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Anti-protocol


Ham
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Ah, what a world of opposites we live in..

I had "proper" protocol drilled into my head so much.. that I find myself wishing to do or actually doing the opposite.

It seems that a lot of ex higher-up's in the organization get the same kind of reception here, and wonder what hit them..

:biglaugh:

Maybe what I was thinking on the other threads may get more mileage here.

The big "rev" enters the room. I just can't bring myself to use that word.. "hello rrr, um, reeee, um.. rrrreeee.."

Just can't give the sycophants that kind of respect anymore.. maybe der vey ruined me..

I really did sit down a couple of times, when his "greatness" entered the room, on purpose.

"They" don't want me in charge of the little details.. instead of mints, I really would put carefully cut sections of Alka Seltzer in the little dish behind the podium...

not pure white vinegar, but maybe diluted somewhat..

after frothing and spitting out vinegar water, the visiting mogness would wonder what kind of "fellowship" he was really invited to..

I wouldn't have anybody sitting in the first row..

:biglaugh:

Now that's over.. what would people here do, or have done? I wonder if anybody else has ever felt the same..

Any suggestions for "anti-protocol" are welcome.

:evildenk:

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Come now, Mr H., surely you're not suggesting that these "tapped in" individuals would have actually partaken of the fruits of your prankish nature.

"Hevvy Revvy" would have sprung into fruition and exposed your dastardly plans.

The shame of it all is almost too much to fathom!

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Well.. if it did manage to slip under their spiritual "radar"..

at least they'd never put me in charge of "refreshments".

Ever again..

Hmm. Maybe that's why they guarded those meeting rooms like Fort Knox..

the fear.. that the mogness might get the classical pie in the face..

:biglaugh:

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Not a blanket statement, but what a lot of mog types don't realize.. and some can't come to grips with, is the name tag usually doesn't necessarily accompany them outside of the organization.

Interesting what happens here at GSC when they try to smuggle it out with them..

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Set up protocol is also on the menu here. Among other items:

NOTHING is to be held down with duct tape. Never, for ANY reason.

I remember a tri-state limb meeting, and the audio service to the stage was a single conglomerate of wires, referred to as a snake.. I think. This thing had the weight and consistency of a large iron chain. It just laid there.. just screaming out for miles of duct tape, but the hotel forbad any kind of tape to be used on the carpet. The guy in charge of setup was going into withdrawl.. "we'll even use super high tech fifty dollar a roll tape, won't leave anything behind.." nope.

:biglaugh:

NO greeters to direct parking with a class of five new students..

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Ah, Mr. Hamm... a squirrel after my own heart.

I remember a new "babe" in the Word who had just taken piffle... he walked into a meeting a month or so after graduating, and being the rebellious teenager he was, immediately starting pulling chairs out of order, saying to himself, "this is driving me crazy. These chairs are too STRAIGHT!" WC came from every corner imaginable and grabbed the poor "babe" before he could do too much more damage. It was hilarious!

I used to get in trouble for running around in the rain at ROA and then going into the tent sopping wet. Not really a practical joke, but it used to really make some WC pretty darn mad.

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Don't know if anyone remembers the manual we had to follow when we ran large meetings such as branch or area.

It was jam packed full of do's and don't's such as when to start the coffee brewing, how long singing should be, etc.

One of the items on the "don't" list was "pick your seat".

Well, I'm pretty sure it meant you should sit where you could avail yourself and not with your buddies, but it was poorly written and quite ambiguous.

We always got a big chuckle when we went over our check list and made sure to ask if any crew members had "picked their seats".

Therefore, proper ANTI protocol dictates that one must "pick his/her seat" at every large function.

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I remember that one, waysider - it even happened at the last meeting I attended... There we were - we had arrived late and with friends... we sat down in the back to not bother anyone and were informed by the BC (who got up and walked in front of everyone) so he could tell us that there were two seats in two different sections more towards the front.

Give me a break... I mean, come on. They didn't want us friends all sitting together, and they didn't want any chairs in the front empty.

Good greif.

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Don't sit woodenly still throughout entire meeting. Get up quietly and visit the smallest room (or even just wander about outside). You may return to meeting with a glass of cold water.

Don't stand up for the rev. Don't applaud the rev as he walks on stage. Remain seated with hands folded in lap.

Select a non-KJV version of Bible to take to meeting. If wished, point out subtle differences to person sitting next to you.

Attend meeting in shorts and T shirt. Shoes optional.

Feel free to show respect to whom respect is due. Feel free not to show respect to whom none is due.

Feel free.

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Wear a cross around your neck and make the sign of the cross at inappropriate moments.

Make sure your t-shirt says something offensive on it. Burp loudly during manifestations. Make sure when you manifest it's REALLY specific and then claim that it's because you're a prophet.

Edited by JavaJane
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When asked to pray for the BOD and the ministry leadership, pray "God, please show the leadership in the ministry the way they should be and keep them from being complete and utter pricks. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

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:biglaugh:

Another one.. the friggin visiting mogster eats LAST. Let him scrape the bottom of the bowl of green bean salad like anybody else..

but make sure you pass the bowl and everything to the right. Better yet, randomly back-and-forth ACROSS the table.

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