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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cynic

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Cynic Newbie

Cynic

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Mark Clarke’s tagline about “dream[ing] of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned” keeps reminding me of internet spoofs that suggest how various philosophers, authors, politicians, and other public figures might respond to the why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road question.

A number of such spoofs can be found by typing “why did the chicken cross the road” into a search engine. Two examples are http://nac.tamu.edu/x075bb/humor/chicken.txt and http://www.fun-with-english.co.uk/2008/06/...cross-road.html . (I particularly have enjoyed the responses given for Torquemada and Noam Chomsky.)

It is time for a GSC edition that anticipates how various posters whofrequent a fictional ex-cult message board, “The Oil Spill Grill,” might respond to the why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road question.

I, of course, will start:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

jayjay:

The chicken asserts that it crossed the road to spread special knowledge that will render chickens immune to salmonella. I have posted to my web site, however, a pathologist’s report that reveals the chicken is systemically infected with salmonella, along with photographic comparisons that establish that the chicken has stolen from other hens a large number of eggs that she has identified as her own products.

Geriatricsguy:

Why the concern about the chicken’s motive for crossing the road? The chicken provides me with eggs that I like, and that is what is important. It is irrelevant to my plate and my palate why the chicken crossed the road, whether the chicken has laid or stolen her eggs, or what the chicken does independently of her egg-providing with and/or to other chickens.

Benito:

Regardless of whether the chicken crossed the road legally or illegally, the chicken should not be subjected to contempt or de-legitimizing expressions. The chicken should be referred to in media reports simply as a “chicken.” The chicken should not have its chicken-ness diminished by phrases such as “illegal chicken,” nor should it undergo invalidation by being referred to as an “illegally-now-on-the-other-side-of-the-road chicken.” No chicken should experience “asphalt foot” or Bill O’Reilly.

Rochiavelli:

Since the chicken’s crossing of the road was mentioned on the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page, it is mere opinion that the chicken crossed the road. Opinions are not facts, although political perceptions are reality. The chicken never crossed the road, wingnuts. The chicken’s crossing of the road might have some significant political implications, and I, being very political and a gatekeeper of perception/reality, hereby invalidate as non-fact all purported perceptions of the road, the sides of the road, the crossing, the observer, the motive, and the chicken.

Jorge Eer:

If the chicken is a hen, I don’t have a clue. If it’s a rooster, crossing the road is obviously connected to getting feather.

Mutt USMC RET

SEE ES’s new pamphlet, Twenty-Two Reasons why the Chicken Crossed the Road” leaves no stone unturned in debunking traditional explanations about the chicken and the road, and arrives at the chicken’s real motive.

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waysider Veteran

waysider

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Posted (edited)

Hey ya'll

My grandson Cletus (that's his name) says the chicken crossed the road to escape my other grandson Cleophus (he's the ornery one) who was chasing it with a big frying pan in hand.

Personally, I suspect my granddaughter Clara Belle (that's short for Helen) had a hand it somehow.

Hmmmmmm!

Come to think of it, whenever we have Shake n' Bake, she does seem rather eager to "hep".

Edited by waysider
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rhino Newbie

rhino

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Fortunately I have arrived to give a definitive answer, after watching all your floundering.

First it has been deemed against GSC rules to judge motives. To name call the person crossing a "chicken", I find derisive, without links for evidence (first verified by snopes).

But since this person is a public figure, I believe the antagonistic labeling may be allowed, as well as jokes.

Most estrangelo aramaic texts read "the chicken crossed ON the road" indicating a trinitarian catholic, no doubt blocking traffic to perform a pagan religious act. Since this is a Christian nation, such pagan rituals should be outlawed, since they disagree with MY opinion that jcing, IF I actually believed the Bible was accurate.

For those still clinging to some old TWI teaching that this was an actual feathered chicken, first I feel pity, but secondly, the myth you cling to for comfort obviously indicates you are living in denial that trinitarians ARE chickens, and only follow their flock.

But to help even you, in your vain pursuit of truth within a false dogma, I will say that even chickens without heads are known to cross roads, so the act is random, as are visions of the virgin chicken in potatoes or shadows or cheese fries. There was no snow on the three headed chicken house in July ... you've been had.

I know this may ruffle some feathers, but I think your chicken counselors have been milking you with false comfort for years, while shamelessly withholding THE TRUTH about chickens. Chickens and dogma are raised by humans, and they have no higher purpose than to be eaten by humans.

There is much more of course, but till you have the advanced class, you are not prepared to handle it. I've already forgotten more about chickens than you'll ever know ... (except for RonG and that TX guy)

I'm glad to have cleared this up for you ...

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dmiller Newbie

dmiller

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Posted
Fortunately I have arrived to give a definitive answer, after watching all your floundering.

First it has been deemed against GSC rules to judge motives. To name call the person crossing a "chicken", I find derisive, without links for evidence (first verified by snopes).

But since this person is a public figure, I believe the antagonistic labeling may be allowed, as well as jokes.

Most estrangelo aramaic texts read "the chicken crossed ON the road" indicating a trinitarian catholic, no doubt blocking traffic to perform a pagan religious act. Since this is a Christian nation, such pagan rituals should be outlawed, since they disagree with MY opinion that jcing, IF I actually believed the Bible was accurate.

For those still clinging to some old TWI teaching that this was an actual feathered chicken, first I feel pity, but secondly, the myth you cling to for comfort obviously indicates you are living in denial that trinitarians ARE chickens, and only follow their flock.

But to help even you, in your vain pursuit of truth within a false dogma, I will say that even chickens without heads are known to cross roads, so the act is random, as are visions of the virgin chicken in potatoes or shadows or cheese fries. There was no snow on the three headed chicken house in July ... you've been had.

I know this may ruffle some feathers, but I think your chicken counselors have been milking you with false comfort for years, while shamelessly withholding THE TRUTH about chickens. Chickens and dogma are raised by humans, and they have no higher purpose than to be eaten by humans.

There is much more of course, but till you have the advanced class, you are not prepared to handle it. I've already forgotten more about chickens than you'll ever know ... (except for RonG and that TX guy)

I'm glad to have cleared this up for you ...

Rhino. Thanks for that definitive explanation. :)

Now -- can you explain why the chicken cross dressed?? :lol: :o :biglaugh:

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