We went to Des Moines right after our wedding. We had a total of $150 between us. I was so glad our wedding only cost us $200 and a tuxedo. I never gave Mrs. Out There an engagement ring and if I had I doubt she ever would have worn it. (She doesn't wear much jewelry). If our wedding had cost us anymore I doubt we would have had enough money for gas to get out of Emporia. We both really liked our "mass" wedding. yea we would probably do something different today but back then it was the best thing that could have happened to us.
What I am trying to say is I liked our wedding and never would have changed a thing.we have been married for 24 years now. We only had two 'dates' before we were married and hardly knew much about each other. Some might call it a game of roulette that we played and won but we found we love each other very much and always did and always will. we are already talking about plans for our next anniversary.
Aww. That's so sweet. I have a similar view of our wedding. It was a very special day, and I know God blessed us.
On July 26 we will be celebrating our 29th anniversary, the anniversary of a 6th Corps wedding I would rather forget. Although I loved my spouse, I hated my wedding.
When we began planning it, there were only two other engaged coupes in the 6th Corps who wanted VP to marry them some time after graduation. Then VP decided he didn't want to do three weddings in a row, and told us we should all get married in the same ceremony. Although I wasn't thrilled about having to plan our day along with two other couples and the inevitable compromises that would be involved, we wanted VP to do the wedding, and that was the only way he would do it. So we agreed. I understood there would be three, THREE couples.
However, as we began planning, it seemed like there was an avalanche of engagements in the Corps and they all wanted the same thing: VP to do the ceremony. So our once-small, intimate ceremony quickly evolved into a freaking circus. At about the same time I was deciding perhaps I would rather opt for a later private ceremony with some other clergy, VPW started making noises about how "selfish" it was to tie up a clergyman's schedule with all these separate wedding dates, and how "selfish" and "egotistical" it was to want to sequester yourself with your unbelieving family members and not want to celebrate your special day with 350 of your closest friends and staff at The Way C. of E. I then felt trapped into the huge group ceremony.
We had to vote on everyfreakingthing. Trying to plan a wedding by committee was ridiculous and just plain stupid. We had several seemingly endless meetings arguing over and thrashing out the details of an event that got bigger and more unmanageable week by week.
The nightmare began when in February we were planning a July wedding. Control freaks abounded who wanted to coordinate the look of the entire affair. There were a few girls who actually wanted us to coordinate the style of our wedding gowns-- the same wedding gowns for the brides and the same gowns for the bridesmaids! Several of us objected because we had ALREADY purchased our wedding gowns. Some of us had been planning on an indoor wedding when choosing our gowns, and had long sleeves. Not to mention, what we decided to wear on our own wedding day was our own business and should be no one else's decision. Thankfully that got knocked down, but it was decided that since many were on a budget, the grooms and best men would not be wearing tuxedos, but the same damn stupid navy blue suit.
It was then up for discussion how many guests we could invite, how many bridesmaids a person could have, and what color they should wear. Again, there were those who wanted all the bridesmaids to wear the same damn dress. That was voted down, but the majority decided on powder blue as the color. We had the same discussions regarding flowers. The same damn girls wanted the brides' bouquets to all be the same, likewise the bridesmaids would all carry the same bouquets, and the men the same boutinier. Since I was carrying red roses, I wanted my finace to wear a red rosebud. I was shouted down on that one, because, didn't I know, VPW is the ONLY person who is EVER allowed to wear a RED rose ANYWHERE at ANYTIME! So, while I carried red roses, my husband had to wear white. Thankfully, at least the brides could choose the other flowers for themselves and their wedding party.
It was then decided the ceremony would be outdoors by the pond at 10:30 in the morning. I reminded everyone that 10:30 a.m. in July in Kansas was going to be too hot, especially for those of us with long-sleeved gowns, and we should do an evening ceremony or begin in the early morning. At the time there was little or no shade in that area being discussed for the ceremony. I was shouted down on that one really quick. It then was suggested that those of us who had purchased long-sleeved gowns (forget the fact that we were the first ones in the group, and had purchased our gowns a long time ago) should return our gowns and choose new ones with short sleeves. That was impractical or impossible for many of us who had bought gowns out of town during Christmas break in other areas of the country. So it was decided the brides could choose their own gowns. But that 10:30 am time slot came back to haunt us.
Then, the cake. We were told the college was going to provide one big cake and punch for everyone. Those of us who were in on it in the beginning had already put money down on our own private wedding cakes. Enough of us raised a fuss that it was decided that we could each have our own cake if we wanted, but there would be one big one for those who could not afford a separate cake. It was decided that each wedding party would have it's own table outdoors, and if you had a cake, you could have it set up on the table. But if you wanted punch, you had to come inside the Wierwille library for it because it would be set up next to the big communal wedding cake, and Way Productions would be providing the music at the reception. I simply instructed my parents to bring their own punch bowl and ingredients, which they did.
Then we discussed music. No Wagner. The traditional Wedding March was originally a funeral dirge, don't you know. I didn't care, but I know a couple of other brides, who all their lives had looked forward to stepping down the aisle to that piece, were really disappointed. A few dropped out at that point, but by then we had over 15 or 16 couples and the ranks seemed to be rapidly swelling by the week as couples were trying to squeeze in at the last minute. Any newcomers had to buy into anything we had already decided on.
Then at another meeting, we discussed photography. I had already visited a professional studio in the area and picked out a package, but had not yet put money down. We were flat out told there would be no professional photographers from town allowed on the campus. They didn't want unbelievers wandering around the campus taking photographs. (Did they forget about all the "unbeliever" wedding guests with cameras?) We had several "professional" photographers on campus and we could use their services. --Actually, because there were so many couples and not enough photographers, the photographers were assigned to divide their time between shooting several different couples each on that day.
At the wedding rehearsal the day before, it was hot as hell and VP wanted to change the time of the wedding to earlier in the day. Of course there were objections from couples who had guests who would miss the wedding if the time was changed, so we were locked into a ceremony in the blazing hot Kansas sun. VP was ticked, and wanted to know who the hell decided on that stupid time frame. I had tried to tell them...
The next day, it was pushing 90 degrees by 9:00 a.m. The seating arrangement for the guests was interesting. The only shady spots in the entire area were set up for the Wilsxn wedding and the Mirxbito wedding, weddings which included the 6th Corps coordinators, of course. And there was another party who were in partial shade, and that area, again, was reserved for a higher mucky-muck. Everyone else was baking in the sun. As the ceremony began, the heat increased, the sweat poured as people silently prayed for even the slightest breeze in vain, and grooms began to faint and fall at the feet of their horrified brides. I believe Txm Plain was one of them, and Nik Maxsxn.
By the time the ceremony was over and the reception began, my elderly grandparents were sweltering in the sun and beginning to look ill. We went to our table near the pines next to UH hall, and found there were NO CHAIRS for my elderly guests to sit in. My new husband had to leave my side to round up seating for my grandparents, while we all stood around in the hot sun. We then cut my cake, drank a toast, and waited for the the photographer to get to us to take photographs, but by then I could tell the heat was taking a toll on my grandparents. I made a decision. I didn't give a damn. I picked up my wedding party and moved the entire thing, cake, punch, gifts, and all, down into the basement of the Campus Center Snack Shop area where I knew there were plenty of chairs and air conditioning. To hell with the fxcking community party.
We had our own private reception in the coolness of the snack shop, opened gifts, shared memories, ate cake and drank punch down there. No Way Productions crappy music, but no dance with my father, either. After my husband and I left, my maid of honor and my family cleaned up our private "reception" and made sure we left no mess behind, although somehow the punch bowl never made it back to my parents. Oh, well.
After the wedding, we waited, and waited for our photographs to be delivered. No photos. It seemed like everyone who got married that summer had their pics but us. I made countless unanswered phone calls to Mxrk Rxnge, the photography coordinator, to find out what happened to my photos. After our wedding in July, I think it was maybe Christmas, or even the next January before I got even an explanation from anyone about what had happened. It was insinuated that I should be "thankful" I got ANY photographs, as there were countless problems among the photographers, including some who didn't even remember to put film in their cameras.
The "professional" photographer who was assigned to take our photos was assigned to split his time between us and a wedding party who was in the shade. And he forgot to set his camera exposure properly when he was switching back and forth between their party in the shade, and our party in the sun. Consequently, he horribly overexposed our photographs and they had to go through special processing to try to fix them. Unfortunately there was no fixing them. Most of our photographs were ruined. The photograph of my Dad walking me down the aisle, I had to throw away. My dress was GREEN, there were strange shadows and smears across our faces.
I still get angry when I think about how we, and especially our guests, were NOT cared for properly.
I have one photograph of my wedding that I treasure. It was snapped by my sister, just before my husband and I kissed.
Why would anyone in later Corps, knowing what a joke the group weddings were, want to get married that way, you may ask?
Many of you will remember that it quickly became verbotten to NOT get married in the Corps Weddings, and you were on VPW's short $h!t list if you did otherwise.
I remember VPW discussing it frequently, at every Corps Week, publicly naming and denigrating the new couples who "egotistically" failed to get married in the most recent Corps Weddings, and "selfishly" tied up clergy schedules and lavishly spent money on private weddings and receptions to satisfy their own egoes and their unbelieiving families.
Several years later, I believe it was a couple in the 6th Corps (I believe it was the Wajnbergs), who got married outside the Corps Weddings, who stood up at an open mic one Corps Week after yet another one of VPW's public demeaning tirades against people who refused to get married at the Corps Weddings. They stood up to VPW and bravely defended themselves in public.
The weddings had become too big and expensive an event, and this couple was so financially strapped that they couldn't afford it,. They were just going to go to a justice of the peace, and when their Corps friends found out, they pooled funds and volunteered materials and work in order to put their wedding on in somebody's basement. This couple said there was nothing selfish about it, and had their friends not selflessly done even that for them, they couldn't have afforded to do anything but go to a justice of the peace. VPW then changed his tune, because they rightfully embarassed the sh!t out of him in public and he could no longer justify his position.
When I turned to my maid of honor to get my husband's ring during the ceremony, she nervously whispered, "I don't have the ring. I lost the ring."
I faked putting the ring on my husband's finger, while telling him she lost the ring.
He grinned through the whole thing. We had a photo scheduled to be shot with both of our hands across a bible. He put his brother's class ring on backwards and it looked like his wedding ring.
We never found the ring.
He went back a month or so later with a metal detector to try to find the ring, with no luck. The only thing we can figure out is she must have dropped it while walking across the bridge and it rolled into the pond.
Catcup...Thanks for sharing your perspective on the group wedding. They ALWAYS bothered me and your detailed description sheds some light on the feelings that I have always had about them.
I know that in many cases, the families of those getting married were shunned and pushed to the side. Traditionally, the mother of the bride has always been very involved with her daughter's wedding and it is supposed to be a very personal time for the family. Wierwille hi-jacked this event away from the family and took control of yet another aspect of his cult member's life.
Harmony in the home?...another lie on that damned green card.
PS...When I got married, it was the first wedding ever at camp Gunnison (we were the only couple)...Wierwille and his wife attended as a guest but the ceremony was done by D*ve Stan***e....at the recption ( a private location about 10 miles from Gunnison), I was informed (by Stan***e) that my bride and I were to invite Wierwille and his wife to join us at the "head table", that consisted of 4 chairs...family mambers from both sides were excluded from joining us. I reluctantly agreed, much to my regret.
Wierwille always found a way to make himself the center of attention.
I know that in many cases, the families of those getting married were shunned and pushed to the side. Traditionally, the mother of the bride has always been very involved with her daughter's wedding and it is supposed to be a very personal time for the family. Wierwille hi-jacked this event away from the family and took control of yet another aspect of his cult member's life.
Wierwille always found a way to make himself the center of attention.
Reasons I heard VPW give for getting married in The Corps Weddings:
One of the things VPW always complained about to the Corps, was how the parents of the bride, usually "unbelievers," and especially the mother, tried to control the wedding of their Wayfer kid, especially if they were people of wealth. Money was used to manipulate the "innie." The bride's parents customarily pay for the wedding, and therefore, said VP, they would use that fact to manipulate the bride in order to control her, control the event, and get their own way. Apparently there were lots of instances that got under VPWs skin, where a resentful parent would snub the Wayfolk or clergy during the event in some kind of way. In his mind, if TWI controlled the wedding, they could marginalize the unbelievers.
VPW frequently publicly stated that many weddings were simply "egotistical displays of selfishness" on the part of those being married and their families, and were "a disgrace to God." If you were really a spiritual man or woman, you understood that TWI was more important than your family ties, and would not allow yourself to be manipulated by your family. And you should rightly want to celebrate such a momentous event in your life with those who mean the most to you: Your brothers and sisters in Christ, who are committed to serve like you are.
He also complained about having to schedule one wedding right after another for 8 to 10 weeks after Corps graduation and it was more considerate of him as a clergyman to allow him to do them all at one time.
In a nutshell, all that was his rationale for doing a huge group wedding: To see to it that he and the mucky-mucks were properly recognized according to Way custom, remove any opportunity for an "unbeliever" to "disrespect" him or any other TWI clergy, remove any opportunity for an "unbeliever" to hold influence over or manipulate a wayfer, and for his own person convenience, of course.
It really was tragic to have your wedding steamrolled like that. Apparently, though, they did fix one mistake in later years: the weddings I attended (in 1982) were in the evening. I don't remember how warm it was, but I don't remember it being unbearable, either.
VP was really mad at the rehearsal when he saw how hot it was going to be. He wanted to change it, but some couples complained that it would have made some guests either miss the wedding, or their flights home afterward.
After having to stand there and perform all those weddings in the hot sun and having to revive several grooms after they fainted, yeah, he made sure to "fix" that the next time around.
VPW frequently publicly stated that many weddings were simply "egotistical displays of selfishness" on the part of those being married and their families, and were "a disgrace to God." If you were really a spiritual man or woman, you understood that TWI was more important than your family ties, and would not allow yourself to be manipulated by your family. And you should rightly want to celebrate such a momentous event in your life with those who mean the most to you: Your brothers and sisters in Christ, who are committed to serve like you are.
In contrast, of course, to the "egotistical displays of selfishness" on the part of the cornfield counterfeit...To think how this guy would take away a mom's lifelong dream of planning her daughter's wedding just so that he could strut out in front of a crowd of people and receive the adoration and attention that he felt he deserved...and at the same time putting the family in "it's proper place" by relegating them to being passive observers in the back row...manipulated by your family?...this guy was committed to manipulating people.
...but but, my mom's a good Christian woman!...not if she hasn't taken MY class!...what a worm he was! somebody should have slapped the drambuie out of him.
On July 26 we will be celebrating our 29th anniversary, the anniversary of a 6th Corps wedding I would rather forget. Although I loved my spouse, I hated my wedding.
Catcup, Happy upcoming Anniversary! Thanks for sharing all these details. I'm sorry that people who like to control others (from the top on down) had to ruin your special day. It sounds like everything that was wrong with TWI played a part in the debacle.
Your posts do put a historical perspecive on the corps weddings and how they evolved. I was wondering if the 6th Corps was the 1st "mass" corps wedding? I'm thinking they were the 1st at Emporia since you guys were the 1st corps at Emporia, right?
Many of you will remember that it quickly became verbotten to NOT get married in the Corps Weddings, and you were on VPW's short $h!t list if you did otherwise.
I remember VPW discussing it frequently, at every Corps Week, publicly naming and denigrating the new couples who "egotistically" failed to get married in the most recent Corps Weddings, and "selfishly" tied up clergy schedules and lavishly spent money on private weddings and receptions to satisfy their own egoes and their unbelieiving families.
Several years later, I believe it was a couple in the 6th Corps (I believe it was the Wajnbergs), who got married outside the Corps Weddings, who stood up at an open mic one Corps Week after yet another one of VPW's public demeaning tirades against people who refused to get married at the Corps Weddings. They stood up to VPW and bravely defended themselves in public.
Can't resist chiming here. I am one of those selfish bast*rds in the 6th corps but I married "outside" the Corps.
No room in the mass wedding for us let alone VP doing it. 29 years later we're still going in spite of he predictions and after reading cat's post I would have been one of those guys who fainted.
Thanks for the post Cat brought back lots of memories.
Gee- I was so far gone and I didn't think about my Mom wanting to help plan my wedding until you mentioned it Catcup. Boy now I feel like a heel-something else to apologize to my Mom for.
I was such a waybot and so worked up about no negative believing in the delivery room of my first child that I had my Mom wait in the waiting room while I was in labor. I sure did some stupid things.
At least we have survived 13 years when we were basically yelled at for wanting to get married--and then told all the reasons why we shouldn't get married. We had to patiently wait for lcm's "blessing"
Catcup, Happy upcoming Anniversary! Thanks for sharing all these details. I'm sorry that people who like to control others (from the top on down) had to ruin your special day. It sounds like everything that was wrong with TWI played a part in the debacle.
Your posts do put a historical perspecive on the corps weddings and how they evolved. I was wondering if the 6th Corps was the 1st "mass" corps wedding? I'm thinking they were the 1st at Emporia since you guys were the 1st corps at Emporia, right?
Thanks!
The 6th Corps was the first "mass" Corps wedding, July 26, 1978.
However the Martindale wedding was probably the first "multiple" wedding. I think there were four or five Corps couples that VP married at the same time, done at HQ, in 1976. I am pretty sure that Jxhn and Mxg Kxsh were one of the couples in that ceremony with the Martindales. Don't know who the others were.
So they were the prototype. I remember Donna coming to one of our early planning meetings and bringing her wedding photos for us to look at, to help convince us that a group wedding wasn't so bad. After all, we were only going to have only three (THREE) couples, and they had more, and it was still very intimate. After all, it's your faithful Corps brothers and sisters you're getting married with. I think they were married under the apple trees, and the reception looked like it was in front of Ye Olde Snack Shoppe.
What our event became was a far cry from what she represented to us.
The 6th Corps was the first "mass" Corps wedding, July 26, 1978.
However the Martindale wedding was probably the first "multiple" wedding. I think there were four or five Corps couples that VP married at the same time, done at HQ, in 1976. I am pretty sure that Jxhn and Mxg Kxsh were one of the couples in that ceremony with the Martindales. Don't know who the others were.
So they were the prototype. I remember Donna coming to one of our early planning meetings and bringing her wedding photos for us to look at, to help convince us that a group wedding wasn't so bad. After all, we were only going to have only three (THREE) couples, and they had more, and it was still very intimate. After all, it's your faithful Corps brothers and sisters you're getting married with. I think they were married under the apple trees, and the reception looked like it was in front of Ye Olde Snack Shoppe.
What our event became was a far cry from what she represented to us.
I was on my interim year on staff the year the 4th corps graduated(because they graduated after RACA) and for some reason 15 couples sticks out in my mind....M and B Gl**kin, K and H S***uth, R and J B*lt, if I thought long enough I could most likely name all 15. Seems like it was the apple trees, Catcup. And of course, at least 8-10 4th kork couples got married, as well.
The 6th kork weddings, ah yes Kansas full-scale late July heat in a navy blue wool siut, 3-piece, natch...... I was a groomsman along w/ Larry Romai*e for a 6th kork couple. A truly Zen-like experience as one attempted to transcend the heat....
passing out water to little old ladies about to swoon. Speaking of swoon, yes TP and NM but first before either of them was Dav*d H**shead, I believe. And he crumpled like a freaking sack o' potatoes....
It was not Al W, it was Steph*n Ha**ison and Th*r*sa that stepped up to take ole vicsters wrath and SH handled himself quite well as I remember.
So sorry to hear that it was even worse than I knew or remembered it to be, Catcup. Good ole way daze, vicster always had all the answers, even to stuff nobody asked and nobody wanted his opinion on....fricking busy-body that he was and control freak to boot....
I was on my interim year on staff the year the 4th corps graduated(because they graduated after RACA) and for some reason 15 couples sticks out in my mind....M and B Gl**kin, K and H S***uth, R and J B*lt, if I thought long enough I could most likely name all 15. Seems like it was the apple trees, Catcup. And of course, at least 8-10 4th kork couples got married, as well.
Yep, the Gluckins, Sudduths, & Belts. I thought it was "special" that they let two 6th Corps folk, who had not yet graduated, get married in the middle of training, usually a "no-no." That was Mark Glxckin to Sara, and Meg Wxtson to John Kxsh. I didn't remember 15 couples, though, but I wasn't at HQ and you were, so I trust your bemembery better. Maybe they had the reception areas broken up into groups of 4 our 5. Maybe that's why I remember that number for some reason. I know Donna came to us using her experience to sell us on the group weeding thing.
The 6th kork weddings, ah yes Kansas full-scale late July heat in a navy blue wool siut, 3-piece, natch...... I was a groomsman along w/ Larry Romai*e for a 6th kork couple. A truly Zen-like experience as one attempted to transcend the heat....
passing out water to little old ladies about to swoon. Speaking of swoon, yes TP and NM but first before either of them was Dav*d H**shead, I believe. And he crumpled like a freaking sack o' potatoes....
Yep, I forgot David. He and Shermaine were one of the three originals along with me & Geek, and the Prxce-Wilsxn matchup.
It was not Al W, it was Steph*n Ha**ison and Th*r*sa that stepped up to take ole vicsters wrath and SH handled himself quite well as I remember.
By golly, you are right, it WAS the Harrisons. I remeber it was Theresa Doering, but wrongly had her matched up with Al. And yes, they handled themselves really well, and to thunderous applause as I remember. I was so proud of them for standing up to VP. Rare, indeed. Big Holy Brass Ones.
Was proud of them then, even more proud of them today. Hope they are doing well.
What a shame that VPW made some terrible comments about people wanting their families at their wedding. I always thought it was terrible that clergy was treated better than the couple being married. No matter what clergy was the most important person/people at ANY event. I hate that mentality.
I'm sorry for those of you who had group weddings and didn't want to. I remember my BF getting married at HQ in 2001. They had a mass reception for all getting married. There were about 7 couples that year. There wasn't anything special about it. It was like eating dinner at an Advanced Class. Sure there were decorations and dancing, but it was all controlled by TWI. And Rosie and her bunch still sat at the head table. I'm so glad I didn't get married at HQ.
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wrdsandwrks
Aww. That's so sweet. I have a similar view of our wedding. It was a very special day, and I know God blessed us.
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excathedra
i wish he had blessed me
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GeorgeStGeorge
He has, though perhaps not in this way. How's your goalie? :)
George
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wrdsandwrks
Amen to that!
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Catcup
On July 26 we will be celebrating our 29th anniversary, the anniversary of a 6th Corps wedding I would rather forget. Although I loved my spouse, I hated my wedding.
When we began planning it, there were only two other engaged coupes in the 6th Corps who wanted VP to marry them some time after graduation. Then VP decided he didn't want to do three weddings in a row, and told us we should all get married in the same ceremony. Although I wasn't thrilled about having to plan our day along with two other couples and the inevitable compromises that would be involved, we wanted VP to do the wedding, and that was the only way he would do it. So we agreed. I understood there would be three, THREE couples.
However, as we began planning, it seemed like there was an avalanche of engagements in the Corps and they all wanted the same thing: VP to do the ceremony. So our once-small, intimate ceremony quickly evolved into a freaking circus. At about the same time I was deciding perhaps I would rather opt for a later private ceremony with some other clergy, VPW started making noises about how "selfish" it was to tie up a clergyman's schedule with all these separate wedding dates, and how "selfish" and "egotistical" it was to want to sequester yourself with your unbelieving family members and not want to celebrate your special day with 350 of your closest friends and staff at The Way C. of E. I then felt trapped into the huge group ceremony.
We had to vote on every freaking thing. Trying to plan a wedding by committee was ridiculous and just plain stupid. We had several seemingly endless meetings arguing over and thrashing out the details of an event that got bigger and more unmanageable week by week.
The nightmare began when in February we were planning a July wedding. Control freaks abounded who wanted to coordinate the look of the entire affair. There were a few girls who actually wanted us to coordinate the style of our wedding gowns-- the same wedding gowns for the brides and the same gowns for the bridesmaids! Several of us objected because we had ALREADY purchased our wedding gowns. Some of us had been planning on an indoor wedding when choosing our gowns, and had long sleeves. Not to mention, what we decided to wear on our own wedding day was our own business and should be no one else's decision. Thankfully that got knocked down, but it was decided that since many were on a budget, the grooms and best men would not be wearing tuxedos, but the same damn stupid navy blue suit.
It was then up for discussion how many guests we could invite, how many bridesmaids a person could have, and what color they should wear. Again, there were those who wanted all the bridesmaids to wear the same damn dress. That was voted down, but the majority decided on powder blue as the color. We had the same discussions regarding flowers. The same damn girls wanted the brides' bouquets to all be the same, likewise the bridesmaids would all carry the same bouquets, and the men the same boutinier. Since I was carrying red roses, I wanted my finace to wear a red rosebud. I was shouted down on that one, because, didn't I know, VPW is the ONLY person who is EVER allowed to wear a RED rose ANYWHERE at ANYTIME! So, while I carried red roses, my husband had to wear white. Thankfully, at least the brides could choose the other flowers for themselves and their wedding party.
It was then decided the ceremony would be outdoors by the pond at 10:30 in the morning. I reminded everyone that 10:30 a.m. in July in Kansas was going to be too hot, especially for those of us with long-sleeved gowns, and we should do an evening ceremony or begin in the early morning. At the time there was little or no shade in that area being discussed for the ceremony. I was shouted down on that one really quick. It then was suggested that those of us who had purchased long-sleeved gowns (forget the fact that we were the first ones in the group, and had purchased our gowns a long time ago) should return our gowns and choose new ones with short sleeves. That was impractical or impossible for many of us who had bought gowns out of town during Christmas break in other areas of the country. So it was decided the brides could choose their own gowns. But that 10:30 am time slot came back to haunt us.
Then, the cake. We were told the college was going to provide one big cake and punch for everyone. Those of us who were in on it in the beginning had already put money down on our own private wedding cakes. Enough of us raised a fuss that it was decided that we could each have our own cake if we wanted, but there would be one big one for those who could not afford a separate cake. It was decided that each wedding party would have it's own table outdoors, and if you had a cake, you could have it set up on the table. But if you wanted punch, you had to come inside the Wierwille library for it because it would be set up next to the big communal wedding cake, and Way Productions would be providing the music at the reception. I simply instructed my parents to bring their own punch bowl and ingredients, which they did.
Then we discussed music. No Wagner. The traditional Wedding March was originally a funeral dirge, don't you know. I didn't care, but I know a couple of other brides, who all their lives had looked forward to stepping down the aisle to that piece, were really disappointed. A few dropped out at that point, but by then we had over 15 or 16 couples and the ranks seemed to be rapidly swelling by the week as couples were trying to squeeze in at the last minute. Any newcomers had to buy into anything we had already decided on.
Then at another meeting, we discussed photography. I had already visited a professional studio in the area and picked out a package, but had not yet put money down. We were flat out told there would be no professional photographers from town allowed on the campus. They didn't want unbelievers wandering around the campus taking photographs. (Did they forget about all the "unbeliever" wedding guests with cameras?) We had several "professional" photographers on campus and we could use their services. --Actually, because there were so many couples and not enough photographers, the photographers were assigned to divide their time between shooting several different couples each on that day.
At the wedding rehearsal the day before, it was hot as hell and VP wanted to change the time of the wedding to earlier in the day. Of course there were objections from couples who had guests who would miss the wedding if the time was changed, so we were locked into a ceremony in the blazing hot Kansas sun. VP was ticked, and wanted to know who the hell decided on that stupid time frame. I had tried to tell them...
The next day, it was pushing 90 degrees by 9:00 a.m. The seating arrangement for the guests was interesting. The only shady spots in the entire area were set up for the Wilsxn wedding and the Mirxbito wedding, weddings which included the 6th Corps coordinators, of course. And there was another party who were in partial shade, and that area, again, was reserved for a higher mucky-muck. Everyone else was baking in the sun. As the ceremony began, the heat increased, the sweat poured as people silently prayed for even the slightest breeze in vain, and grooms began to faint and fall at the feet of their horrified brides. I believe Txm Plain was one of them, and Nik Maxsxn.
By the time the ceremony was over and the reception began, my elderly grandparents were sweltering in the sun and beginning to look ill. We went to our table near the pines next to UH hall, and found there were NO CHAIRS for my elderly guests to sit in. My new husband had to leave my side to round up seating for my grandparents, while we all stood around in the hot sun. We then cut my cake, drank a toast, and waited for the the photographer to get to us to take photographs, but by then I could tell the heat was taking a toll on my grandparents. I made a decision. I didn't give a damn. I picked up my wedding party and moved the entire thing, cake, punch, gifts, and all, down into the basement of the Campus Center Snack Shop area where I knew there were plenty of chairs and air conditioning. To hell with the fxcking community party.
We had our own private reception in the coolness of the snack shop, opened gifts, shared memories, ate cake and drank punch down there. No Way Productions crappy music, but no dance with my father, either. After my husband and I left, my maid of honor and my family cleaned up our private "reception" and made sure we left no mess behind, although somehow the punch bowl never made it back to my parents. Oh, well.
After the wedding, we waited, and waited for our photographs to be delivered. No photos. It seemed like everyone who got married that summer had their pics but us. I made countless unanswered phone calls to Mxrk Rxnge, the photography coordinator, to find out what happened to my photos. After our wedding in July, I think it was maybe Christmas, or even the next January before I got even an explanation from anyone about what had happened. It was insinuated that I should be "thankful" I got ANY photographs, as there were countless problems among the photographers, including some who didn't even remember to put film in their cameras.
The "professional" photographer who was assigned to take our photos was assigned to split his time between us and a wedding party who was in the shade. And he forgot to set his camera exposure properly when he was switching back and forth between their party in the shade, and our party in the sun. Consequently, he horribly overexposed our photographs and they had to go through special processing to try to fix them. Unfortunately there was no fixing them. Most of our photographs were ruined. The photograph of my Dad walking me down the aisle, I had to throw away. My dress was GREEN, there were strange shadows and smears across our faces.
I still get angry when I think about how we, and especially our guests, were NOT cared for properly.
I have one photograph of my wedding that I treasure. It was snapped by my sister, just before my husband and I kissed.
Why would anyone in later Corps, knowing what a joke the group weddings were, want to get married that way, you may ask?
Many of you will remember that it quickly became verbotten to NOT get married in the Corps Weddings, and you were on VPW's short $h!t list if you did otherwise.
I remember VPW discussing it frequently, at every Corps Week, publicly naming and denigrating the new couples who "egotistically" failed to get married in the most recent Corps Weddings, and "selfishly" tied up clergy schedules and lavishly spent money on private weddings and receptions to satisfy their own egoes and their unbelieiving families.
Several years later, I believe it was a couple in the 6th Corps (I believe it was the Wajnbergs), who got married outside the Corps Weddings, who stood up at an open mic one Corps Week after yet another one of VPW's public demeaning tirades against people who refused to get married at the Corps Weddings. They stood up to VPW and bravely defended themselves in public.
The weddings had become too big and expensive an event, and this couple was so financially strapped that they couldn't afford it,. They were just going to go to a justice of the peace, and when their Corps friends found out, they pooled funds and volunteered materials and work in order to put their wedding on in somebody's basement. This couple said there was nothing selfish about it, and had their friends not selflessly done even that for them, they couldn't have afforded to do anything but go to a justice of the peace. VPW then changed his tune, because they rightfully embarassed the sh!t out of him in public and he could no longer justify his position.
I was proud of them for doing it.
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excathedra
thank you catcup, nice post
oh i dare not let this little tidbit slide -
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Catcup
Oh-- forgot to tell you--
When I turned to my maid of honor to get my husband's ring during the ceremony, she nervously whispered, "I don't have the ring. I lost the ring."
I faked putting the ring on my husband's finger, while telling him she lost the ring.
He grinned through the whole thing. We had a photo scheduled to be shot with both of our hands across a bible. He put his brother's class ring on backwards and it looked like his wedding ring.
We never found the ring.
He went back a month or so later with a metal detector to try to find the ring, with no luck. The only thing we can figure out is she must have dropped it while walking across the bridge and it rolled into the pond.
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excathedra
wedding from hell
you guys should renew your vows and have a real wedding
hugs
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Catcup
Thanks, ex
Wedding from hell is my opinion, too.
Maybe one day we will renew our vows and have a real ceremony.
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GrouchoMarxJr
Catcup...Thanks for sharing your perspective on the group wedding. They ALWAYS bothered me and your detailed description sheds some light on the feelings that I have always had about them.
I know that in many cases, the families of those getting married were shunned and pushed to the side. Traditionally, the mother of the bride has always been very involved with her daughter's wedding and it is supposed to be a very personal time for the family. Wierwille hi-jacked this event away from the family and took control of yet another aspect of his cult member's life.
Harmony in the home?...another lie on that damned green card.
PS...When I got married, it was the first wedding ever at camp Gunnison (we were the only couple)...Wierwille and his wife attended as a guest but the ceremony was done by D*ve Stan***e....at the recption ( a private location about 10 miles from Gunnison), I was informed (by Stan***e) that my bride and I were to invite Wierwille and his wife to join us at the "head table", that consisted of 4 chairs...family mambers from both sides were excluded from joining us. I reluctantly agreed, much to my regret.
Wierwille always found a way to make himself the center of attention.
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George Aar
I remember being freaked out when I heard that the "Corps" were married in group.
It reminded me a bit to much of Rev. Moon's organization.
Geeze, all those blatant signals and it STILL took me another 10 years to bail.
No, I wasn't brainwashed. Not a bit...
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Catcup
Reasons I heard VPW give for getting married in The Corps Weddings:
One of the things VPW always complained about to the Corps, was how the parents of the bride, usually "unbelievers," and especially the mother, tried to control the wedding of their Wayfer kid, especially if they were people of wealth. Money was used to manipulate the "innie." The bride's parents customarily pay for the wedding, and therefore, said VP, they would use that fact to manipulate the bride in order to control her, control the event, and get their own way. Apparently there were lots of instances that got under VPWs skin, where a resentful parent would snub the Wayfolk or clergy during the event in some kind of way. In his mind, if TWI controlled the wedding, they could marginalize the unbelievers.
VPW frequently publicly stated that many weddings were simply "egotistical displays of selfishness" on the part of those being married and their families, and were "a disgrace to God." If you were really a spiritual man or woman, you understood that TWI was more important than your family ties, and would not allow yourself to be manipulated by your family. And you should rightly want to celebrate such a momentous event in your life with those who mean the most to you: Your brothers and sisters in Christ, who are committed to serve like you are.
He also complained about having to schedule one wedding right after another for 8 to 10 weeks after Corps graduation and it was more considerate of him as a clergyman to allow him to do them all at one time.
In a nutshell, all that was his rationale for doing a huge group wedding: To see to it that he and the mucky-mucks were properly recognized according to Way custom, remove any opportunity for an "unbeliever" to "disrespect" him or any other TWI clergy, remove any opportunity for an "unbeliever" to hold influence over or manipulate a wayfer, and for his own person convenience, of course.
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GeorgeStGeorge
Catcup,
It really was tragic to have your wedding steamrolled like that. Apparently, though, they did fix one mistake in later years: the weddings I attended (in 1982) were in the evening. I don't remember how warm it was, but I don't remember it being unbearable, either.
George
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Catcup
VP was really mad at the rehearsal when he saw how hot it was going to be. He wanted to change it, but some couples complained that it would have made some guests either miss the wedding, or their flights home afterward.
After having to stand there and perform all those weddings in the hot sun and having to revive several grooms after they fainted, yeah, he made sure to "fix" that the next time around.
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coolchef
what a jerk he was{ vpee} i hope he is haveing fun in hell!!!!
to rob all of those special moments from you is just cause to rot for ever!!
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GrouchoMarxJr
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wrdsandwrks
Catcup, Happy upcoming Anniversary! Thanks for sharing all these details. I'm sorry that people who like to control others (from the top on down) had to ruin your special day. It sounds like everything that was wrong with TWI played a part in the debacle.
Your posts do put a historical perspecive on the corps weddings and how they evolved. I was wondering if the 6th Corps was the 1st "mass" corps wedding? I'm thinking they were the 1st at Emporia since you guys were the 1st corps at Emporia, right?
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griffp
Can't resist chiming here. I am one of those selfish bast*rds in the 6th corps but I married "outside" the Corps.
No room in the mass wedding for us let alone VP doing it. 29 years later we're still going in spite of he predictions and after reading cat's post I would have been one of those guys who fainted.
Thanks for the post Cat brought back lots of memories.
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penguin
Gee- I was so far gone and I didn't think about my Mom wanting to help plan my wedding until you mentioned it Catcup. Boy now I feel like a heel-something else to apologize to my Mom for.
I was such a waybot and so worked up about no negative believing in the delivery room of my first child that I had my Mom wait in the waiting room while I was in labor. I sure did some stupid things.
At least we have survived 13 years when we were basically yelled at for wanting to get married--and then told all the reasons why we shouldn't get married. We had to patiently wait for lcm's "blessing"
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Catcup
Thanks!
The 6th Corps was the first "mass" Corps wedding, July 26, 1978.
However the Martindale wedding was probably the first "multiple" wedding. I think there were four or five Corps couples that VP married at the same time, done at HQ, in 1976. I am pretty sure that Jxhn and Mxg Kxsh were one of the couples in that ceremony with the Martindales. Don't know who the others were.
So they were the prototype. I remember Donna coming to one of our early planning meetings and bringing her wedding photos for us to look at, to help convince us that a group wedding wasn't so bad. After all, we were only going to have only three (THREE) couples, and they had more, and it was still very intimate. After all, it's your faithful Corps brothers and sisters you're getting married with. I think they were married under the apple trees, and the reception looked like it was in front of Ye Olde Snack Shoppe.
What our event became was a far cry from what she represented to us.
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Catcup
Congrats on your 29th!-- Paul, is that you? You're lucky to NOT have been in that circus.
Miceta readya!
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alfakat
I was on my interim year on staff the year the 4th corps graduated(because they graduated after RACA) and for some reason 15 couples sticks out in my mind....M and B Gl**kin, K and H S***uth, R and J B*lt, if I thought long enough I could most likely name all 15. Seems like it was the apple trees, Catcup. And of course, at least 8-10 4th kork couples got married, as well.
The 6th kork weddings, ah yes Kansas full-scale late July heat in a navy blue wool siut, 3-piece, natch...... I was a groomsman along w/ Larry Romai*e for a 6th kork couple. A truly Zen-like experience as one attempted to transcend the heat....
passing out water to little old ladies about to swoon. Speaking of swoon, yes TP and NM but first before either of them was Dav*d H**shead, I believe. And he crumpled like a freaking sack o' potatoes....
It was not Al W, it was Steph*n Ha**ison and Th*r*sa that stepped up to take ole vicsters wrath and SH handled himself quite well as I remember.
So sorry to hear that it was even worse than I knew or remembered it to be, Catcup. Good ole way daze, vicster always had all the answers, even to stuff nobody asked and nobody wanted his opinion on....fricking busy-body that he was and control freak to boot....
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Catcup
Yep, the Gluckins, Sudduths, & Belts. I thought it was "special" that they let two 6th Corps folk, who had not yet graduated, get married in the middle of training, usually a "no-no." That was Mark Glxckin to Sara, and Meg Wxtson to John Kxsh. I didn't remember 15 couples, though, but I wasn't at HQ and you were, so I trust your bemembery better. Maybe they had the reception areas broken up into groups of 4 our 5. Maybe that's why I remember that number for some reason. I know Donna came to us using her experience to sell us on the group weeding thing.
Yep, I forgot David. He and Shermaine were one of the three originals along with me & Geek, and the Prxce-Wilsxn matchup.
By golly, you are right, it WAS the Harrisons. I remeber it was Theresa Doering, but wrongly had her matched up with Al. And yes, they handled themselves really well, and to thunderous applause as I remember. I was so proud of them for standing up to VP. Rare, indeed. Big Holy Brass Ones.
Was proud of them then, even more proud of them today. Hope they are doing well.
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Nottawayfer
What a shame that VPW made some terrible comments about people wanting their families at their wedding. I always thought it was terrible that clergy was treated better than the couple being married. No matter what clergy was the most important person/people at ANY event. I hate that mentality.
I'm sorry for those of you who had group weddings and didn't want to. I remember my BF getting married at HQ in 2001. They had a mass reception for all getting married. There were about 7 couples that year. There wasn't anything special about it. It was like eating dinner at an Advanced Class. Sure there were decorations and dancing, but it was all controlled by TWI. And Rosie and her bunch still sat at the head table.
I'm so glad I didn't get married at HQ.
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