Ancient CES Manuscripts Uncovered!

[TheInvisibleDan]

Words in brackets and italics indicate material that has been supplied - Translator .

The Lost Fourth Epistle of Yokhanan to the Cethians

Peace and Mercy to chiefly to the Jews, and then to the Gentiles, and lastly, the Church of God from our God and Father and the son of man, to all them residing in the village of [CESaria?]

How I long to pour forth my bowels upon you once again, that our innards might rejoice in the unity, mercy and righteousness of our Creator and his Firstborn Offspring, who is before all.

I have great sorrow in mine heart! How I hurt. I lie not!

I suppose God hath appointed us Board Members last, and we are now become as an off-scouring to the world, a spectacle on the internet, to both Angels and to men.

I knew a certain woman (whether in body or out of body I do not know) such a one who was caught away into the Swamp of God, and saw visions of hairy eight-legged creatures blowing fiery [...?] through their noses not so much permitted a man to describe.

Of such I cannot speak ( God knoweth, what do I know?).

And I knew a certain person (whether in body or out of body I do not know) such a one who was snatched away into the sixth heaven, and uttered hidden things to the Sons of the heavenly Council (of what such these things mean I know not really– what do I know? she knoweth! She spaketh them).[…] [ page missing]an[d] we drove out the wicked from amongst us.

And lest I be exalted by the abundance of the visions given unto me, there came a stick pricking into mine eye -- - the shining archon of Net sent to buffet me. And I besought the lord sixteen times that this might be taken away. And the lord saith

“Thine package is sufficient for thee.”

To any[one] who addeth or taketh [away] [a letter] from [this] epistle, let him be [ac]cursed!

Again , if you or anyone else – man or angel - reading this on some forum changes [any of] the content in my package --curses unto you!

Agap,

Yokhanan the Divine

So ends the Lost Fourth Epistle of St. Yohanan the Divine.

Fragment of the Lost Epistle of Markellus bar Gar’ya-zor to the Assembly of the Kephians

[…] All those in India[na] have turned against me…only Yokhana the Stone is with me.

It has been commonly reported that evil gossipers […….] though they came out of us they were not of us. Their bellies [...] upon the earth […] If it were possible, I would tear out mine own (eye)balls and hand them to you, and with tears would cry for you day and night.

BEHOLD WHAT LARGE FONTS I USE, TO SIGNIFY THAT IT IS TRULY ME MARKELLUS BAR GAR’YA-ZOR WRITING TO YOU, TO GIVE YOU COMPLET[ELY] [COMPLETE(?)] SURETY THAT MY WORDS ARE [AS FIRM AS(?)] [A BOX OF] JELLO […]

[ several pages of manuscript illegible, until the few lines - translator].

Geoff the silversmith has commited much evil against me, as has Yokhanan bar Eunuch and Dani' El bar Ga-li-kar. May God recompense them for their evil deeds.

Dispatch Helen the Prophetess bring the cloak and the books as I hath requested [...] only she hath been a comfort to me.

So ends the Epistle of Markellus bar Gar’ya-zor to the Assembly of the Kephians.

Edited January 22, 2007 by TheInvisibleDan

[Sushi]

How I long to pour forth my bowels upon you once again, that our innards might rejoice in the unity, mercy and righteousness of our Creator and his Firstborn Offspring, who is before all.

Sound like Yokhanan went to the Danny Thomas School of Proselytizing.

I knew a certain woman (whether in body or out of body I do not know) such a one who was caught away into the Swamp of God, and saw visions of hairy eight-legged creatures blowing fiery [...?] through their noses not so much permitted a man to describe.

Hmmm, blowing fiery spider rockets?

And the lord saith, "Thine package is sufficient for thee."

I know mine is.

Agap,

Yokhanan the Divine

So ends the Lost Fourth Epistle of St. Yohanan the Divine.

[Sunesis]

Danny - LOL!!!!!

Methinks too much study of Nag hamarabi has gone to your head - time for a break!

[socks]

The Lost Fourth Epistle of Yokhanan to the Cethians

Aaaaah. Yes!

[satori001]

Dan, that is among the best, Greasespot or Waydale.

[Mark Sanguinetti]

I loved your satire here Dan. Outstanding indeed.

[mstar1]

Classic!

Thanks for your diligence to unearth those texts!

Best laugh Ive had in a long time.....

[rhino]

Almost thou persuadest me to be a CESarian ... Lord knows I need to be delivered ... and I prefer the easy way out :)

[Bolshevik]

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

oh, and LOL

[penworks]

Oh, Dan the great biblical researcher, thank you over and over for recovering this lost text. Truly you have set us free!

Haven't laughed this hard over good satire for while. Were you around when we used to say "GMIR a minute." ?

Thanks for the info in the II Peter 1:20 thread.

penworks

[Steveo]

I can confirm that with some passages from the Book of Dude in the Bulsheeta Text

[Holy Smoke]

This reminded me of Monty Python's Holy Grail....I'm sure you've all seen it and cracked up: (this is from memory, so bear with me)

"And the people did feast upon the lambs, orangutangs, sloths, breakfast cereals..."

"Skip a bit, brother!"

"Oh, Lord, bless this thine holy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy. Amen."

"First, thou shalt take out the holy pin. Then, thou shalt count to three. Three shalt be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. No more, no less! Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, unless thou proceedest unto three. Five is RIGHT OUT!"

HS

[Mark Clarke]

Of course you know CES is now STFI (Spirit and Truth Fellowship International).

They should expand their vision, though, and call it Spirit and Truth Fellowship Universal.

That way their initials would communicate better - STFU!

[chockfull]

Of course you know CES is now STFI (Spirit and Truth Fellowship International).

They should expand their vision, though, and call it Spirit and Truth Fellowship Universal.

That way their initials would communicate better - STFU!

Beautiful!

Then they could have an offshoot that starts their own Research Teaching and Fellowship Ministry. Referred to as - drumroll - RTFM.

I can hear the conversations now. Where did you come from? STFU

What do you believe now? RTFM

[Mark Clarke]

Beautiful!

Then they could have an offshoot that starts their own Research Teaching and Fellowship Ministry. Referred to as - drumroll - RTFM.

I can hear the conversations now. Where did you come from? STFU

What do you believe now? RTFM

I have to admit, I had to look that one up. But I like it!

Of course, STFI/STFU would claim that they Wrote The F***ing Manual, which would be abbreviated as WTF? Manual.