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Hooner
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I know, I know-I haven't been around much, for reasons I won't get into, but since I have partly become the subject of this thread, I feel like answering some of these issues. Maybe it's a last gasp from me.

I had many good experiences in this organization. I had some bad experiences at well, even before I went into the Corps. I kept my rose colored glasses firmly in place through most of it, because nothing they put me through could compare to my experiences growing up. These people replaced my so-called family, and they were all I had. This ministry gave me the answers I'd asked all my short life and filled in so many missing pieces-and I felt I had the ability as I grew and matured to separate individual bad behaviour from a policy dictated by the group. If everything I have read here over the past two years is to be believed, then I was led straight into the lions mouth by their underlying actions.

Hearing Catcup talk about the experience of her Sixth corps sister, and after coming to this board and finding out about Ken B and Rachael, made and makes me all the more angry about what happened to me. There is no justification for them to have continued the practice. I hitchiked plenty before and during my Corps years-before because I had no choice, and during because we were given no choice.

I don't want to dwell on the negative situation either, but the fact of the matter is that it has affected me my entire life. Maybe relating my experience makes some uncomfortable, so participating in this board with that as my backdrop had been difficult, and tougher to do emotionally once I finally revealed it openly, but instead of my story being the subject of gossip or speculation, I brought it out. Some of you demand "proof" to backup stories. If hearing directly from someone who went through what you all have been discussing isn't good enough for you, then I don't know what else to do.

These people were my support, my family, my all in all-at least while moving up the ladder. But as I have related in other threads, that support was pulled out from under me.

For the record: My partner and I were picked up heading to Tinnie just west of Oklahoma City by two men. They took a side road, pulled over, and without displaying any weapons, instructed my Corps bro to get out of the car. He did-no argument. And that was it.

As I've related, I was allowed to remain in the Corps, but always, always, with a cloud of "spiritual" suspicion over my head. I put one foot in front of the other, and did everything I was told, but things were never the same. I was even allowed to go LEAD my final year-and you know what-I had a great time. Did all the climbs, even the Australian repel (wasn't THAT a hoot). Strangely enough, I have absolutely no memory of getting there or getting back-I just remember the experience once I got there. But it was to be my last good time. A few months later, I was gone.

Yes-I went on. But I've never been the same. Work became my life. Personal relationships were doomed. Friendships stemed from work. How the &^%$ could I trust anyone if I couldn't even trust people who were "God's best"??? I couldn't even get in a car with anyone for years afterwards. It was ten years before I voluntarily traveled outside of wherever I was living, and until I could afford to get my own car, I walked everywhere I needed.

Counseling? None-not within the remaining Corps years or afterwards. Feel good books or seminars to boost my self image? You're kidding-after sitting through what was supposed to be the absolute best only to find it was based on quicksand-you think I could tolerate a secular viewpont? Join a church-umm-no.

So what's my point? I don't know-so much has been said already. But here's the thing. My life has been permantly scarred by the actions of this group. I'm still alive, but I wouldn't call what I have much of a life. Oh-you want me to just get over it? Ok-you go through what I did, then you tell me how to get over it-with no support group. I have my good memories, and you know what? I'm ok with them-they are part of who I am. But the bad-well, they made me who I am too.

It's been an emotional two years since discovering Greasespot and finding out how much quicksand my memories were built on. In someways, it has been similiar to the months directly after leaving the ministry. You and I have had to take our memories and re-evaluate them based on what we now know-and it shakes you to your core.

I don't write well, so I don't know if I said what I started out to say. There are arguments pro and con to everything. All I know is what happened to me-and my heart aches for what happened to others-and none of it was necessary. Did it happen because &^%$ happens? Maybe. Did it happen because I didn't believe big enough? Maybe. Was it a little of both? Maybe. You know what? I no longer care. WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN PUT IN THIS POSITION.

And that's that.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks to all of you-you are all dear sweet people and I'm glad to have heard your viewpoints. Takes guts to keep putting yourself out there, and you all do it so well.

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This speaks to how I feel.

Also, I see how it can be easy to take the negatives and make them one's identity. The temptation is to use the negative experiences and let them define who you are and then wrap yourself in them like an old familiar blanket.

When you get to the point that you no longer allow your negative experiences in TWI define who you are, then:

You are no longer a victim.

You have recovered your life.

You have moved on.

You can do that, and still recognize TWI for the evil it is, and continue to speak out about it.

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When you get to the point that you no longer allow your negative experiences in TWI define who you are, then:

You are no longer a victim.

You have recovered your life.

You have moved on.

You can do that, and still recognize TWI for the evil it is, and continue to speak out about it.

Well said!

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Hammeroni remembered this phrase in another thread:

"Preparation is the highest form of believing"?

Okay, sooooo...

Where was the believing for all vpw's "kids" when TWI didn't prepare. I said that because he used to call us "his kids."

Usually when problems arise, things get reevaluated.

Food for thought....

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When you get to the point that you no longer allow your negative experiences in TWI define who you are, then:

You are no longer a victim.

You have recovered your life.

You have moved on.

You can do that, and still recognize TWI for the evil it is, and continue to speak out about it.

And some of us had to acknowledge it was not all evil and stop dwelling on the evil to get to the point where we no longer consider ourselves a victim. I guess that is why I no longer feel I should participate in this part of the web site because moving on for me means not repeating the same thing over and over again.

So on that note, I thank you for the conversations folks, and Catcup for how you seemed to understand my intent, especially in this last post of yours, and my best to you all.

:wave:

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Your use of romaticize comes across to me as a means to throw guilt or shame towards the person who had good experiences. Surely you must get my point Groucho. You are not a one sided individual and I know that.

And if you honestly believe that everyone here that has been helped was done so because they abandoned all their good memories in exchange for ones stating nothing good ever came from their time while in twi you are kidding yourself, again I state you are not a one sided individual.

But if that is the requirements to post in this part of Paw's forum then you can have it dear. Because I refuse to state the negatives over and over and over again because it is not healthy for me. And this is not twi where I have to abide by their rules of giving myself over to another's pleasure. I'm using the free will I have been given to take care of me for a change and I will not become bitter and give up my memories of good.

See ya dude!

Heck...I don't have any authority here...I don't list the requirements to post...and my use of the word "romanticize" is used to illustrate my point...not to "throw guilt or shame" at anyone. I think that Catcup said it well, perhaps I was too blunt in stating my position.

Too often, people have carried the burden of "IT WAS MY FAULT" around with them. My intention is to illuminate to them that it was not their fault...they did not fail...twi was wrong. They were manipulated with erroneous ideas and doctrines and by meanspirited people. Chatty....it's not the "good memories" that should be exchanged...it's the memories of self condemnation and guilt that should be replaced. Guilt should be reassigned to the top leaders of twi.

...You say "I refuse to state the negatives over and over and over again because it is not healthy for me"...and I agree. Each person should recognize where their head is at and what is healthy and unhealthy for them. I suppose that I have been out of twi for so long now (20 years), that I remain somewhat "detached" from the twi experience on a personal level...in other words, when I walk away from my computer, I forget about twi until the next time I come back here...I no longer have issues that I deal with.

...and I also understand that there is value in revisiting those times that had been positive experiences. That's why there are a variety of different forums here. GreaseSpot is more than just a forum of exposing twi's evils...it's also a social community where people interact on different levels. We have places where folks discuss food, music, movies, politics, family, etc, etc...we have a place where we honor those who have passed away and a place to pray...some folks love the chat room...others love being silly and telling jokes...and I appreciate the well rounded venue here. I'm not a harsh or bitter person but I AM diligent in my attempts to keep my focus on exposing twi in THIS forum. Like I said, that's why I'm here...and I would never want to impose my own decisions on how to post...on you or anyone else. You have always been free to post how you choose!

In twi, everybody was locked into "groupthink"...opposing views were not debated and everyone was secure in the knowledge that we all believed the same stuff...GreaseSpot is the opposite of that...and because we all think independently, at times there will be opposing views...and that's a GOOD thing. Arguing is not a negative thing (although it CAN be), it shouldn't be. That's why attorney's present their "Arguments" in court...not to be negative but to present their view in contrast to the other view. This allows debate...this is how we learn and advance. I appreciate your unique contributions and would never want you to feel pressured to conform to someone else's agenda...in other words, "do your thing"...I do. :)

Edited by GrouchoMarxJr
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Graucho, that was a good post. It's been a quick learning curve for me here at GS, but 'debate' is definitely part of the issue. I haven't been to a twi function since Oslo and that was back about 25 years ago. Even though this has nothing to do with LEAD, the point is, interaction vis a vis what people's experiences were, and the result is not an easy consensus! Fortunately for me, I was never close to the corps (core) of the problem. But I met some of the "players" more than once. <_<

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Heck...I don't have any authority here...I don't list the requirements to post...and my use of the word "romanticize" is used to illustrate my point...not to "throw guilt or shame" at anyone. I think that Catcup said it well, perhaps I was too blunt in stating my position.

Too often, people have carried the burden of "IT WAS MY FAULT" around with them. My intention is to illuminate to them that it was not their fault...they did not fail...twi was wrong. They were manipulated with erroneous ideas and doctrines and by meanspirited people. Chatty....it's not the "good memories" that should be exchanged...it's the memories of self condemnation and guilt that should be replaced. Guilt should be reassigned to the top leaders of twi.

...You say "I refuse to state the negatives over and over and over again because it is not healthy for me"...and I agree. Each person should recognize where their head is at and what is healthy and unhealthy for them. I suppose that I have been out of twi for so long now (20 years), that I remain somewhat "detached" from the twi experience on a personal level...in other words, when I walk away from my computer, I forget about twi until the next time I come back here...I no longer have issues that I deal with.

...and I also understand that there is value in revisiting those times that had been positive experiences. That's why there are a variety of different forums here. GreaseSpot is more than just a forum of exposing twi's evils...it's also a social community where people interact on different levels. We have places where folks discuss food, music, movies, politics, family, etc, etc...we have a place where we honor those who have passed away and a place to pray...some folks love the chat room...others love being silly and telling jokes...and I appreciate the well rounded venue here. I'm not a harsh or bitter person but I AM diligent in my attempts to keep my focus on exposing twi in THIS forum. Like I said, that's why I'm here...and I would never want to impose my own decisions on how to post...on you or anyone else. You have always been free to post how you choose!

In twi, everybody was locked into "groupthink"...opposing views were not debated and everyone was secure in the knowledge that we all believed the same stuff...GreaseSpot is the opposite of that...and because we all think independently, at times there will be opposing views...and that's a GOOD thing. Arguing is not a negative thing (although it CAN be), it shouldn't be. That's why attorney's present their "Arguments" in court...not to be negative but to present their view in contrast to the other view. This allows debate...this is how we learn and advance. I appreciate your unique contributions and would never want you to feel pressured to conform to someone else's agenda...in other words, "do your thing"...I do. :)

I was hoping you'd shine through with what I knew you understood, you know I've loved to fight with you since day one, and you gave me exactly what I knew you had inside you in this post Groucho.

(((((you)))))

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Hi, lovely Topoftheworld. As I was reading your post, I couldn't help but think how we've come full circle? in the past 2 and a half years.

I love you immensely, intensely, relentlessly, my friend. Thanks for showing up here. Your voice counts.

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Back in May a sherpa climbed to the top of Everest, took ALL of his cloths off and stood naked at the top of the world for just over three minutes. I'm sure this was a positive experience for him which he has been bragging about since. except for the fact that he got a bad case of Penile Frostbite and is now going to lose his joystick, He had fun. The other sherpas and the monks are very upset becasue they have strict rules about exposing their bodies and especially in the presence of their mother goddess. Positive experiences and safety do not necessarily go together and in the category of BLEAD Outdoor Academy this was certainly the case. The ability of the program to provide a positive experience rested in the hands of the staff which in many cases just tore apart people and took great care of others

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As I've related, I was allowed to remain in the Corps, but always, always, with a cloud of "spiritual" suspicion over my head. I put one foot in front of the other, and did everything I was told, but things were never the same. I was even allowed to go LEAD my final year-and you know what-I had a great time. Did all the climbs, even the Australian repel (wasn't THAT a hoot). Strangely enough, I have absolutely no memory of getting there or getting back-I just remember the experience once I got there. But it was to be my last good time. A few months later, I was gone.

Top darlin', This just chaps my hide! You were "allowed to remain" in the Corps. What a wacked system! You write very well, I was very moved by your post. If you ever feel that there is something that I can do for you...just ask.

Also, I see how it can be easy to take the negatives and make them one's identity. The temptation is to use the negative experiences and let them define who you are and then wrap yourself in them like an old familiar blanket. Sometimes the pain is so intense and so familiar that it seems almost better to hold on to that pain because at least you know what that feels like.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope that the constant shouting from the rooftops of TWI's evils help even one person to see that the negatives they endured under a heavy-handed, greed-driven ministry will help them to finally throw that old blanket out.

Absolutely! Throwing that blanket out is really hard, but it is easier if you go get yourself a new one that's softer and better. The pain we have endured does help define us. As Top said it does help shape us into who we are. We cannot change our pasts, but we can use what we learned from them to help us build a better future.

The ability of the program to provide a positive experience rested in the hands of the staff which in many cases just tore apart people and took great care of others

Hence the problem with my LEAD experience.

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