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A message that has been said more than once and will likely be necessary again sometime. For the record, I have a belief system, but I don't need to label it... other than Deist. I still tell people IRL that I'm Christian, but I'm not really dogmatic in that regard. I do, however, zealously cleave to knowledge and understanding I have gained, especially as a result of experience (i.e. school of VERY hard knocks in some instances) and an attitude and desire for lifelong learning. I mention this now because a new member mentioned sometimes believing she's atheist and at other times agnostic. As far as I'm concerned, that's perfectly fine. Also, some people may wonder about why us old-timers still frequent GSC. Well, unless we were born in a twi family, we were drawn to twi in large part because it gave us a sense of belonging... for whatever reason. Well, setting aside how much I think I know about anything, I enjoy drawing insights into group behaviors (aka psychoanalyzing the groups). And that has opened doors for me other than regarding twi. That's basically how and why I started getting published in local newspaper editorial pages more than 25 years ago. Not that my insights are always "the" right ones, but that they have at least some legitimacy. Anyway, I got sidetracked (tangents, eh?). My main point in the previous paragraph is that I feel a strong sense of belonging to and with people at GSC. To Leah, I would say now that I think there's probably a great deal that you have going on that you don't struggle with. But I'm glad you are able to recognize the opportunity and need for working on or dealing with those things about which you do struggle now. I can only imagine the intensity of the psychic damage from having grown up in the situation you did. Many of us know how intense your father is or at least was. In addition to what I said last night, I want to emphasize the deep admiration I have for YOU and the course you have been choosing and are now on. I hope you're able to make music out of the rocks in the creek over which the water of your life is now passing. And can dance (now or eventually) to that music.

Reasonably so. I've met her, heard her teach on writing novels and choosing subjects based on items in news and read other of her books. Further, she has contemporaneously claimed authorship of the book. Nobody has (credibly) challenged said claim.

Welcome, Leah. About time!! You will get a lot of support here.

A warm and open-hearted welcome to you, Leah! Your strength and bravery are so clear in your sharing here. Your honesty and openness touched me, and I hope that this site will be one more contributing factor that adds healing and loving support to your life. When I first "wandered into the Café," I did as you did -- lurked for a couple of years and then I joined as a member. There are some very wise folks here (each of whom have contributed to this thread!) and I'm thankful for all of them and what they've added to my own healing and emotional growth and self-awareness. This little poster might as well say "Welcome to Grease Spot Café" (instead of "Welcome to Life") because I know you will find all of those things here. So glad you're here. Again, welcome!

You can do it. We "hold the space" for you, as they say. When I say that, I imagine our arms around you, shielding you, providing good energy for you to stand on your own. As DWBH said, YOU have made this progress. YOU are a beautiful human being.

Thanks for sharing, Becoming Me ! I love your name…it reminds me of what many of us strive for after leaving an homogenizing cult – allowing our authentic-self to disentangle us from TWI’s straitjacket...it can be a long and slow process - - it's different for everyone since we are all unique individuals. Many things you’ve mentioned in your post have resonated so much with me. One was mentioning counseling. It wasn’t until about 10 years after I left TWI that I went to a professional counselor. I unloaded a ton of regrets, frustrations, failures…well…uhm - - let’s just say it was one huge messy pile of angst at my first session. The counselor’s wise words have stuck with me through the following sessions and beyond – to this very day; he said “you’ve got to stop beating yourself up over this stuff.” I think sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Alas, I have found the saboteur – it is me! When you mentioned baby steps it reminded of one of my fav funny movies What About Bob? , Bill Murray plays Bob who tries to follow his psychoanalyst’s (Leo played by Richard Dreyfuss) “baby steps” advice – but as the story unfolds we see Bob relates better to other folks with their own problems than Leo does using his cold clinical approach; I love towards the latter part of the film where Bob misinterprets Leo acting out a grudge against him as “death therapy”…I think Grease Spot is a pretty cool environment where you may find someone sharing about trying baby steps at something new – a new career, new hobby, a new direction in their journey through life... whatever. (here's some DVD bonus features) What About Bob? Baby Steps What About Bob? I'm sailing ...by the way, I'm not knocking the baby steps idea - I think it's smart to set small, realistic short term goals; and I'm not knocking professional counselors either - I appreciate first hand how they have really helped me...I just love the movie "What About Bob?" and wanted to bring some levity to a heavy talk...again, thanks for sharing and I look forward to your input at Grease Spot. == == == == You mentioning the pseudo-vigilance is a big deal: “Another part of growing up that still affects me is hyper-vigilance about “danger.” The idea that the devil was out to get us; and if you are “out of alignment and harmony” you’ll be outside of God’ protection;” …I’ve spent most of my adult career in security and life-safety technology – and whenever I reflect on my former TWI mindset – I’m embarrassed to admit how naïve I was to ignore the security and safety concerns / threats of the real world while having a false sense of security within my imaginary protective bubble. On your last point: “I was a true believer. I did the things you were supposed to do. I toed the line. I put my heart and soul into it. And all I got was this broken spirit. “ I can totally relate to also. Years ago I broke my left hand in a rollover accident. I am right handed – but after therapy and healing over time – my left hand is stronger than my right hand. Go figure…my point is how you’ll find your critical thinking skills become stronger as you exercise them – sort of like therapy for atrophied muscles… …and on a side note to that – not sure where you’re at on your beliefs right now – so I’m just sharing how I use what was “broken” in my faith here at Grease Spot or wherever I cross paths with a wounded soul. It’s kinda like Bill Murray’s Bob character – it’s the familiar experience of being hurt through betrayal, deception, manipulation and such that enables us to empathize with others who have gone through something similar or have felt the same emotions…I think when someone who has been in a cult talks about what it was like and how they were able to break free of that – their message…their compassion really connects with someone in need - - probably a lot more than some stuffy teaching on the false prophets and wolves of Matthew 7