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Is it negative confession for me to say that change scares the bejezus out of me?

In the last 3 years and 3 months, I lost my husband to cancer, 2 grandparents died, then the guy I dated for 14 months dumped me in August, and in September I lost my job of 20 years.

I live on Long Island- was sent here as a wow in '82- and it is too expensve to live here on my own any longer. I have no family here (although I do have 2 girlfriends and I am like a member of their families)- and I do not own a home. I don't want to be 70 years old and still forking out most of my income on rent. A condo would be nice but not do-able here.

So...my step brother and his wife and daughter live in is in Louisville KY and they would like it if I moved there. So would my dad and step-mom in AZ, my mom in Indianapolis (2 hours away)- and my sister and nieces in Cleveland (5 hours away). I have vague plans to move there in the spring when my NY unemployment is used up- if I don't get hired by someone in the meantime. And you know what it is like "out there" right now!

I am very scared of being totally out of my comfort zone at my age- living in a new place, moving on my own, finding a new job- God, how do you look for work in the 21st century-...I love it here but it seems like Long Island is telling me not to let the door hit my butt on the way out. Or like when God closes a door He opens a window. I feel like all my possibilites hre have been used up, like a battery that has lost all its juice.

My friends don't want me to go but they understand. Not much left for me here anymore. I sure miss my old life.

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Have you looked at these places in light of your line of work?

Could be there are more in one place then the other.

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Hi Hope, I wouldn't say it's negative confession, I'd say it's freakin reality. This stuff is scary!

We've talked about this part(s) of our lives often and I love that we can. Loss does really horrible things to our health; every area of it and fear of doing the stuff we have to do is made harder by the fact that we didn't choose the loss, we're not ready for the change, but it forces us.

That is just what it is and the only other scary part is that so few understand unless and/or until they experience it.

It's been 11 years since Bob died, as well as others since and I still have trouble making decisions that I know he'd have been able to help me with in a heartbeat. That's another story, I suppose, eh? :)

The reality is that it's easier to just stay where we find ourselves, even if we know it's the wrong place for us. The moving (sometimes literally huh?) is near impossible some days.

I don't care how many people tell us to give it to God, Congress and our Therapist. And it's not only about suffering loss that knocks us on our butt's, it's also about the other realities you mentioned, of course. Skill sets, starting over (AGAIN!), leaving those we love, is it right, it is wrong, what if, what if not.

I'll keep you in prayers, as always, and remain excited for your decisions, no matter what they are or where they lead you.


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Living in Louisville isn't bad the storms can be at times I guess but we do have the derby where the city goes a tad crazy, parties and such, we probably have more restaurants per capital then anywhere else. Unemployment rate is about 6.4 percent . What field would you be looking in jobwise? If I can help drop me a line.

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Wow that is alot of stress in one year.

I have had years like (sort of) like that.

It is so easy to give advice but not very helpful.

I live in New York (up) and well i will tell you my story

I wanted a change i was struggling with low pay jobs and boredom so i went back to school paid a whole lot of money to become certified in a very particular job.

I spent most of my savings to make this change, but new once I did it I could pay it back and life would be great.

then i broke my foot and spent a year with no insurance unable to walk and told surgery was the only option so i to welfare and they said I had to much money, but i sure didnt have enugh for the dr. to fix my bone .

a |ENTIRE year in pain and misery and less and less money until i nearly homeless and welfare gave me the insurance if i signed saying i would pay it all back.

got foot fixed found new job.

I hated and I mean hated it every single minute of it i was so unhappy I cried just at the thought of seeing the people I worked with, everyday.

no one should live like that.

I was fired. okok because i want to help you and i have little dignity TWICE i was fired.

blew my self esteem to crap.

just crap.

no umemploymnet no way am I going back to what I had spent two years training to do I hated it.

took a brutal job from hell in a hotel , just to eat and lost everything including the house.

that was last year.

move to a cheap apartment in a bad section of town.

then one day I got an email a strange email saying just this "are you interested"

in a bazzare freaky out of this world chain of events i was offered a job on a try it will call you if I need you never hire you condition.

it conflicted with my job which paid 7 dollars an hour, I quit , take the chance , and they called me enough to equal that pay so far...

flash since june they did hire me and I LOVE MY JOB i love the people I work with and Im very happy.

so work is available it is just they will put you through the mill and then some to get in.

you may know NEW YORK spend an average of 6 months longer within a recession than the rest of the nation , because of wall street. and they now say we will be a full TWO years longer than the rest of the nation because of our debt.

so it really will only get worse and stay worse here than anywhere eles.

food for thought.

i kind of seek change, it is who I am, but forced changed and stress like you have had is different it takes a toll.

You have your friends and with the communication avenues distance is not a problem for seeking employment these days . why not try to apply there now? just see who is gonna nibble and such.

good luck with everything.

OH and by the way for me it did get worse again in my family life one of my adult children is leaving her husband and because i think my grand sons should be allowed to see their dad I am no longer allowed to see them..

life is rich just rich.

love pond

like the toad and prince story.

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((Hugs Hopeful))

Change is always painful and can be the best thing ever sometimes.

So many changes have already happened in your life.

I would say lots of encouraging things but they are all just platitudes.

In my life I have found that no matter what I choose and how bad things get in the end it brings a new something to my life.

And let us just say all my choices have not been the right ones or seemed it at the time.

Look online in the area of your family and see what kind of jobs are availabel and if they fit your credentials and or the type of job you want.

Then close your eyes and jump in with both feet. (This has only once resulted in a truely bad decision for me TWI which eventually brought my husband and I together so not all bad :) )

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What part of Arizona? There are some cities that cater to people who are... err... close or at retirement age and hire these people.

If you decide to move, not only do you need to look at job prospects, you will need to look at the climate.

You are in my prayers.

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I think I understand what you're thinking. I believe you'd do better to change your perspective and think of it as an adventure and enjoy the idea of everything being new. It doesn't have to be scary.

I can't speak for other parts of the country, but I know that one of the best things I ever did for my self was move out west to New Mexico. I didn't take much with me. I sold most of what I could and gave the rest away. I was looking forward to new dishes (sick of washing the same old that I'd had for decades), new bedding, a whole new scenery.....everything. Embracing the change can make all the difference.

As it turned out, things turned themselves around, and I am back with my family again - - but -- I really really miss the lifestyle in the south west. I know Arizona is not New Mexico, however those 2 are more similar than Long Island and, New Jersey are!! (Long Island used to be my old stomping ground....I went to SUNY Stony Brook)

If you explore the places you might relocate in, look for some of the fun things to do as well as standards of living, kinds of apartments...etc. I didn't use it at the time, but now I would use Craig's List as part of my exploration. (You'll get a good idea of apartments there because many come with photos).

If you can re-tool your brain to look for excitement and "wonder" instead of dread, you'll have a ball AND a successful relocation if you want or need it.

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CHANGE?(he says in his Maynard Krebs voice croaking). We Lutherans don't do change(except as money offering). Dear Hope, wishing you a better New Year. I understand some of your situation. Been struggling financially this year, but still trusting God to help me. Take care.

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Gee golly, girl you have had it layed on you, haven't you!!!! Bless you honey, bless you. That is too much.

You were in one job for 20 years. Check out that line of work in the vicinity of the families you mentioned.

Follow your heart, sweetie.

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It sounds as though you have potential "comfort zones" waiting for you in a number of places. Check them out! You should probably check websites like Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com for potential job opportunites in those areas.

You didn't mention kids. I'm inferring that you have none from the "no family here" remark. That should make it easier to move.

George (who was let go from his job of 26 years in June)

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OMgawsh that is so exciting!!! I know change is an eyebrow raiser after none in play for a long time -- but oh my what new horizons!

Now for my cheap 2 cents ...Arizona anyday over Cleveland, 2nd Kentucky ---and do consider our neck of the woods...we have hardly been hit by economic anything!!

Email me -- LiannePierce@gmail.com

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Thanks for your responses!!

Cman, I have looked a little on Craiglist- there isn't much out there right now. However my sister-in-law works for the hospital system and has has about 80 people under her- I have done billing for a law office the last 4 years and I asked her if she could try and get me in entry level medical billing and she said yes. Also I really feel that if God is encouraging this change like I think He is, then the job will follow.

Shell, I know I can always count on you for some words of wisdom. We both belong to the club that no one ever wants to be a part of! You get me, you really get me! (spoken like Sally Fields) yes the unknown is very scary but also exciting too. This one is a big void full of homesickness and possibilities.

Bulwinkl, I would appreciate any more inside information you have about the' Ville! Do you like it there? It is very pretty but the people talk funny. hahah I guess I am looking for an office job- I have worked as the head of the payoff deartment in a law office- foreclosures- and I was the liaison between the banks and the people losing their homes. Payment plans, short payoffs, etc.- you would think our office would have been busy, wouldn't you...

Pond, that is some story- I hope I will be as happy in the job I eventually find sometime in the New Year. Life is full of surprises. I hope your family situation works itself out so you can see your grandkids.

Leafytwiglet, I love your siamese gif- I have 2 cats of my own. Change can absolutely be the best thing but until you find a new comfort zone it is scary!! I think I have problems making decisions because I want to make the right one!! You know, those 4 d's of doulos doings- decision, desire, details, deliverence- is one of the things I think twi was right on about. (even though I have been heard to make fun of it)

Zshot, my parents are in AZ but I am not moving there. The weather is great in Tucson but the family that wants me is in KY.

Krys, you are so right about looking forward to it as an adventure. I think it will be when the time comes, it is the anticipation that is making me anxious. I have been to Louisville 3x this year and the housing is at least one half of what it is here. You know long Island- amenities- what's that? I took an application for a complex I liked- and I am hoping to be able to move most of my stuff. My dad thought I should start over with all new things but I was married and had a life, and want to keep as much as possible. Furniture, dishes, TV, puter, framed prints and paintings, books, etc. will go. Small appiances can be tossed as well as most of my clothes. I could donate my cats to the Chinese restaurant next door and get new ones in KY but I guess I'd miss 'em too much...:

And thank-you Thomas, kimberly, georgestgeogre, and daddyhoundog- I appreciate all you had to say. Thanks everyone for your input, it really helped me to write it all out and to read your thoughts on the matter.

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