You're welcome to post your questions here. I've often asked for advice on various things here with my kids (I have a 7 y/o and a 3 y/o.) Folks have been very helpful, in my opinion.
I didn't know there was a chat room for that purpose.
My mom raised nine of us with a f-wad for a husband/father
What do you want to know ? LOL
But she always said she should be able to give them to the State until they reach a certain age -- I forget what age that was -- and then they give them back
I have a high school aged girl who gets good grades. But there are so many cat fights amongst the girls in high school. So much jealousy and competition. I have not had any success getting involved and trying to help resolve things. Ignoring it all hasn't helped either. Talking to the other parents sometimes makes it worse. I'm at a loss.
When does it end? My high school aged boy didn't go through this.
I have a high school aged girl who gets good grades. But there are so many cat fights amongst the girls in high school. So much jealousy and competition. I have not had any success getting involved and trying to help resolve things. Ignoring it all hasn't helped either. Talking to the other parents sometimes makes it worse. I'm at a loss.
When does it end? My high school aged boy didn't go through this.
I have two .... count em....two teenage girls and two teenage boys.
The greek translation according to usage, from the original manuscript of teenage girls is: DRAMA....DRAMA...OHMYGOD...FRIGGIN DRAMA!!!!!
I am SO not kidding.
They actually seem to thrive on it...whosaidwhattowhom....whoiswearingwhatwithwhat....thatgirlfriendandboyfriend
splitupBECAUSE....and the list goes on.
There is no help for it....it is a phenomenon until itself.
However....there is the small voice of reason amidst the chaos...and that is ... the parents. She may roll her eyes, stomp off, tell you that you don't have a clue....but in the midst of all the cliches of responses she will have heard you.
You are her parent, you love her, your voice DOES echo into the abyss.
Trust that you have raised her right and that in her early twenties she will be human again.
Make your voice heard....but do not shove it down her throat
My husband and I set this precedent with our teens....we are allowed to express our thoughts and opinions, you (our teens) are to listen, but the final decision for your life rests with you. Use it well.
We may not agree with your decision, if we do not....we will still stand behind you (making faces :) ) and support you, but any fallout that results is yours to deal with. We will support you emotionally and mentally, but all else is up to you.
Here is our rationale: If we have done our job well...they may make mistakes and fumble about a bit, but in the end, they will recover themselves and be who they want to be. Our job is to love them, be honest with them, but not taunt them with our opinions on the way they live their lives.
Bottom line....we are all so stupid sometimes....we should also let our kids make their stupid mistakes without holding it over their heads. Kind of the golden rule, in a fashion.
I've seen my almost 18 year old go from a raving b*tch....to the person I raised by letting her make her own mistakes, learn from them, and yet always know she can come to me at any time for the "soft place to land" that she needs. Even if it is in the middle of my work day (which it was, when she called me sobbing).
Yet the victory is HERS....not mine. SHE is the one who grew, learned, and became the person closer to who she wants to be.
This is a time of transition for teens....it hurts us as parents to let them go, but it is a healthy hurt.
If you show your teen that you believe in them.....that will work worlds of wonders in their hearts and you can watch in silent pride, wonder, and awe as this magnificent person makes his or her way into the world.
The drama is much easier if they have at least one friend who knows how to be a friend. A good friend is a relief to everyone!
Make your home the hang out/ sleep over place--you'll know alot more about what is happening.
It never hurts to point out when a girl or boyfriend is being manipultive etc. They might not act like they think you have a clue, but they will mull stuff over. I voice my opinion all the time without demanding they take this or that action--let them brainstorm.
I find challenging classes, plenty of homework and school related activities like marching band etc keep the teen drama down. Busy Busy.
Not exactly advice, but shared experiences. We have a blog on our newspaper site called TransPARENT. I'm one of the contributors. If you poke around, you may find things that interest/amuse you. And if you have a specific question, I'm sure the bunch of us would love to put our heads together to help answer things.
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ChasUFarley
Hi Fin,
You're welcome to post your questions here. I've often asked for advice on various things here with my kids (I have a 7 y/o and a 3 y/o.) Folks have been very helpful, in my opinion.
Peace,
-Krista
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washn'wear
I've got teenagers -- do they count?
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Tom Strange
buy one of those small storage sheds from Home Depot or Lowes, tie them and gag them and don't let them out until they're 21...
ask away... there are a lot of folks here who are very successful parents of children who have gone through the teen years (not me, of course)
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Jim
30 would be better. They would be less likely to join a cult when they get out.
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Mister P-Mosh
I would think having someone locked up in a shed for 20 to 30 years would result in bigger problems than we all have for being in a cult.
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ex70sHouston
It's called the 18/30 rule.
You turned 18 and you have 30 days to get your butt out of the house.
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excathedra
I didn't know there was a chat room for that purpose.
My mom raised nine of us with a f-wad for a husband/father
What do you want to know ? LOL
But she always said she should be able to give them to the State until they reach a certain age -- I forget what age that was -- and then they give them back
I doubt I'll be much in reality :)
But I hope you're doing okay, really, I do.
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polar bear
I'm sure you could get some real good advice here, with no "twi" strings attached.
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bowtwi
Parenting. I'm for it.
Sure beats the alternative. 
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finallyunderstand
Thanks everyone.
I have a high school aged girl who gets good grades. But there are so many cat fights amongst the girls in high school. So much jealousy and competition. I have not had any success getting involved and trying to help resolve things. Ignoring it all hasn't helped either. Talking to the other parents sometimes makes it worse. I'm at a loss.
When does it end? My high school aged boy didn't go through this.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
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GeorgeStGeorge
We let youngsters live because they're cute.
We let adults live becuae they contribute to society.
We let teen-agers live because it's the law.
George
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doojable
Two books I highly recommend are:
Odd Girl Out and Queen Bees and Wannabes
(links are provided)
They helped me a lot when my kiddo had to deal with the girl-bully thing.
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excathedra
dear finally,
hang in there. hey, at least your girl has good grades!!!!
i don't have a girl; i have a boy
but i have to agree with you -- getting involved with the other parents - no! unless it's absolutely necessary.
i've done it once or twice and realized it made things worse.
i've also gone crazy and told my son how much i hate whoever he hates (so to speak) -- to find out things had changed the following week
--
what is happening exactly?
kids seem to work things out in their own way, i am finding. i realize more and more my main job is to get dumped on LOL LOL
i don't mind a bit. i listen a lot and give hugs, chuckles, grunts, snorts..... and it seems to be working :)
love,ex
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Cindy!
I have two .... count em....two teenage girls and two teenage boys.
The greek translation according to usage, from the original manuscript of teenage girls is: DRAMA....DRAMA...OHMYGOD...FRIGGIN DRAMA!!!!!
I am SO not kidding.
They actually seem to thrive on it...whosaidwhattowhom....whoiswearingwhatwithwhat....thatgirlfriendandboyfriend
splitupBECAUSE....and the list goes on.
There is no help for it....it is a phenomenon until itself.
However....there is the small voice of reason amidst the chaos...and that is ... the parents. She may roll her eyes, stomp off, tell you that you don't have a clue....but in the midst of all the cliches of responses she will have heard you.
You are her parent, you love her, your voice DOES echo into the abyss.
Trust that you have raised her right and that in her early twenties she will be human again.
Make your voice heard....but do not shove it down her throat
My husband and I set this precedent with our teens....we are allowed to express our thoughts and opinions, you (our teens) are to listen, but the final decision for your life rests with you. Use it well.
We may not agree with your decision, if we do not....we will still stand behind you (making faces :) ) and support you, but any fallout that results is yours to deal with. We will support you emotionally and mentally, but all else is up to you.
Here is our rationale: If we have done our job well...they may make mistakes and fumble about a bit, but in the end, they will recover themselves and be who they want to be. Our job is to love them, be honest with them, but not taunt them with our opinions on the way they live their lives.
Bottom line....we are all so stupid sometimes....we should also let our kids make their stupid mistakes without holding it over their heads. Kind of the golden rule, in a fashion.
I've seen my almost 18 year old go from a raving b*tch....to the person I raised by letting her make her own mistakes, learn from them, and yet always know she can come to me at any time for the "soft place to land" that she needs. Even if it is in the middle of my work day (which it was, when she called me sobbing).
Yet the victory is HERS....not mine. SHE is the one who grew, learned, and became the person closer to who she wants to be.
This is a time of transition for teens....it hurts us as parents to let them go, but it is a healthy hurt.
If you show your teen that you believe in them.....that will work worlds of wonders in their hearts and you can watch in silent pride, wonder, and awe as this magnificent person makes his or her way into the world.
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Watered Garden
Are you involved in a church? One that has a great youth group? Perhaps she might find friends there who have more to think about?
Is she interested in sports?
I had a boy, too, so I'm not much help. I do notice that mothers of teenage girls seem to worry a whole lot more.
Anyway, I'll say a prayer for you, and remember, this too shall pass!
WG
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Bramble
The drama is much easier if they have at least one friend who knows how to be a friend. A good friend is a relief to everyone!
Make your home the hang out/ sleep over place--you'll know alot more about what is happening.
It never hurts to point out when a girl or boyfriend is being manipultive etc. They might not act like they think you have a clue, but they will mull stuff over. I voice my opinion all the time without demanding they take this or that action--let them brainstorm.
I find challenging classes, plenty of homework and school related activities like marching band etc keep the teen drama down. Busy Busy.
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finallyunderstand
Thanks Everyone for the laughs, insight and reading recommendations. I appreciate it very much.
School has barely started and already the girls are starting turf wars. Can't be friends with that one if you are going to be friends with this one.
Is it possible for three girls to hang out together without two of them isolating the third?
They seem to all struggle with jealousy too.
Drama is the perfect word to describe it.
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Shellon
oh hell yeah amen
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Raf
Not exactly advice, but shared experiences. We have a blog on our newspaper site called TransPARENT. I'm one of the contributors. If you poke around, you may find things that interest/amuse you. And if you have a specific question, I'm sure the bunch of us would love to put our heads together to help answer things.
The link is in my sig...
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