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Unholy Kisses and the Interpretation of Tongues


satori001
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"This (taste) bud's for you..."

Getting an unexpected "French kiss" was fairly common in TWI. Was that the "holy" kiss, according to usage?

I think women were far more often the recipients of this than men, but I got something close from Janet M once on the WOW field. It made me want to rip off my clothes right there (and burn them).

How wide-spread was this practice? Were you "taught" that it was "healing" somehow?

Did you do it? If so, did you believe there was some benefit beyond a little thrill, or were you just paying it lipservice, because it was the thing to do?

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LOL Satori!!!

I think the slip of the tongue by someone unexpectedly was rather gross. The one I got was very very wet. Yuck. I did everything I could not to look so in horror.

I think some did it for the shock value, and others did it to see if you were one of those that they could get away with more than just a slip of a tongue.

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At my first ROA, I was walking to the big top tent for the nightly teaching. This guy was walking behind me. I could hear him expressing his appreciation to himself with what he was seeing. I was young (19) and extremely naieve. He came up to me and said, "I know you don't know me, but I am your brother in Christ. Can I have a kiss?" I was in disbelief. I started walking faster....

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To avoid total gross-out as a woman on HQ staff, one had to learn the evasive technique when certain men approached for a hug and kiss: To quickly turn the head and offer the cheek before one of those gross, sloppy kisses could hit their mark.

If the two guys I knew who gave those awful excuses for "brotherly kisses" thought they were being in the least bit sexy, they were sooooooooooo wrong.

I might have been naive, but I didn't see them as sexual moves. I saw them as badly executed kisses from two men who must have led such sheltered lives that they didn't know enough to close their mouths and stop drooling all over the place. I wasn't about to tell them; I was too embarrassed for them.

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quote:

posted by Linda Z

a woman on HQ staff, one had to learn the evasive technique when certain men approached for a hug and kiss: To quickly turn the head and offer the cheek

Ahhh. The "sidewinder" was one of many techniques developed to avoid the gross out. It was so bad at HQ that it became a "water cooler topic." We couldn't help but laugh at the purpetrators, who all seemed to at least lack class and at worst were actively tryin' to get over on people.

I'd agree it was seen more like one of many things that we had to deal with. We came up with a list of the techniques the kissers would use and then develop "counter moves."

The sidewinder, as described by Linda Z, was one of the most effective in the stealth category of counters. It was designed to save yourself and provide the least total embarrasment and punitive action toward the agressor. It carried with it the "at least you got your kiss" look & smile when the "dive bomber" (usually a tall fish-lipped, puckered-up guy who would reach out his hand as if to shake grab yours (the close quarters grapple hook close) pull you in while turning you to line up for landing (the hook manuever), then, if he was able to execute "the hook" he'd attempt, "the vice grip" locking you firmly in place.... all the while you could almost hear that WWII kamakazi, dive bomber sound.... (EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRnnnnnnn..........).

You'd look up and see these dripping "fish lips" moving ever closer; trapped: you'd wait, wait, wait, hold it, not just yet... then as soon as his eyes closed to come in for the kill... "NOW!!!"

The sidewinder.

It would land, "Plop!" relatively harmlessly on the cheek.

Some women were more adept at side winding to the left than the right. There were defensive moves (like the sidewinder), proactive moves, Pick's, the pick & roll, evasive pattern Delta, etc. There were "ad on's" like the "head fake,"

- Advanced moves like the "shake & bake." or "laying down the chaff."

For really aggressives, (classified as "lip seeking misslies,") one would be forced to use an advanced combination move, which could include, say ... an Evasive pattern delta, with a pick, followed with a Pick & roll, where you'd lay down some chaff & throw a "slip move." If you were really good, you'd get through an afternoon on the OCS patio before lunch, or after the service snack shop relatively dry. Experts could throw a "shut out" and not get kissed at all.

Women developed their own styles. Linda Z could throw a sidewinder with the best of them. East coast women were really adept at the "air kiss" and italian americans could even thow the double air kiss with an ever so slight but firm stiff arm. We'd have fun watching for and rating the manuevers. We'd hold up cards: 10! 8.5! Whoa! She's a PRO, did you see the "double pat" she threw at the end of her stiff arm! WOW! EXTRA CREDIT!

"Look, look! that guy has achieved radar lock... OH!, She "delta'ed him!"

Some of us guys would throw "assist moves." Like, if you saw a corps or staff sister thowing an evasive pattern you might step up and throw a "pick" so she could then throw a slip move and then "exit stage left" (or right icon_biggrin.gif:D-->) I've taken a few "charges" in my day and even got called for "blocking" by a few perps. Sometimes a female friend would swoop by you on an evasive pattern. make eye contact & nod her head to one side. That was how you could call to "drop some chaff." Just as she passed by you'd turn and extend your hand to the perp, "God BLESS you! So GLAD you could visit!" engaging him in small talk. His lock would be broken, she'd "roll away!"

See, evasive pattern, dropping some chaff with a pick & roll.

You gotta consider that we saw "most everything" @ HQ. Visitors poured in on a weekly basis, hundreds & hundreds of folks were there for the weekend activities every week. It got so bad that I would use one of my fav's "The Heisman Manuever."

The Heisman is a combo move that can be thrown to the left or right:

Prelim. All combo's begin once you recognize you've been "painted" and "locked."

Part 1. Throw an evasive pattern that puts the perp on your preferred side, adjusting the approach vector.

Part 2. At just the right moment you execute a hard left crossover step (right leg passes in front of the left turning your body left).

Part 3. Lean left and execute a palm-strike stiff arm with your right arm to the approaching shoulder.

Part 4. Use the stiff arm to gently push youself our of range while stepping back to an open stance with your left foot.

At the apex of the manuever you'd look just like college football's Heisman Trophy! Hence the name of the move.

When stiff arms failed (dive bombers generally had a longer reach) you could call "an audible," like, "Whoa, pardner!" and execure the faithful sidewinder.

Wayfer Not!

quote:
He came up to me (you were already painted at this point) and said, "I know you don't know me, but I am your brother in Christ. Can I have a kiss?" [radar lock] I was in disbelief. I started walking faster.... ["hammer down with a slip combo]

You may have been naieve, but you had great instincts; you're a natural!

The purpetrators were the ones who pushed the idea that their "interpretation of tongues" was harmless. That was a "stealth move" on their parts.

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From a guy's perspecitve.

I think we inadvertently taught people on the field and in essence created our own monster. I didn't realize the trustees were "smackin' their asses off" like it seems they were.

After while I'd only kiss people I knew. It got to where "nobody was safe" it seemed. I was ok, for a while with pecking strangers on the cheek.

You'd have to adjust your approach vector and swoop cheekward, sometimes even audible to an inverse sidewinder after being locked into your glidepath. (Some people maintain eye contact while greeting.) THEN in the middle of YOUR inverse move, WHAM!

The REVERSE sidewinder.

Some chicks could whip their head around so fast and plant one on you so quick! Before you even KNEW what happened you were LIP-LOCKED and a snake was bangin', pushing through your hangar doors!

Alarm! Step BACK Step BACK!!!! Dammit! get OUTTA THERE! When they countered your back step move with a forward step and a hook move of their own...well.... You'd win some, & lose some.

On the other side of the coin. There were some male purpetrators who would lurk at meetings & gatherings. They subscribed to the "Gee I'd like to GET HER...in "the Word," frame of mind. They were like guys in a night club looking to see how much they could get. They mastered all of the "approach moves" and would even talk to women & connect & "witness" to them to see if they could "get 'em in the word" after the service.

There were rumors of some "saturday night DON'Ts goin on after the "Saturday Night Doo." Misinterpretation of tongues was the first step, I'd say.

I do take it seriously even though I'm hitting it from a comic angle. I'm sure you guys remember the whole body language thing, the head bobbing, lean in, lean out stuff.

When I got married in mid '85 my perspective on the whole "holy kiss" thing changed. I'd always been sensitive to kissing married women on the mouth. Even more so when I had a wife that I certainly didn't wantto watch her spreading her "Lips over the World." I, personally would let women take the lead on the whole kissing thing. Some women said they were uncomfortable with the whole damn thing anyways. So I, eventaully would only kiss at all when it seemed appropriate.

I don't kiss my own blood relative sisters every time I see them when I see them on a daily basis. I kiss them "hello" when I haven't seen them for a while & maybe kiss them goodbye when I leave to go back to Dayton.

IMHO the whole thing was purpetrated. A Biblical loop hole to take advantage of women. The Bible doesn't say, "Everytime you see a woman in the church lay a wet one on her, right smack in the kisser." To me the "holy" part of the kiss necessitates that the MOST it would EVER be is a peck on the cheek. I can express a ton of Godly effection with dry lips on a cheek. Even the "air Kiss" expresses effection.

Tonguing aint kissing tonguing is SEXIN.'

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Apparently, the "sidewinder" move was known on the field, as well. Unfortunately, for guys like me who tried to kiss someone on the cheek, it usually meant getting a mouthful of hair! Eventually, I just started targeting lips, figuring I would probably get the cheek. (And occasional lips.)

"Slipping the tongue" to someone I wasn't romantically involved with didn't even occur to me. Though I do remember JAL (on some old "leadership tapes") telling women to keep their mouth closed: "I like to think of myself as a biblical man, BUT I'M NOT JONAH"

icon_biggrin.gif:D--> icon_biggrin.gif:D--> icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

George

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Am I being entirely too conspiratorial to think that the Vickster initiated the kissing ritual to limber up his potential motorcoach guests? The overall effect does seem to me to have been a lowering of inhibitions and a redirection towards the sensual.

Be that as it may, I always found the habit awkward and embarassing.

But then, I would...

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I remember my then wife a few years ago.. one guy at twig trying that. I knew I would not get away with belting the guy in the mouth. When he was trying to hit the target, I pinched his rear end with the strength of a vise.. the guy was dancing around.. "hey, what's wrong with you?" Funny- didn't try it again..

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I dunno George Aar, but hindsight would certainly point that way, right?

Do you have a better reason to give somebody a wet kiss? Like "GeoStGeo" it never occurred to me to slip somebody the tongue... until AFTER it happened to me. As a teen and then 20-something typically horny kid; I'm as red blooded an American male as any and when a hot chick opened wide... and "smmmoooooocch- aaakkkawaaah....."

Let's just say it got my attention.

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In my last year in rez at Rome City, I was selected to greet Don W. when he came to visit. It was raining and I met him in "Adam's Alley" with an umbrella to escort him in. I said hello and attempted to give a light kiss on the cheek, but he turned his head and I got kissed on the lips with a slight tounge thrust, to boot. I recoiled and was too stunned to say anything at first. We started walking and I began to chat away nervously, thinking that it COULDN'T have happened...must have been my imagination...blah blah blah. I never said anything to anyone, husband included, until after we left the way. What the hell was I supposed to say? It was one of those things that just didn't make sense...not if this was really God's ministry...you guys know how we used to think. Afterwards I recalled a conversation I had had with a corps sister who used to work the back room. She said that Craig liked blonds and Don preferred brunettes with boobs. I thought that was a very strange thing to say but I was too danged dumb to connect all the dots and couldn't bring myself to believe that something evil was going on.

This is really hard to write, and it was only a stupid flash of a tounge. My heart goes out to all you women who endured so much more. It still makes me sick when I think about it.

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That was the "hook w/ vice grip" combo. Mr. Hamma

Part of the "screen" package.

You da MAN!

I've used the "pluck to the head" with the "do that again & I'll kill you stare," the "hair grab with firm yank." ... others... myself.

Did you throw in the "Urkel?" (Did I do THHAAAAT?) smile while he was dancin?

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Mr. H, icon_biggrin.gif:D--> You are a perfect gentleman.

HCW, you've got the moves down pat! We did work on our technique for deflecting unwanted advances. I also learned quickly to put my Bible and stuff up across my chest before the hug so that I wouldn't be pressed into the guy. Some guys would pull you in so close you were touching from your toes to your shoulders. I hated that!

I got pretty good at cheek deflection and Bible barriers.

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Tonto,

Again, please don't feel I'm making light of or trivializing your experience. I'm not. Don W. had a reputation for doing that (no excuse still) he did it to my wife (at the time) she was so "everything'ed" behind it that she never wanted to come back to work.

It was so much easier for a guy. I would never kiss the older women cause I just couldn't see kissin my "granma" anywhere but on the cheek.

He (intentionally) "saw" your very respectful, inverse sidewinder and decided to "call" it and "raise you" with a "reverse sidewinder" so expertly executed that you couldn't counter it.

What a BASTARD! HE was. I think the apparent duplicity of their actions actually damaged or brains with things that are IMPOSSIBLE ro reconcile.

I remember a consistent pattern of events like what you talked about that chipped away at my innocency, or should I say SHOCKED it away like a handgrenade exploding in my mind.

Like in 1977 at the end of a "HeartBeat Festival" when Franklin Smith, LC of PA asked me about some decorations that didn't get put up,

"Ok. Who .... up!" He was the SAME guy who a little while before had been so Godly, so eloquent, so "all that & a bag of chips" for God. Behind the scenes he cussed like the devil.

Burned that image in my mind for sure.

Hey. I'm not doin' so good with the "there was good stuff" in TWI argument, am I?

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...Belle, You threw a "Breastplate of righteous ness" one of the moves in the "Screens" category.

Lots of guys would try the "boobie rub" and get "tha word, the word and nothin but tha word, baby!"

We really did talk about this stuff on staff, a lot. Imagine, there were hundreds of women on staff, hundreds of guys. We had a steady stream of visitors and corps groups rotating in.

Sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from cryin'.

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HCW, I didn't take it that you're trivializing my experience at all. Even though what he did was wrong it pales in comparison to the horrible things that happened to others.

I have really enjoyed your posts, and would post more often myself but I do most of my Greasespotting during slow times at work. By the time I read a few posts I start getting busy again.

I know I met you, and I think it was possibly at advanced class '79...I want to say that Daw* Cl*ry introduced you to me and my hubs, but that was so very long ago that I don't remember if that was the right location. Anyway, choo choo, sorry for the derail...

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