Whether you are in a cult, a bad marriage, a nutty family....whatever...when you leave abuse it can get lonely. That's the *dirty* side that needs to be talked about.
Your family and friends for YEARS are built around this social construct. When you leave...you have no friends anymore.
Cindy! --- yes - at first that is true, and that is the scary part that deters so many from taking immediate action when impropriaties are found out.
Maybe I am off base here, but I'm thinking that is it easier these days to find new friends and companions after such an experience -- given all the *support* groups that seem to be popping up on a daily basis.
Granted -- it is like stepping off the gangplank at first, but once you do, and actively seek new friends, etc., you can start the process of healing by getting involved with *life as we know it*, as well as unloading on attentive ears as to what you have gone through.
There is comfort, and strength in numbers. No more *lonely* for me.
I've been there too. Even in my situation where my family was never dissed and still wants me among them, I still get this craving to be around people who think like me, or who have at least had a similar experience as I have.
That desire is in all of us. This is why cliques form at school or work or other situations. Our little clique is called the Greasespot Cafe.
You know it has been almost 4 years since I got "marked and avoided" and I am just now coming to grips with how deeply I held my teachings from TWI to this day 4 YEARS LATER. I guess for the first 3 years or so, I just kind of went into denial. This has even affected my almost 3 year marriage to someone who has never been associated with TWI. I really fear that people might find out that I was in a cult. That is my "dirty little secret".
I am just now posting more on the boards and posted on Waydale (some of you might remember me as "iamfree" with the little dancing mouse), and able to really talk about my experiences with the Way. If I talk to you guys who all understand, I already see that it is making it easier for me to interact with those "on the outside" ;)-->
For the first six months after leaving, I found a job working graveyard, which I viewed as a blessing since I wasn't ready to deal with people. It was a very lonely time, with almost no human contact, but it helped me to ease back into "society". It still took years before I made a friend I felt I could trust. I found I had no problems dealing with people and situations related to my work life, but personal contacts-not so much. I could never explain to people why I was so reclusive (still thinking of everyone as heathens, for one-I got over that eventually). I'm better now, but still tend to be selective and very cautious about who I socialize with. The people I did finally choose to be around showed me a lot about what I have missed by shutting myself off, but even they, after all these years, have no idea about how I spent ten years of my life-I just can't possibly explain to them!
I dunno.. on my "exit" I saw what I had been dealing with- madmen. "We know you are hiding SOMETHING". A year or so before I started establishing some friendships in the community, so I was not exactly on my own. Would have been a lot harder if I didn't.
I think there was a thread about if you told people you were an innie. I don't go around bragging about it. If it happens to come up or a way for you to bring it up I may. I have had nobody shunn me because of it.
I don't usually mention it to everyone I meet. But if I mention to co-workers that I was in a cult, I do it as a joke. It seems to work for me. People have been very accepting. I have never felt shunned because of people finding out that information.
As far as having someone who understands, that helps a lot. No better place to do that than a place where people experienced it first-hand. My husband is my best comforter in my life, but still he doesn't "get it" because he's never experienced it and would have never gotten involved with a group like twi just because of the fact that they demand newbies to take a class.
I can totally relate to being alone and feeling isolated once you leave. I have a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors but for as close as we all are, they aren't like "girlfriends" if that makes any sense. We help each other a lot and I'm so glad to have their friendship. They also stay in touch with my ex, which I'm really glad for since he doesn't have any other friends outside of TWI and he hasn't spoken with his family since Moneyhands told him that his father was possessed or entertaining major devil spirits.
The neighbors know about the cult and we talk and make jokes about it. I joke around with people at work about it and have even used it as an excuse to get out of going to church or some other cult-like function with people. I'm not ashamed of it and have found that there are quite a few people with lots of questions or experiences with controlling religions and they feel comfortable talking to me and asking me questions about it.
The hardest part is not having any "girlfriends". I've picked back up with a few very long time girlfriends, but they all live far away. I had wanted to go to a movie one week-end and didn't go because I didn't want to go alone. A co-worker said, "Don't you have anyone you can just call to go with?" and I had to honestly respond that, "no, I don't" I don't have any close friends like that, haven't since getting married and following TWI's logic of not being unequally yoked and not wasting time on people who "don't want the word". It can get very lonely and I could easily get depressed about it, but when I get choked up I just think back through how much better life is since getting out. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'll make friends again and I'll appreciate them so much more having been through TWI. :)-->
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dmiller
Cindy! --- yes - at first that is true, and that is the scary part that deters so many from taking immediate action when impropriaties are found out.
Maybe I am off base here, but I'm thinking that is it easier these days to find new friends and companions after such an experience -- given all the *support* groups that seem to be popping up on a daily basis.
Granted -- it is like stepping off the gangplank at first, but once you do, and actively seek new friends, etc., you can start the process of healing by getting involved with *life as we know it*, as well as unloading on attentive ears as to what you have gone through.
There is comfort, and strength in numbers. No more *lonely* for me.
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Nomad888
I've been there too. Even in my situation where my family was never dissed and still wants me among them, I still get this craving to be around people who think like me, or who have at least had a similar experience as I have.
That desire is in all of us. This is why cliques form at school or work or other situations. Our little clique is called the Greasespot Cafe.
My 2 cents...
Nomad888
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outofdafog
You know it has been almost 4 years since I got "marked and avoided" and I am just now coming to grips with how deeply I held my teachings from TWI to this day 4 YEARS LATER. I guess for the first 3 years or so, I just kind of went into denial. This has even affected my almost 3 year marriage to someone who has never been associated with TWI. I really fear that people might find out that I was in a cult. That is my "dirty little secret".
I am just now posting more on the boards and posted on Waydale (some of you might remember me as "iamfree" with the little dancing mouse), and able to really talk about my experiences with the Way. If I talk to you guys who all understand, I already see that it is making it easier for me to interact with those "on the outside"
;)-->
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topoftheworld
For the first six months after leaving, I found a job working graveyard, which I viewed as a blessing since I wasn't ready to deal with people. It was a very lonely time, with almost no human contact, but it helped me to ease back into "society". It still took years before I made a friend I felt I could trust. I found I had no problems dealing with people and situations related to my work life, but personal contacts-not so much. I could never explain to people why I was so reclusive (still thinking of everyone as heathens, for one-I got over that eventually). I'm better now, but still tend to be selective and very cautious about who I socialize with. The people I did finally choose to be around showed me a lot about what I have missed by shutting myself off, but even they, after all these years, have no idea about how I spent ten years of my life-I just can't possibly explain to them!
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Ham
I dunno.. on my "exit" I saw what I had been dealing with- madmen. "We know you are hiding SOMETHING". A year or so before I started establishing some friendships in the community, so I was not exactly on my own. Would have been a lot harder if I didn't.
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Steve!
Outofadog, it's really not that hard to tell people you were in a cult, once you've done it once or twice.
Try it, you'll see! You'd be surprised how accepting people are.
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justloafing
I think there was a thread about if you told people you were an innie. I don't go around bragging about it. If it happens to come up or a way for you to bring it up I may. I have had nobody shunn me because of it.
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Nottawayfer
I don't usually mention it to everyone I meet. But if I mention to co-workers that I was in a cult, I do it as a joke. It seems to work for me. People have been very accepting. I have never felt shunned because of people finding out that information.
As far as having someone who understands, that helps a lot. No better place to do that than a place where people experienced it first-hand. My husband is my best comforter in my life, but still he doesn't "get it" because he's never experienced it and would have never gotten involved with a group like twi just because of the fact that they demand newbies to take a class.
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Belle
I can totally relate to being alone and feeling isolated once you leave. I have a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors but for as close as we all are, they aren't like "girlfriends" if that makes any sense. We help each other a lot and I'm so glad to have their friendship. They also stay in touch with my ex, which I'm really glad for since he doesn't have any other friends outside of TWI and he hasn't spoken with his family since Moneyhands told him that his father was possessed or entertaining major devil spirits.
The neighbors know about the cult and we talk and make jokes about it. I joke around with people at work about it and have even used it as an excuse to get out of going to church or some other cult-like function with people. I'm not ashamed of it and have found that there are quite a few people with lots of questions or experiences with controlling religions and they feel comfortable talking to me and asking me questions about it.
The hardest part is not having any "girlfriends". I've picked back up with a few very long time girlfriends, but they all live far away. I had wanted to go to a movie one week-end and didn't go because I didn't want to go alone. A co-worker said, "Don't you have anyone you can just call to go with?" and I had to honestly respond that, "no, I don't" I don't have any close friends like that, haven't since getting married and following TWI's logic of not being unequally yoked and not wasting time on people who "don't want the word". It can get very lonely and I could easily get depressed about it, but when I get choked up I just think back through how much better life is since getting out. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'll make friends again and I'll appreciate them so much more having been through TWI.
:)-->
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