quote:I knew stuff when I was in, but not near as much as I know now after visiting with exes and such, and sometimes I just feel sorta sick after talking, visiting, and learning more. Am I the only one?
No....you are not alone. I had strong suspicions of some jaded agendas while in, but knew NOTHING of the magnitude of corruption from the top brass.
Although I am sickened by the likes of vpw, lcm, howard, rosie, donna, linder and others....on the flip side, IT BRINGS MANY SCRIPTURES TO LIFE IN MODERN TIMES. Corrupt leaders deceive people, oppress people, steal from the widows, voice "blessings" and evil from the same mouth, etc. etc.
Of course, I go through those times when I whish i'd never heard of twi. And, of course wonder......what life would have been like if I'd have refused any involvement with twi?
True justice is coming....and God, in his righteousness, is sickened by twi's injustices too.
ex10, I used to feel that way...really sick about the whole thing.
Now the time has gone on and I have dealt with it in my mind. Although every once in a while something I didn't expect would come up in my everyday life.
Hopefully, it will get easier for you as it has for me and some others.
If something truly nauseating, like seeing TWI's behavior first-hand, does not nauseate you, it means you have become hardened to it. When the nausea response returns, I would think, it is a sign of returning to health. That's not to say we should remain forever nauseated, but it's a stage through which we pass, as with many other addictions.
I don't know.. sick, no. Sometimes I feel rather angry about what put up with and/or did in the organization in the name of God. I think if I witnessed first hand some of the real abuse, I would feel pretty sick.
Well, I think I like what satori had to say. :)--> I am so long gone from the way, been "out," for much longer than I was ever "in," yet sometimes telling what I know still gets to me, along with hearing others' stories, for the first time. I like to think that it's having compassion or empathy, and not being so hardened to it all, that I am cold and unfeeling. There's always someone out there, it seems, who has questions and is still trying to untangle the knots in their life.
When I think of my involvement with TWI, I too am sickened when I think of what I tolerated, witnessed or worse imposed upon others (family especially).
What makes me want to hurl chunks the most is when I think about my ability to sit back and watch the abuse go on either to me or in front of me or worse by me. I honestly believed I had no say and if I did say anything, I would be the next topic of a corps night teaching. I was like a deer in the headlights, stunned and motionless.
What a comfort to know that my life is no longer like this and that I can feel sane again. That my emotions aren't being rammed into a drawer and locked away, that I do have a mind and that my opinions matter and that family does care about me and that the devil isn't out to get me with every breath I take, that I can be safe even though i'm not part of that TWIsted cult, that you can decide the direction of your future and it's ok to do what YOU want to do and that...and that... and that...
I feel sick that I was in a marriage where I didn't feel free to talk to my husband about how evil TWI is and that I had to hide it.
As a result of this he thinks I hid a lot of other things from him, including an affair, and I never had an affair! But, I can't tell him that because he won't talk to me and he wouldn't believe me anyway.
I feel sick that he has cut off communication with his whole family because of lies his local MOG told him and now he is completely and utterly alone with only acquaintances for friends and TWIts who don't really care about him. It's like a kick in the gut.
I feel sick that he bought all the lies of TWI and fails to see how he was cold and unfeeling and pushed people away from him who really and truly care about him.
I feel sick that friends who were horribly treated by TWI kept coming back time and time again to get their teeth kicked in again or merely tolerated because they had something of value that TWI wanted (money, home, free labor).
I feel sick that I was too stupid and naive to recognize the evil and too scared to act on my intuition when I did sense something was wrong.
JL, I haven't even been out or divorced a year yet. It's very good therapy for me. This kind is free and y'all know where I'm coming from. My therapist, good as he is, doesn't always understand.
Recommended Posts
skyrider
ex10,
No....you are not alone. I had strong suspicions of some jaded agendas while in, but knew NOTHING of the magnitude of corruption from the top brass.
Although I am sickened by the likes of vpw, lcm, howard, rosie, donna, linder and others....on the flip side, IT BRINGS MANY SCRIPTURES TO LIFE IN MODERN TIMES. Corrupt leaders deceive people, oppress people, steal from the widows, voice "blessings" and evil from the same mouth, etc. etc.
Of course, I go through those times when I whish i'd never heard of twi. And, of course wonder......what life would have been like if I'd have refused any involvement with twi?
True justice is coming....and God, in his righteousness, is sickened by twi's injustices too.
skyrider
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
ex10, I used to feel that way...really sick about the whole thing.
Now the time has gone on and I have dealt with it in my mind. Although every once in a while something I didn't expect would come up in my everyday life.
Hopefully, it will get easier for you as it has for me and some others.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
satori001
If something truly nauseating, like seeing TWI's behavior first-hand, does not nauseate you, it means you have become hardened to it. When the nausea response returns, I would think, it is a sign of returning to health. That's not to say we should remain forever nauseated, but it's a stage through which we pass, as with many other addictions.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GeorgeStGeorge
Having not experienced major abuses firsthand, my reaction is shock and compassion for those so abused. I honestly don't feel sick about it, though.
George
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
I don't know.. sick, no. Sometimes I feel rather angry about what put up with and/or did in the organization in the name of God. I think if I witnessed first hand some of the real abuse, I would feel pretty sick.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ex10
Well, I think I like what satori had to say.
:)--> I am so long gone from the way, been "out," for much longer than I was ever "in," yet sometimes telling what I know still gets to me, along with hearing others' stories, for the first time. I like to think that it's having compassion or empathy, and not being so hardened to it all, that I am cold and unfeeling. There's always someone out there, it seems, who has questions and is still trying to untangle the knots in their life.
I don't get angry, just sad.
:(-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
A la prochaine
Dear Ex-10 and Sky,
When I think of my involvement with TWI, I too am sickened when I think of what I tolerated, witnessed or worse imposed upon others (family especially).
What makes me want to hurl chunks the most is when I think about my ability to sit back and watch the abuse go on either to me or in front of me or worse by me. I honestly believed I had no say and if I did say anything, I would be the next topic of a corps night teaching. I was like a deer in the headlights, stunned and motionless.
What a comfort to know that my life is no longer like this and that I can feel sane again. That my emotions aren't being rammed into a drawer and locked away, that I do have a mind and that my opinions matter and that family does care about me and that the devil isn't out to get me with every breath I take, that I can be safe even though i'm not part of that TWIsted cult, that you can decide the direction of your future and it's ok to do what YOU want to do and that...and that... and that...
Hurl away EX
:P--> ...it's worthwhile hurling!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WordWolf
Some people can eat a sandwich while watching an
autopsy. Me, I'm pretty sure my "stomach" isn't that "strong",
and I'd feel sick.
I don't think that's a "failing" on my part, not having
calloused to that degree.
Similarly, the horrible things twi did are worth feeling
sick over from time to time. If you feel nothing when
hearing how they destroyed lives-like some of the current
leadership-then something is wrong with YOU. Even the
unbelievers feel sick to hear of the horrors that were
perpetuated.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
I feel sick that I was in a marriage where I didn't feel free to talk to my husband about how evil TWI is and that I had to hide it.
As a result of this he thinks I hid a lot of other things from him, including an affair, and I never had an affair! But, I can't tell him that because he won't talk to me and he wouldn't believe me anyway.
I feel sick that he has cut off communication with his whole family because of lies his local MOG told him and now he is completely and utterly alone with only acquaintances for friends and TWIts who don't really care about him. It's like a kick in the gut.
I feel sick that he bought all the lies of TWI and fails to see how he was cold and unfeeling and pushed people away from him who really and truly care about him.
I feel sick that friends who were horribly treated by TWI kept coming back time and time again to get their teeth kicked in again or merely tolerated because they had something of value that TWI wanted (money, home, free labor).
I feel sick that I was too stupid and naive to recognize the evil and too scared to act on my intuition when I did sense something was wrong.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ex10
Belle,
Many hugs to you. Without being totally presumptuous, I know how you feel.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
J0nny Ling0
Sometimes I wonder if re-visiting this stuff is good for us at all. I mean, maybe just dumping it in the past might be a good thing?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Oakspear
Result vary JL.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
revisiting and facing it is a heck of a lot healthier....part of the healing process.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
JL, I haven't even been out or divorced a year yet. It's very good therapy for me. This kind is free and y'all know where I'm coming from. My therapist, good as he is, doesn't always understand.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.