Why do spouses cheat?

[George Aar]

Rascal,

Re:"...But something strange has begun to happen...I don`t know if we are growing up or what but in the last year things have turned around."

I heard a study quoted on a radio show about how couples who were having troubles and actively tried to resolve their differences, rather than immediately opting for divorce, were interviewed after 5 years. ALL of them said that their marriages were stronger and more satisfying than they had EVER been.

Yeah, it's not the easy way. And maybe doesn't appear to be the fun way at the time. It's not dramatic or maybe even not terribly romantic. It just involves effort, and the desire to make it work. And it does seem to be successful.

I know I certainly would have liked to have had the opportunity to work things out, but I was never given that opportunity. I wasn't deemed worthy, I guess. And I wasn't as exciting as a new lover, that's fer sure...

[rascal]

I am truly sorry George. Please hear me....You ARE worthey damn it. I am sorry that your partner just didn`t see it.

I sure hope that you are right....I think that the only thing that has held us together enough to make these changes ... is that niether could raise the kids alone....and both having experienced growing up in broken homes, we were resolved to set aside our issues untill the kiddoes were adults.

No, you are right...it`s not easy, not glamerous, not fun, not romantic....but we felt more important then seeking personal satisfaction.

That in and of itself has proved in the end to be ultimately satisfying.

I think that maybe both of us have more respect for each other knowing that we can depend on one another no matter how we personally feel at the time......maybe there in lies the strength that you talk about.

Edited March 8, 2006 by rascal

[pond]

Top of the world.

yeah how could she trust him?

He broke the vows with her as a lover why is she so special the same couldnt happen to her as a wife this time around?

I would always wonder knowing he was cpable of such a life style.

But they always say the wife is the bitch or the husband can not perform some excuse on why they are sleeping with someone eles.

Your friend is rare tho I think most of the time the marriage does not break up.. and the girl gets used or the marriage does break up and the lover is thrown away as soon as the freedom of being single tempts them with newer fresher without the baggage stuff.

I do not know how it is for second wifes having never been one but I know when kids are involed it can be really messy for a long long time and maybe not worth it all together for the strain such dynamics put on the relationship.

I mean grandparents want to see their childrens children and it is not healthy to just ditch them in a case like the one you describe. and why alienate the mom if she has been good to you and your grand children?

divided loyalties I understand that. Just because the son is a slime ball and can disrespect his ex wife like that does not mean the family thinks it is right or fair and who will they BLAME of course it would be the women who caused it.

I know she didnt cause it but the kids and the ex and the grand parents might feel differently especialy if they are angry at their son for causing all the trouble. she is safer.

I have had "secrets" revealed about certain of my family members.. things finaly told after they kept silent for years.. and I feel the same way, I do not trust them . I really feel if they are capable of that type of lying and cover up.. what eles could be up with them?

and in a sense I think they deserve such disrespect.

[Dot Matrix]

Sudo:

I am really laughing but this serious thing inside of me sees the poor choice I made as an idiot younger girl.

Somehow the guy who ran with scissors was appealing. A rebel. Perhaps doing things I wanted to do. Wearing snake skin jackets, sucking down a brew and having me on his shoulder. I liked it. But you are right. It does go no where cause bad boys sometimes become bad men.

30 years later with their comb over and pot belly, they sport a sagging tatoo that now looks like they fell in some tie-dye and they still think they are cool --- NOT

What I would give to go in the time machine and date the stable guy who wanted to be a Doctor or the college guy who liked me and was in dental school. But no! Tight jeans, a perky asz and an attitude was all it took to win my heart. Geez.

And yeah, my first love was also a great guitar player. He raced motor cycles and did other real guy stuff. He was hot. His green eyes flashed as he had a sexy smirk that just melted me.

I wish now I had gotten all hot and bothered of a pocket protector and glasses. I bet those guys put the lid down.

But still after 30 years, I think we were SOOOO happy how could he just leave? Don't bad boys ever fall and stay in love?

Diazbro - yes playing in a band brings the chicks!

Top of the W:

That is a good look as an outsider. I have friends who have cheated and somewhere in me I think "Once a cheater always a cheater"

George: Your mate should have given you that chance. I understand the pain of the cheater, it just does something awful to the person cheated on.

Rascal - Sounds like my heaven except for the 7 kids part. What the "heck" Didn't you ever use the phrase, "Not tonight, I have a headache?"

Pond

I enjoyed your words.

[topoftheworld]

"I wish now I had gotten all hot and bothered of a pocket protector and glasses. I bet those guys put the lid down. "

Mine did...but he also cleaned his toenails out on the coffee table. Sheez!

[Dot Matrix]

GAG!!!!

Mine blows his nose in the shower. And cleans his toe nails with a hanger. Dear God!

[Dot Matrix]

The pocket protector guy would use a tissue and get a pedicure.

Where was my head when he was out there?

[Tom Strange]

Pardon moi... but how's come we always have to remember to put the lid down? ...how's come you ladies don't have to remember to put it up?

signed: just wondering from someone who always puts the lid down.

[rascal]

Tom it became a big issue when I fell in to the toilet with a splash in the dark one night.

Also, little children in a hurry to potty don`t always look...also resulting in some falls in the potty.

I suppose in our house spouse started keeping the lid down when there were little ones to consider....I suppose that it was easier than listening to my shrieks of frustration and anger :)

[excathedra]

to me this issue has so many questions and so little answers

or so many answers and so little questions

love,e

not insulting or judging

just reflecting

[Tom Strange]

Also, little children in a hurry to potty don`t always look...also resulting in some falls in the potty.

I suppose in our house spouse started keeping the lid down when there were little ones to consider....I suppose that it was easier than listening to my shrieks of frustration and anger :)

oh yeah... little ones... that makes sense...

[Kevlar2000]

I wish now I had gotten all hot and bothered of a pocket protector and glasses. I bet those guys put the lid down.

They're the guys that didn't want to be bothered flushing, so they designed the sensors that automatically flush when you move away.

They'll also be the ones who'll design the sensor to lift the lid and seat when you approach, and lower it when you leave.

On second thought, it will probably be a woman engineer who'll design that.

Me personally, I have to put the lid down every time afterwards; I'm clumsy, and when I knock stuff off of the sink, it invariably goes toward the toilet. Maybe it's the Coriolis effect, Murphy's law or some other force of nature, but it's just like dropping a slice of bread with peanut butter and jelly; it almost always lands buttered side down.

[J0nny Ling0]

We leave the lid up because of the dawg. Yes, we are bad people who let the dog drink from the toilet. He has a water bowl, and we fill it, but once drinks from it and there is some water left, he won't drink from it again, because it is not "fresh", and prefers the toilet. And be doggoned (sorry bout that) if I am going to re-fill his water bowl once he "soils it slightly" by taking a drink and it's still three quarters full. And so, with that weak justification aout of the way, Jake has a beard, and when he drinks from the toilet, he slops water all over the toilet seat afterwards, and nobody wants to sit on the wet toilet seat.

And I'll also say this. At night, when I have to get up to pee, I sit so I don't wake up my wife by peeing so loudly. And I simply make sure the lid is down, and I have never accidentally sat on the cold rim of the the toilet as I have heard women have done.

But when I worked on one particular ship whose Chief Engineer is a gal, I always left the lid down for her in the head out in the machine shop.

[Tom Strange]

I saw an ad for one of these contraptions that when you lift the lid (at night) it lights up and projects a target on the bowl... always thought that would be a hoot... but never got one (I wouldn't want to be the one to change the batteries)... but I always put the lid down... we have a motto in my house: It's her world and we're just livin' in it.

[Al Poole]

I put BOTH down!!! Seat and LID!!! Sorta spreads the joy for me!!!!

But seriously..... I work in an office/bldg with about 10-12 women. Our restroom is just off the breakroom, when I'm fiinished I just tap the seat and let it fall.... make a great OBVIOUS racket... and the women always give their profuse thanks as I leave!!

[Dot Matrix]

Tom

If it were meant to be up they would have made the toliet with NO LID! It is suppose to be down. (smile)

By the wa,y the Docs I work with leave it up so it is not about breeding. I dunno why they don't close it, or they leave the car door open as they "will just be a minute" and I have to sit there either freezing in the winter or loose the cool air in the summer.

Edited March 10, 2006 by Dot Matrix

[Tom Strange]

Tom

If it were meant to be up they would have made the toliet with NO LID! It is suppose to be down. (smile)

yeah yeah yeah... next you'll be telling me it's a feng shway thing...

[Dot Matrix]

So, don't bad boys ever fall in love with ONE woman and change?

[excathedra]

good question dottie. any bad boys here ?

i dated one or two bad boys in my youth and they seemed to want to protect me and keep me on a pedestal. but i don't know what would have happened if we had continued a relationship. would they want to keep me at home while they did their thing ? you know like the sopranos or something :) as a matter of fact i think my bad boyfriends were italian !!!!!

[dmiller]

Tom it became a big issue when I fell in to the toilet with a splash in the dark one night.

Also, little children in a hurry to potty don`t always look...also resulting in some falls in the potty.

I suppose in our house spouse started keeping the lid down when there were little ones to consider....I suppose that it was easier than listening to my shrieks of frustration and anger :)

PC??? (potty correctness)?

<_<

Edited March 11, 2006 by dmiller

[dmiller]

Tom

If it were meant to be up they would have made the toliet with NO LID! It is suppose to be down. (smile)

Hmmm. Ok. Given this aspect ~~~~~~

If folks were meant to smoke;

Their nostrils would've been upside down

(to act as a chimmney);

If folks were meant to drive,

We'd all of been born with a parking space;

If God expected us to vote,

He would have given us candidates!

Edited March 11, 2006 by dmiller

[herbiejuan]

Although MY guys are all trained to keep the lid down since one of the little ones fell in and waking up to mama`s ear splitting shrieks when SHE fell in the dark....lol

Tom it became a big issue when I fell in to the toilet with a splash in the dark one night.

Also, little children in a hurry to potty don`t always look...also resulting in some falls in the potty.

Rascal thats how we teach the little ones how to swim in the south doncha know

Edited March 11, 2006 by herbiejuan

[krys]

we have a motto in my house: It's her world and we're just livin' in it.

I love it! It's about time some of you realized that!

[Dot Matrix]

That's right, if mama ain't happy, nobody is happy...

[ChattyKathy]

I believe that the Lord has a spouse for each of us -- his own and/or her own.

when you find that one that the lord has made (such as Eve for Adam), then there is no more looking. (I have.)

Perhaps if one found oneself married to the wrong one, and then the right one comes along further on down the line. . .decisions must be made.

Some people in our group back in the early 90s "found their made in heaven" mate outside of their marriages -- when they were in their 40s and broke up two marriages and 7 kids (I think) in putting their "perfect marriage" together.

Last I heard they were both happy together.

Although I have lost touch with these people, I wish them the best (as I do everyone) and hope they are happy and that the "fallout" people are doing good too (as usual, the kids, suffer the most it seems) .

Kit,

I worked with a woman that exemplified the walk of goodness to mankind with little to no prejudice. She said she appreciated I saw that quality in her but was uncomfortable when it drew attention. Her life defines humbleness. So if I do the same to you I apologize here and now for what I say about you.

I'll repeat the words of Geo without his permission and feeling no threat to him for doing so. Kit has the tenderest heart of anyone on greasespot. And he was right. You introduce simple heart stuff. To some it would be offensive and to some comforting. Thank you for not allowing hesitance to hold back openness.

My message is not to you but it gendered direction in my fence riding. So I ask that you forgive my language and the fact your name is here in this thread but this I must do.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I know you read here so this is of course for you.

Having the stuff that makes up greatness in its own right you always possessed. But you so easily got clouded vision due to respect of man. How well you know this I realize.

You became an @sshole of great proportion. What a waste of a perfectly good man. It makes me laugh at remembrance of some movie line (don't recall actors) with one saying from an overpass while looking down and seeing a garbage truck with a man lying amongst now why would someone throw away a perfectly good white man like that? You had it but blew it!

And even though there are men that can run circles around you while they amble along...NO @sshole. Not now and never have. Not all men seek to destroy like you did.

Get it right for the balance of your life why don't ya!