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JavaJane

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JavaJane last won the day on January 27

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  1. And then there was the idea that "any two believers" can make a marriage work... I HATED THAT. I saw so many badly mismatched couples because of this.
  2. I have been thinking a lot about how we learn how to show love to others. In TWI we learned a specific brand of love. First, through love-bombing (constant attention, super close friends, praise, etc.), and then through the withholding of that attention and praise to straight-up condemnation, ostracization, and public shaming. And all that negative side of this was also branded as "LOVE" ... They made God into VPW's own image - an abusive Father. And if God is Love... then in order to be godly, we must be the same way. I hurt a lot of people because I "loved" them. I cut my own family out of my life BECAUSE I LOVED THEM. I told LGBTQ friends that they were possessed by devil spirits BECAUSE I LOVED THEM. I helped tear good men and women down in confrontation sessions over a leader's "spiritual suspicion" BECAUSE I LOVED THEM. I saw children beaten with wooden spoons BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS LOVED THEM. I saw my brother thrown out on the street at 16 years old BECAUSE MY PARENTS LOVED HIM. So many abuses in the name of God and love. TWI's version of love is twisted to only serve them. It bears no resemblance to I Corinthians 13:1 (PATIENT, KIND, DOES NOT ENVY, DOES NOT BOAST, IS NOT PROUD, NOT RUDE, NOT SELF SEEKING, NOT EASILY ANGERED, KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. DOES NOT DELIGHT IT EVIL, BUT REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH.) I think I could find an opposite of each of these characteristics of love within TWI's definition.
  3. Thank you! It has been an adventure for sure. I wrote it with the idea of helping myself, and maybe in the process helping others. Helping people who were in groups like TWI, and also helping others outside to understand that the people who fall for cults are not stupid or ignorant. The rank and file of TWI were some of the best quality people I have ever known - but the belief system and top down control of the group ruined all of it. The world could have been enriched 1000xs over by those people's kind hearts and abilities. But we wasted them on a false cause. I am going to get those years back by living the rest of them to the fullest.
  4. no problem. There was a lot of details between those steps - like when I was on "spiritual probation" for a month and wasn't allowed to hang out with other believers outside of fellowship, and the point where I was really seriously contemplating suicide. All in all, I survived and am living well. I worked through a lot of it while I was writing a novel called Blackbird Raven Crow, something I never would have allowed myself to do while in Way World. Considering how hard it was to write, it sure helped me get my head on straight so I could understand what I really thought and what was just the crazy made up world of TWI. The world it is set in is modern day Midwestern US, but crawling with demons, angels, and other supernatural creatures. The protagonist is a protector of humanity's free will who lives in the grey areas. His best friend gets caught up in a cult... Anywho... if you want to take a look here is the link. It helped a couple people who have been involved in what we were. The journal entries are based on my own experiences in TWI. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MHB47Z3 ***shameless self promotion now over, back to your regularly scheduled cult bashing***
  5. THIS. THIS. This is why I could not leave the group for so long. 1. My family went into the FC when I was just over the age limit. So, my entire family left me behind. - RELATIONSHIP WEAKENED 2. Abandoned, I had nowhere else to go, so I obeyed my parents and went WOW so that I could have some kind of support around me. WOW became my family. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP REPLACED BY TWI 3. I stayed in Las Vegas with some of the WOWs on my team afterwards - where else would I go? My family was still in FC for another 2 or 3 years. FAMILY EVEN MORE WEAKENED 4. Family was made Mark and Avoid. Mosqueda called my Limb coordinator so that he could get to me before my family was able to call. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP DESTROYED, DEPEND ON TWI ONLY 5. I tried to keep connection with my family but was told by my Limb coordinator that I needed to "put God first" and that my family was "operating devil spirits, especially your mom." 6. I Marked and Avoided my family. For YEARS I had no contact with them. The only people I had around for support were from twi. 7. I decided (at the pushing of the Limb Coordinators) to go WD. 7a. Coincidentally, I finally accepted calls and a visit from my brothers, and then my parents at this time. Started rebuilding those relationships again. 8. I was treated as "special" when John Rupp called me and asked me to go on Staff as a WD - what an HONOR! (puke) 9. I went WD, met this guy who wasn't raised in the Word, who stood up against leadership when they were wrong. 10. HQ people (WC) tried to separate us. Told us "NO DATING ON THE WAY DISCIPLE FIELD." OH NO, STOP RELATIONSHIP BUILDING! 11. The night WD ended, we started dating. 12. Engaged in 3 months and stayed at HQ - both of us were afraid the other would break up if we left HQ (didn't figure this out until years later.) 13. We both finally had someone we could really talk to and trust. Started figuring out just HOW HORRIBLE HQ was - and that it wasn't just in our heads, and it wasn't us who was "out of fellowship." 14. Married at HQ the next year - probably too early in our relationship. My family came. REBUILDING FAMILY. STARTING A NEW ONE. 15. Left HQ, moved out on the field. But our eyes were opened, and we could see that it was just as messed up on the field as it was at HQ. 16. When my husband realized that he wasn't treating me well AS HIS WIFE, he turned to his leadership for help - they told him he was right to treat me that way because a man is the head of the house. TRYING TO ERODE AND ERASE THE RELATIONSHIP 17. Married for 3 years, and got pregnant. Husband had stopped attending fellowship at that point, and I was wavering. My fellowship coordinator shows up AT MY JOB and asks how I am doing. I tell him I am pregnant, and he responds "oh, is that a good thing?" FAMILY ISN'T GOOD TO THE WAY BECAUSE IT GETS IN THE WAY OF CONTROL. 18. We finally ghosted TWI and moved out of town, leaving no forwarding address. We were able to do this BECAUSE of my husband's family, who we are very close with. 19. Happily married now for 15 years. Our daughter turns 12 tomorrow. I have a better relationship with my family than I ever have. We talk weekly. TWI can suck it. IT WAS THE RELATIONSHIPS THEY KEPT TRYING TO DESTROY. IT WAS THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT GOT ME OUT. MORE HARMONY IN THE HOME?? That was a LIE from hell.
  6. Ghosted - I would have been on staff from 2003-2005. WD on staff in 2003, married in 2005. I probably knew your folks. I was also raised in The Word (TM) and got out. It is PTSD. Don't downplay it, that place causes serious trauma, and when you are raised in it it makes it worse. Know that there are people who understand, and if you need anything feel free to reach out. I come and go as needed on this site to help manage my own PTSD, and to help others when I can. Sending love - it gets better the longer you are gone.
  7. Hi JavaJane,

       I noticed you recently wrote:

    The first time I read a thread from Greasespot was when I saw a print out of it on Rosalie's desk while I was cleaning.  I wasn't prying, just dusting around things.  But I do remember that moment very well.  At that point I was already questioning the things I saw at HQ, and it struck me as odd that the woman in charge of the ministry was having someone print these things from a website that was so "devilish."

    My question: Do you happen to remember the subject of that printout or who wrote it? Just curious. I knew Rosalie, although not well. She was in charge of the Publications dept. when I was on the Research Team 1984-1986.

    Cheers,

    Penworks

    1. JavaJane

      JavaJane

      I wrote about it somewhere on here a long while back when the memory was fresher.  I will see if I can find it for you.

    2. JavaJane

      JavaJane

      I can't find it.  I will try again tomorrow.  Turns out I posted a LOT on here when I first got out. :)

       

    3. penworks

      penworks

      Oh, no worries, J.J. It's not really important. Just curious. I'm so glad (understatement) that you found your path out of TWI. 

      Your courage is a bright light.

      Peace,

      Charlene

  8. Been there and done that. It took me working at HQ and seeing the hypocrisy and everyday meanness for me to even consider looking online. And then a couple years after that before I realized God wasn't going to "life his protection" from my life if I did. The first time I read a thread from Greasespot was when I saw a print out of it on Rosalie's desk while I was cleaning. I wasn't prying, just dusting around things. But I do remember that moment very well. At that point I was already questioning the things I saw at HQ, and it struck me as odd that the woman in charge of the ministry was having someone print these things from a website that was so "devilish."
  9. I worked at HQ during the same time as @OldSkool, and I can verify that the picture here looks like an older version of the man I knew.
  10. You are a strong person, @Beguiled . That weird year they cancelled WOW was a mess. I guess all of those years were messes, truth be told. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away, even when it is family. Too much damage and hurt to try and fix - and you and your child come first. You made a new family, and that has to be the priority. I hope for the best for you. There are a few of us who were "raised in the Word" on here - @Bolshevik and I are just two of them. Any time you need to commiserate or blow off steam, know that we get it. This is a good place to come, because how many other people out there in the world grew up in a group like ours? Welcome to the club, my friend.
  11. Beguiled, my family was also part of the FC, but I cannot remember the number. I was too old to join them , so I was sent out WOW Ambassador in the last wave. You might remember my brothers - they were probably there around the same time as you. My family was made mark and avoid TWICE while they were in residence. When they finally decided to stop trying to come back, I was left in a hard place. I was 20-something and living by myself with other believers on the other side of the country. I was told that if I wanted to "stand in the gap" and protect my family from being completely destroyed [read: killed in horrible ways] by the Adversary, then I needed to cut off all contact with them. So I did. Because I didn't want them to die. I said horrible things to them, I refused to see them, and cut them out of my life. And I really believed that by doing so, by STANDING ON THE WORD (TM) I would save their lives. But I changed. It took years, and the whole time I thought I was doing the right thing, because I loved my family. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and give that child of yours that childhood you never got, and the family support you never received. Let your child see a happy parent, living beyond the hurt caused by the past. And keep holding some hope that your family relationships may be healed one day. My relationships with family are strong now. We love each other. We text stupid jokes to each other. Mom gets irritated because sometimes we are sending group texts to each other in the middle of the night about how much we like her lasagna. I never thought this would happen back in those dark days. Back then I thought they were all devil possessed, trying to keep me from serving God. Now they are family again, and they still understand me better than most people. Know that I am proud of you for seeing things for what they are. And I am so sorry about your parents. I hope they wake up. I hope they can see that the world around them isn't full of devil spirits waiting to pop out and attack them from anyone outside their group. I hope they can stop being afraid and start loving and living. But I know one thing for sure - you will never do to your child what they did to you. You will protect your child. Because you know what it is like, and that cycle will stop with you.
  12. Sometimes I just go on the old twi website to remind myself of how thankful I am to be out. Took a little look see today and saw they now have an app. Judging from the dates on the 83 100% 5 star reviews on the Google Play store, it hasn't been out for more than a month. Lordy, lordy - can you imagine the notifications? Sorta feeling a little gaggy now. Feel free to go check out the app on the apple store or google play and leave a review.
  13. Ha! I wondered if that could have been THAT tape. It is amazing how much of the weird details of TWI are falling out of my memories. Things that used to be so INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. Guess I am spiritually blinded. Yep. Pozzezzed by dem der debbil spirits. I came into twi right after VPW died, in the middle of the fog. My mom got involved in 1985-1986. I will have to go through that box and see if there are any more "gems" in there. I will let you all know what I find.
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