I am generally a very nice (probably too nice sometimes) person... I make excuses for a lot of bad behavior and stupidity among people. I dislike thinking badly about others, especially those who are involved in twi. After all, I was involved in it. I did horrible things to my family with the best of motivations. I just wanted to serve God. I just wanted to do good.
We were manipulated by our own desire to do the right thing before God. I completely feel used up in light of my participation in ministry programs, and such. I mean afterall, if you really want to be committed to God...then do this... :rolleyes:/>/> Our best motivations were used against us to further TWI. Sadly, that's the end of it.
Ten years ago the scales started to fall off my eyes. My response? Increase my commitment. Ignore the alarm bells. Go Way Disciple. And not just any version of Way Disciple.... I was an HQ Way Disciple
The same started happening to me. Funny thing is it happened right about the time Marindale was exposed and I began to question things. I still hung in there for a decade longer telling myself I could change it from the inside. Pffft. Not in my wildest dreams can I make that which is crooked straight.
I haven't been entirely truthful about myself on this forum. I have never said that I was on Staff at HQ. In fact, I have denied it, and related my stories from the perspective of a friend of someone at HQ. Why? Because I was afraid that those who were my friends might shut me out. That if they knew I posted here they wouldn't hear my own testimony of what twi was - that I would be branded as possessed.
Again, same here. When I first came onto GSC I went out of my way to hide who I was. I was afraid of retribution from HQ, or that the last few "friends" I had inside TWI would desert me. HQ can bring it on, and I have no friends left in TWI. They all deserted me anyway. Good riddance.
But you know what? It's been ten years. People who are still in that corrupt organization, defending it, posting about it on Facebook, actively "witnessing" about its greatness are willfully ignorant of the truth of how bad and evil TWI is.
I was that way, too. It's why I went Way Disciple. It's why I accepted the assignment at HQ. It's why I stayed for an extra year after I already knew firsthand the misery that is life at HQ. It's why I stayed and finished that second year even though I cried every time I was alone and free to show emotion. I didn't want to see the truth.
Yep. Same again. Instead of crying, I was usually mad. Mad at the hypocrisy. Mad at how people were treated and abused. To cope with things I drank. Not getting smashed per se, but definitely enough to numb it all out. Pffft...two drink minimum was my motto.
But if you are STILL in after all this time, and you are STILL in pain, or if you have just become numb to it, it's because you choose to do so.
I agree. Like you, I walked in those same shoes. In the end, I fought my way out of it and am finally getting to the place that I rarely think about TWI. Heck, I hardly post anymore just because they are the furthest from my mind. Just a bad memory, just a distant cornfield cult, run by two bitter old lesbians who lack the fortitude to come out of the closet and be honest with their lifestyle. Oh the hypocrisy of condemning homosexuality and being one yourself. But, I digress.
I'm not talking to new people. I am not talking to those who have family involved and are afraid to lose their families. But anyone else? You are in a hell of your own making. And at this point it is on you. I can't help anymore.
I gotta agree with you on the family thing. I would never encourage anyone to burn bridges with their family, because we all know that if TWI has their way, the family members will turn their backs on their own who do not support TWI.
I appreciate your post for it's honesty. I am not sure which direction I am going faith wise. I am on hiatus at the moment and may stay here for a minute or two.
People who are still in that corrupt organization, defending it, posting about it on Facebook, actively "witnessing" about its greatness are willfully ignorant of the truth of how bad and evil TWI is.
That's not ignorance, it's denial and self delusion.
I sometimes look at people who are in twi on Facebook. Most of them are so overly censored - like everything that comes out of their mouth goes through a twi filter before being posted. What started me on this rant today was realizing that these people are EXACTLY the same as they were 10 years ago, while I have drastically changed and grown as a person in a lot of categories. So has my husband. And OldSkool. And Mrs. OldSkool and others who are now out. They live colorful lives with real social interactions and careers. The old twi people may have moved physically but are still stagnant and boring. And if they aren't boring, they are spouting twi doctrine and anger and hate towards all that are not twi, and especially towards those groups they have been taught to hate (homosexuals, other religions, liberals, etc.). And their arguments sound ridiculous. Especially after being on GSC and seeing how REAL discussions and disagreements are handled. They look like morons trying to defend insanity.
Delusional. Willfully blind to logic.
The phrase "conscience seared with a hot iron" comes to mind.
Who are my favorite people on line (other than GSC)? My weird friends that twi would frown on - agnostics, cybergoths, heathens, pagans, Baptists, Buddhists, artists, drag queens, and wannabe superheroes. If I was still in twi, I would be depressed and bored compared to life now.
What is funny is when I see twi people get in arguments where they are completely outclassed by the debating skills of those outside twi. But I guess devil spirits can make you really good at arguing... ;)
You are funny, JJ. I laugh with you at the silliness of it all.
But I laugh at TWI for the pitifulness of it all. I can't bear to listen or read anything from TWI or its droppings... whether individuals or other cult-like entities.
Willful ignorance.. isn't that the trademark of any *big* organization, or cult to begin with? My ignorance caused others a lot of pain.. others, mine as well, I am sure..
Willful ignorance.. isn't that the trademark of any *big* organization, or cult to begin with? My ignorance caused others a lot of pain.. others, mine as well, I am sure..
Unlike some, you've acknowledged it and expressed remorse.
i was in the way corps and on staff at HQ. i still have f'ing dreams about this sheet
i left right after "puking up a patriarch" but by then i had already been fired and was "out on the field" -- those are the people i missed the most when i left "my area" and ran back to mommy. they were so nice and so "less brainwashed"
the ones that were still there -- i'm not sure if they were still there -- but i definitely still had friends "in" -- but once i went back to my hometown i did not have a computer or any way to really keep on things -- so i went on with my "life" which was difficult because i left my dear friend husband and had no life at all except my mom and family, which really is so wonderful, but it was a new life compared to my whole life with the stupid way
many of my past friends joined offshoots, churches, or nothing. i only found out a lot of stuff once i got a computer
i won't join facebook because i don't want to. not only do i not want to hook up with wayferlikes; i'm not even sure i want to hook up with HS friends
i have 2 dear dear xway friends -- one still runs some kind of fellowship -- probably not affiliated with anything (if so, i don't ask); the other one, best friend from college; goes to church doesn't bother me about anything but loving me and vice versa
so i have been out a lot longer. "in" about 16 years maybe 18-34. "out" about 22 34-56 and i'm still dreaming or nightmaring. jeez. my life is very difficult right now. how much can i blame on them? about as much as i can blame on my childhood i guess or myself?
i've been to a church i think 2 times since i left the wayzoo -- one to get my kid baptized to make regular family catholics happy -- and another one recently out of desparation to pray out loud for something i really needed
that's about it
thanks for sharing, ex, please hand the microphone over to some other loser lol
ps. the bitter old lesbian thing made me laugh
donna was at one time a very hot girl -- can't say that about her spouse
shouldn't they get married? isn't living in sin a sin?
You're not missing much on FB. When you run into exwayfers, it's like being transported back in time. Lots of talk about believing and being "so blessed", yada, yada. Oh, and talk about how special (read:elite) the Way believers are.
oh christ, i would be unfriended before i was friended or cast into that place where the devils are i think still bound in chains
Yeah, there's not much tolerance for discussion that veers off course from Way Theology. There are even regular twig meetings and excellor sessions via skype.
So you get yourself a FB account, don't friend many people, and use it on "spy" on exWayfers so's you can find out if you are likely to run into them. If they say they're moving to your town...you can choose to move somewhere else, or just stay out of their way. Some of 'em do seem to have got a life. Many others don't.
JJ, you are probably a different person from the one you were when you worked at HQ. You're back to being "you" and not, perhaps, the legalistic b---- that you were required to be at HQ (if you were).
Sometimes I wonder about the people I was in rez with. The ones I liked best, and who were the most fun, were - well, the most fun. Many of those disappeared early in the piece. I think those ones would still be friends of choice. The ones who were all holier-than-thou, most zealous and oh-so-pious (read: priggish) were still there when last heard of. I think I'd still find difficulty being friends with them. But hey, I'm willing to be surprised.
Some of the staff members I sensed a tension in that I didn't understand then, but do now. The tension between being who they wanted to be, and who they were expected to be.
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OldSkool
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OldSkool
We were manipulated by our own desire to do the right thing before God. I completely feel used up in light of my participation in ministry programs, and such. I mean afterall, if you really want to be committed to God...then do this... :rolleyes:/>/> Our best motivations were used against us to further TWI. Sadly, that's the end of it.
The same started happening to me. Funny thing is it happened right about the time Marindale was exposed and I began to question things. I still hung in there for a decade longer telling myself I could change it from the inside. Pffft. Not in my wildest dreams can I make that which is crooked straight.
Again, same here. When I first came onto GSC I went out of my way to hide who I was. I was afraid of retribution from HQ, or that the last few "friends" I had inside TWI would desert me. HQ can bring it on, and I have no friends left in TWI. They all deserted me anyway. Good riddance.
Yep. Same again. Instead of crying, I was usually mad. Mad at the hypocrisy. Mad at how people were treated and abused. To cope with things I drank. Not getting smashed per se, but definitely enough to numb it all out. Pffft...two drink minimum was my motto.
I agree. Like you, I walked in those same shoes. In the end, I fought my way out of it and am finally getting to the place that I rarely think about TWI. Heck, I hardly post anymore just because they are the furthest from my mind. Just a bad memory, just a distant cornfield cult, run by two bitter old lesbians who lack the fortitude to come out of the closet and be honest with their lifestyle. Oh the hypocrisy of condemning homosexuality and being one yourself. But, I digress.
I gotta agree with you on the family thing. I would never encourage anyone to burn bridges with their family, because we all know that if TWI has their way, the family members will turn their backs on their own who do not support TWI.
I appreciate your post for it's honesty. I am not sure which direction I am going faith wise. I am on hiatus at the moment and may stay here for a minute or two.
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waysider
People who are still in that corrupt organization, defending it, posting about it on Facebook, actively "witnessing" about its greatness are willfully ignorant of the truth of how bad and evil TWI is.
That's not ignorance, it's denial and self delusion.
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JavaJane
I sometimes look at people who are in twi on Facebook. Most of them are so overly censored - like everything that comes out of their mouth goes through a twi filter before being posted. What started me on this rant today was realizing that these people are EXACTLY the same as they were 10 years ago, while I have drastically changed and grown as a person in a lot of categories. So has my husband. And OldSkool. And Mrs. OldSkool and others who are now out. They live colorful lives with real social interactions and careers. The old twi people may have moved physically but are still stagnant and boring. And if they aren't boring, they are spouting twi doctrine and anger and hate towards all that are not twi, and especially towards those groups they have been taught to hate (homosexuals, other religions, liberals, etc.). And their arguments sound ridiculous. Especially after being on GSC and seeing how REAL discussions and disagreements are handled. They look like morons trying to defend insanity.
Delusional. Willfully blind to logic.
The phrase "conscience seared with a hot iron" comes to mind.
Who are my favorite people on line (other than GSC)? My weird friends that twi would frown on - agnostics, cybergoths, heathens, pagans, Baptists, Buddhists, artists, drag queens, and wannabe superheroes. If I was still in twi, I would be depressed and bored compared to life now.
What is funny is when I see twi people get in arguments where they are completely outclassed by the debating skills of those outside twi. But I guess devil spirits can make you really good at arguing... ;)
Now I'm just rambling... Good night all.
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Twinky
You are funny, JJ. I laugh with you at the silliness of it all.
But I laugh at TWI for the pitifulness of it all. I can't bear to listen or read anything from TWI or its droppings... whether individuals or other cult-like entities.
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Ham
Willful ignorance.. isn't that the trademark of any *big* organization, or cult to begin with? My ignorance caused others a lot of pain.. others, mine as well, I am sure..
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waysider
Unlike some, you've acknowledged it and expressed remorse.
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excathedra
you're such sweetie pies javajanie and olds kool
i was in the way corps and on staff at HQ. i still have f'ing dreams about this sheet
i left right after "puking up a patriarch" but by then i had already been fired and was "out on the field" -- those are the people i missed the most when i left "my area" and ran back to mommy. they were so nice and so "less brainwashed"
the ones that were still there -- i'm not sure if they were still there -- but i definitely still had friends "in" -- but once i went back to my hometown i did not have a computer or any way to really keep on things -- so i went on with my "life" which was difficult because i left my dear friend husband and had no life at all except my mom and family, which really is so wonderful, but it was a new life compared to my whole life with the stupid way
many of my past friends joined offshoots, churches, or nothing. i only found out a lot of stuff once i got a computer
i won't join facebook because i don't want to. not only do i not want to hook up with wayferlikes; i'm not even sure i want to hook up with HS friends
i have 2 dear dear xway friends -- one still runs some kind of fellowship -- probably not affiliated with anything (if so, i don't ask); the other one, best friend from college; goes to church doesn't bother me about anything but loving me and vice versa
so i have been out a lot longer. "in" about 16 years maybe 18-34. "out" about 22 34-56 and i'm still dreaming or nightmaring. jeez. my life is very difficult right now. how much can i blame on them? about as much as i can blame on my childhood i guess or myself?
i've been to a church i think 2 times since i left the wayzoo -- one to get my kid baptized to make regular family catholics happy -- and another one recently out of desparation to pray out loud for something i really needed
that's about it
thanks for sharing, ex, please hand the microphone over to some other loser lol
ps. the bitter old lesbian thing made me laugh
donna was at one time a very hot girl -- can't say that about her spouse
shouldn't they get married? isn't living in sin a sin?
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waysider
You're not missing much on FB. When you run into exwayfers, it's like being transported back in time. Lots of talk about believing and being "so blessed", yada, yada.
Oh, and talk about how special (read:elite) the Way believers are.
Lots of Wierdwilly worship, too.
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excathedra
oh christ, i would be unfriended before i was friended or cast into that place where the devils are i think still bound in chains
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waysider
Yeah, there's not much tolerance for discussion that veers off course from Way Theology. There are even regular twig meetings and excellor sessions via skype.
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Twinky
So you get yourself a FB account, don't friend many people, and use it on "spy" on exWayfers so's you can find out if you are likely to run into them. If they say they're moving to your town...you can choose to move somewhere else, or just stay out of their way. Some of 'em do seem to have got a life. Many others don't.
JJ, you are probably a different person from the one you were when you worked at HQ. You're back to being "you" and not, perhaps, the legalistic b---- that you were required to be at HQ (if you were).
Sometimes I wonder about the people I was in rez with. The ones I liked best, and who were the most fun, were - well, the most fun. Many of those disappeared early in the piece. I think those ones would still be friends of choice. The ones who were all holier-than-thou, most zealous and oh-so-pious (read: priggish) were still there when last heard of. I think I'd still find difficulty being friends with them. But hey, I'm willing to be surprised.
Some of the staff members I sensed a tension in that I didn't understand then, but do now. The tension between being who they wanted to be, and who they were expected to be.
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