Strangely, it has a somewhat opposite effect on me.
It makes me angry as he!! when I sense that a superior is trying to manipulate me and belittle me.
Yeah, you can scream in my face all day long and it won't phase me but when I sense that I am being undermined and played for a sap, it really ticks me off.(screams or no screams)
I think part of that stems from an incident in Fellow Laborers where we were locked in the limb BRC and subjected to a "make or break" weekend session.
One of our FL sisters experienced what I would call a nervous breakdown.
(I know that's not the correct term.)
It was not a pretty site.
She was never the same again as long as I knew her in the program.
I really, really hope she eventually got the help she needed and rightfully deserved
I don't think what they did to me had such a big effect personally but seeing what they did to her affected me profoundly.
Although I not regrettably missed the lockdown, I too have an exaggerated reaction to being screamed at. I melt into terror and sobs.
Of course if I had been there, there would have been TWO breakdowns.
I do not understand why people think they have to communicate this way. Yesterday a guy called me from the warehouse job and told me I was scheduled to come in. Now their work week is Wed-Tues and my brain is Mon-Fri, so as far as I was concerned, I wasn't either scheduled. This guy got really nasty with me. Had he calmly reminded me it wasn't a new week as far as they were concerned, life would have been sweet. However, He screamed and I hung up on him, then left a message on the answering machine that I was too upset to come in. I personally think it's a weakness of mine, but I just fall apart. It's like a knee jerk reflex or something.
When I was in twi I did pretty much melt. I'm different now--now I feel disdain and even contempt for any who try the adult temper tantrum screaming stuff--which actually come in handy with my job, because I take over escalated situations from other employees dealing with customers, and ignore the ranting.
Also at my job--that type of managent style wouldn't be tolerated.
Also at my job--that type of managent style wouldn't be tolerated.
Good point. In most professional settings that sort of behavior would not be tolerated, nor should it be. I can't speak about a military setting as I have no experience there, but in other settings that sort of behavior is perceived as crazy. Obviously if someone has a legitimate impairment that's one thing, but the bottom line is that healthy grown-ups shouldn't behave like babies.
Personally, when someone behaves that way I'm done with them.
Yelling is not acceptable in my home any more, either. Can you imagine three teen agers yelling at each other all ther time? And hubby and I,too? Yuck.
I'm really aware it's not healthy behavior, but I haven't gotten to the point I know how I should handle it. Several years of being told you are always, without exception, wrong, wrong, wrong and you simply must obey to the best of your ability (which is never enough) took their toll.
I expect some day I'll learn how to handle being screamed at but until then I just tend to walk away.
I've discovered that I have become somewhat desensitized to face meltings...they don't seem to have that much effect on me anymore...been there, done that.
Yeah, once I saw beyond my fear, oh excuse me "respect" of them, I realized all the face-melters I ever knew were selfish, immature, power-hungry bullies. I also found that when I got mad enough I could just stand there and stare them down, they wilted like the cowards they were.
So, now when I see that kind of behavior in anyone, I realize they are all cut from the same cloth, and don't pay them much attention.
Face melting were isolated to TWI in my life. We don't do that in my home, it wasn't a practice in my childhood home either.
I see more of them now because I work as a customer service supervisor and handle the ecalated situations. I see the tantrum throwers as manipulative--trying to get more than they are due by having a scary fit, intimidating others to grant their desire. I will give them what they are due.
I won't stand to be cussed at and will cease working with someone at that point, and have told other employees to quit working with an individual once abusive language is used--and I'm in a position where I can report employees who treat other employees abusively. And I don't hesitate to do it. I expect employees to act like grown ups, civilized ones, with manners.
Twenty years of teaching preschool was a great back ground for my new job!
What the heck does that even mean???? Who talks like that????
For the folks who still think the sun rose and set on VPW, I don't know how they can read accounts like these and think he was in any way a godly man...
I don't know if this fits the topic, but I had an office job for about 18 months where I was severely micro-managed. Everything we did was reviewed with a fine-tooth comb. Mistakes were magnified and things we did right were taken for granted. There was so much tension in the office, visitors for just a few minutes could pick up on it. It was eerily like the bad old days in twi.
Happily, I don't work there anymore; that was four years ago. I was so happy to get out of that place. It's nothing like that where I am now. :D
good for you OIT !!!!!! i also have a job where i'm happy now
before in another job there was this person (big honcho) in charge
his last words before i left were something like "well june (the good boss) has been let go because of philosophical differences. i hear some of you are sad about this. but let me just say, if you're not with us you're against us. if you don't like it, there's the door...."
Funny you should say that Exie, because we also were each asked if we were with management or against - the loyalty thing. The person who had been my boss before, but not then (long story) said, "no" and she found a new job someplace else soon after.
Two months later she ended up hiring me and one other co worker at her new employer. That's where I am now.
For a few months we'd get together pretty much everyday at lunch for "group therapy."
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cheranne
yes. i agree in the Army with drill sergents screaming and spitting in my face i did not flinch,they
ty to break you down mentally first .
We were allready broke down mentally for temper tampered people,scream all you want,it does
not phase me. i was soon promoted to sqaud leader.
I have also worked with development dissorder people who scream and yell like choo choo trains
because they unfortunatly can't express what they want in words,i have had scizophrenics people
slap me in the face as i sang to them...the same song they loved to hear me sing to them on their
walk everyday.........(don't laugh)
i just said okay...i guess you don't want to hear that one today..we would just continue walking
in silence.
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waysider
Strangely, it has a somewhat opposite effect on me.
It makes me angry as he!! when I sense that a superior is trying to manipulate me and belittle me.
Yeah, you can scream in my face all day long and it won't phase me but when I sense that I am being undermined and played for a sap, it really ticks me off.(screams or no screams)
I think part of that stems from an incident in Fellow Laborers where we were locked in the limb BRC and subjected to a "make or break" weekend session.
One of our FL sisters experienced what I would call a nervous breakdown.
(I know that's not the correct term.)
It was not a pretty site.
She was never the same again as long as I knew her in the program.
I really, really hope she eventually got the help she needed and rightfully deserved
I don't think what they did to me had such a big effect personally but seeing what they did to her affected me profoundly.
Does that make sense?
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coolchef
thank god i was in the union when i retired{13 yrs ago}
they never screamed at me and when i was boss i knew better and had respect enough not to scream at them
gee what does screaming do?
it sure isn't productive.
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Watered Garden
Although I not regrettably missed the lockdown, I too have an exaggerated reaction to being screamed at. I melt into terror and sobs.
Of course if I had been there, there would have been TWO breakdowns.
I do not understand why people think they have to communicate this way. Yesterday a guy called me from the warehouse job and told me I was scheduled to come in. Now their work week is Wed-Tues and my brain is Mon-Fri, so as far as I was concerned, I wasn't either scheduled. This guy got really nasty with me. Had he calmly reminded me it wasn't a new week as far as they were concerned, life would have been sweet. However, He screamed and I hung up on him, then left a message on the answering machine that I was too upset to come in. I personally think it's a weakness of mine, but I just fall apart. It's like a knee jerk reflex or something.
WG
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Bramble
When I was in twi I did pretty much melt. I'm different now--now I feel disdain and even contempt for any who try the adult temper tantrum screaming stuff--which actually come in handy with my job, because I take over escalated situations from other employees dealing with customers, and ignore the ranting.
Also at my job--that type of managent style wouldn't be tolerated.
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WordWolf
If YOU ever resorted to wrath with them, that would not be healthy.
If you responded to immature screaming and ranting by folding up
and collapsing into yourself, that would not be healthy.
If you responded to immature screaming and ranting by returning it,
that would not be particularly healthy,
but it's better than the collapsing thing.
It looks like you can "master" your emotions to a degree.
Others can't force you into anger, nor do you resort to it yourself.
Those are healthy adaptations to the Unhealthy situations you encountered.
Sort of like how the body builds antibodies against germs once it's
exposed to them.
That's my opinion.
When I was on my way out of twi, someone tried to put emotional pressure
on me-I responded by separating myself from emotion and continuing
to communicate calmly. He did NOT like it. Which, of course, amused
me, making it easier to keep it up.
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copenhagen
Thanks all for your replies.
My wife is the type when the yelling starts she folds up and tears flow a little, when we
are done with the talk she sobs a lot then gets mad.
I believe I have grown from the rants of leaders. I recall one time we were in the app corp
and this SOB was ranting at us and I knew he was wrong but I like a good little wayfer was
speaking in tounges for him to see my heart and that I was trying to do it correct.
It had no effect and this went on for 30 min.
Since then you lay in to me I blow it off but if you raise your voice at my wife I lay in to you.
This has helped leadership lay off us and stop having us do things we dont want to do.
copenhagen
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Tamar
Good point. In most professional settings that sort of behavior would not be tolerated, nor should it be. I can't speak about a military setting as I have no experience there, but in other settings that sort of behavior is perceived as crazy. Obviously if someone has a legitimate impairment that's one thing, but the bottom line is that healthy grown-ups shouldn't behave like babies.
Personally, when someone behaves that way I'm done with them.
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Bramble
Yelling is not acceptable in my home any more, either. Can you imagine three teen agers yelling at each other all ther time? And hubby and I,too? Yuck.
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Watered Garden
I'm really aware it's not healthy behavior, but I haven't gotten to the point I know how I should handle it. Several years of being told you are always, without exception, wrong, wrong, wrong and you simply must obey to the best of your ability (which is never enough) took their toll.
I expect some day I'll learn how to handle being screamed at but until then I just tend to walk away.
WG
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excathedra
copenhagen i'm sorry but before i read this thread, i have to tell you, i can't stop laughing
you didn't even blink when the big dog had a spitting frenzy
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
sorry it just struck my funny bone
i'm probably nuts
--
(this was new post)
now i got to waysider's post
and i'm sad because it's true
i think from my upbringing and then my spiritual upbringing (aka hell and back twice) i must have a screw loose
.
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Tamar
Actually, that's a good way to handle it, WG. That's a healthy response to unhealthy behavior- walk away. You're doing just fine.
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GrouchoMarxJr
I've discovered that I have become somewhat desensitized to face meltings...they don't seem to have that much effect on me anymore...been there, done that.
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TheHighWay
Yeah, once I saw beyond my fear, oh excuse me "respect" of them, I realized all the face-melters I ever knew were selfish, immature, power-hungry bullies. I also found that when I got mad enough I could just stand there and stare them down, they wilted like the cowards they were.
So, now when I see that kind of behavior in anyone, I realize they are all cut from the same cloth, and don't pay them much attention.
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wing
Face meltings? I have had zero encounters with them since twi time.
The home that I was raised in did not have them. But I do have too, too many
memories of them from the way daze. Here are two. . .
In my very first "face to face" encounter with vpw ( I was a mere teenager), I
happened to walk into the room, he looked straight at me, he was busy on the telephone,
melting someone over something. Del D**c*n was also in the room,
Del came over to me apologizing about vic's rant. VP was visibly embarassed
that I had walked in (or that I was able to just walk in?). Del gave me the
change for a dollar that I needed to get a soda. . . I left.
Many, many years later; another spontaneous encounter. This time LCM.
For me it was a workday morning, my tasks including going to the coprs chalet.
A group of European visitors working with me that day. We started our chore
on the outside, front, upper deck. LCM come out in a full rage about what
we were doing, targeting especially how those guests were going about it.
I can tell you that those visitors were in shock, almost frozen. I was in shock
too, and very ashamed of him. I told him that we didn't really need his help. That even
though he requested the chore to be done, we should try again some other time. I took those
people away form there quick as I could. We went to the snack shop instead :)
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Bramble
Face melting were isolated to TWI in my life. We don't do that in my home, it wasn't a practice in my childhood home either.
I see more of them now because I work as a customer service supervisor and handle the ecalated situations. I see the tantrum throwers as manipulative--trying to get more than they are due by having a scary fit, intimidating others to grant their desire. I will give them what they are due.
I won't stand to be cussed at and will cease working with someone at that point, and have told other employees to quit working with an individual once abusive language is used--and I'm in a position where I can report employees who treat other employees abusively. And I don't hesitate to do it. I expect employees to act like grown ups, civilized ones, with manners.
Twenty years of teaching preschool was a great back ground for my new job!
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Captain Spiritural
wow
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excathedra
awwww wing....
i've told this story maaaaannnny maaaaannnnnny times here
i called wierwille to tell him something was very very wrong with how psycho geer was treating a person across the pond
he went ape~sheet and starting screaming at me. his words that stay with me to this day were....
"how long do i have to suck your corps assses"?
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TheHighWay
What the heck does that even mean???? Who talks like that????
For the folks who still think the sun rose and set on VPW, I don't know how they can read accounts like these and think he was in any way a godly man...
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excathedra
i'm not really sure what it meant but it doesn't lend itself to biblical mind pictures....
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outintexas
I don't know if this fits the topic, but I had an office job for about 18 months where I was severely micro-managed. Everything we did was reviewed with a fine-tooth comb. Mistakes were magnified and things we did right were taken for granted. There was so much tension in the office, visitors for just a few minutes could pick up on it. It was eerily like the bad old days in twi.
Happily, I don't work there anymore; that was four years ago. I was so happy to get out of that place. It's nothing like that where I am now. :D
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excathedra
good for you OIT !!!!!! i also have a job where i'm happy now
before in another job there was this person (big honcho) in charge
his last words before i left were something like "well june (the good boss) has been let go because of philosophical differences. i hear some of you are sad about this. but let me just say, if you're not with us you're against us. if you don't like it, there's the door...."
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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outintexas
Funny you should say that Exie, because we also were each asked if we were with management or against - the loyalty thing. The person who had been my boss before, but not then (long story) said, "no" and she found a new job someplace else soon after.
Two months later she ended up hiring me and one other co worker at her new employer. That's where I am now.
For a few months we'd get together pretty much everyday at lunch for "group therapy."
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waysider
Golly!
Why didn't he "just reach up in Daddy's cookie jar" for the answer?
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