nolongerlurking

51 and sunny here at 12:11 pm.

We had ours last night. We had herb and spice encrusted Prime Rib roasted on the Barbeque, oven roasted mix of sweet and russet potatoes, oven roasted butternut squash SLATHERED in butter, cranberry sauce, and TUNA CASSEROLE. Yes, tuna casserole. My daughter insists on it. We had cherry pie with crumb topping and whipped cream for dessert along with dessert wines and brandy. And plenty of beer and nuts were consumed outside around a HUGE fire in the outdoor fire pit while all this was cooking. We took the family on a cruise to Mexico instead of gifts this year. But Shannon and her sig other gave Dave and I PJs and a big box of crackling dura flame logs for the inside fireplace. I like dura flames because we don't need too much heat and they don't smoke up the house. Just nice atmosphere. So.... we watched Bad Santa instead of opening gifts. It was a really fun time. Merry Christmas to All.

That's just great news! I, too, had a "long lost brother", who neither his kids, his ex, nor me had heard from for a very long time. He just called me one day out of the blue. Today, we all enjoy a wonderful relationship. I wish the same for you.

Another day, another A.

LG, This can't be at all easy. I hope to God that when my time comes I can be as gracious and level headed as you seem to be about this. I'm sure most of us have already experienced death at some level by this time in our lives. If you do pass on from this, I wish you a peaceful pain free passing surrounded by those you know and love. If you do not, well I wish you many happy years to come and all the wisdom that can be gained from a close brush with your own death. Peace,

I was driving home from Trader Joe's today, in the pouring rain, and I passed by a house in my neighborhood where a golden retriever was staked with a chain in the front yard with no access to shelter from the elements. Concerned that his/her person didn't realize that it had begun to rain so hard, I stopped and knocked asking if it was ok with them that fido was staked out in the rain getting soaked like that. I did asked nicely. The lady looked at me like I was from Mars and said "of course it's ok, it's a dog". I asked again "are you sure?", again she says it's ok. So I went back to my car, petted the poor wet thing on the way, and drove home. At home I called animal control, who said it was illegal in our county to do this on several levels. They checked, but by then the doggy was inside the house. Hopefully I made the woman think. Hopefully a visit from animal control made her think too. I wasn't interested in getting the lady in trouble, just in getting that poor wet beast inside the nice warm dry house. So, what do you all think. Am I nuts, or was this lady out of line in the way she was treating her doggy?

So Dot, have you figured any of it out yet?

I watch this show every week and admit I am hooked. Have even checked out the website. Anyone else an addict?

Well, our forcast for the coming week is low 60's and sunny. Two weeks from now, we will all be on a cruise ship down the Baja coast. Forcast for there is mid 70's and sunny. Maybe we'll head for the Sierra's after Christmas so we can play in the snow and ski. God, I love California.

The links there work for me. Not all of them, but quite a few.

What you say is so true Kit. I graduated from college (finally) when I was 41. At some point, I would like to get a masters in something and have a second career. It's never too late until you're dead.

I think it should be obvious by now that antidepressants/antipsychotics, or any other kind of psychoactive drugs work well for some folks and not so well for others. Type and dose of psychoactive drugs is not an exact science. In fact, type and dose are arrived at by trial and error. It takes a wise shrink and an involved and motivated patient to work the equation to the point of success. Not all mentally unstable people are able to comply long enough for good results to happen. I think other people just simply react badly or do not react at all to these meds. I have been on antidepressant drugs for 15 years now. I take Paxil. I have tried several times to get off of it, just last year I tried this for 6 months. After I got over the horrendous physical withdrawl effects of stopping this medication, the depression began to return. Slowly and insidiously until I gave up and went back on them. Now, today one year later, I am happy and healthy, in spite of some pretty horrific events that have recently occured in my family. Hopefully one day psychiatric conditions will be more easily diagnosed and meds more precisely applied. But until then, we're all still learning.

A "christian" friend of Chuck's called yesterday when I was over at his house going thru some of his papers. This "friend" asked when the funeral would be and wanted to know what happened to him. I told him that Chuck's note said he's just had enuf. That his mind and body had ceased to function properly, and that he could no longer live with the pain, the fear, and the confusion. The "friend" said "oh, no". So I asked what he meant because his tone sounded funny to me. Turns out that he had been with Chuck the Sunday before he killed himself. Taken him to church. Chuck had told him that he felt suicidal. Remorseful over the life he had lived. Remorseful about how he'd screwed up his relationships with me and Shannon. And his body was in physical pain. This person I'll call Ray said he told Chuck that suicide was "against God's rules". That things would improve and that he would help him. BUT, Ray didn't tell anyone else about Chuck's confession. Nor did Ray physically accompany Chuck to a hospital for medical/psychological intervenion. They parted ways after church. Four days later, Chuck was dead. After this phone conversation I was really angry. That someone had this information and did nothing. Perhaps Chuck would still be here today if Ray had done more than give him God's "word" to help him deal with things. I am ok, I suffer my pain in waves. I cry from time to time. I hyperventilate on the freeway. But Shannon is in utter despair. She called me just now and asked if I could call her work and tell them she wanted the day off. She was up all night crying, screaming, throwing things. She's angry at Chuck, angry at herself, and angry at anyone else who happens to be around. She just wants the day alone to be with him. To feel him, to feel his pain, to feel his presence. With no interruptions. She has a psychologist friend and she plans to go for counseling. I cry for her. I know what this feels like, just a little. My folks were happy tho, and they didn't choose to leave me and my brother behind. Chuck's legacy to Shannon, and to his other family and friends, is one of painful existance. Day to day poverty. Utter refusal to see life in a different light than that of regret and remorse. I don't know if anybody could have helped Chuck. He was under a doctor's care for his depression and recent psychotic episodes. He had a roomate living with him who was there the night Chuck killed himself. Bob would have been more than happy if Chuck had awoken him for help and feels his own anger and regret for not seeing it coming. But he didn't. Chuck had a girlfriend who loved him who is also broken over this. He didn't even say anything to or about her in his final note. His friends always were over at his house trying to take him places and talk to him. But Chuck just utterly REFUSED to be happy or content in any way. He was somehow just simply stuck where he was and in the end he felt death would be his only peace. Shannon can't understand why she couldn't help him. Why she "wasn't enuf" to make him want to stay here with her. Why she couldn't help him. Why her love couldn't fix him. Perhaps some suicidal people are just unfixable. Just like some people who have cancer, or heart attacks, or even the flu are unfixable. Perhaps mental illness, as well as physical illness, is sometimes enough to kill us no matter what we try. Chuck has been suffering for a long long time with psychotic depression. That would be depression that is also accompanied by paranoia and hallucinations. About a year ago, he also developed progressive pain in his legs to the point where he was unable to walk any farther than from a chair to the kitchen, bedroom, or bathroom. He was very very sick both mentally and physically. He lost hope in relief and took matters into his own hands. Now his living victims must deal with their own pain. Shannon has close friends. She has a livein boyfriend who loves her dearly. She has other housemates who are very supportive. She has a job where her managers and coworkers are covering her shifts and offering any kind of assistance she needs. She has me and Dave and a stepbrother, Nick, who also love her dearly. I hope and pray that all together we are are enuf to get her thru her grief and help her find some resolution and peace thru all of this. Please continue to pray for all of us. We need it every minute of every day. I love you all.

Surely this must have been what my ex, my daughter's dad, felt like yesterday when he took his own life. Chuck hurt me in many ways and on many levels. I have to say that he is one of the very few people in this world that I actually spent time hating. Yet, the thought of him feeling so utterly lost and alone leaves me feeling nothing but sadness and sorrow. And not just for Shannon, my daughter, but for him as well. If he had called me yesterday, I would have cared a great deal. It makes me think how many people in the world really do care when we're truly in great need. Reach out people, when you are falling, and I bet you'll be surprised by who and how many answer the call. I wish Chuck had reached out to me or to Shannon, but he did not. Now, he will miss all those times in the future that would have or could have given him great joy. Holding a new grandchild, meeting a new love, watching his daughter marry. So much he gave up. And so much of what he could have given those who love him died with him. Everyone here is right. Things can and do change very very quickly.

Yes, I have a non-TWI experience or two. But the best one is that I married an "unbeliever" and the last 17 have been the best of my life.

We have a solar shower for the sailboat and it works good. This little trailer would be a good application for it as well.

Ok Linz, now you have GOT to post some pics of the inside of this puppy. My curiosity is definitely peaked. By the way, if you happen to be a single gal, I'm sure you could find a hunky body guard for the road trip...

Last year hubby Dave dressed like the High Plains Drifter in oversized brown duster, cowboy boots, hat, and riding gloves. We had an old antique table setup in the middle of the driveway with no cars or anything else around. On the table were a lit pumpkin, and an old wooden bowl of candy with a water-filled latex glove buried just under the surface. All other house lights were off. Seated behind the table, slunk down in an old chair, with both gloved hands flat on the table and head hanging down as if dead, sat hubby, the High Plains Drifter, deathly still. I was hiding in the yard to watch the reactions. People approached this table very slowly, even parents. One set of parents refused to let their kids approach the table and skipped the house altogether. Those that were brave enuf to approach the table kind of looked around a little. Most tried to look under the brim of hubby's hat and most concluded that hubby was a stuffed dummy. Then, when they reached into the candy bowl, most were treated to the nice feel of a clammy pudgy squishy hand. At that moment, hubby would reach out and grab whoever had their hand in the bowl. Ohmygod. I swear people screamed, ran, jumped back, probably some even wet their pants. One little girl started crying (for that one he took the hat off and tried to convince her that it was just a joke). Some parents waiting in the street for their kids just cracked up laughing. Anyhow, our house was the hit of the neighborhood. The neighbor told me that people several streets over were telling other kids about the scary house with the dead guy sitting behind the table. The whole thing was just really easy to setup, and the costume was just some of Daves normal clothes put on in the right combination, no makeup or anything. But boy, was it ever effective.

My husband Dave and his band have a standing gig at a huge halloween party east of town in the foothills. All band members and wives/girlfriends dress up according to a theme. Last years was famous rock stars. I was Janis Joplin and Dave was Neil Young. This year the theme is Alice in Wonderland. I have been assigned as the Door Mouse, and Dave as the White Knight. Word has it that he will be wearing white tights with cape and white boots, and a white tri-corner revolutionary war type hat with white plume sticking out the top. Should be interesting....

I guess I'll probably catch hell for saying this but here goes... As much as I agree that the higher leadership in TWI was and is still corrupt and hypocritical, I don't think it's a good idea to publicly ridicule any of them on this forum. I'm no expert here, but I would think that the children of these folks would be negatively affected by hearing their parents constantly spoken of in such derogatory terms. Anyone else have any insight into this?

Supernova is a newly formed band and has never had a lead singer. The other guys in the band have all come from other bands, Motley Cure, Metallica, and ?? I don't know the other one. Storm is gone, so the final 4 are Dilana, Lucas, Tony, and Magni.

Well, although I have been a fan of Dilana's, her performance last night was less than stellar. In fact, hers was probably the worst of last night's 5. She doesn't appear to be a very good song writer either. I still think she's very compelling and entertaining to watch, but her recent slide makes me think she might be out tonight. I sure have enjoyed watching her over the weeks tho.

We have an Aquarius 21 on a trailer. So our baby is in our side yard on an RV pad. That makes it really easy to work on doesn't it?

Sailor, sailing this year has been virtually non-existant. Hubs has been working almost 24/7 all summer. We don't have boat problems, just time problems. Sigh.

Hey Sailor, Us San Franciscans must have similar taste. Dilana rocks, hard. And her performances themselves, without the singing even, are works of rock art. They'd be crazy not to take her onboard.