As many of you know I am retired military and work on an Army Base...
The Military over the years has done a good job at having there Soldiers have these kinds of talks. From wills to living wills to various types of power's of attorney.
It has been often said that "funerals are for the living". This may be true.
However, if the wishes are know (even if you really don't care that much), it could save some argueing among the living.
It is also important to remember, that just because you may want to be creamated (for example) doesn't mean that it will happen.
Hopefully, you will have picked an exucator/exeutrix (sp) who knows your wishes and can be a little flexable on the funeral to help "keep the peace" among the families.
As for myself, I would not want my death/funneral to be remembered as a negative turning point in my family's relationship.
We got living wills right after my aunt died, when we made out our wills. My darling aunt had a huge, massive stroke and could have been kept alive by artifical feedings in an unresponsive state indefinitely. I was the executor of her living will. I also am a medical secretary with a kazillion years' experience and I looked at the CT scan and knew. I talked to her doctor, a neurologist who saw her, and the doctor I work for. There was not going to be any improvement, and I invoked the living will with tenderness and the knowledge that she would soon be with her Lord.
My husband knows what jewelry and antiques go to my cousin.
Another thing you can do if one of your heirs is a tad bit immature, you can have a trust set up with a trustee who will not give that individual a dime until they meet certain criteria or reach the age where you hope by then they will have grown up.
During my career, right before every sub-patrol we had to re-write our wills. So mostly it was done every six months.
Recently my wife has began having heart attacks, and in talking with her sister 'Life Gem's were brought up. I did a search asnd found their website. They take a small portion of a cremated person's remains and synthetically turn it into a diamond. These diamonds can be laser labeled with the name and information about the deceased. I think that holding on to an urn with someone's ashes is kind of grotesque. {I certainly apologize to anyone out there who has their dead aunt on a mantel over the living room fireplace. I just dont want anyones ashes around me.] But the idea of a large diamond, that can be mounted into a setting of some sort? Hmm, I dont know.
Over the years I have performed ceremonys for the Navy, casting ashes into the sea. Anyone [including non-vets] can request their 'loved one's ashes to be cast into the sea. Just send your request to the Navy's Public Affairs office, and they will jump right on it. We would send back a certificate of when and where we were when it was done, and recording of the service and a photo of the colour guard topside doing it. Maybe even a letter from the Lay-Leader onboard who performed the ceremony.
If you specifically wanted a submarine to do the honours, I would send the request to a PAO office on one of the Subases.
A year ago, my eldest sister [Judy] fell asleep. She had a little stroke prevously [which only her husband and daughters knew about], so she knew that this was coming. She had written the service, starting with an opening by her favourite minister, a photo-slide show showing her entire life. She was shown with each of her parents, then with each of her syblings, grewing up, graduation from High school, then college, then her RN, then her marriage, each of her children. All this was accompanied by her eldest daughter playing the organ a peice that the two of them had liked. It was very nice. Her photo of me, was wearing Navy blue cracker-jacks. I was glad that I wore my cracker jacks to the funeral. In our home town [Ceres, Ca. a small farming community] many had not seen me since I was a teen. Her brothers were all the pallbearers.
If anyone is thinking of a traditional type of service, I would certainly recommend planning it out ahead of time. As my sister's funeral was very nice.
While I have never written out my wishes for the funeral, I have often mused that a keg of beer and a dozen exotic dancers at a VFW hall, come one come all, open bar; would be nice.
My father died October 4, 2003.....a year and two months ago. He had pancreatic cancer.
I AM STILL TRYING TO MOP UP HIS MESS. Even though he had a virulent cancer...and knew it....he did not leave a will or appoint an executor. He was cremated and *delivered* to a Buddist Temple in Palo Alto California before his *woman friend* informed me he had died.
Shell....you know this.....I am still so mad at him that if he weren't dead....I would strangle him. How dare he leave me with this mess to mop up? There is no excuse for the position he left me, my mom (his ex wife), my aunt (his sister) and his *floozy* girlfriend to deal with.
Years ago, before this issue with my dad, I drew up a living will, specifying NO, NO, NO, forms of life support...extreme or otherwise for myself. I lived thru that once, for 3 1/2 years and I realized then, that I want no life support. My mom and I have both drawn up living wills/trusts...I will not leave ANYONE I KNOW OR LOVE, in the position my father has left me.
A friend of mine here in NC has recently had to survive the experience of denying life support to her 90 year old father. Watching her suffer, agonize and grieve.....it has been heart wrenching.
No matter how much money or property you own....if any......spend the 150 bucks it costs to go to an attorney and get the proper living will, trust and/or estate planning. Please, Please, Please...don't leave your child to go thru what I am experiencing.
An issue mentioned on slashdot.org this morning was computer passwords. Yahoo will not give next-of-kin passwords. If you have accounts that you'd want your family to close or use, make a list of account/username/passwords and put it with your other important papers.
A living will is a simple document - it's not a will. A will is about what you want to happen to the things you own while you're alive. But a living will indicates if you want life support or not under certain circumstances.
You can down load or buy the forms from lots of web sites.
www.nolo.com is probably the best source for do-it-yourself legal stuff.
There are legal requirements about how a will must be signed, witnessed etc. They vary by state. Be sure you do that part according to the rules.
Bob and I put in a living will yesterday at our medical center...they did it for us and it is in the records. If something happens outside of this area, all we need to do is have it faxed to where we need it....it was free.
We are also in the middle of doing our wills. There is so much to think about but I feel better about getting it all done.
Thanks shell, for putting this thread up so we can look into it.
I learned of the need for wills while in the Marine Corps. Because of that, my wife, Anna, and I had our wills done and in order when she suddenly died at age 47 (about 3 years ago).
After her death, I found that until I probated (registered) the will (present it to a judge to have it authenticated and executed) I couldn't even give the second family car to our daughter (unless it was in my name only). Once Anna's will was probated, I could act in her behalf, since she had named me her executor, to see that everything she wanted done got done.
As My3Cents mentioned, there is a vast difference between a "last will and testament", and a "living will". The two are not the same. Anna and I had both drawn up. The living will, to describe what medical procedures we would allow or not, and the Last Will and Testament which describes how you want to be burried/creamated, memorials in your honor, how you want your money and property distributed after your death, etc....
Best bet is to see a lawyer about both types of will since the laws vary state to state, and within states, the laws sometimes vary county to county as well. A good lawyer can sort all of that out now, so you don't have to later.
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Zshot
As many of you know I am retired military and work on an Army Base...
The Military over the years has done a good job at having there Soldiers have these kinds of talks. From wills to living wills to various types of power's of attorney.
It has been often said that "funerals are for the living". This may be true.
However, if the wishes are know (even if you really don't care that much), it could save some argueing among the living.
It is also important to remember, that just because you may want to be creamated (for example) doesn't mean that it will happen.
Hopefully, you will have picked an exucator/exeutrix (sp) who knows your wishes and can be a little flexable on the funeral to help "keep the peace" among the families.
As for myself, I would not want my death/funneral to be remembered as a negative turning point in my family's relationship.
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Watered Garden
We got living wills right after my aunt died, when we made out our wills. My darling aunt had a huge, massive stroke and could have been kept alive by artifical feedings in an unresponsive state indefinitely. I was the executor of her living will. I also am a medical secretary with a kazillion years' experience and I looked at the CT scan and knew. I talked to her doctor, a neurologist who saw her, and the doctor I work for. There was not going to be any improvement, and I invoked the living will with tenderness and the knowledge that she would soon be with her Lord.
My husband knows what jewelry and antiques go to my cousin.
Another thing you can do if one of your heirs is a tad bit immature, you can have a trust set up with a trustee who will not give that individual a dime until they meet certain criteria or reach the age where you hope by then they will have grown up.
Talk to a good lawyer with a lot of common sense.
WG
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Galen
During my career, right before every sub-patrol we had to re-write our wills. So mostly it was done every six months.
Recently my wife has began having heart attacks, and in talking with her sister 'Life Gem's were brought up. I did a search asnd found their website. They take a small portion of a cremated person's remains and synthetically turn it into a diamond. These diamonds can be laser labeled with the name and information about the deceased. I think that holding on to an urn with someone's ashes is kind of grotesque. {I certainly apologize to anyone out there who has their dead aunt on a mantel over the living room fireplace. I just dont want anyones ashes around me.] But the idea of a large diamond, that can be mounted into a setting of some sort? Hmm, I dont know.
Over the years I have performed ceremonys for the Navy, casting ashes into the sea. Anyone [including non-vets] can request their 'loved one's ashes to be cast into the sea. Just send your request to the Navy's Public Affairs office, and they will jump right on it. We would send back a certificate of when and where we were when it was done, and recording of the service and a photo of the colour guard topside doing it. Maybe even a letter from the Lay-Leader onboard who performed the ceremony.
If you specifically wanted a submarine to do the honours, I would send the request to a PAO office on one of the Subases.
A year ago, my eldest sister [Judy] fell asleep. She had a little stroke prevously [which only her husband and daughters knew about], so she knew that this was coming. She had written the service, starting with an opening by her favourite minister, a photo-slide show showing her entire life. She was shown with each of her parents, then with each of her syblings, grewing up, graduation from High school, then college, then her RN, then her marriage, each of her children. All this was accompanied by her eldest daughter playing the organ a peice that the two of them had liked. It was very nice. Her photo of me, was wearing Navy blue cracker-jacks. I was glad that I wore my cracker jacks to the funeral. In our home town [Ceres, Ca. a small farming community] many had not seen me since I was a teen. Her brothers were all the pallbearers.
If anyone is thinking of a traditional type of service, I would certainly recommend planning it out ahead of time. As my sister's funeral was very nice.
While I have never written out my wishes for the funeral, I have often mused that a keg of beer and a dozen exotic dancers at a VFW hall, come one come all, open bar; would be nice.
.
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krys
This is an unpleasant subject, but one we all need to face.
Don't spois your Holidays over it, but as you gather with families, think about these things and make some decisions about the matter.
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My3Cents
This is not a legal document but discusses the things they cover as well as many of the little things that may not be talked about by lawyers.
Things like what about the pets - their food, their vet etc.
The Benificiary Book
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vickles
I have been thinking a lot of this very subject, shell.
We are in the process of getting a will done. Yes, it is not a subject I really like but for the love of my family I'm getting it done.
I'm wondering, how do you get a living will done?
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Radar OReilly
My father died October 4, 2003.....a year and two months ago. He had pancreatic cancer.
I AM STILL TRYING TO MOP UP HIS MESS. Even though he had a virulent cancer...and knew it....he did not leave a will or appoint an executor. He was cremated and *delivered* to a Buddist Temple in Palo Alto California before his *woman friend* informed me he had died.
Shell....you know this.....I am still so mad at him that if he weren't dead....I would strangle him. How dare he leave me with this mess to mop up? There is no excuse for the position he left me, my mom (his ex wife), my aunt (his sister) and his *floozy* girlfriend to deal with.
Years ago, before this issue with my dad, I drew up a living will, specifying NO, NO, NO, forms of life support...extreme or otherwise for myself. I lived thru that once, for 3 1/2 years and I realized then, that I want no life support. My mom and I have both drawn up living wills/trusts...I will not leave ANYONE I KNOW OR LOVE, in the position my father has left me.
A friend of mine here in NC has recently had to survive the experience of denying life support to her 90 year old father. Watching her suffer, agonize and grieve.....it has been heart wrenching.
No matter how much money or property you own....if any......spend the 150 bucks it costs to go to an attorney and get the proper living will, trust and/or estate planning. Please, Please, Please...don't leave your child to go thru what I am experiencing.
ror
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Jim
An issue mentioned on slashdot.org this morning was computer passwords. Yahoo will not give next-of-kin passwords. If you have accounts that you'd want your family to close or use, make a list of account/username/passwords and put it with your other important papers.
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My3Cents
A living will is a simple document - it's not a will. A will is about what you want to happen to the things you own while you're alive. But a living will indicates if you want life support or not under certain circumstances.
You can down load or buy the forms from lots of web sites.
www.nolo.com is probably the best source for do-it-yourself legal stuff.
There are legal requirements about how a will must be signed, witnessed etc. They vary by state. Be sure you do that part according to the rules.
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vickles
Bob and I put in a living will yesterday at our medical center...they did it for us and it is in the records. If something happens outside of this area, all we need to do is have it faxed to where we need it....it was free.
We are also in the middle of doing our wills. There is so much to think about but I feel better about getting it all done.
Thanks shell, for putting this thread up so we can look into it.
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Steve Swenton
I learned of the need for wills while in the Marine Corps. Because of that, my wife, Anna, and I had our wills done and in order when she suddenly died at age 47 (about 3 years ago).
After her death, I found that until I probated (registered) the will (present it to a judge to have it authenticated and executed) I couldn't even give the second family car to our daughter (unless it was in my name only). Once Anna's will was probated, I could act in her behalf, since she had named me her executor, to see that everything she wanted done got done.
As My3Cents mentioned, there is a vast difference between a "last will and testament", and a "living will". The two are not the same. Anna and I had both drawn up. The living will, to describe what medical procedures we would allow or not, and the Last Will and Testament which describes how you want to be burried/creamated, memorials in your honor, how you want your money and property distributed after your death, etc....
Best bet is to see a lawyer about both types of will since the laws vary state to state, and within states, the laws sometimes vary county to county as well. A good lawyer can sort all of that out now, so you don't have to later.
Just a morbid thought...
Steve.
¥
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