Oprah had a great show with Ellen Bursten, Sheryl Crow, and Dana Buchanan. They all experienced things which helped them to get in touch with the real women they are. They realized that they weren't victims of life, but that there were lessons to be learned and how you get through those lessons and reflect back on them could add growth to yourself and teach you how to love yourself.
I liked the tidbit Sushi used to have on his posts. It goes something like: The lessons are repeated until they are learned. It is so true.
I hate journaling. It seems too laborious for me to put my thoughts in writing, but I have spent much time with my thoughts when I lived alone right after I left TWI. That was my time with me and God. And it was a time of self-reflection.
I used to journal when things upset me and I wanted to write down my thoughts. It really helped. I also read a book during the same time period that you might like. It's called Something More; Excavating Your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It remains one of my favorite books and I still pick it up from time to time and keep it by my bedside. The chapters are short and inspirational and tend to prod me to reflect upon what is in a good way and what could be that I haven't reached for yet. The writings are refreshing and thought provoking. It took me about a year to read the book because I'd savor each part before going on. Each chapter is written by a different person.
Getting back to the topic of being self-aware.....
I think there are other methods, besides journaling that keep us there.
Over the years, I've developed close friendships with people, that involve conflict, sadness, having to work things out, etc. that keep me aware of who I am, just as much as writing does.
To have close, intimate relationships, can do the same thing. I quit writing when I was young, because I realized it was a crutch for me, that kept me from confronting issues in my life, that I needed to deal with, with real live, in the flesh people. Maybe for some, it helps consolidate, verbalize what needs to be said, done. But for me, I've found it much more better to bounce stuff off a friend, talk to who needs to be talked to, and then remember it.
Some of the stuff I wrote, when I was younger, caused alot of pain. I made the mistake of letting someone read a bunch of stuff I wrote, and it was hurtful, and caused alot of suffering, for them to read it on a page, instead of talking, touching, listening to me.
I think writing in a journal can be cathartic, refreshing, illuminating in many ways. But it can't replace working on my closest relationships, and discovering who I am meant to be, in the grander scheme of things.
I think if journaling is your thing, it should be kept to ones own self, and not be shared. Just my own humble opinion.
Oh T-bone!!!! Three of my favorite subjects: Journaling, TWI, and self awareness. :)
I confess.....I am an addicted Journaler. :)
I eyed a picture some years ago. Instead of a "Gone Fishing" sign, the picture had a "Gone Journaling" sign. Wierd....I know. Nothing new for me (the wierd).
I have not time at the moment to post the many thoughts in my head regarding this subject. However, this is a refreshing thread to me and I might post a bit over the next week or so.
Sometimes I think people think of journaling as just writing about problems. Sort of like some folks think the really legitimate time to pray is about problems. (Not saying anyone hear has implied that.) Yet, I have some of my most joyful times in journaling. Yeah..wierd again. hee
I'm differeent from Ex, in that journaling many times helped/helps me get to the point of working out a relationship with someone. (But I understand what she is saying, in that a person can get "stuck" in his/her pages. Yet I believe if he/she keeps writing, action will result.) I am able to see more clearly before I approach the person, able to be less judgmental (toward myself and them). I have shared from my journals publically. It isn't easy and can be scarey. But I'd like to think it has helped someone somewhere along the way.
Waterbuffalo, I read that book! :) Did yout ever see Breathnach's scrapbook journal? Really cool. I gave a few away as gifts some Christmases ago. Maybe our next face to face I can show it to you, since you are a Breathnach fan. Did you ever read Cameron's The Artist's Way?
T-bone I want to dialogue on this thread about the relationship about self analysis and self awareness, 2 different things...but how (for me) jounaling led to self analysis which led to self awareness. (I even have a technique/exercise I used to do it. I'm not a formula person, but the exercise helped me.) And I want to bring up some stuff from Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life regarding this topic, and perhaps some stuff from something W**n* Cl*pp taught on "Hidden Chambers" regarding the heart. But like I said time is prohibitive at the moment.
I know this thread is more about self awareness than journaling, but the two are related for me. Self awareness is part of dreams, yes?....knowing/deciding what one wants? being aware of that individuality?
Here are a couple things I posted regarding journaling from another thread:
Post 1: Posting on GSC is like journaling in a way....except most folks will sensor. (And we all hope we will. ) When you personally journal there is NO sensorship. And if a person keeps at it, the beautiful and the "ugly" will manifest.
Another thing journaling has done for me is to help me embrace goals. I used to hate the word "goals" because it was another darned standard that I would fail at. And still I prefer the word "dreams." After about 4 years of journaling I realized I had dreams/goals that were coming to pass. I began to notice that these goals/dreams were some of the thoughts I had been writing for years. It is a nice side benefit. Yet at the same time I realize that not all my dreams will come true (like growing gills and being able to stay under the ocean water for as long as I want..hee)....but there is always room to hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. One can't go wrong with hope. Even if I die, and I die hoping...it makes the process gentler.
One thing so fun/deep about journaling (for me) is that ANYTHING goes. This took awhile for me to develop...to not be afraid. I'm sure some of that fear was because of my TWI mindset.
Great posts everyone! keep it coming...I really wasn't concerned about limiting this thread to journaling - the main thing was self-awareness - whatever facilitates the process. WaterBuffalo - that book sounds interesting - I'll have to check it out.
...ooops - almost forgot - the reason I started this in About the Way - was also for thoughts about doctrines, programs and practices in TWI that hindered the self-awareness process.
I like to keep a journal at specific times. I note “activities” in a diary (one liners, about, perhaps, places I visit). But my thinking is done with a journal. It helps to crystallize what’s going on and see direction.
As has been said, we were required to maintain a journal in rez. Sometimes it was very hard – too much to do, too little time to do it. Sometimes it just records the myriad activities of that day (or some of them). But I always tried to look at what I had learned, or been challenged in, that day.
Some of the entries (I looked at some of my journals recently) are about things that are laughable – oh, the things that they got us wound up about in rez! How hard we all tried to “be our best” and to “do God’s will” (ie, whatever activity, however bizarre, in rez) . I wonder why I didn’t just take it a bit more laid back (oops, not a good choice of expression, but I don’t mean in that way!) or just tell ‘em they were being daft .
Some of the posts record the good times (and there were good times) and fun activities, that I had forgotten about.
We were told, things will happen in rez and you won’t know or understand why at the time. It might be ten years down the road that you realise why something happened.
Well, that ten years is up and passed. And yeah, I am coming to some interesting realisations. Those journals might be worth reviewing, if I can get past the annoyance at the pettiness of some things that happened. If nothing else – how things should not be done.
In the last few months, I have gone through an immense period of head- and heart-healing and great blessing, and the current journal records that. I don’t want to forget this truly awesome time. Sometimes, my journal entry might just be a copy of an email to or from somebody, or a post I made on GSC (which has been very healing) or something I saw on GSC with my own comments in the margin. When time allows, it’s nice to sit down with a pen and a blank sheet of paper and say, okay, what did I learn today? Sometimes nothing is in my mind until the pen hits the paper and then I might write quite a lot, thoughts, emotions, motives, excitement, discouraging bits, good bits, bad bits, reflections, how someone helped me, or I helped someone - but really it’s (in my mind) quietly talking things over with God. And he often gives me a bigger picture on something. Very calming and settling. It’s quiet time with me and God. Perhaps that’s how Paul felt when he wrote his epistles (not that my scrawlings are on that level).
It’s not the “you must” from in rez but the delight in seeing how my life has improved so very much lately. I want to capture that great joy. It is soooo different from the bottom of the deep dark cold well where I lived (call that living??) before I got healed. I demanded the restitution from Job 42 and – oh Lordy – have the windows of heaven opened!
Also in my journal are specific things I want or need: like my new job (start on Monday, yippee ). I wrote out my “wish list” in the back of the journal a few months ago, and just happened across it a couple of weeks ago when I knew my employer was going to offer me the job. No prizes for guessing that every single thing on the “wish list” was encompassed in the new job. And some extras.
Share what’s happened? You bet. Share the actual handwritten words on the page? Never!
yeah...journaling is an amazing way to see our "selves" from elsewhere, as it were.
for 4 months now, about 200 of us have been practicing twilight journaling, where we develop a habit of writing before we even fully wake up. Henriette Anne Klauser has been our mentor in this, as well as other things.
we find that as we write about our dreams...our dreams become clearer, more vivid, more memorable. as if our dreamlife responds to our paying closer attention to them.
dare i say that for thousands of years, in all corners of the world, journaling (or any form of re-telling) and dreams have been the bread and butter of spiritual practice and disciplines. without such habits, we lose the lessons that are thought in our dreams.
but also, the folks i work with in hospice (monks, nuns, harpists, nurses, doctors, etc...) have been practicing journaling around how contemplative prayer and meditation effects their work.
not in how it heals anyone, but in how their deepening self awareness helps them become better healers.
this spring, the 200 of us are going to get back together and share and compare notes.
...
on another note...from what i have learned, self-awareness is not merely a deepening of knowing who we are (and god knows that are a hundred way to do this), but an actual expanding of our notions of the word "self."
like i have often mentioned around here in the past...our sense of self expands and changes, whether we like it or not. death, being perhaps the ultimate breaker of self awareness.
as we deepen our inner awareness, we shed our earlier senses of self identity.
we stop thinking we are merely a body, and realize that we are also a soul.
and then we stop thinking we are merely a soul, and realize that we are spirit.
perhaps even our definition of the word "spirit" and "soul" changes with our experience of it
and so the meanings of scriptures change as well as our perspectives are reborn
and perhaps even realize that the spirit that we are, is not limited to our small self
or merely something seperate we have within our smaller sense of self
but something that exists and permeates the entire universe
yes, when the sun rises in the morning
it rises WITHIN our awareness
the sun is not merely out there somewhere...but WITHIN our awareness
yes, our awareness extends to the ends of the universe
and we are all swimming within each other
utterly soaking wet with each other
we are stains on the walls of each other's souls whether we like it or not
and we are also our awareness
and so self awareness has no bounds, except that which we give it
indeed, we find that our truest and oldest self existed prior to the big bang
prior to creation
and we have simply forgotten this
and for thousands of years, in most all traditions and cultures, meditation and contemplation, it seems, is the pretty much a way to practice dying..in that, our sense of self dies and is reborn into this greater something.
such grand divinity and spirituality becomes something ordinary, universal and free
but something has happened in both religion and science (and language) that has limited our access to greater self-awareness
subjectivity and objectivity have both been dramatically flattened, limited and crippled
spiritual xenophobia does not allow us to compare scripture with scripture
and shared reality-scripts have replaced actual spiritual practice and transformational experience
and so forth
and its not that we are merely meat-sticks and must get something put in us (like VP said)
but that we are NOT mere meat-sticks and have never been...we only think we are
and so the journey of self-awareness is one of a series of often brutal humiliations
when we realize that who we think we are, and what we think we are made of
is likely completely correct, but also severely wrong for being so so limited and partial
we have given up our birthright for a scrap of meat
or a mere scrap of conceptual thought
yet, we are not our thoughts
nor are we are bodies
and if we can somehow realize this prior to death
we are blessed
and free
...
ok, rant over
thanks for starting this thread
great wiki article, too, Tbone...a lot of helpful links
anyway...i hope someone gets something out of my clumsy stumbling words
Journaling must bring bring yourself or inner self to the quiet place inside, that we so ofteen ignore..For me my brain is being wasted on the every affects of life..I like my brain..so journaling must be a way to get purest of thoughts and taking notice....when I am able to quiet down, my thought are quick and not a deep as I know I can be..there must be value to this..thanks:)
I wrote books and books and books the five subject type when i was marked and avoided.
I really felt no one understood what happened and no internet and no one my family didnt get it so wrote i did.
then i put them away. nearly twenty years later my son found them and read them!
o my GOD!!!!! no i didnt reread them he asked me alot of questions tho, I still have them. honestly when i wrote them i felt like my kids should know what happened God almighty what a cult head I was my whole world was about the fact i was no longer in twi! I cant imagine who I was then now.
soo i do not write now, no really i have gotten to a point where speaking is better for me to people about me and where I am , going etc. like ex10 said.
but at the time writing was very important to me and i do get how it helps one feel better.
it is great that you can see God answer your prayers and dreams in writing i think that is fabulous and great.. Im thinking Ophrah used to say to have a thankful journal in which you write 5 things your thankful for that day. that is a great idea.
I think folks such as bagpipes has a gift with writing and able to write the thoughts so everyone can be blessed and relate to the words.
that is so wonderful ,well my journaling seem stupid next to some of the stuff I read some write that really make a difference for all.
I still would write like "I saw johnny in the hall today , I think he likes me". 6th grade stuff. I have no talent for writing, but those who do I am impressed.
Nottawayfer – I know what you mean about journaling being a laborious process – I’m not saying I’m a big fan of journaling – not yet anyway. But the process does intrigue me – and it’s growing on me. That’s part of why I started this thread.
WaterBuffalo – I will have to check out that book you mentioned - Something More; Excavating Your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I usually read 2 or 3 books at a time…I’m not an intellectual – just a slow reader/learner that gets bored and jumps back and forth from book to book .
Ex10 – I agree there’s other ways to foster self-awareness. And meeting you, your family and friends at the Texas BBQ I saw how relationships are a BIG deal to you – and that you are comfortable with being yourself. You were such a gracious host and worked wonders to put my shy little soul at ease!
Bagpipes – do explain the stuff about self-analysis differing from self-awareness…Interesting - you mentioned dreams, goals, and hope with journaling…Those things seem to crop up in mine. I look at them like mental doodling. Some things start as nothing really…some silly idea or a “I would like to do blah blah someday…” And I do see the difference between posting at GSC and journaling in terms of not editing what I write in the journal. However – there’s a honing process I like when dialoging with people on GSC – I’m “forced” to crystallize a key thought – and there’s also sort of a reality-check when talking with other people – I may be kidding myself over something but it might not fly from another person’s viewpoint or experience.
Twinky – That’s what I was talking about with saying there was a similarity between journaling and posting/reading on GSC. And I kind of feel like you do towards reviewing my old Corps journals – man was I a dullard! And congrats on the new job!
TempleLady – Wow – this thread has been graced by three of the lovely ladies of the Texas BBQ [counting Bagpipes and Ex10] I’m still licking my chops over that delicious reindeer sausage you brought! I like your mentioning of “esoteric ramblings” while journaling – again a sort of mental doodling thing – fun!
Sirguessalot – It’s always a good day when you grace a thread with your poetic “tad rants.” That’s an intriguing term you had - “the journey of self-awareness.” It’s a journey - - and sometimes I get so impatient. It’s a simple pleasure – like reading a book – sometimes I sit down and just read through threads like this one – think about what someone said – it’s a nice little break from this hectic world.
LikeanEagle – I said to Tonto the other day, “My problem is I don’t know how to relax.” I’m always on the go – doing stuff for work or around the house. I think journaling has a calming effect for me – “forcing” me to settle down and find some quiet place inside.
Pond – I think you’re describing my journals . When I’m crafting a post for GSC – I stew and fret over the turn of a phrase – wonder how it’s going to compare to gifted writers [people like Bagpipes and Sirguessalot just bowl me over – salute! ]. Anyway…it’s actually a relief to kick back and just let my writing flow – it’s sort of a Cro-Magnon meets Steve Martin style of prose :) .
T-bone you are such a gem. Tonto is sure blessed to have your around!!! (And equally you are blessed to have her too! :) )
...ooops - almost forgot - the reason I started this in About the Way - was also for thoughts about doctrines, programs and practices in TWI that hindered the self-awareness process.
This subject scrambles my brain..many thoughts, many thoughts. There are things that I feel regarding your quote above, that I am unable as of yet to put into words...and may never be able to. Following are a couple subjects that come to mind. There is a lot of thought/experience/biblical contemplation behind the following observations regarding this subject:
A perhaps doctrine: Somewhere along the way I remember being taught (or it was insinuated strongly) that there was no such thing as intuition and it was just a cover for devil spirit possession. That pretty much snuffs out self awareness.
A practice: Rote memorization of scripture for problem solving, like one size fits all. I'm all for meaningful memorization (if that is what meets the need for that situation for that individual.) Scripture memorization has helped/aided/healed me, but it was because of a heart understanding and God's spirit within showing me how that scripture applied to my circumstance, heart, emotion, etc. TWI did teach to look at the context of the scripture as written in the Bible (well their context), but fell short (supressing, impeding, hindering) in allowing God to work within an individual's context of life...to work out his/her own salvation with reverence, awe, and trembling.
I'll have to write the self anlysis to self awareness stuff later, when I have more time. It is sort of lengthy and will probably take a couple posts.
...ooops - almost forgot - the reason I started this in About the Way - was also for thoughts about doctrines, programs and practices in TWI that hindered the self-awareness process.
Based upon the truth that the real you is the Christ in you, yes, I think twi taught keys on how to become Word conditioned and aware, rather than self conditioned or circumstance conditioned.
Of course, how that related to an individual was according to that individuals own commitment, attitude and mindset.
It was up to the individual how far one wanted to go with "walking in the spirit".
Well ladies and gentelmen, I'd like to warn you that one of our patrons is passing around a plate of his home-made holiday nutty horse-sh i t crunch. It's choc-full-o e-coli, so consume at your own risk:
Based upon the truth that the real you is the Christ in you, yes, I think twi taught keys on how to become Word conditioned and aware, rather than self conditioned or circumstance conditioned.
Regarding journaling....I agree that it can be laborious. But that isn't a bad thing; I labored with childbearing, yet the outcome is new life. I do cheat in journaling because I know shorthand, so the physical act is less laborious. I prefer pen and book to keyboard and screen, but that is just me.
So, in light of laborious, the following exercise is just that: laborious. Yet it helped me to be aware of my presence, my gut, my thoughts. THEN hopefully, I made more Godly and honest (or at least somewhat close to it) decisions on whatever I was dealing with.
(BTW Oldiesman, self conditioned and self aware are two different things. I figure you know that, but just to clarify.....)
I used to have to do the following exercise a few times a week (talk about laborious!!!) I don't know for how many months I did that, but it was many. Some may say, "That sure is a lot of work and is time consuming." However, the exercise might take me and hour or so which was less time than I would spend "looping" in my head had I not done the exercise. Whatever the issue (emotionally charged) I could get it out and balance it.
This exercise is a combination from 3 different books and a handout. T-bone, you have probably read about this in Burn's book.
1. Write out the situation: who? what? when? where?
If you can't think of the situation simply go to step 2. AS you srite situations may surface. There is
no right/wrong way to do this exercise.
2. List any moods or negative feelings. (The emotions list can help identify/put words to any feelings.) Rate each mood or feeling to its intensty (20%, 40%, 100%, etc.).
3. Write down any automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). Notice THOUGHTS, not feelings.
If you can trace the feeling/mood from #2 to an incident, try to place yourself mentally back in that
situation. What were your THOUGHTS?
4. Label each ANT according to it's distortion(s). (The "distortions" list cna help label these.)
4a: If it helps, identify evidence that supports some of the ANTs and then identify evidence that
does not support the ANT.
5. Write a rational, balanced alternative response for each ANT. Rate how much I believe in each
rational response. (0% - 100%)
6. Go back to step 2 and rerate each mood. (0% - 100%)
That is the exercise. It has worked EVERY time I have done it. Over time I began to need it less and less and became more self aware. I have only needed to do it a handful of times the past couple years.
I can post the emotions and distortions lists if you want me to.
Wow, t-bone, you have given me the greatest compliment I could ever receive. Thanks for that.
Relationships with the people I love, and who love me are the biggest priority in my life. And I think "self-awareness" allows us to give the greatest gift we can give, in those relationships........ourselves, heart and soul.
dear t, i love what you wrote. since i was little enough to have "thought" i have always felt there was a deeper "spiritual" perhaps ? part of me observing life.....
i told my mom about my search when i was quite young.... how absolutely sure i was of something more in this life. she said, "honey you're searching for something that's in your own backyard....." i thought she was wrong. now i wonder.... like you said on the other thread about the journey of going home.....
love you always
yes, our awareness extends to the ends of the universe
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Nottawayfer
Oprah had a great show with Ellen Bursten, Sheryl Crow, and Dana Buchanan. They all experienced things which helped them to get in touch with the real women they are. They realized that they weren't victims of life, but that there were lessons to be learned and how you get through those lessons and reflect back on them could add growth to yourself and teach you how to love yourself.
I liked the tidbit Sushi used to have on his posts. It goes something like: The lessons are repeated until they are learned. It is so true.
I hate journaling. It seems too laborious for me to put my thoughts in writing, but I have spent much time with my thoughts when I lived alone right after I left TWI. That was my time with me and God. And it was a time of self-reflection.
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waterbuffalo
T-Bone and Notawayfer,
I used to journal when things upset me and I wanted to write down my thoughts. It really helped. I also read a book during the same time period that you might like. It's called Something More; Excavating Your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It remains one of my favorite books and I still pick it up from time to time and keep it by my bedside. The chapters are short and inspirational and tend to prod me to reflect upon what is in a good way and what could be that I haven't reached for yet. The writings are refreshing and thought provoking. It took me about a year to read the book because I'd savor each part before going on. Each chapter is written by a different person.
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ex10
Getting back to the topic of being self-aware.....
I think there are other methods, besides journaling that keep us there.
Over the years, I've developed close friendships with people, that involve conflict, sadness, having to work things out, etc. that keep me aware of who I am, just as much as writing does.
To have close, intimate relationships, can do the same thing. I quit writing when I was young, because I realized it was a crutch for me, that kept me from confronting issues in my life, that I needed to deal with, with real live, in the flesh people. Maybe for some, it helps consolidate, verbalize what needs to be said, done. But for me, I've found it much more better to bounce stuff off a friend, talk to who needs to be talked to, and then remember it.
Some of the stuff I wrote, when I was younger, caused alot of pain. I made the mistake of letting someone read a bunch of stuff I wrote, and it was hurtful, and caused alot of suffering, for them to read it on a page, instead of talking, touching, listening to me.
I think writing in a journal can be cathartic, refreshing, illuminating in many ways. But it can't replace working on my closest relationships, and discovering who I am meant to be, in the grander scheme of things.
I think if journaling is your thing, it should be kept to ones own self, and not be shared. Just my own humble opinion.
Love
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I Love Bagpipes
Oh T-bone!!!! Three of my favorite subjects: Journaling, TWI, and self awareness. :)
I confess.....I am an addicted Journaler. :)
I eyed a picture some years ago. Instead of a "Gone Fishing" sign, the picture had a "Gone Journaling" sign. Wierd....I know. Nothing new for me (the wierd).
I have not time at the moment to post the many thoughts in my head regarding this subject. However, this is a refreshing thread to me and I might post a bit over the next week or so.
Sometimes I think people think of journaling as just writing about problems. Sort of like some folks think the really legitimate time to pray is about problems. (Not saying anyone hear has implied that.) Yet, I have some of my most joyful times in journaling. Yeah..wierd again. hee
I'm differeent from Ex, in that journaling many times helped/helps me get to the point of working out a relationship with someone. (But I understand what she is saying, in that a person can get "stuck" in his/her pages. Yet I believe if he/she keeps writing, action will result.) I am able to see more clearly before I approach the person, able to be less judgmental (toward myself and them). I have shared from my journals publically. It isn't easy and can be scarey. But I'd like to think it has helped someone somewhere along the way.
Waterbuffalo, I read that book! :) Did yout ever see Breathnach's scrapbook journal? Really cool. I gave a few away as gifts some Christmases ago. Maybe our next face to face I can show it to you, since you are a Breathnach fan. Did you ever read Cameron's The Artist's Way?
T-bone I want to dialogue on this thread about the relationship about self analysis and self awareness, 2 different things...but how (for me) jounaling led to self analysis which led to self awareness. (I even have a technique/exercise I used to do it. I'm not a formula person, but the exercise helped me.) And I want to bring up some stuff from Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life regarding this topic, and perhaps some stuff from something W**n* Cl*pp taught on "Hidden Chambers" regarding the heart. But like I said time is prohibitive at the moment.
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I Love Bagpipes
I know this thread is more about self awareness than journaling, but the two are related for me. Self awareness is part of dreams, yes?....knowing/deciding what one wants? being aware of that individuality?
Here are a couple things I posted regarding journaling from another thread:
Post 1: Posting on GSC is like journaling in a way....except most folks will sensor. (And we all hope we will. ) When you personally journal there is NO sensorship. And if a person keeps at it, the beautiful and the "ugly" will manifest.
Another thing journaling has done for me is to help me embrace goals. I used to hate the word "goals" because it was another darned standard that I would fail at. And still I prefer the word "dreams." After about 4 years of journaling I realized I had dreams/goals that were coming to pass. I began to notice that these goals/dreams were some of the thoughts I had been writing for years. It is a nice side benefit. Yet at the same time I realize that not all my dreams will come true (like growing gills and being able to stay under the ocean water for as long as I want..hee)....but there is always room to hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. One can't go wrong with hope. Even if I die, and I die hoping...it makes the process gentler.
One thing so fun/deep about journaling (for me) is that ANYTHING goes. This took awhile for me to develop...to not be afraid. I'm sure some of that fear was because of my TWI mindset.
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T-Bone
Great posts everyone! keep it coming...I really wasn't concerned about limiting this thread to journaling - the main thing was self-awareness - whatever facilitates the process. WaterBuffalo - that book sounds interesting - I'll have to check it out.
...ooops - almost forgot - the reason I started this in About the Way - was also for thoughts about doctrines, programs and practices in TWI that hindered the self-awareness process.
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Twinky
oops!
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Twinky
I like to keep a journal at specific times. I note “activities” in a diary (one liners, about, perhaps, places I visit). But my thinking is done with a journal. It helps to crystallize what’s going on and see direction.
As has been said, we were required to maintain a journal in rez. Sometimes it was very hard – too much to do, too little time to do it. Sometimes it just records the myriad activities of that day (or some of them). But I always tried to look at what I had learned, or been challenged in, that day.
Some of the entries (I looked at some of my journals recently) are about things that are laughable – oh, the things that they got us wound up about in rez! How hard we all tried to “be our best” and to “do God’s will” (ie, whatever activity, however bizarre, in rez)
. I wonder why I didn’t just take it a bit more laid back (oops, not a good choice of expression, but I don’t mean in that way!) or just tell ‘em they were being daft 
.
Some of the posts record the good times (and there were good times) and fun activities, that I had forgotten about.
We were told, things will happen in rez and you won’t know or understand why at the time. It might be ten years down the road that you realise why something happened.
Well, that ten years is up and passed. And yeah, I am coming to some interesting realisations. Those journals might be worth reviewing, if I can get past the annoyance at the pettiness of some things that happened. If nothing else – how things should not be done.
In the last few months, I have gone through an immense period of head- and heart-healing and great blessing, and the current journal records that. I don’t want to forget this truly awesome time. Sometimes, my journal entry might just be a copy of an email to or from somebody, or a post I made on GSC (which has been very healing) or something I saw on GSC with my own comments in the margin. When time allows, it’s nice to sit down with a pen and a blank sheet of paper and say, okay, what did I learn today? Sometimes nothing is in my mind until the pen hits the paper and then I might write quite a lot, thoughts, emotions, motives, excitement, discouraging bits, good bits, bad bits, reflections, how someone helped me, or I helped someone - but really it’s (in my mind) quietly talking things over with God. And he often gives me a bigger picture on something. Very calming and settling. It’s quiet time with me and God. Perhaps that’s how Paul felt when he wrote his epistles (not that my scrawlings are on that level).
It’s not the “you must” from in rez but the delight in seeing how my life has improved so very much lately. I want to capture that great joy. It is soooo different from the bottom of the deep dark cold well where I lived (call that living??) before I got healed. I demanded the restitution from Job 42 and – oh Lordy – have the windows of heaven opened!
Also in my journal are specific things I want or need: like my new job (start on Monday, yippee
). I wrote out my “wish list” in the back of the journal a few months ago, and just happened across it a couple of weeks ago when I knew my employer was going to offer me the job. No prizes for guessing that every single thing on the “wish list” was encompassed in the new job. And some extras.
Share what’s happened? You bet. Share the actual handwritten words on the page? Never!
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templelady
I journal
It's something most LDS are encourage to do--a living history sort of thing
Sometimes It is just to record the events of the day
sometimes to put in writing how I feel
Sometimes esoteric ramblings
but what ever it is a good emotional release
Sort of a put out the brain lights before sleeping exercise
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VeganXTC
Congrats Twinky!
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sirguessalot
wonderful topic...self-awareness
plz permit a tad rant as i pass thru...
yeah...journaling is an amazing way to see our "selves" from elsewhere, as it were.
for 4 months now, about 200 of us have been practicing twilight journaling, where we develop a habit of writing before we even fully wake up. Henriette Anne Klauser has been our mentor in this, as well as other things.
we find that as we write about our dreams...our dreams become clearer, more vivid, more memorable. as if our dreamlife responds to our paying closer attention to them.
dare i say that for thousands of years, in all corners of the world, journaling (or any form of re-telling) and dreams have been the bread and butter of spiritual practice and disciplines. without such habits, we lose the lessons that are thought in our dreams.
but also, the folks i work with in hospice (monks, nuns, harpists, nurses, doctors, etc...) have been practicing journaling around how contemplative prayer and meditation effects their work.
not in how it heals anyone, but in how their deepening self awareness helps them become better healers.
this spring, the 200 of us are going to get back together and share and compare notes.
...
on another note...from what i have learned, self-awareness is not merely a deepening of knowing who we are (and god knows that are a hundred way to do this), but an actual expanding of our notions of the word "self."
like i have often mentioned around here in the past...our sense of self expands and changes, whether we like it or not. death, being perhaps the ultimate breaker of self awareness.
as we deepen our inner awareness, we shed our earlier senses of self identity.
we stop thinking we are merely a body, and realize that we are also a soul.
and then we stop thinking we are merely a soul, and realize that we are spirit.
perhaps even our definition of the word "spirit" and "soul" changes with our experience of it
and so the meanings of scriptures change as well as our perspectives are reborn
and perhaps even realize that the spirit that we are, is not limited to our small self
or merely something seperate we have within our smaller sense of self
but something that exists and permeates the entire universe
yes, when the sun rises in the morning
it rises WITHIN our awareness
the sun is not merely out there somewhere...but WITHIN our awareness
yes, our awareness extends to the ends of the universe
and we are all swimming within each other
utterly soaking wet with each other
we are stains on the walls of each other's souls whether we like it or not
and we are also our awareness
and so self awareness has no bounds, except that which we give it
indeed, we find that our truest and oldest self existed prior to the big bang
prior to creation
and we have simply forgotten this
and for thousands of years, in most all traditions and cultures, meditation and contemplation, it seems, is the pretty much a way to practice dying..in that, our sense of self dies and is reborn into this greater something.
such grand divinity and spirituality becomes something ordinary, universal and free
but something has happened in both religion and science (and language) that has limited our access to greater self-awareness
subjectivity and objectivity have both been dramatically flattened, limited and crippled
spiritual xenophobia does not allow us to compare scripture with scripture
and shared reality-scripts have replaced actual spiritual practice and transformational experience
and so forth
and its not that we are merely meat-sticks and must get something put in us (like VP said)
but that we are NOT mere meat-sticks and have never been...we only think we are
and so the journey of self-awareness is one of a series of often brutal humiliations
when we realize that who we think we are, and what we think we are made of
is likely completely correct, but also severely wrong for being so so limited and partial
we have given up our birthright for a scrap of meat
or a mere scrap of conceptual thought
yet, we are not our thoughts
nor are we are bodies
and if we can somehow realize this prior to death
we are blessed
and free
...
ok, rant over
thanks for starting this thread
great wiki article, too, Tbone...a lot of helpful links
anyway...i hope someone gets something out of my clumsy stumbling words
peace
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likeaneagle
Journaling must bring bring yourself or inner self to the quiet place inside, that we so ofteen ignore..For me my brain is being wasted on the every affects of life..I like my brain..so journaling must be a way to get purest of thoughts and taking notice....when I am able to quiet down, my thought are quick and not a deep as I know I can be..there must be value to this..thanks:)
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pond
I wrote books and books and books the five subject type when i was marked and avoided.
I really felt no one understood what happened and no internet and no one my family didnt get it so wrote i did.
then i put them away. nearly twenty years later my son found them and read them!
o my GOD!!!!! no i didnt reread them he asked me alot of questions tho, I still have them. honestly when i wrote them i felt like my kids should know what happened God almighty what a cult head I was my whole world was about the fact i was no longer in twi! I cant imagine who I was then now.
soo i do not write now, no really i have gotten to a point where speaking is better for me to people about me and where I am , going etc. like ex10 said.
but at the time writing was very important to me and i do get how it helps one feel better.
it is great that you can see God answer your prayers and dreams in writing i think that is fabulous and great.. Im thinking Ophrah used to say to have a thankful journal in which you write 5 things your thankful for that day. that is a great idea.
I think folks such as bagpipes has a gift with writing and able to write the thoughts so everyone can be blessed and relate to the words.
that is so wonderful ,well my journaling seem stupid next to some of the stuff I read some write that really make a difference for all.
I still would write like "I saw johnny in the hall today , I think he likes me". 6th grade stuff. I have no talent for writing, but those who do I am impressed.
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T-Bone
Nottawayfer – I know what you mean about journaling being a laborious process – I’m not saying I’m a big fan of journaling – not yet anyway. But the process does intrigue me – and it’s growing on me. That’s part of why I started this thread.
WaterBuffalo – I will have to check out that book you mentioned - Something More; Excavating Your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I usually read 2 or 3 books at a time…I’m not an intellectual – just a slow reader/learner that gets bored and jumps back and forth from book to book
.
Ex10 – I agree there’s other ways to foster self-awareness. And meeting you, your family and friends at the Texas BBQ I saw how relationships are a BIG deal to you – and that you are comfortable with being yourself. You were such a gracious host and worked wonders to put my shy little soul at ease!
Bagpipes – do explain the stuff about self-analysis differing from self-awareness…Interesting - you mentioned dreams, goals, and hope with journaling…Those things seem to crop up in mine. I look at them like mental doodling. Some things start as nothing really…some silly idea or a “I would like to do blah blah someday…” And I do see the difference between posting at GSC and journaling in terms of not editing what I write in the journal. However – there’s a honing process I like when dialoging with people on GSC – I’m “forced” to crystallize a key thought – and there’s also sort of a reality-check when talking with other people – I may be kidding myself over something but it might not fly from another person’s viewpoint or experience.
Twinky – That’s what I was talking about with saying there was a similarity between journaling and posting/reading on GSC. And I kind of feel like you do towards reviewing my old Corps journals – man was I a dullard! And congrats on the new job!
TempleLady – Wow – this thread has been graced by three of the lovely ladies of the Texas BBQ [counting Bagpipes and Ex10] I’m still licking my chops over that delicious reindeer sausage you brought! I like your mentioning of “esoteric ramblings” while journaling – again a sort of mental doodling thing – fun!
Sirguessalot – It’s always a good day when you grace a thread with your poetic “tad rants.” That’s an intriguing term you had - “the journey of self-awareness.” It’s a journey - - and sometimes I get so impatient. It’s a simple pleasure – like reading a book – sometimes I sit down and just read through threads like this one – think about what someone said – it’s a nice little break from this hectic world.
LikeanEagle – I said to Tonto the other day, “My problem is I don’t know how to relax.” I’m always on the go – doing stuff for work or around the house. I think journaling has a calming effect for me – “forcing” me to settle down and find some quiet place inside.
Pond – I think you’re describing my journals . When I’m crafting a post for GSC – I stew and fret over the turn of a phrase – wonder how it’s going to compare to gifted writers [people like Bagpipes and Sirguessalot just bowl me over – salute! ]. Anyway…it’s actually a relief to kick back and just let my writing flow – it’s sort of a Cro-Magnon meets Steve Martin style of prose :) .
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I Love Bagpipes
T-bone you are such a gem. Tonto is sure blessed to have your around!!! (And equally you are blessed to have her too! :) )
This subject scrambles my brain..many thoughts, many thoughts. There are things that I feel regarding your quote above, that I am unable as of yet to put into words...and may never be able to. Following are a couple subjects that come to mind. There is a lot of thought/experience/biblical contemplation behind the following observations regarding this subject:
A perhaps doctrine: Somewhere along the way I remember being taught (or it was insinuated strongly) that there was no such thing as intuition and it was just a cover for devil spirit possession. That pretty much snuffs out self awareness.
A practice: Rote memorization of scripture for problem solving, like one size fits all. I'm all for meaningful memorization (if that is what meets the need for that situation for that individual.) Scripture memorization has helped/aided/healed me, but it was because of a heart understanding and God's spirit within showing me how that scripture applied to my circumstance, heart, emotion, etc. TWI did teach to look at the context of the scripture as written in the Bible (well their context), but fell short (supressing, impeding, hindering) in allowing God to work within an individual's context of life...to work out his/her own salvation with reverence, awe, and trembling.
I'll have to write the self anlysis to self awareness stuff later, when I have more time. It is sort of lengthy and will probably take a couple posts.
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oldiesman
Based upon the truth that the real you is the Christ in you, yes, I think twi taught keys on how to become Word conditioned and aware, rather than self conditioned or circumstance conditioned.
Of course, how that related to an individual was according to that individuals own commitment, attitude and mindset.
It was up to the individual how far one wanted to go with "walking in the spirit".
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tonto
Well ladies and gentelmen, I'd like to warn you that one of our patrons is passing around a plate of his home-made holiday nutty horse-sh i t crunch. It's choc-full-o e-coli, so consume at your own risk:
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I Love Bagpipes
Regarding journaling....I agree that it can be laborious. But that isn't a bad thing; I labored with childbearing, yet the outcome is new life. I do cheat in journaling because I know shorthand, so the physical act is less laborious. I prefer pen and book to keyboard and screen, but that is just me.
So, in light of laborious, the following exercise is just that: laborious. Yet it helped me to be aware of my presence, my gut, my thoughts. THEN hopefully, I made more Godly and honest (or at least somewhat close to it) decisions on whatever I was dealing with.
(BTW Oldiesman, self conditioned and self aware are two different things. I figure you know that, but just to clarify.....)
I used to have to do the following exercise a few times a week (talk about laborious!!!) I don't know for how many months I did that, but it was many. Some may say, "That sure is a lot of work and is time consuming." However, the exercise might take me and hour or so which was less time than I would spend "looping" in my head had I not done the exercise. Whatever the issue (emotionally charged) I could get it out and balance it.
This exercise is a combination from 3 different books and a handout. T-bone, you have probably read about this in Burn's book.
1. Write out the situation: who? what? when? where?
If you can't think of the situation simply go to step 2. AS you srite situations may surface. There is
no right/wrong way to do this exercise.
2. List any moods or negative feelings. (The emotions list can help identify/put words to any feelings.) Rate each mood or feeling to its intensty (20%, 40%, 100%, etc.).
3. Write down any automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). Notice THOUGHTS, not feelings.
If you can trace the feeling/mood from #2 to an incident, try to place yourself mentally back in that
situation. What were your THOUGHTS?
4. Label each ANT according to it's distortion(s). (The "distortions" list cna help label these.)
4a: If it helps, identify evidence that supports some of the ANTs and then identify evidence that
does not support the ANT.
5. Write a rational, balanced alternative response for each ANT. Rate how much I believe in each
rational response. (0% - 100%)
6. Go back to step 2 and rerate each mood. (0% - 100%)
That is the exercise. It has worked EVERY time I have done it. Over time I began to need it less and less and became more self aware. I have only needed to do it a handful of times the past couple years.
I can post the emotions and distortions lists if you want me to.
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sirguessalot
aw...man, Tbone
i tell ya
i think something huge that your most recent post points to
...something that turns both science and religion on their head and inside out...
is how it is long been proven how we can investigate and measure the interior human experience
as many ways we can find as we would with any art and science
the spirituallity of integrating body, heart, soul, mind, spirit
can be (and has been) approached as much a technology and science as unexplained religious experience and imagination
demonstrable, verifiable, adaptable...
ordinary awareness is not limited to the body, but includes the body...as fully as possible
and the mind...as fully as possible
and the heart...as fully as possible
ordinary awareness IS the essence of spirit...as fully as possible
Spirit is that which deeply witnesses body, heart, soul, mind, etc...
that which remains
even when your dreams have gone to sleep
that invisible holy ghost observer who was there all along
an impossible and not impossible person or thing to find
but the most most most obvious damn thing that never ever ever refuses to leave us or forsake us
even at our lowest
we cant help but feel
our eyes feels the waves of light
our ears feel the waves of sound
and we see what we feel
and paint pictures of it with our stories
and we feel the meaning of the stories
it is our capacity to witness feeling
hearing and seeing is like feeling the music of a harpist vibrate your very bones with your eye closed
and a shared awareness of this with each other can become an extraordinary and amazing thing
because there is a sense of our selves that actually deeply literally inhabit each other
like fish in a bowl together...and we are also the water
we do it all the time...family, friends, enemies
taking and receiving paintings on our inner walls of every occasion with each other
through all of our sense and other ways we often dont even realize
dripping soaking wet with each other like waves in an ocean
imho,
and ask any good jew
this notion is the origin of the Christian God of whom it is said there is no escape
ISness
AMness
stubborn, untameable, fierce
everywhere present whether in heaven or hell
this invisible God is always right here and now
awareness itself
manifold
awesome
terrible
wonderful
ordinary
yada yada yada
IT is no secret
and has never been lost
we are simply asleep
and we have lost our stories of IT
perhaps IT is not even an IT
but simply IS
but such a God is also only the simplest flicker of attention away
which seems cruel, depending our expections, perhaps
though its also kind of playful
and mysterious
and omg...dare i even say it is deeply erotic, at times
...this ultimate God and the quest for this ultimate God is also a very sensual reality
in the Bible, or anywhere else
to approach any such naked awareness
must be an act of shamelessness
and wide open heart
naked and shameless and subtle
to approach such wide open heart of this Awareness
of course...is like a baptism of fire for most all of us
and almost always always always...a life long journey
...
of course, for some, these are often not light things to hear
i know...especially if i say it so casually
cuz...reality bites
especially this time of year
last thing we often want is more awareness of all this crazy insane crap in the world and my life
blood, puss, smoke, waste, smoke, tears...
but awareness of reality
and awareness of possibility
are two different kinds of awareness, it seems
and either one can suck
but they go better in marriage
than they do in enmity
unless it playful game, or course
or some sort of romantic flirtation
or otherwise playing at parting and reuniting
(like scientific method)
perhaps it could be said that reality and possibility are best observed as dance partners
and perhaps it could be said that
presence
presents
gifts
in these cold dark days
ho ho ho,
an elf
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ex10
Wow, t-bone, you have given me the greatest compliment I could ever receive. Thanks for that.
Relationships with the people I love, and who love me are the biggest priority in my life. And I think "self-awareness" allows us to give the greatest gift we can give, in those relationships........ourselves, heart and soul.
What an awesome topic this is.
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Tom Strange
aww... let's all hold hands and sing "koom-by-ya" now...
somehow I didn't picture you as a "shy little soul" TBone!
(but what you said about ourseestorEx10 is true, I felt it as well, it helped me come out of my shell)
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sirguessalot
aw...must we sing that one again, mr strange?
:blink:
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excathedra
dear t, i love what you wrote. since i was little enough to have "thought" i have always felt there was a deeper "spiritual" perhaps ? part of me observing life.....
i told my mom about my search when i was quite young.... how absolutely sure i was of something more in this life. she said, "honey you're searching for something that's in your own backyard....." i thought she was wrong. now i wonder.... like you said on the other thread about the journey of going home.....
love you always
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Tom Strange
yes we must +odd... whenever I get misty... it must be sung...
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