BikerBabe

I just went back and read all the previous posts this man has put on this forum since he joined in 2003. There aren't very many and all can be found linked to his profile. The one that sticks out is the one he did in My Story: http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/index.ph...amp;#entry34610 At the end of his first post he talks about a girl who came to visit him while he was still at the Gainesville State School, a youth facility for juveniles who have broken the law and the judge decides to send them there instead of jail or juvenile hall (usually for their 1st offense I think). He said "A few weeks later, I recieved a visitor who shared some bible with me, I don't even remember what was taught, but her daughter was about nine years old and it was the first time I had ever hear anyone speak in tongues. That caught my attention and sparked my interest even further." Instead of commenting about what she taught him, he says he doesn't remember and after the next comma he first mentioned her 9 year old daughter, then he talked about hearing tongues for the first time. He had not once to that point in ANY of his posts talked about any children, of any age group, but a post written about a 9 year old girl caugh my attention quickly. Did it matter what her age was to anyone but him? What did she have to do with what her mother taught him, that he claims he doesn't remember. He also wasn't clear, which caught his attention .. the 9 yr old girl, the speaking in tongues, or both? Following the time periods of his life as things happened, by putting together all this posts, it was a few years after this period of confinement as a youth, that he comitted the molestation of the 9 year old girl that he was confined in jail, just under a year for. While he did speak of doing jail time in those past posts in 2003, he did not say what he got put in jail for. He didn't reveal that until the other day in 2007, as we all know. Beyond what all Abi, Kathy and others have already pointed out so well, I wanted to just put in my 2 cents on related issues that I didn't see mentioned. If they were, I missed them and it wasn't intentional. He didn't tell us why he stopped. Was it voluntary or did someone approach the scene and he was forced to stop what he was doing and/or she ran to safety? He refers to this incident as his 'original crime'. Any perps I've spoken to in the past use that term when they have comitted the same crime more than once and it's used as a reference to which one he's talking about. It was used more than once in his post, so I can't accept it as a moment of bad wording. After you live anywhere for some length of time, including jail, you pick up words and terms the locals/neighbors/roommates use and they become part of your normal way of speaking to others. I'd be curious to see his full arrest record to see if that was indeed the only time he was in jail for this offense. My personal feelings after talking the majority of my life to friends that are/were cops, social workers, prison guards or guards in a mental hospital for prisoners who comitted sexual crimes that can't be put in a normal prison, are this. Everyone has their personal sexual perferences. A man I might be attracted to, a girlfriend could have absolutely no interest in romantically. The same goes for men attracted to women. Some people like redheads, some blonds, some brunettes and may prefer the hair to be short, long, half way in between or bald. Some of us like tall mates, some like short ones. Some are attracted to people their own age, others tend to prefer someone a few years older or younger .... some prefer them a lot younger. They send pedophiles to special doctors to try to help them. They give them drugs. They give them jail time. When all is said and done, they still are attracted to the type of person who turns them on sexually, just like all of us are. They normally don't feel remorse (although they may say so to get less jail time), they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing! It's as natural to them as our attraction to men and women close to our own ages are to us. The few have strong enough will power to ignore the life long urges when they see a child that's their 'type', but as we know from reading the news, more and more pedophiles are being caught and put in prison these days. True story. A man I know that works in the mental hospital for the criminally insane told me last year in chat one night about a new prisoner they just got in who was arrested for raping a cow. Yes, a cow. When asked why his answer was very simple. He said 'I'm a pedophile and I looked all night and couldn't find a little boy to rape and I needed a release, so when passing a farm as I was out crusing/looking, I used the cow to relieve myself instead.' He also said that he couldn't wait to be released so he could find himself a nice boy, the cow just wasn't the same. He saw nothing wrong at all with what he had done, nor with his plans for once released. (He won't ever be released the guard told me, that was wishful talking on the perv's behalf.) I must agree this isn't a help forum for child molesters. This is a forum for victims of TWI. A forum for those who have also done his crime is the place he needs to go and discuss it. This isn't the place.

Bwhahahahaha. Oh yes, I can see it now. I go to my pain doctor and our visit goes something like this: "Doc, the cult I'm in wants us to be totally prepared and requires me to stock up on everything I need on a daily basis. Now I know I'm on a schedule 2 drug, which the law says no refills are allowed on and you may only write for one month's use at a time, but I'm sure the DEA and my insurance company will understand why the cult are insisting you give me more than my normal amount. It makes perfect sense, since you can't give refills on triplicate scripts, they will know you have no other choice *but* to give me the whole stock supply on one prescription slip. I normally get 270 pills a month to take for my pain, so to help I did the math for you before coming in to this appointment. 12 months worth will only be 3240 pills. See how simple and how intelligent it is for me to have a stock pile of these very addictive and dangerous drugs (that I will have to do my best to securely hide from thieves). Now when the clock hits midnight soon on Jan. 1st, 2000, I will be more than covered while our government gets everything fixed and working correctly again that breaks." LOL, I have an appointment next week to get my montly refill script. I think I'll try to remember to bring this up and ask what would have been said back to me, in real life, had I still been in TWI and forced to ask for such an outrageous amount of painkillers at one time. The nurse practitioner that I normally see is great and has a good sense of humor. If I get her again this month, I'll run it past her.

Excie, there was a program you could download free off the net for many years, but the coder's life has gotten busy and he's not offering it any longer. I kept a copy of the install file if you would like me to send it to you. All you do then after it's installed is click on it's icon and it looks thru your computer and gives you a screen telling you everything you have in your computer. Kinda comes in handy at times like this when you aren't quite sure what's inside your computer and someone needs to know to help you get it working again. It lets you copy and paste the info into an email to the person helping you too, so you don't have to try to type it all out yourself. Just drop me a line or catch me in chat and I will be more than happy to email you a copy. It's a small program, so is easily sent by email. Anyone else interested in a copy is also more than welcome to ask me for one. For the geeks here, it's called AIDA32. I made sure I grabbed the last version he put out last year when he announced he was unable to continue due to lack of time. (Funny how that happens as we get older and get jobs, wives, hubbies and kids. LOL.)

Too cool! You SHOULD toot your horn for this and feel wonderful doing it. You just put a big smile on my face reading your post. I could feel how much it meant to you as I read it and that is a feeling that I think everyone enjoys 'getting a piece of the action' .. if you post and allow them too. Congrats. I'm a knife person myself and one day may get back into some throwing. Lost my sweet little perfectly balanced 6 inch blade I carried with me everywhere in a move years ago and never had time or money to replace it since. I was given a bayonet as a birthday present 5 years ago though. It's never been sharpened, I just enjoy it because it's unique. Not every girl has one sitting on her desk. LOL.

Did I ever mention I'm scared of heights? LOL. I found my stomach again I think after the 10th time I watched that video. :) Way cool, but there's no way I'm ever going to jump out of a perfectly operating airplane. I showed it to a friend who remembered a similar 'take your breath away' video. He found it for me and if you wanna go check out jetman, you can see him here: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/468993/jetman/ I like the Skydiving one the best. I sent the URL to a net friend and he passed it on to his wife who was over at her computer. A half hour later he IM'd me again laughing .. he said she was still watching it, she liked it so much. Hah, she's newer to the internet, so I figured she'd get a kick out of it and asked him to give it to her. I was thrilled to hear it made her night. Thanks for posting it Tech. I went to the site today and made up my own account. I don't have a vid cam, but I do have a camera cell phone now. If I ever see anything interesting as I peddle my butt around town I'll have to post it there and share with others.

As most of you know, I ignored the chronic gut pain while in TWI as best I could. By the time I left the damage had been done and then trying to quit smoking kicked in a very bad Crohn's Disease flare. I knew nothing of the disease, didn't know if you are prone to it and smoke, it's not always good to quit. *sigh* Anyway, they cut out a foot of my small bowel and I still hurt. Took many docs and 5 more years before I found an OB/GYN who knew Crohn's could also affect female parts. She put me in surgery and fixed a bad rectocele and removed my uterus. So I can prove believing does equal receiving. I believed when I woke up from surgery I'd humor the nurses for awhile with a nicotine patch, then after 6 hours I figured that was enough and informed them I was heading outside to smoke and I had removed the patch and would tape it back on when I came back inside as I always have when I'm stuck in the hospital. Nurse said no way, I'd just had 2 major surgeries at the same time a few hours ago. I said watch me. Husband put me in my wheelchair, I grabbed the morphine drip thingy and down the hall we went. I believed and I got my smoke, with a morphine drip and push button for instant release on the side. :) Hahaha, as you can see, after I pushed the button my eyes kinda went from open to slits .... but DAMN, that smoke tasted good! ....and thus ends the humorous section of this thread for the evening.

I want to clarify something you said Dot. I have a feeling many reading what you said won't understand, even though you and I know perfectly well, but we are living in the middle of the invasion. Those who haven't had it spread to their part of the country yet may not realize how some things we say take on quite a different meaning when it is applied to the illegals. You talked about how the illegals are now into the construction trades and have pushed the Americans out. This is very true, but 'push' isn't a physical push in this invasion. What happens is the illegals come into a new area of our country one family at a time. Then they bring the rest of their family and friends still in Mexico to come live there near them, or in a lot, if not most cases, with them. They have no qualms living 20 or more in a one bedroom apartment. Before you know it they have taken over whole sections of your town. Those nice little mom and pop stores you love so much? Say bye bye, they will be bought out and you will drive by there one day to see a new business there, but you will have no idea what it is unless you speak spanish. All the wording on the outside and on windows is now in spanish. Once in awhile you get lucky and they will print a few things in English underneath, if they have room and the print is very small compared to the Spanish words. When you live with that many people in a tiny apartment, they are able to save up money quickly that enables them to buy up existing stores in their new neighborhood. The majority have no trade they have been taught though. The men go out every morning around 5 to 6 a.m. and stand on street corners and parking lots of Home Depot stores, waiting for the pickup trucks from construction companies to come pick them up and they work daily labor, which pays 1/4 to 1/3 under the table compared to what a fully hired into the company American needs to be paid in order to be able to pay his bills and not have to share his house with 20 other people. Americans also need health insurance to pay for their wife and children's care should they become ill or injured. They don't have a live in illegal woman they keep pregnant and having anchor babies so she qualifies them for free medical and food stamps compliments of our government. Jobs that paid employees 20 bucks an hour 7 to 8 years ago, before the invasion got huge, now pay 7 to 9 bucks an hour if you hire an illegal and that also means you don't have to pay so much in taxes, since you are paying him cash daily and not reporting it on your taxes every year. You save a bundle by not having to pay for health insurance too. Hey, it's a win / win situation for both employer and illegal. The only ones pushed aside who can't afford to accept these jobs any longer at such a low rate of pay are the legal Americans, who used to do that work and make a nice living for their families. The longer the illegals are here, the more children they are having and then our taxes pay for their educations as they grow up and then go on to college. The 2nd generation ones will then be well educated and able to go into any profession they want. Think of the quality of service you will get from your doctors and lawyers when they work for low wages and hopefully will speak English, if not, you will have to learn Spanish to do business in the USA when this comes about. It will, in about 10 to 15 years when the anchor babies are old enough and are out of school....and remember, they were born here in the states, so their parents are illegal, but they are considered American citizens and there's nothing we can do about it except watch our beloved American become the new Mexico. I've watched my neighborhood completely change over the past 8 years. If the citizens of American don't start working together soon to vote out these illegal loving politicians of both parties, kiss Uncle Sam and the USA goodbye. Do you really want someone like McCain, who kisses every illegal butt in Arizona to be our next president? (I'm a republican saying this too.) Clinton caters to them just as much. So where does that leave us? I'm really starting to look at the Independents. We need a change and soon.

OK ladies, at what time are we meeting in chat tonight to hold the group spanking of Hap for his birthday? I'll bring my horse whip and handcuffs. :) Bwhahahaha.

Hap, *anytime* that anyone says anything other than we should allow all the illegals to keep coming here, keep paying for their anchor babies to be born so they can then get all the benefits that the working poor legal Americans can't receive, that we shouldn't make then prove they are here legally before giving them a driver's license and start applying that to banks also so they can't keep opening accounts and getting loans that, again, legal Americans are turned down for, or dare to mention building the fence, we are INSTANTLY branded bigots. It's not you hon, you and I disagree on a few things and we have never dreamed of calling each other something nasty and I know I'd have your back if you ever needed my help. All the border states are having this problem, we legals say anything and we aren't concerned Americans, we are bigots. They know using the race card will get them milage. If 100,000 Americans went to Mexico by illegally crossing the border and all gathered blocking lunchtime traffic for miles and miles, carrying their flag upside down or burning it or flying it under our American flag, do you think the Mexican Government would say 'oh, it's ok, let them protest for their rights and we'll gladly pick up the bill of 30 to 40,000 bucks to clean up after they are done marching and shutting our towns down'? Hell no, they would be out there shooting first and asking questions next as they tossed everyone in their horrible prisons for many, many years. Is that what the USA is doing in the same exact situation? No, we let them march, we didn't have enough law enforcement or military in all those cities at the same time to stop the riots that would have happened should we have tried to stop their marches (which none of them got a legal application to do btw), we use our tax money to pay to clean up their mess and too many are jumping on the bandwagon and saying only bigots are speaking out against these poor people who only want to come here and work. Funny, there are ads in the paper now from farmers that need help getting their crops in. Aren't these the jobs we're told they come to do? The jobs Americans won't do? Well, the illegals aren't doing those jobs any longer either .. they can make much more money by selling drugs, robbing from nice homes, getting fake ID's and Social Security numbers and getting into construction jobs and taking advantage of our messed up system and getting a free college education with our tax money, so they can also attain a high paying job once they finish college. The Media isn't telling the whole truth. Those of us who live in the middle of this ongoing silent invasion are seeing the truth of it daily and are willing to talk about it ... if people will only listen and not think just because their town isn't being overrun that it doesn't apply to them. 15 million of them here now .. they can't all stay in the southwest forever, they will expand out to all of our states if we don't put a stop to it NOW and send back the ones caught here without proper paperwork, regardless of what country they are from. Apply and come to America the correct legal way or stay home and fix your home county's problems.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/032...found20-ON.html Another day, another illegal alien, or two, or three, or one hundred and one found in a drop house. I so do hope that the different law enforcement agencies involved in this one remember NOT to clean up after themselves. The illegals are trashing our desert and killing off our native plants. It's stressed that if you go out in the desert, PLEASE pick up after yourselves, we don't need more there by legals who just enjoy going out there to practice shooting or those who have work that takes them there... you know, like those Border Patrol Agents. (The commercials stress that you pick up your shell casings from your guns and make sure all trash is picked up and fires are totally put out.) The agents did clean up after it was all over with that drug smuggler, so by obeying the law they were found to have broken it and are now doing major prison time. So which is it? Do we really pick up our shell casings or leave them so some illegal can't get us put in prison too. I noticed no one brought up the case of the farmer whose land was right on the border. He confronted illegals who tried to pass into the USA via his land and they sued him for pulling a gun on them as he protected his property. They won in court, he lost his huge ranch and now the illegals who won it lock, stock and barrel (no pun intended) have it up for sale. I think the asking price was near a half million, but don't quote me on it. If that shocked you, then maybe I shouldn't mention the same thing is now happening to another rancher who chased some illegals off his land as they tried to come into our country illegally. I am praying the outcome is different on this one, but most think this poor rancher will lose his home and land also. Repeat after me everyone who lives on a border state. We will wave nicely at the illegals as they walk across our property at all hours of the day and night. We will gester for them to help themselves to the clothes you have hanging out on the line, the food growing in your garden or maybe even inside your fridge if you come home to find them inside and they feel like resting inside for awhile. Sooner or later they will move on and if you haven't yelled at them to leave or shown a weapon of any kind to get them to leave (since they don't understand english, so you need to find a way to gesture to get them to understand what you are saying), they won't turn around and sue you and take away everything you worked your entire life for. It's a silent invasion folks and at least 1000 more manage to get into the USA daily. I recently signed up to be on the mailing list of the Minutemen. This is their information if you would like to join too. They send about 3 or 4 emails a week as they have updates to pass on to concerned Americans. Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, Inc. 6501 Greenway Parkway Suite 103-640 Scottsdale, AZ 85254 Phone (520) 829-3112 http://www.minutemanhq.com Zshot and I both live in Arizona, the state the majority of the illegals cross the border in. The minutemen are working as fast as they can to build the public funded fence along the border on privately owned property that the owners gave permission to build on. While the Government is talking about that little bit of fence they promised us they would put up that would cover a small area of the border, they haven't broken ground yet. The Minutemen have been building night and day getting miles built, all from donations by those who care and can afford to help them buy the needed supplies and food to feed the work crews. Z is closer to the border and can relay information on what he sees there. I live in Phoenix, the hub city where most illegals head to a drop house to wait to be taken to where their desired destination is. The majority stay in this area though, or did. With all the busts now going on such as the one I started this post with and quite a few businesses, their desire to live here isn't as strong and they are now wanting to head out to new parts of the USA they haven't lived in before and where the residents may not notice them until it's too late. OK, I'll get off my soapbox now .. sorry for the rant, but I get so sick of seeing them break our laws getting here and then having anchor babies so they can use our Govermental services that should be going to our sick and poor LEGAL immigrants and natural born Americans.

I missed this thread on it's first go round. I went thru something similar to this recently on another forum I post on. As I read a thread there was a woman posting there who claimed to be a nurse. One of the diseases she brought up was Crohn's Disease, which most of you know I have. She spelled it 'chrons' though, no capital C, no apostrophe between the n and s, the h in the wrong place and no Disease after the first use of chrons <sic> to distinguish she was talking about one of the IBD's and not IBS, which are commonly confused by people who are new to learning about it all. Now normally a word spelled wrong I wouldn't question so strongly and figure it was a typo, but she spelled it this way 3 times in one paragraph! I brought it to her attention and asked her what type of nurse she was that she didn't know how to correctly spell the name. I also mentioned how the majority write it as Crohn's Disease the first usage in a post and then shorten it to Crohn's after, if they are posting to pass on information to others about the disease. She never posted again. I guess that pretty well answered my questions, since she had done many posts until I came along and intro'd myself as the resident Crohnie to her. I had also corrected a couple of things she said that were wrong, so I left that thread feeling good that she was stopped before she made someone a victim of her wrong infomation. :)

Hey Duct .. you busy Tuesday morning around 8 am? I've got something you could do for me and I promise by the end of it everyone will know you really aren't FoS any longer. I've asked a few others in chat, but they turned me down. After reading your post, I thought maybe you'd be more apt to take advantage of such a wonderful offer. So are you game? Just meet me at the hospital Tuesday morning and I'll slip the wrist ID thingy on you when they aren't watching and from there it's clear sailing.... *you* get a free colonoscopy and everyone will know you aren't full of it anymore. As for me, I'll be off this starvation liquid diet and avoid the nasty prep required for the test. Once it's all over with, you can email me with the results. I can't thank you enough for doing this for me. :)

I looked out my front door just now .. this is what I saw David. We're at a chilly 70 degrees today. LOL. Anyone feel like a game of basketball? OK, I'll be good. David knows I couldn't let a good one like this pass by without teasing my favorite tall person!

Dot, I have met Rocky in person quite a few years ago. In fact I'm about 5 or 6 months late in getting an email to him .. given how crazy my life got there for awhile. (Rocky, if you still have my email addy, drop me a line, I am not sure if I still have yours after having to do a quick delete on most I had. I can explain more when I get back to ya .. promise it won't take months this time. LOL) I had a wonderful time when I met him for lunch and anyone who has said they like the picture of me that I post with, Rocky is the genius who was behind the camera that day. He took some wonderful pics, but now that it's been years, I know I need to kidnap him again one day and have him take some recent ones. :) He gives great hugs too ladies! So if you see some guy running down the street screaming 'save me!' and a tiny girl with real long hair chasing him on a gold mountain bike, ignore it .. that's just me trying to catch him. Hahaha.

All you need to tell the 911 operator is that you do not want or need contact from the officers answering the call. You don't want them coming by your house. That will be passed on to the officers heading to the call and they will go to where you said the trouble was at, but won't stop and check on you. I've done that many times in the past when we had to call for help but didn't want our neighbors knowing it was me that called. While looking for a new apartment to live in, I was amazed at how many managers were aware of that building I was then living in and the bad reputation it had. I assured them it was all true and I was so happy to be getting out of there. It's nice to not have gang members or at least wannabes hanging out on the street below my window as I tried to sleep. (We were on 2nd floor.) It's nice to not have little kids running wild and screaming 24 hours a day and their parents no where to be found. I can look out my window here and not see drug deals going down on the street corner. I haven't heard a gunshot fired since I moved away from there either! Everyone in the complex I live in now are very friendly and we all look out for each other.

Hahahaha, DataRat was over typing away at his computer when I fired up that mpg. He stopped what he was doing and started laughing as hard as I was. He told me 'I MUST get a copy of that!' LOL. I saved a copy of it and will email him one, as I send it out to other friends of ours in the biz. :) Thanks CK, you made our day.

Dot, be very careful. M13 is the worst gang there is in this country. You can do a google search and find out a lot of info on them. They are a very violent gang. Read up on the gang and let your neighbors know to read too or if they aren't online, you can tell them all the info you found. The tagging they do is to let other gangs know their gang is in control of the neighborhood. The first part identifies their gang by name, then the other things written after tell what drugs they sell and other things like that. To us it's just graffiti. to gang members the tag tells information to since they know what the different symbols and numbers mean.

I did understand and they did good. Hackers are people who can find exploits in code and then report what was found to the company that put the program out. Then patches can be written to fix the code. Basically Hackers find the holes and the patches close the holes up. Crackers on the other hand, are the people who find exploits and use them to cause as much havok and destruction that they possibly can. The only people they tell about a found exploit in code are other crackers. They don't want the holes closed.

All 4 pairs were given to me by officers I met online over the years. I put them together and wear them as a belt. It looks cool, but they are really heavy, so I have to make sure I am going somewhere I can sit more than stand. The other 2 pair (not in the picture) my soon to be ex husband gave me and I used them to lock down my wheelchair when I used it. That way nurses couldn't just take off with it thinking it was one of theirs when I was having tests done. Both pairs he used when he was on the force. He has a few other pairs still, I didn't take all he had when I left, in fact he told me to keep the two on the wheelchair when I was going to take them off and give them back. While I don't need the chair anymore, if there comes a time I do in the future, I'll still have my locking device on it. :)

Did someone mention cuffs? Take yer pick, all 4 pairs are in working condition.

I did a little more looking and also found Joe's name in the city of Scarborough, Me. I did an area code check and that city is in the same area code as Portland is. Try information again and see if they have a phone number listed for Joe in Scarborough. A lot of the public info sites online will bring up phone numbers a person has had over many, many years. I found a number for an ex and myself that came up looking present, but in reality we lived there 15 or more years ago. The same hits I got on the Joe in Portland came up for Scarborough too, so I'm pretty sure it's your brother still. He's probably lived in that area awhile and when he moved to a new place, he got a new phone number. That accounts for the multi hits on his name. Now you just have to narrow it down to where he last lived in order to connect with him. I wish you luck. I know the stress a search can cause from years ago when I searched and found my birth family. I was on pins and needles for some time until I finally heard my birth mom's voice on the phone. Hang in there and you will find him. Let me know if you need any more help.

A lot of those pay for info places are ripoffs, be careful before using one. I would probably go to one that gives you neighborhood info and find a number on one of the neighbors who do have a listed number, call them and ask them to deliver a message to the Joe Leap. Then he can call you back if he's the one you are looking for. I would ask them to please get back to you after giving him the message though, to make sure he got it first off and to find out if he told them if he intends to return your call. That way you aren't sitting around a long time stressing about it. If they don't have free long distance, then arrange a time to call them back to find out if they touched base with him. If you don't know how to find a site online that does that, let me know and I'll look around and let you know the URL. It's been awhile since I used one, but can easily do some research and find it again for you.

I did some searching and I am finding only one Joseph A Leap in the US aged 53: JOSEPH A LEAP (Age: 53) - PORTLAND, ME Try calling information in Portland and see if they have a listed phone number for him. I'm thinking this is your brother you are searching for. Good luck. :)

David, my dear, you said: "...small fish in a big pond..." Is that a short joke in disguise? Do I need to bite you in the kneecap yet again? You keep this up and people are gonna start thinking you like it when I do that to you and rumors will start. Bwhahahahaha!!!

As I've told you before David, the man that murdered my first husband got a whole 5 years in prison for 2nd degree murder. The state of Indiana let me down and I had really prayed that the state had changed for the better in terms of sentences handed down in the past 30 years. I'm horrified to see that they haven't. I've come to know you and love you via our frequent meetings in chat. I've heard you talk about how wonderful your sister was and there are no words (at least that are fit to put into print here), just none, that I can type to convey the deep sadness in my heart after reading your post. You know my new phone number I think. Please use it at any time you feel the need to talk. Unfortunately, I am one that can say I do understand what you are feeling. I'm gonna go cry now.