What's on your Tombstone?

[dmiller]

I found this on the Way Yahoo site.

Epitaphs From Near And Far

1. Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising.

~~~~~

2. Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

~~~~~

3. In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

~~~~~

4. A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

~~~~~

5. Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

I was somebody.

Who, is no business

Of yours.

~~~~~

6. Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in

the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery

in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Took four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

~~~~~

7. In a Georgia cemetery:

"I told you I was sick!"

~~~~~

8. John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art

In want of any

Dig 4 feet deep

And thou wilt find a Penny.

~~~~~

9. On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her.

~~~~~

10. In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June

- Jonathan Fiddle -

Went out of tune.

~~~~~

11. Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that

sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

~~~~~

12. More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone away

Owin' more

Than he could pay.

~~~~~

13. Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood

In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life

Nov. 2, 1837

Aged 45 yrs.

Here lies one Wood

Enclosed in wood

One Wood

Within another.

The outer wood

Is very good:

We cannot praise

The other.

~~~~~

14. On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod:

Pease shelled out and went to God.

~~~~~

15. The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a

consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R.E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

~~~~~

16. Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903 - Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if

the car was on the way down.

It was.

~~~~~

17. In a cemetary in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I,

As I am now, so shall you be,

Remember this and follow me.

(To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone)

To follow you I'll not consent,

Until I know which way you went.

~~~~~

18. On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good Die Young.

~~~~~

19. In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

~~~~~

20. A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of

my husband John Barnes

who died January 3, 1803

His comely young widow, aged 23, has

many qualifications of a good wife, and

yearns to be comforted.

~~~~~

21. In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

~~~~~

22. In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

~~~~~

<_< :lol: :lol: <_<

[J0nny Ling0]

I used to go fishing up around Thurmont, MD, in the Catoctin Mountains. Never saw the arheists grave stone though...

And here is some humor about another atheist...

A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac: "One who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.." :lol: :lol:

Edited January 2, 2006 by Jonny Lingo

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

well here is mine as written in my will

i'll leave the light on for you

see you soon!

really this is in my will

[J0nny Ling0]

Good one Cool Chef! I have always thought that my gravestone should read:

"Hang in there kids! He's coming back for us Someday!"

[dmiller]

Mine should read ---

Musicians never die --- they just decompose!

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

dmiller that's what they say about motzart!

[rascal]

My kids have told me that they will see to it that I am buried in my karate ghi with the name *Rascal* on my marker :)

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

jonny

i did that smoked salmon spread lasy night for our family dinner party

spread it on wraps rolled it and cut in pieces

they thought i was a hero but i gave the credit to you

thanks!!

[GarthP2000]

I don't know what's gonna be on mine yet, but I can sure bet what's gonna be on Raf's:

"There ain't no pineapple on this Tombstone!"

Edited January 2, 2006 by GarthP2000

[WordWolf]

Some time ago,

I read about one that said something like this:

"Here lies (name)

who was accidentally shot by his butler who was

cleaning his gun.

'Well done, good and faithful servant.' "

Sarcasm, I see, is not a new invention.

=========

I think the most memorable one I've seen was ordered by a

man's ex-wife and mistress. It currently sits atop his grave

in Montreal's Cimetiere Notre-Dames-des-Neiges.

"John

Free your body and soul

Unfold your powerful wings

Climb up the highest mountains

Kick your feet up in the air

You may now live forever

Or return to this earth

Unless you feel good where you are!

Missed by your friends."

What's so memorable?

Look at the epitaph more closely.

Okay, focus on the first letter of each line....

[dmiller]

From the Lakewood cemetery overlooking Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis:

But perhaps the most famous epitaph at Lakewood is one that has been printed on some souvenir coffee mugs. Save for his epitaph on a small, flat marker, little is known about

Clyde Earl Hagen of Maple Plain, who was born in 1901 and died in 1974.

But the epitaph is memorable:

"My only regrets are the temptations I have successfully resisted."

Edited January 2, 2006 by dmiller

[dmiller]

And from Scranton, PA --

1787 - Jones - 1855

Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones;

For her death held no terrors.

She was born a maid and died a maid.

No hits, no runs, and no heirs.

[johniam]

I always liked the 3 stooges one spoken by Shemp...

Mama loved papa, papa loved women

mama caught papa with 2 girls in swimmin'

[marypoppins]

ohhh it was just something i never thought about

but you truly have all found some real funny ones

here in the UK, there was a gravestone that read

"WHERE EVER YOU BE

LET YOUR WIND GO FREE

CAUSE THAT WAS THE AWFUL

DEATH OF ME......."

so i guess it means fart away............

[Digitalis]

MaryPoppins ROLMAO

Digi

[Watered Garden]

One I read someplace a long time ago:

Here lies the grave of Mike O'Day

Who died maintaining his right-of-way.

His right was clear, his will was strong,

and he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong!

Edited January 2, 2006 by Watered Garden

[krys]

...Old chemists never die - - they just reach equilibrium.....

[J0nny Ling0]

Good one Wordwolf! Had me laughin, same with you Mary Poppins!

And Cool Chef, sounds delectable! For New Years dinner I grilled some custom cut 1 and 1/2 inch thick rib eyes, baked some sweet potatoes, and made some cut green beans with a little bacon and onions for seasoning. And all of it complimented with a nice bottle of Merlot. Simple, and mouth watering.

And ya know, At a roadside swap meet in Wasilla, Alaska, (at the corner of Parks HWY and Pittman outside the Dead Dog Saloon Digi), there were a bunch of gravestones for sale that had a bunch of these humorous epitaphs on them. The one I remember seeing there that was mentioned here was the one that said;

"Here lies Lester Moore.

Took four slugs from a Colt .44.

No Les, no more...."

That was during Halloween. My kids like to quote that one from time to time...

[masterherbalist]

What a Long, Strange Trip it's Been.

Jerry Garcia