newlife

Why don't you start one? Or refer them to GSC cause spiritual abuse is spiritual abuse no matter what name you tag on to it. We can all relate I think. Just a thought.

From personal experience, my healing has been in stages. As much as I had wished it could be instant, it wasn't. GS helped my healing, it was like feeling like "I wasn't the only one" who had that experience or this experience. For many, many years, TWI had a "Hold" on me even though I wasn't there physically. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I was still a way believer for many years, even though I was desperately trying to move on. This site helped me to heal. I was in TWI for 13 years and I was totally into it and thought I was a lifer. I had no thought of every leaving. I thought God had brought me to it and I was content for a long time believing I was in the center of God's will for my life. Then things started changing, or maybe it was me who was just catching things that didn't seem "right" to me. Even in my uncomfortableness, I didn't leave, I still stayed because I thought I was committed to God. Leaving and coming here, My eyes started seeing what I had been unable to see when I was involved and even after I left. I had no idea where I actually was until the healing and the awareness started. This site and the people that posted were a great aid in my healing. I don't think I would be where I am today not having both in my life. Today, I am no longer "Held" by TWI. I have moved on. I'm free today. I am very happy with my life and constantly thank God for what He has done in my life, cause I could not do it. I couldn't help myself....but God used GSC to help me see what I had never seen before. I have "moved on" as far as beliefs and life are concerned. Now I return to help others. I hope that my posts can give some hope, some light to blind eyes...that I can be an aid in helping others to heal. I never know who comes here, who reads the posts, who needs help at an intense painful moment in their lives. I just know I've been where they are and reading these forums were a life line to me in a time of confusion, and great need. I hope I can do the same for someone else. That's why I now return.

Golly, reading your description of your thinking while in TWI....Hurt my head!! LOL Yes, I thought the same way too....so glad God has healed my mind from then.

Ex...(or anyone else)....you can PM me.....Please do if you want some input from me. Hope to hear from you...lets connect if you want to. I will pray for you.

When I was "In" I didn't think in terms of "Fog", but looking back it's 20/20. I was confused, frustrated....mostly cause I just didn't seem to "Get" what I thought everyone else had easily gotten...Understanding of teaching or how to function successfully in TWI. I had an "Inner drive" to progress up the Ladder, but never got above being a twig leader....(For which I am thankful now). I had a difficult time being what other people wanted me to be, but I sure gave it my best effort...but falling short in their eyes and mine. I'd say it was a time of pressure and pursuit of things I could never obtain. After leaving, I remember being so depressed over what I had "Lost" while being in TWI and was confused as to was it really good from the beginning and went bad....or was it bad from the beginning and I didn't see it. What was right doctrine and what was wrong and how was I ever going to figure it all out. And really, mentally, emotionally, I was not in any condition to figure anything out. Now, having been out almost 26 years...wow...it really has been that long, God has brought me out of the fog. He has restored a lot to me and given me more than I could have ever thought possible. When I left, I didn't think that even God could fix me, but I was wrong. He was the ONLY one who could fix me. For those first few years, I focused on what I had lost...eventually, I had to let go of it all and focus on the "now" of my life. It certainly hasn't been easy, but it's been a journey to say the least. A journey I never had planned or even anticipated. I am thankful for you all. Hang in there...it does get better and better, or should I say, You get better and better.

Ex....You are too funny!! "i would like to resubmit my paper "from birth to the corps" thank you"

Yes, the doors are open to anyone wanting to come, whether they are there for the right or the wrong reason, doesn't matter. We love them till they can love themselves and pray they get the help that we have received for ourselves. Personality change....that is really it. Drinking, drugging, is just the covering of a deeper problem. If a personality change doesn't occur, it's very likely the person will return to his/her former ways. And how does that change occur? With God's help and going through the 12 steps. If you look at the steps they are simple but not easy. Who wants to look at their life and discover all the patterns of thinking and behavior that brought them to the point of a bottom in their life? It's difficult, but necessary. The end result of going through the steps is that you develop a relationship w/God, that you practice spiritual principles, such as kindness, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, willing to admit to wrong and not having to be right all the time, and on and on of Godly Principles. IT is also about now doing God's will instead of your own. People come in self absorbed, angry, blaming the world for their problems (If he/she wouldn't have done this then I wouldn't have done that) And through working the steps, they change and the lives they get are beautiful. It takes a lot of humility, honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. I am totally not the person I was before the program and I will be forever grateful. Now in I believe the Ephesians class, University of Life, Dr said he started an aa group in Van Wert. (please correct me if I am wrong anyone) But when I heard him say that, I thought to myself, now, he could not have done that unless he himself knew he was an alcoholic. Non-alcoholics do not start 12 step meetings. So, I have to believe that somewhere in his mind, he knew he had a problem. But he if he was an alcoholic, and like other people who do not change, they go on with their same lifestyles, character and behavior which only gets worse and worse as time passes. People who are alcoholics, addicts, are good liars, angry, con people, manipulators, live in fantasy land, and are very self deluded and self absorbed. But they don't have to be that way, there is a way to another life. It's their choice. When people need the program but don't get the program, their lives continue to go downhill. Now, many people don't go to a program, they go to church and get help, or other means that help them turn their lives around. The 12 step program don't own the corner on healing in this area....God Does. So whatever works for someone is great. I can only tell my story and it involves the 12 step program and I will always be grateful.

Good Morning Everyone....I want to preface my post by saying, I'm not coming to defend 12 step programs but I am coming to give an accurate picture of them. Not everyone who comes to a 12 step program is there because they want help. Some come because of being court ordered and come to get their paper signed for the court and when they reached the needed number of Meetings take off and don't come back. Some come because of pressure the family puts on them and usually they have a hard time succeeding. Others come and once there decide this is a cool place to pick of a girl or guy. And I'm sure there are any number of other reasons why people come to the program. In the beginning I thought everyone was there for the same reason I was, to get help. I found out that is not accurate. But, I learned that I, as a human being, could not judge whether this person or that person would make it and change their life. Some I thought wouldn't did. Some I thought would, didn't. The ones that succeed are those who come and want the help and they come for themselves, not for the court, not for family, but they are honest about needing and wanting the help. Those people are the ones to really work hard to get the program and they do in fact turn their lives around. I have been there for almost 18 years now and I've seen tons of people come in and get a beautiful life. I've also seen tons of people who come in and out of the program like a revolving door. I've also been to a lot of funerals because of suicide or overdoses. Unfortunately, the alternatives to change are few, jails, institutions or death. There is no leadership in a 12 step program. It's based on the 12 steps, and 12 traditions. It runs because people volunteer to do a job, like chair a meeting, or help out with a public explanation at a hospital about their selected program. And having come from TWI where Leadership was a Huge deal, I was amazed that there are no designated leaders here, only people who want to do service and yet it has run and run for years and years. I really learned that the reason it runs is because of God. So yes, unfortunately, there are those who do not give the program a good name, but there are many who do. Just like there are many christians who give christianity and God a bad name. We all know that from experience. The 12 step program of today is not the same 12 step program it was in the beginning. It was started and based on Christianity and the true God. The book of James, the Sermon on the Mt. and 1 Corinthians 13 were the three most used passages in getting people turned around. Through the years this has been added, this has been subtracted, to where it has deviated from the original program...However it still works for people who want to work it. And if they don't want to, it still works just not for them. Of course, I am so very thankful for the 12 step program because with God, it gave me the beautiful life that I now have. I hope I have not defended, but given an accurate perspective as from one who is involved.

I am in a 12 step program and have been for almost 18 years. I totally believe God brought me to the program, although at first, I was like, ok I must be here to help all these poor people! LOL Not too much ego huh? I found I was there for me because I was so screwed up. If you take a good long look at those steps you will see how they are principles that are biblical based. And I will tell you these people are some (not all) of the most honest people I have ever met. Working the steps is all about application and not doctrine. And it's not an easy program, but it's simple. It has changed my life for the better. For me, I found I had so much doctrine and was so confused about everything, I didn't even know what to think. I couldn't get to a solution to my problems. Going through the steps, changed me. It made me look at me instead of everyone else. It made me get honest about my life. It set me on the right course for my life. And it freed me from resentment, from putting the blame on people, being unforgiving. Eventually, it taught me how to maintain a life that is free from all those things. The past can freeze a person and cause them to stay in their prison of regret, depression, anger, and unforgiving state etc. It can cause you to just keep going around the same circle over and over again. I was at the point when I entered the program that I didn't think that even GOD could put me back together again, which I never wanted to admit to anyone. Thankfully, I was wrong. He has done more than put me back together again....he has gone way past my expectations. I will tell you that the 12 step program is a great program. I see miracles of lives being changed from the pit to healthy productive lives every day. Personally, I think everyone could benefit from working through the 12 steps. Who doesn't have a past that they aren't dragging around with them? Or Who doesn't have resentment, and anger, hurt and pain about their lives. Everyone does. How do I live today? I live those steps. I've learned how to forgive, let go and let God. I've learned how to get an accurate perception of things that go on in my life, I've learned how to be honest about me and how I live. God has worked amazingly in my life through this program, just by application of biblical principles. How can that be wrong?

I recently found a version that is the one I will use now. It is called the English Standard Version or ESV. It is becoming well known, especially the EVS Study Bible....Love it.

Totally agree with what Linda Z said.....I would do the same thing if I were them and an organization etc. used part of the name of my organization and they were involved with what The Way TV is involved in. I, too, was surprised that they knew what was going on outside in the World. And of course we know the slander that has gone on....Honestly, I don't know of anywhere where it doesn't go on.

Speaking in Tongues? I do it and love it. I did it before I ever got involved with TWI under instruction of a minister. Like someone said, there's too much evidence for me personally in my experiences and it lines up with what the bible says, for me to ever doubt it or the other manifestations. If it wasn't for the manifestations I would be dead. I had a 20% chance of living and Someone prayed for me and I was instantly healed....instantly. And the Dr. said, (Who was a Christian), Well, I can't write down in the medical records that you were healed by God, but I absolutely have no doubt that is what happened, cause that is the only way that you would be totally free of this disease. Thank God someone else also believed and utilized the manifestations in their lives and prayed for me that day. It was July 22, 1995. I speak of my experience and my beliefs as does everyone. Isn't it great to have the freedom to do that?

Happy Birthday Socks!!! Enjoy a celebration!!

I wasn't going to comment, but I can't help myself!! You are so funny EX!!! :)

Reading this took me back to the very first time I went to Headquarters with my fellowship coordinator. This was back in the 70's. She was trying to convince me that I should apply to be on staff. I remember we stayed in a mobilehome with a couple of other people. And basically, I just remember having a lot of fun. Meeting people, hanging out with others in their mobilehomes, attending some weekend activities which were fun. I left with a great impression of headquarters. But, I was hesitant about applying because I had only had the class for a couple of months. So I didn't. But, I never knew what really went on there if you were a staff person. And it wasn't until years later when I discovered what was really going on behind the scenes of the ministry in general, and at headquarters. Then it took another like 7 years before I REALLY knew what was going on. It all looked good to me in the beginning....but I was only getting the outside view and not the inside one. What was that thing....the label on the can? I was looking at the label and not what was inside....but when I did I was shocked. And after I left I was still shocked....but also shocked that I was so naive, or something to have been hoodwinked like I was.

I might be the only one....but I actually loved singing those songs in a group. We sang "The Lord knows the Way through the wilderness" a lot on my wow year. For me, it released a lot of tension...and found myself with others always laughing...Maybe I'm just a kid at heart. but I always liked it.

I can identify with you. I know if it hadn't been TWI, it would have just been another group of some sort. I, too, was searching for love and a family. And when I think about it, I did find some love and I did find some family in TWI...but, it wasn't all what I thought it was. I am very thankful I do have connections with some of my closest friends that were in TWI with me. They have always been a blessing to me and my life.

Well, I will be 63 years old and looking forward to the next 63 years!!!

Belated Happy Birthday Excie! May you have many more and may they be happier each year, full of love and goodness!!! Marriage...never have been married. When I was in my early 20's wanted to get married and have 12 children.....LOL Got in TWI when I was 25 and was in it for the next 13 years. During that time, the only things I thought about was bible, classes, fellowships..... After getting out, I had too much stuff of my own that I had to sort out, get help with, just recover my life. By the time that I was starting to feel good about God, my life, and others....I find that I am at an age that I will probably never get married. I grieved that for awhile, but then accepted where I was at in life, and how God had brought me to that point of being reasonably happy. I think Marriage can be a beautiful thing. But I also know that being single can be a beautiful thing too. I'm content and I try to live each day with some peace and joy. I like my life today!

Great topic.....thanks! When I left TWI I had a part time job and I would come home to this rocking chair and rock and think about my life. I was devistated, completely. I felt like the best years were lost...the years where people developed their careers, had families. I was out WOW, Doing classes, running a fellowship. Before I went into TWI I wanted to be a music teacher. After TWI, I didn't get a degree, but I had opportunities to teach some lessons, even directed a choir for a period of time and played for a short time in a band. Two years ago I ended doing music totally just because I felt it was time to do that. I had always wanted to write a book since HS...and of course that never happened in TWI. Last summer, I wrote my first small novel and I have just continued to write. I have a mentor now, a university professor, and I am writing plays. Who Knew? Certainly not I. But, I'm loving this new area of interest. It's like a hobby for me. I only know that I had to let go of the past, let go of what might have been, and just reach for the future, even though I had no idea what the future was suppose to look like. We "get" each other. We know the wounds, the hurts and this is a great place for healing. We can talk about whatever we want to talk about, get support, love and acceptance. I wish you well in your journey of life.....it's worth it.

I trust that any one who reads the book will receive insight and healing for your lives like it did for me. Be sure and post and let me know.

I had to start a topic on this after reading a book called, "Matters of the Heart" by Danielle Steel. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who has been in TWI. I could relate to the "thinking" of the main character. I saw myself in the book. I could relate to decision making that the main character went through. The confusion that eventually clouded the thoughts to the point of not knowing reality. I could see myself in the beginning of my stint in TWI thinking something is amiss here, but not really knowing what exactly. Seeing the red flags go up, but rationalizing why they were not true or eventually completely ignoring them. Pulled in by love and then going through various times of thinking maybe I should leave, but then staying because of what I thought was love. The thinking that if I left, I would be lost without TWI. Having other people outside tell me what they were seeing, but always taking up for TWI even though there were doubts and questions. Just so many things in this book brought a lot of things into a clear picture of my involvement. I thought it might help some others as it has me. I've been out for 25 years now. When I left I was pretty much a mess and didn't believe that even God could put me back together I was so far gone. I was angry, confused, disliking myself and pretty much everyone else. But now, 25 years later I am so not the person I was, but I have been put back together and have a reasonably happy life today. But, it's moments like reading this book, that the picture of what happened to me becomes even more clearer and vivid. Many posts here, many people here, have been a part of my recovery. And I thank you all. This has been a place where I could read your stories and relate to them and know it wasn't Just me that had gone through it. And I can't tell you how many days I spent in TWI wondering what is wrong with me and thinking no one else was going through what I was going through. I'm very thankful for your openness and honesty because it has been a huge part of my healing. I know now that no matter how bad of a state you think you are in, there is always hope of healing.

I have been out of TWI for 26 years now, and you know what song I found running through my head this afternoon? A song that went something like, "Speak the Word, Speak the Word (let it be heard) Speak the word, Speak the word....I speak the Word every day " By New Horizon.....and I stopped and said, now where did that come from??? I had not been thinking TWI, I had not been singing songs from the ministry. I was just walking down the hallway and suddenly it just started playing in my mind. So TWI stuff crops up in my mind ever so often, mostly at my surprise. Mostly it doesn't Hold my mind any more, but it certainly is not totally without a visit now and then. To get back on topic though, I think the deception came to me in the form of "Love". And I agree with what one said about VP not setting out to be what he became... I hear these naked stories and I am astounded. I guess I was so low on the totem pole I never heard or was involved. I feel for those who were....abuse is a terrible thing.

People from CES committed suicide too? I didn't know that.....where does it end?

This is so very sad to have read about these people. Most I had not heard about. Who else took their own lives? My heart just aches over these people. I'm glad you posted this, as others need to hear about these tragedies and maybe save their own lives. Thanks EX