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Emotions post TWI


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I don't know what it is, but lately, it seems that I am more emotional than I used to be. Before, when I would hear of someone or child getting hurt, I would just turn my sholder and go on about my business. Now it seems I can hardly hold it together.

When the news hit about the woman who drowned her 7 lovely children, I lost it, literally. I am glad I was not in public. And just today, hearing of the little 5 year old's end of life, I had to pull over off the road to recompose.

Is it all the years of ignoring my feelings finally being able to be let out? Or is it something else?

These are not even my children, but it feels as if they are/were.

Where is my Kleenex?

Got to go...

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I dunno socket creep, but I can TOTALLY realate.

It is the same for me as well. My husband had a very strong reaction to the poor 5 year olds death this morning as well......and he is really an unemotional person.

I wonder if it isn`t something to do with just us being older, and growing more mature.

The term *calloused youth* comes to mind.

I think it is because now that I have children, I am able for the first time to realise how horrible the death of ANY one of these sweet, blameless little souls is.......whether it be mine or someone elses....

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Great topic, and definitely Way related. I mean, weren't we trained to be cold about certain things...anything outside the "household"? Callous about giving to good causes, callous about the handicapped (ever hear LCM rant about Jerry's kids?).

I had a real disconnect because of childhood trauma. I've turned into a weepy compassionate old fart & I love it.

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I agree with you 100%. When I was younger, I did not value human life like I do now. I have a daughter and when I heard about that little girl, I cried. Such a pretty, sweet, bubbly child taken away and so violently. I can't imagine a more human reaction, than crying over that kind of loss to anyone and what that little girl went through.

TWI taught us not to have any emotions. Now we are allowing ourselves to have these very human emotions. It might seem strange at first, but I am glad that I can cry, hate, love (really love), get angry, etc.


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Crying is good for the soul, and the brain.

My therapist said that there are amino acids released when we cry that have a cleansing effect on the brain, losening up junk that was getting sticky so-to-speak.

I like to cry, but I don't go out of my way, and like everyother anal problem I had from TWI letting myself go is very hard, but it happens sometimes and usually there's people around. (which sucks sometimes)

So much for becoming my childhood hero, Star Trek's Mr. Spock. He did cry a few times, but they were all during mind-melds with emotional beings.

Naa-Noo, Naa-Noo, This is Mork calling Orson, come in Orson...


"Why you be here four hour? You go NOW!"

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The Way Internationnal was an emotions denying machine...i.e .."Feelings come and go but the Wordagod liveth and abideth forever". feelings and emotions were hardly if ever validated in the way, everything had to be filtered through logic, reason and of course 'The Word' to see if it was OK.

People bottled and denied their feelings and inner selves to their great detriment and harm. "being past feeling they have given themselves over to lasciviousness"(??-the work of the ?ministry(?)!!)

IMO it was incredibly destructive to people and I am glad you have found your way out to humanness.

Emotions are complex, worth sorting through and striving to understand after youve been delivered from the jaws of those who would control you

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In the Way I had actually forced myself to believe that emotions were evil...they only got in the way of "believing the Word"

I just recently realized that emotions are our God-given means to engage the world around us - that glassy eyed stare was real because we willingly turned off our emotions, thus disengaging from external stimuli.

Caught part of "Pleasantvill" on TV the other night...seemed to speak to this issue.

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Last night, after a tough day at work, topped off by a lousey job interview for a position I REALLY wanted, I went home feeling like a wreck myself, to hubby who had an emotional need.

He poured his heart out to me about something very, very important to him and I just couldn't respond. The tank was on "E" - empty - I had nothing to give.

This wasn't the first time I couldn't reach within myself for something to give. It happens pretty frequently, to be honest.

Maybe it's because of my time in TWI? Maybe it's my stoic New England upbringing? Maybe I'm just a cold fish?

I don't remember being that way as a child, though. I remember crying with my childhood friends when they cried.

Somedays I wonder if I underwent an emotion-ectomy when I was in TWI -- it was all I knew for my adult life, up until the past couple of years. I have a hard time really caring for others, expression love and seem more concerned about "doing the right thing", even to this day.

Sometimes, I hurt so bad inside I think there should be blood to show for it, but since there isn't any, then something must be "wrong" and so I dismiss it. To let it out or let my feelings show would be weakness to me...

How to begin to crack the shell?

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Twi held Spock from Star Trek in high regard. No emotions (did Lcm get that tape?) and no feeligs.

Seems like all they cared about was themselves.

I remember one speaker talking about the way purposefully did not reach out to people with problems (alcohol) but was focused on the word. Let other ministries take care of those people was the thought.

So I grew calloused toward causes, thinking only twi deserved my money.

Now I find it hard to give to my church.

But I cry for the children.

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Before I ever got to your post twi mantra was already running through my mind trying to remember what they used to say and all I got was...."feelings come and go but..."

Glad I wasn't the only one thinking that!

Yes, very sad about the 5 year old little girl. It just breaks your heart, but shows you that evil does exist in this world.

My oldest turns 16 today and as a parent you can't even imagine what her parents must be going through today. I am praying for them as I know you are.

Feels good to feel things and guess what, it's normal!


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Krista, I know exactly what you mean about cracking the shell, about being empty.

I still feel that way about birthdays, and some holidays.

Have you ever noticed that it's difficult to stay angry when you are smiling? That's because we are conditioned (by being human) to equate smiling with being happy.

When you are happy, you smile.

The reverse works, too. If you want to cheer up, smile - reaaallly smile. You'll soon start to feel it on the inside, unless it's just a super rotten day.

Soooo, my point is: if you want to become more emotional, fake the emotions, at least at first. They will become real, because we are conditioned that way.

It's been proven to work.

Try it! It will cost you nothing to try!

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Thank you all for your thoughts and validation.

I used to clean window for 12 years and got frustrated when a little one put hand prints on the door glass that I just cleaned. I recently picked up a couple of accounts just for a little extra spending money, and today I saw little hand prints on the glass. This time my thought was "Thank God that child is still alive!"

In one respect, I think that TWI was correct concerning corporal punishment. I hope that man is found and taken completely out of society. No more bother to anyone.

Sometimes I regress into wondering where God was when those children were crying out in pain for help? The child most likely would not had an accurate concept of God (who can really be sure if anyone does?), but with that urgent, immediate plea, why not help them? It makes me wonder if there really is a God. At times like this, I am not sure. In TWI, it would have been so easy to say, "Well, that child was never going to believe in the future so there were no guardian angels to protect them." How sick can you be?

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The more recent teaching I heard on emotions from our BC was that "emotions are icing on the cake". In other words, they're nice, but have no real substance, you can live without them and shouldn't ever be ruled by them.

I read a book a while back called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker. He defines fear as an instinct, not an emotion, that can save your life when you point it in the right direction.

I've attached a link to a site called "Reveal"- an anti-ICC site. There's a great review of the book there that deals with emotionalism vs. instinct. It's also a very interesting site regarding the International Churches of Christ, which I never knew a thing about.


Hope R. color>size>face>

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I was OFTEN being "corrected" in TWI for being too sensitive about things. In my opinion this was a way that they were trying to make me feel self conscious ABOUT having feelings.

I did start to succumb to their mentality about emotions. I remember hearing about these horrible tragedies where several innocent people died (plane crashes and the like) - or some person murdered their own children, etc. - and I was completely numb to the news. I would chalk it up to the fact that these people were body-soul empties and this tragedy wouldn't have happened to them if they had been in fellowship with God (i.e. tithing and ABSing to TWI). In fact such occasions were an opportunity to further pat myself on the back about my "superior" spirituality - Certainly tragedy such as these would NEVER happen to me because I fellowshiped with TWI and as a result was in alignment and harmony with God.....

At least I had this mentality until tragedy struck close to home for me and someone I loved dearly in TWI died suddenly and violently in a car wreck.

I have grown so much since then. Emotions no longer frighten me - I no longer LUMP emotions into two categories as TWI tried to teach me. The two categories were :

#1 BLESSED (or "positive" happy emotions) these were OK to have because they made the corporation of TWI look good. I mean how many products would you buy if they used advertisements that showed unhappy, dissatisfied customers rather than smiling - content customers?

#2 NEGATIVE (sadness, grief, confusion, frustration, anger, COMPASSION) these emotions were NOT ok to have. Leaders often didn't know how to deal with people experiencing actual emotional NEEDS. They had to interupt their "busy" schedule to "help" you.

However - not to blame TWI completly - our culture also tends to teach that there are NEGATIVE emotions that we should be afraid of - like anger or grief.

Where grief is concerned it has been my experience that people often feel insecure about their ability to be supportive of the one in need. We search for "the right thing to say" as if there WAS a "right thing to say". Folks - when someone you care about is hurting because of the loss of a loved one - nothing you can say will take that pain away... but you certainly might make them feel better just knowing that YOU CARE. That is really all that you need to tell someone - you are there for them if they need you - you love them and you hurt because they hurt!

When it comes to anger - we are often encouraged to hide it - to pretend that we are in "control" of our emotions.... "I don't get angry" we tell ourselves, when in fact we are in denial and we are FURIOUS. I no longer pretend I am not ticked about stuff - I tell you I am angry if I am angry. But I also usually realize that I am angry with a situation not really an individual.

But then - since leaving TWI my personal philosophy is to view emotions as an integral part of who I am. If I have one... I try not to hide it from others or myself most especially. If I am in public and I need to cry - I cry without shame. I believe that the people that would be condescending because of my tears don't know me anyway and the people that do know me... will understand and love me.

We fear what we don't understand - and sometimes we try and define/categorize the emotions we are experiencing. So when we can't label what is going on inside - we try and pretend that we aren't feeling ANYTHING. Anymore - I don't worry about not understanding what is going on - I just let it happen.

Emotions are NECESSARY - they are not a "necessary evil" as we were essentially taught in TWI. TWI is just a black hole when it comes to emotions - except when they are "approved" by leadership. Like being "spiritually angry" or again, displaying how "blessed" you are that you were able to buy 6 pairs of shoes at a garage sale for 20 cents.

Don't worry folks - it all comes out in the wash. People who are concerned that they don't feel - ARE feeling - they just don't know what to label it.... I know you Chas and I know you DO have emotions!! I have seen them... TWI is just the black hole of emotional death!!


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thank you waygone and really all of you posting here, you're great

the other day my son and i were sitting in a theatre watching a happy movie but the kind that has a sad part in order to get to the happy ending

we were holding hands and sniffling because of a bad time a kid had to go through, it was really nice

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I have been an empath all my life.

Somebody's sad, I'm sad with them.

Somebody's happy, I'm happy with them.

Being that emotional has been both a blessing and a curse.

People love to tell me their troubles, because I truly feel for them, and they know that.

I never saw emotions were down played while I was active in twi.

I got out in time apparently, many thanks to God for that. That means I feel the pain of those who are wounded here. I do, and pray for them mightly. I love them over the miles.

There are good people out there.

I know, I am one of them!




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Kay, you made me think of something totally off the wall! Were you the one who starred on "Star Trek the Next Generation"? The one with the long black hair and the slinky uniform? LOL.

Seriously, I know what you mean, when you feel for others it can both be a blessing and a drag.

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Deanna Troi (Waygone calls her "Boobs", is the STNG character you are thinking about, SocketCreep.

Kay - I felt like that when I was younger and I also remember when I first got in the Word, I had leadership tell me I had one of the biggest hearts they'd ever seen... but then they'd bawl me out for not dusting properly or some stupid nit-picky thing they needed done.

I'd get "built-up" -- as in, told I'd done a good job, I was a great believer and how much God loved me, and then "torn down" on leadership's whim. I'd get screamed at for falling asleep at my desk at 3 AM because I'd been up since 5 AM the previous morning and was working on the Grapevine, or for not following dress code just so, or whatever they felt I'd done.

I got to the point where I didn't believe people anymore when they said good things to me or about me, because I knew it was temporary. I knew I would be reminded about what a crummy son-of-God I was in just a little bit, so it didn't matter.

It was unrealistic expectations placed on someone who was already driven to achieve success - OR ELSE. Failure was not and still is not option.

Shortly after my baby was born, who was also 6-weeks early, I found I could not breastfeed. I tried everything, but it just wasn't possible.


That's how I felt at the time and it took my a LONG time to realize that Kristopher was going to turn out just fine and I wasn't a bad mother. However, at the time this took place and keeping in mind the lovely time known as post-partum depression, I remember telling hubby how I'd failed and asking him if he felt he'd be able to raise our son on his own, because I was a bad parent. I truly beleived, at the time, that that baby deserved someone better than me.

I had several doctors, lactation consultants, etc. tell me that Kristopher would be fine and that I did the right thing, but it wasn't until I saw the little guy was happy and thriving for myself that I was satisfied. Until then, I was emotional hamburger.

Come to think of it, that's pretty much how most of the TWI2 leadership treated us emotionally -- grind-'em-up and spit-'em-out. Nothing was good enough. Nothing was satisfactory.

Currently, there is another thread on the boards about how TWI tries to make the 'disciples' dependent solely on them. I think that applies to the emotional aspects of how they dictated we were to think, as well.

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