Your strangest "witnessing" experiences

[Ham]

Well.. mine was..

Dueling Exorcists.

"We are not here to study the bible"

OK lady, agreed. Those ground rules will work both ways, now, won't they?

She knew I was involved with da way.

"I rebuke thee, foul spirit of blasphemy, in the name of Jesus.."

I fire off the next volley.

"out, thou foul spirit of idolatry, in da name of the Lord.."

the exchange went on for some time. We traded exorcisms of "foul spirts".. from error, to who knows what. I have a good imagination..

finally.. at the last.. she called for a truce. "You just have to hang loose with Jesus here.."

[Ham]

Yeah. That's about what happened..

my old ex brother in law.. he comes back.. he says something like.. "I can't leave you alone for five minutes and you're casting spirits out of each other.."

well, paraphrased of course. I wish he'd come here and give the exact meaning of his words..

[Ham]

This is one of my most pleasant memories of the years of involvement in "gawd's ministry".

I found an individual, just as insane as myself, at the time..

the weird thing.. I came to the realization it was all a sham. But it was still like music..

[waysider]

I recall, when I was pretty new in da werd, my branch leader took me out to a bar to show me how to witness. (We were both of drinking age). We somehow managed to find ourselves occupying a table with two lovely young ladies. The conversation progressed to the word "believing". My branch leader used it as a spingboard to launch into a dissertation on how believing is a verb and a verb connotes action. Well, I don't know about your part of the world but in my part of the world, "action" has a rather...."unique" meaning. I wish I had a video or something showing how hard he backpeddaled to redefine his meaning when he suddenly realized his faux pas....."What I mean is...That is to say...uh, uh, uh..."

Edited March 19, 2012 by waysider

[Steve Lortz]

When I was a WOW in Tucson, our family used to go out to a popular local park on Sunday afternoons to invite people to come to our Sunday evening twig meeting. One Sunday, we were getting ready to go, and I thought "I think I'll take my stationery kit with me." Then I thought, "No, I don't want to do that. I'm going out to talk with people, not to write letters." THEN I thought, "Wait a minute... maybe that was God telling me to take my stationery kit." So I took it.

I was wandering around the park, and all of a sudden, I had to use the bathroom REAL bad. I made a bee-line to the closest restroom, and barely managed to plop my butt down on the seat before my bowels cut loose with one of the biggest, most explosive movements I've ever experienced.

So there I sat, congratulating myself that I had made it in time, until I realized that there WASN'T ANY TOILET PAPER in the stall!

What could I do????

Then I noticed... there was my stationery kit in my hand... I wondered, "Will that work?"

And by golly, it did!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I have related this as an incidence of God's loving providence.

Love,

Steve

Edited March 20, 2012 by Steve Lortz

[waysider]

Is that what is meant by, "the letter of the law"?

New International Version (©1984)

Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.

Edited March 20, 2012 by waysider

[Ham]

We somehow managed to find ourselves occupying a table with two lovely young ladies. The conversation progressed to the word "believing"

why can't these nutcases just allow such situations progress to their natural conclusion..

Sometimes I have related this as an incidence of God's loving providence.

now that's what I'm talking about..

a divine, heaven and earth moving "movement" of sorts. and the Creator provides the means to clean up the consequences..

Cool story, friend..

[waysider]

why can't these nutcases just allow such situations progress to their natural conclusion..

We gotta hold forph da werd! If we let it progress naturally, it would be...you know...natural. Can't have that. Everything gots ta be spirchal.

[Ham]

then there was the time I gave a "lady(?)* a ride to twig on a motorcycle. It was a Honda. Lower form. About a 360..

the "coordinator" says something like.. what are you going to do.. just witness to the "lady"?

I'm thinking.. now you're telling me. sure.. makes perfect sense. I can barely support myself here..

Unintended pregnancy? Yah.. that's the ticket to the more abundant life, I'm sure.

This character was really demented. On many levels..

I've mentioned his name on friend finder. No, he will never read this, nor will anyone guess his identity..

probably still some kind of household coordinator, in da way.

well, one chief difference. I don't have a half a dozen offspring trying to chase me down..

at least probably.

[Ham]

I have only two offspring. Both conceived in love, at least as far as I am concerned..

The seventies really sucked. at least sexually and spiritually..

ah yes.. this character's mentor. B*tch D*v*es. he witnessed in the local bars as well..

The Anchor. Kanawha City.. they generally served alcohol to anyone who exhibited the capacity to be able to breath air..

where is all of this going.. I wish I knew..

Has to make sense to somebody here..

[waysider]

Mostly, witnessing just sucked. Except, sometimes you would present "the green card" and be launched into a conversation that went like this:

""but..but this is a bag of SH!T!" And you would respond with something like,"But its really GOOD sh!t Mrs. Johnson!" ...

What's the word?....Hot Dog!

Edited March 20, 2012 by waysider

[Ham]

OH YES!

Now I remember.. he was a physics teacher at the high school here. Now it is defunct.. the building was torn down a number of years ago..

He ended up marrying one of his students..

He and very young *wife* went into the corps..

I've put his name on friend tracker as well. No reply, nada, nothing..

Mostly, witnessing just sucked. Except, sometimes you would present "the green card" and be launched into a conversation that went like this:

""but..but this is a bag of SH!T!" And you would respond with something like,"But its really GOOD sh!t Mrs. Johnson!" ...

What's the word?....Hot Dog!

ha!

why couldn't we just.. get.. what is the word..

carefully, and genetically guarded.. just plain.. well, carefully. Laid.

Now that we choose to speak at least explicitly sexually.. where is Johniam..

is it just shock to you, or is it reality..

yeah. Witnessing always sucked.. it got so much in the way, so to speak..

[waysider]

I hated when you had to take a newbie out and show him the ropes. Like being involved with The Way longer than any person with a sane mind ought to be involved with it made you some kinda expert or something. They're looking to you for answers like you've got your hand in the cookie jar or bread box or candy drawer or whatever that stupid analogy was. Meanwhile, you're thinking, "Hell, I don't know why the fish aren't biting. Maybe I should have brought my stationary with me."

[Ham]

but.. but.. isn't this really cool?

I can't agree with every experience I've had along the way as being truth..

maybe, they were all footsteps along the way. No pun intended..

so what if I was blindedly deceived..

does it really make a difference in the fabled cosmic scheme of things?

maybe I'm still (self) deceived..

I can live with that. At least if I can..

I figure.. I've at best have about twenty years.. by the numbers. At best..

[waysider]

It was really just a sales job, wasn't it? We were like the Al Bundy of the Bible world. We sold Bible classes at the mall and Al sold shoes.

[Steve Lortz]

And then there was one night...

I had stayed late after twig to talk with the coordinator and his wife. Everybody else was already gone. I was walking to my car parked in a dark lot across the street, when a guy came up to me waving a knife. I knew I was too far away from the car to make a run for it, especially since I had locked the doors (that was in the days before unlocking things with electronic remotes).

So the guy came up to me brandishing his knife in my face, and he said "I've got power in this knife!"

I thought, "Holy smoke! I can say ANYTHING I WANT TO SAY to this guy! He wants to kill me. I CAN'T offend him any more than he's already offended."

So I said "I've got a spirit in me, and it's got more power than your knife has."

That set him back, and he asked what I meant. I started some spiel about God and holy spirit.

He said, "That suff don't work with me. I'm a child of the devil."

I asked, "Did you go to Sunday school when you were a kid?"

He said, "Yes."

"Did you ever confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever believe with your heart that God raised him from the dead?"

"Yes."

"Well then, you CAN'T be a child of the devil because you were already a child of God. The devil's just pulling you leg."

We had a good talk, and I invited him to come to twig. He never came, but at least he didn't knife me!

Love,

Steve

[Ham]

It was really just a sales job, wasn't it?

I really hope it isn't all that simple.

at least in the end..

[waysider]

I had a similar experience, hitch hiking home from twig, one night. Only, instead of asking him about Sunday school, I told him I was gonna smash his skull in with a crowbar if he didn't back off. Hmmmmm...On second thought, I guess it really wasn't all that similar.

[johniam]

quote:

Now that we choose to speak at least explicitly sexually.. where is Johniam..

Somebody actually WANTS me to post???? I'd have never thought eet! OK, you asked for it.

Why the double standard? A few weeks ago I get flamed for mentioning an 18 inch turd, but if Steve Lortz has to use stationary under duress, somehow it's insightful. BTW I was once at home with no TP and I used a maxi pad. Dammit it felt comfortable. Witnessing?

I've posted this before howbeit years ago. I was a wow in a college town (Rolla, MO). It was spring so I'd been wow for several months. I was totally burned out on wow that day. My witnessing was definitely grudgingly and of necessity. No John Lynn one liners; no cheerful giving; everybody I witnessed to I'd say, "Hey, ya wanna come to a twig"? Most people just said "NO!" and walked away quickly. But that was OK cause I did MY job. I got to an intersection and this guy was walking briskly. The encounter went like this...

Me: Hey, ya wanna come to a twig?

The guy: Uh, what's that?

Me: We study the bible.

The guy: Oh, cool! I've been looking for something like that. Look, I'm late for a class now, but my name is Chuck and I live in the 2nd frat house from the end down the street and I'll be back at 5:30 bye. (whoosh)

The guy took the AC before I did. The guy lives in Salt Lake City with his family now and is with the group formerly called Garner Ted Armstrong. I visited them 3 years ago. It was pleasant.

[Steve Lortz]

Really effective scatological humor requires a degree of sensitive circumlocution.

Love,

Steve

[excathedra]

good post johnyouare

i find thinking about this makes me really sad

i'm sorry, i know it's supposed to be about strange witnessing experiences. i think i had a lot of those when i was selling the way books door to door in north carolina

but also i had so many good ones where i met such wonderful open hearted people who so wanted to know god / christ and answers

i remember luanne. i remember dear darling Eddie who struggled with alcohol. i picked him every single night for the class. he sponsored me faithfully $15 a month. dear god i would love to know where he is

if i go on about others, i will cry

[Ham]

I had a similar experience, hitch hiking home from twig, one night. Only, instead of asking him about Sunday school, I told him I was gonna smash his skull in with a crowbar if he didn't back off. Hmmmmm...On second thought, I guess it really wasn't all that similar.

I had a similar experience with a character in high school..

I just asked the question. Do we really need to go to these extremes. I can go there if I have to, what about you..

I mean, what do we want to do. Exchange livers for kidneys, or something like that?

[Thomas Loy Bumgarner]

It was really just a sales job, wasn't it? We were like the Al Bundy of the Bible world. We sold Bible classes at the mall and Al sold shoes.

Oh God, I just realised that Wierwille was in reality Al Bundy and Martindale was Griff

[JustThinking]

I think pretty much all of my organized witnessing experiences were strange. The longer I was in, the weirder it became. Early on, I was excited and just wanted to tell everyone. The moment it felt like a military assault with planning, strategy, etc., it became rehearsed and very uncomfortable. But my weirdest? Probably being forced to drag all my kids to the mall 30 minutes before closing on a school night. What a miserable experience! Anyone there knew it was last minute and was either leaving or getting a last minute item. Their looks said 'what, are you retarded?' I probably was. The ultimate though was finding someone reading their bible but they spoke NO english!!! At that point, I went for a fruit smoothee and hid until the mall closed. My only sensible action was dropping the cup in the trash before our 45 minute sharing time in the parking lot. Yes, 45 minutes to share about how amazing, powerful, etc, etc. the past 30 minutes was. I am very proud to say that was my LAST time ever going witnessing!!!

And the non-english speaker? I was told that we are to focus on those we can actually win. Didn't anyone at TWI speak spanish anymore? Oh well, good for them. :)

JT

[OldSkool]

^^ Your experience reminds me of when I was on the field in the late 90s. My branch/limb guy was obviously under pressure to get more people. Our area was stagnant - surprise? Anywho, he came up with (or was told to that) if there were no new faces at fellowship then the fellowship coordinators were to have prayer, manifestations, and then take the fellowship out witnessing.

I always felt like a creep hawking people at Super Wal-Mart and at shopping malls. And of course we NEVER got anyone to come to our dumb little fellowships. Just blank stares, surprised faces, and lots of "no" answers.