It is the original "The Producers." You really need to sit down and watch it- both versions. They're very funny. Peter Sellers thought this movie was so funny, he went into his own pocket to buy ads promoting it, since the studio didn't bother- and he made the movie a success, and Mel Brooks a successful producer/director.
Yes, it is possible to take in a lot of money, produce a flop, then pocket the remaining money because nobody looked that closely into a flop. On the other hand, if it is a success, you're ruined because you could never pay off all the backers. (If you sell more than 100% of the profits, you can't have a successful production, it HAS to fail or you get caught and can't pay everyone back.)
So, they found the worst story, got the worst principal actor, and got the worst director. They sold something like 2000% of the production, and set out to close on opening night and retire to Rio. They accidentally ended up with a successful comedy. "Where did we go right?"
It is the original "The Producers." You really need to sit down and watch it- both versions. They're very funny. Peter Sellers thought this movie was so funny, he went into his own pocket to buy ads promoting it, since the studio didn't bother- and he made the movie a success, and Mel Brooks a successful producer/director.
Yes, it is possible to take in a lot of money, produce a flop, then pocket the remaining money because nobody looked that closely into a flop. On the other hand, if it is a success, you're ruined because you could never pay off all the backers. (If you sell more than 100% of the profits, you can't have a successful production, it HAS to fail or you get caught and can't pay everyone back.)
So, they found the worst story, got the worst principal actor, and got the worst director. They sold something like 2000% of the production, and set out to close on opening night and retire to Rio. They accidentally ended up with a successful comedy. "Where did we go right?"
And who could forget Kenneth Mars and "Springtime for Hitler"?
Given how odd this sounds, if it's not some sort of adult movie, I'm going to guess "AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON."
Your supposition is incorrect. This movie is a parody of a well-known franchise. I usually don't post from this genre, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that a couple of you may have seen it.
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
" Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don't know you've come here to steal the plans to my new interstellar hydro-combustion miracle-patented micro-teflon nuclear gamma strato rocketship-grade missile? Which was twenty years in the making? [Shows blue prints] And employs a new updraft design which lifts the ship on small spirals of synthetic strontium pellets? [puts blueprints back in jacket] Do you think I don't know that? Well, I've never even heard of it. So you're barking up the wrong tree."
"Don't worry Dale, I'll only stick it in halfway."
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
" Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don't know you've come here to steal the plans to my new interstellar hydro-combustion miracle-patented micro-teflon nuclear gamma strato rocketship-grade missile? Which was twenty years in the making?[Shows blue prints] And employs a new updraft design which lifts the ship on small spirals of synthetic strontium pellets?[puts blueprints back in jacket] Do you think I don't know that? Well, I've never even heard of it. So you're barking up the wrong tree."
"Don't worry Dale, I'll only stick it in halfway."
"Good. There's oxygen on this planet."
"With Wang out of the way, and his terrible regime dispersed, the Universe is once again safe for democracy and freedom. And the right of all to happiness, each to his own personal religious convictions."
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
" Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don't know you've come here to steal the plans to my new interstellar hydro-combustion miracle-patented micro-teflon nuclear gamma strato rocketship-grade missile? Which was twenty years in the making?[Shows blue prints] And employs a new updraft design which lifts the ship on small spirals of synthetic strontium pellets?[puts blueprints back in jacket] Do you think I don't know that? Well, I've never even heard of it. So you're barking up the wrong tree."
"Don't worry Dale, I'll only stick it in halfway."
"Good. There's oxygen on this planet."
"With Wang out of the way, and his terrible regime dispersed, the Universe is once again safe for democracy and freedom. And the right of all to happiness, each to his own personal religious convictions."
I'm going to flip all the cards, here. I would have thought I wasn't the only one to have seen "Flesh Gordon." Characters were Flesh Gordon, Dale Ardor, Dr. Flexi Jerkoff, and Emperor Wang, among others. The first two quotes were from a claymation monster who had kidnapped Dale and gets blasted by Flesh. (Funniest part of the movie.) It came out when I was in college.
"Headaches are like resolutions. You forget them as soon as they stop hurting."
"So far of those I've used, I haven't had much luck with any of them. Well, let's see what they say about this one. They tell you what it's ingredients are, and how it's guaranteed to exterminate every insect in the world, but they do not tell you whether or not it's painless. And I say, insect or man, death should always be painless."
"Sam, this is the last time."
"For what?"
"For this. Meeting you in secret so we can be secretive. You come down here on business trips, the occasional lunch hour, and I wish you wouldn't even come."
"All right, what do we do instead? Write each other lurid love letters? I can come down next week."
"No."
"Not even just to see you? Have lunch? In public."
"Oh, we can see each other. We can even have dinner, but respectably — in my house with my mother's picture on the mantle, and my sister helping me broil a big steak for three."
"And after the steak, do we send sister to the movies? Turn mama's picture to the wall?"
"Sam!"
"All right. Marion, whenever it's possible I want to see you and under any circumstances, even respectability."
"You make respectability sound disrespectful."
"Oh no, I'm all for it. But it requires patience, temperance, with a lot of sweating out. Otherwise though, it's just hard work. But if I could see you and touch you, you know, simply as this, I won't mind."
"You've never had an empty moment in your entire life, have you?"
"Only my share."
"Where are you going? I didn't mean to pry."
"I'm looking for a private island."
"What are you running away from?"
"Wh-why do you ask that?"
"People never run away from anything."
"The rain didn't last long, did it? [Pause] You know what I think? I think that we're all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We scratch and we claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch."
"Sometimes, we deliberately step into those traps."
"I was born in mine. I don't mind it anymore."
"Oh, but you should! You should mind it!"
"Oh, I do, [laughs] but I say I don't."
"You know, if anyone ever talked to me the way I heard — the way she spoke to you..."
"Headaches are like resolutions. You forget them as soon as they stop hurting."
"So far of those I've used, I haven't had much luck with any of them. Well, let's see what they say about this one. They tell you what it's ingredients are, and how it's guaranteed to exterminate every insect in the world, but they do not tell you whether or not it's painless. And I say, insect or man, death should always be painless."
"Sam, this is the last time."
"For what?"
"For this. Meeting you in secret so we can be secretive. You come down here on business trips, the occasional lunch hour, and I wish you wouldn't even come."
"All right, what do we do instead? Write each other lurid love letters? I can come down next week."
"No."
"Not even just to see you? Have lunch? In public."
"Oh, we can see each other. We can even have dinner, but respectably — in my house with my mother's picture on the mantle, and my sister helping me broil a big steak for three."
"And after the steak, do we send sister to the movies? Turn mama's picture to the wall?"
"Sam!"
"All right. Marion, whenever it's possible I want to see you and under any circumstances, even respectability."
"You make respectability sound disrespectful."
"Oh no, I'm all for it. But it requires patience, temperance, with a lot of sweating out. Otherwise though, it's just hard work. But if I could see you and touch you, you know, simply as this, I won't mind."
"You've never had an empty moment in your entire life, have you?"
"Only my share."
"Where are you going? I didn't mean to pry."
"I'm looking for a private island."
"What are you running away from?"
"Wh-why do you ask that?"
"People never run away from anything."
"The rain didn't last long, did it? [Pause] You know what I think? I think that we're all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We scratch and we claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch."
"Sometimes, we deliberately step into those traps."
"I was born in mine. I don't mind it anymore."
"Oh, but you should! You should mind it!"
"Oh, I do, [laughs] but I say I don't."
"You know, if anyone ever talked to me the way I heard — the way she spoke to you..."
"Uh... hold it there. In quite a hurry."
"Yes. Uh... I didn't intend to sleep so long. I almost had an accident last night, from sleepiness. So I decided to pull over."
"You slept here all night?"
"Yes. As I said, I couldn't keep my eyes open."
"There are plenty of motels in this area. You should've... I mean, just to be safe."
"I didn't intend to sleep all night! I just pulled over. Have I broken any laws?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then I'm free to go?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"Of course not. Am I acting as if there's something wrong?"
"Frankly, yes."
"Please... I'd like to go."
"Well, is there?"
Is there what? I've told you there's nothing wrong, except that I'm in a hurry and you're taking up my time."
"Now, just a moment! Turn off your motor, please. May I see your license?"
"Why?"
"Please."
"I'm in no mood for trouble."
"What?"
"There's an old saying, 'First customer of the day is always the trouble!' But like I say, I'm in no mood for it, so I'm gonna treat you so fair and square that you won't have one human reason to give me..."
"Can I trade my car in and take another?"
"Do anything you've a mind to. Bein' a woman, you will. That yours?"
"Yes, it's just that - there's nothing wrong with it. I just..."
"Sick of the sight of it! Well, why don't you have a look around here and see if there's somethin' that strikes your eyes, and meanwhile I'll have my mechanic give yours the once over. You want some coffee? I was just about..."
"No, thank you. I'm in a hurry. I just want to make a change, and..."
"One thing people never oughtta be when they're buyin' used cars, and that's in a hurry. But like I said, it's too nice a day to argue. I'll uh - shoot your car in the garage here."
"It's the first time the customer ever high-pressured the salesman. I figure roughly... your car plus seven hundred dollars."
"Seven hundred dollars?"
"You always got time to argue money, huh?"
"Heck, Officer, that was the first time I ever saw the customer high-pressure the salesman! Somebody chasin' her?"
"I better have a look at those papers, Charlie."
"She look like the wrong-one to you?"
"Acted like one."
The only funny thing, she paid me seven hundred dollars in cash."
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Flow7
Crimson Tide?
GeorgeStGeorge
I'm guessing that WW won't mind my adding a clue: the movie starred Danny Kaye. George
WordWolf
Once again, you posted a quote from a movie, where you could have posted 1/2 the script without me getting it, except for the one quote you posted. This was from early on in "Red Dawn."
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WordWolf
I suppose, once you get to the people who made the movie, you'll have the answer pretty quickly.
Edited by WordWolf.
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GeorgeStGeorge
Maybe Monty Python, but it's not Life of Brian or Holy Grail.
"And Now for Something Completely Different" (?)
George
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WordWolf
Not a comedy troupe. Seriously, once you work out who was in charge of making the movie, the title will suggest itself.
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GeorgeStGeorge
Silly me. I thought the Monty Python gang was in charge of making the movie.
Oh, I think I get it.
"The Producers"?
George
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WordWolf
It is the original "The Producers." You really need to sit down and watch it- both versions. They're very funny. Peter Sellers thought this movie was so funny, he went into his own pocket to buy ads promoting it, since the studio didn't bother- and he made the movie a success, and Mel Brooks a successful producer/director.
Yes, it is possible to take in a lot of money, produce a flop, then pocket the remaining money because nobody looked that closely into a flop. On the other hand, if it is a success, you're ruined because you could never pay off all the backers. (If you sell more than 100% of the profits, you can't have a successful production, it HAS to fail or you get caught and can't pay everyone back.)
So, they found the worst story, got the worst principal actor, and got the worst director. They sold something like 2000% of the production, and set out to close on opening night and retire to Rio. They accidentally ended up with a successful comedy. "Where did we go right?"
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GeorgeStGeorge
And who could forget Kenneth Mars and "Springtime for Hitler"?
George
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GeorgeStGeorge
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
George
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WordWolf
Given how odd this sounds, if it's not some sort of adult movie, I'm going to guess "AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON."
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GeorgeStGeorge
Your supposition is incorrect. This movie is a parody of a well-known franchise. I usually don't post from this genre, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that a couple of you may have seen it.
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
" Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don't know you've come here to steal the plans to my new interstellar hydro-combustion miracle-patented micro-teflon nuclear gamma strato rocketship-grade missile? Which was twenty years in the making? [Shows blue prints] And employs a new updraft design which lifts the ship on small spirals of synthetic strontium pellets? [puts blueprints back in jacket] Do you think I don't know that? Well, I've never even heard of it. So you're barking up the wrong tree."
"Don't worry Dale, I'll only stick it in halfway."
George
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WordWolf
How about A SPACE TRAVESTY? (Something like 2050 A Space Travesty?) Leslie Nielsen in another starring role in a spoof.
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GeorgeStGeorge
No. The name in the last quote is a clue.
George
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GeorgeStGeorge
"This is the Tower Of Murder, and it's where I hang out."
"Nobody burns my a-s-s and gets away with it!"
"These, my power pasties, are the only force that can stop the sex beam. Once accomplished, Earthlings, my spirit shall at last rest in peace."
" Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don't know you've come here to steal the plans to my new interstellar hydro-combustion miracle-patented micro-teflon nuclear gamma strato rocketship-grade missile? Which was twenty years in the making? [Shows blue prints] And employs a new updraft design which lifts the ship on small spirals of synthetic strontium pellets? [puts blueprints back in jacket] Do you think I don't know that? Well, I've never even heard of it. So you're barking up the wrong tree."
"Don't worry Dale, I'll only stick it in halfway."
"Good. There's oxygen on this planet."
"With Wang out of the way, and his terrible regime dispersed, the Universe is once again safe for democracy and freedom. And the right of all to happiness, each to his own personal religious convictions."
George
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Nathan_Jr
Spaceballs?
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GeorgeStGeorge
No.
I'm going to flip all the cards, here. I would have thought I wasn't the only one to have seen "Flesh Gordon." Characters were Flesh Gordon, Dale Ardor, Dr. Flexi Jerkoff, and Emperor Wang, among others. The first two quotes were from a claymation monster who had kidnapped Dale and gets blasted by Flesh. (Funniest part of the movie.) It came out when I was in college.
FREE POST!!!
George
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GeorgeStGeorge
This is probably too easy, but it might get the thread rolling again:
"You never study."
"Back off, man! We're SCIENTISTS!"
George
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GeorgeStGeorge
Well, I THOUGHT it would be easy...
"You never study."
"Back off, man! We're SCIENTISTS!"
1: "Are you a God?"
2: "No."
1: "Then... DIE!"
3: "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!"
"We came, we saw, we kicked it's a-s-s!"
George
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WordWolf
I was giving the others a chance to chime in. I had it from Peter Venkman's "Back off man, we're scientists."
"GHOSTBUSTERS."
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GeorgeStGeorge
Of course.
George
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GeorgeStGeorge
WW is up.
George
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WordWolf
What? Oh, right.
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WordWolf
"Headaches are like resolutions. You forget them as soon as they stop hurting."
"So far of those I've used, I haven't had much luck with any of them. Well, let's see what they say about this one. They tell you what it's ingredients are, and how it's guaranteed to exterminate every insect in the world, but they do not tell you whether or not it's painless. And I say, insect or man, death should always be painless."
"Sam, this is the last time."
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WordWolf
"Headaches are like resolutions. You forget them as soon as they stop hurting."
"So far of those I've used, I haven't had much luck with any of them. Well, let's see what they say about this one. They tell you what it's ingredients are, and how it's guaranteed to exterminate every insect in the world, but they do not tell you whether or not it's painless. And I say, insect or man, death should always be painless."
"Sam, this is the last time."
"Uh... hold it there. In quite a hurry."
"Yes. Uh... I didn't intend to sleep so long. I almost had an accident last night, from sleepiness. So I decided to pull over."
"You slept here all night?"
"Yes. As I said, I couldn't keep my eyes open."
"There are plenty of motels in this area. You should've... I mean, just to be safe."
"I didn't intend to sleep all night! I just pulled over. Have I broken any laws?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then I'm free to go?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"Of course not. Am I acting as if there's something wrong?"
"Frankly, yes."
"Please... I'd like to go."
"Well, is there?"
Is there what? I've told you there's nothing wrong, except that I'm in a hurry and you're taking up my time."
"Now, just a moment! Turn off your motor, please. May I see your license?"
"Why?"
"Please."
"I'm in no mood for trouble."
"What?"
"There's an old saying, 'First customer of the day is always the trouble!' But like I say, I'm in no mood for it, so I'm gonna treat you so fair and square that you won't have one human reason to give me..."
"Can I trade my car in and take another?"
"Do anything you've a mind to. Bein' a woman, you will. That yours?"
"Yes, it's just that - there's nothing wrong with it. I just..."
"Sick of the sight of it! Well, why don't you have a look around here and see if there's somethin' that strikes your eyes, and meanwhile I'll have my mechanic give yours the once over. You want some coffee? I was just about..."
"No, thank you. I'm in a hurry. I just want to make a change, and..."
"One thing people never oughtta be when they're buyin' used cars, and that's in a hurry. But like I said, it's too nice a day to argue. I'll uh - shoot your car in the garage here."
"It's the first time the customer ever high-pressured the salesman. I figure roughly... your car plus seven hundred dollars."
"Seven hundred dollars?"
"You always got time to argue money, huh?"
"Heck, Officer, that was the first time I ever saw the customer high-pressure the salesman! Somebody chasin' her?"
"I better have a look at those papers, Charlie."
"She look like the wrong-one to you?"
"Acted like one."
The only funny thing, she paid me seven hundred dollars in cash."
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Raf
Crazy People
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GeorgeStGeorge
If that's correct, it means the only things I remember from the movie were the off-the-wall ads (because I don't remember any of these lines).
George
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