understand that we weren`t allowed to feel, or to confess a negative....we were to suck it up, renew our minds and move on.
TWI leaders were not equipped to help you when something really devistating happened...even if they WANTED to.
Your story is not unique, sadly....I remember reading about that happening to another poster. I even knew a girl that was raped by a guy that the tc told her to give a ride home from fellowship...and she wasn`t even allowed to report it to the police....(lest the ministry be blamed)
Lisa, I share with others here the outrage at the heartlessness with which you were treated. I thank GOD that you survived, that you lived, and that you are here now with us.
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Steveo
It is NOT your fault that you were raped!
In future plz report it immediately and dont blame yourself in any way.
Heres a good website to help aid you as a victim of this horrible CRIME...
http://abc.eznettools.net/D302506/X329849/
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Watered Garden
Well, hopefully she won't have any future need for the website.
WG
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Jim
Was I happy? I was happy like a pet dog. An animal that was trained to sit, sleep, beg and eat in a certain way and at certain times. Do it all right and get a treat. Do it wrong and get reproved or worse.
Am I happier out of the pack? I don't know. I miss a lot of the sweet people I knew. But I'd never go back.
On the other hand, now I'm free and at peace with myself. I'm responsible for my own happiness. That's fine with me.
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GeorgeStGeorge
I was very happy initially, and probably through about my first seven years with TWI (1978-1985). Things got progressively harder, and I got less happy. I have a feling that one could probably do a good regression analysis on the factors affecting happiness in TWI. A close fellowship probably would be positively correlated, but "level of service" (i.e., TC, Corps, Staff) and length of time in TWI would be negatively correlated. It's probably also a function of calendar year, but I don't think that's as straightforward, because it seems that there are those quite happy NOW in TWI.
George
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Shellon
Happy..........hmmmm
I don't recall happy as a consideration in the mix
I was happy in my marriage and I wasn't leaving the marriage which meant I was in twi, period.
Does that make me happy by default?
What a fascinating question, however.
Happy, I don't know
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polar bear
Dear Lisa-
I am sad to hear what you went through.
Most of us went through abuse, it was a cult we were sucked into and hopefully we are trying our best to forget it like a bad dream.
I was happy because I was told to be happy. LOL
In answer to your question, when I look back now. At first I was happy, but they sucked the life out of me and gradually I became a walking zombie. And if you ask anyone with any brains that exactly what happens to anyone who stays long enough.
Now, I'm seeing some of that life I once had come back and it's reflected in my accomplishments.
All the best to you.
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rascal
I don`t think that I was *happy* per say. There were brief moments of happiness. I`d have to describe myself as grimly determined.
I was in the spiritual battle, no time for emotions. I was focused on the next twig, the next class, witnessing, under shepherding, taking more classes, lots and lots of prayer....volunteering at the limb, volunteering at Emporia...
Pressure pressure pressure. Pressure to preform, to teach, to have a new person at twig, to have a new person in each class...to go wow to be corpes....to be sharp so I could serve God and not get tricked into working against him.
I don`t think that I knew HOW to be happy, or to have fun.
That was one of the single biggest obsticals to overcome after leaving ...is the insane need to be doing something for God 24 hrs a day...I was like a little dog manically spinning in circles trying to catch my own tail.
(((Lisa))) That was a horrible thing to happen to you....I understand though, I understand that we weren`t allowed to feel, or to confess a negative....we were to suck it up, renew our minds and move on.
TWI leaders were not equipped to help you when something really devistating happened...even if they WANTED to.
Your story is not unique, sadly....I remember reading about that happening to another poster. I even knew a girl that was raped by a guy that the tc told her to give a ride home from fellowship...and she wasn`t even allowed to report it to the police....(lest the ministry be blamed)
Lisa, I share with others here the outrage at the heartlessness with which you were treated. I thank GOD that you survived, that you lived, and that you are here now with us.
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