10 Common Struggles For People Leaving the Abuse

[Belle]

More excerpts from The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.....

10 Most Common Area of Struggle for Those Who Have Been Spiritually Abused

1. You develop a distorted image of God.

A God who is never satisfied who keeps setting higher and higher goals and is eager to let you find out how much you’ve missed the mark..

A God who is waiting for us to make a mistake…then point out all our failures, or to punish or humiliate.

An apathetic God who watches when people are hurt and abused, but does nothing to help…

And there is more …….

2. You may be preoccupied with spiritual performance.

Preoccupation with spiritual performance often results in a tendency towards extremes of self-righteousness or shame. Self Righteousness (a sense of spiritual superiority based on your own behavior) and judgmentalism (a sense of spiritual superiority based on someone else’s behavior) indicate a performance based life-style.

3. You have a distorted self-identity of yourself as a Christian.

Confusion between guilt and shame. Guilt is a valuable signal indicating a wrong or bad behavior. Shame is an indictment on you as a person. You experience guilt when you do a wrong behavior; guilt is a good spiritual nerve ending causing you to right wrong behavior. You feel shame even when you’ve done nothing wrong;

4. You may have a problem relating to spiritual authority.

They tend to the extremes of compliance or defiance when faced with someone else having authority.

5. You may have a hard time with grace.

You find ways to push away the grace extended by God and the gifts from the other people, so that you end up going with out. Or you accept them with such overwhelming sense of owing that you find ways to “pay back” God and others for what they’ve done.

6. You may have a problem in the area of personal boundaries, an unclear understanding about “death to self” teachings and “rights”.

People who have misused their spiritual power have disrespected or beaten down your boundaries. They have shamed you out of your “no”, clouded your will and intruded into your life with religious agendas. They have violated your spirituality by playing “Holy Spirit.” Having an opinion has come to equal lack of submissiveness. Having a right to not be abused is selfish.

7. You may have difficulty with personal responsibility.

You may have learned to be under-responsible…..or learned to be over-responsible. You have a greater sense of God needing you than you needing God.

The most extreme form of over-responsibility happens when you martyr yourself. Being affected by insults and thoughtless actions is immature, and having feelings is being oversensitive. Going without is a prime virtue. Feeling numb to life is the end result.

8. You may suffer from a lack of living skills.

Abusive systems develop a “bunker mentality”. This is characterized by being closed and paranoid toward the outside, and secretive about what goes on inside. The mentality is not only separatist, but highly judgmental.

9. You may have a hard time admitting the abuse.

a. You are told that you are “the problem” for noticing there is a problem. That makes it hard to expose the abuse, even after you’ve left the system.

b. Admitting the abuse out loud-or even thinking that what you experienced was abuse-often feels like you’re being disloyal to family, to church, even to God.

c. Those who have experienced spiritual abuse as “normal” have lost track of what normal really is.

d. It is so inconsistent with everything that is supposed to be happening in families and churches that the excruciating pain of it is short-circuited.

10. You may have a hard time with trust.

Mark Twain once mused, “A cat that sits on a hot stove lid wont sit on a hot stove lid again. But it probably won’t sit on a cold stove lid either.” Those who have been spiritually abused will have a hard time trusting a spiritual system again. This is extremely significant, because the essence of living as a Christian is a trust relationship with God, within God’s family.

Hope these things help those of you who are still in and are trying to figure out what to do.

[oldiesman]

My cat is too smart to listen to this stuff. :D--> -->

[Allan]

OM..your cat sounds like an awesome believing cat !!

I mean..it doesn't sit around making excuses for doing NOTHING for God !

[rascal]

Wow Bell, that is amazing .... it completely describes our situation....espescially the part about having a hard time trusting a spiritual system or fellow christians...

It would seem twi is able to steal from us even decades after leaving.........

[TaylorCompany]

quote:

My cat is too smart to listen to this stuff.

Oldiesman...perhaps your cat may not need to listen to this but many do...and do you?

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is a phenomenal book that should be required reading for every standing member of twi. As a "research" ministry I would think that it would be required reading...oh, that's right, you only research the way WE tell you to "research."

Could you imagine the grief if a BC or LC saw that book on your coffee table!

[Jan]

I can relate to 2,3 and 5 specially.

Jan

[Jan]

Hey Oldiesman, does your cat...well you know.. by any chance...speak in tongues?

Sorry I could not resist. LOL

Jan

[Shellon]

Trust, definately and sadly it's not just in a cult. It's in the world, everywhere and it's tough to find respite and even truth in healing from it.

I'm doubting that it ever happens.

[Nottawayfer]

I had a cockerspaniel who spoke in tongues. :P-->

[Jan]

LOL In a language unknown to you I'm sure. :.)

Jan

[templelady]

All of them at one time some I still struggle with but in mycase it's hard to separate the marital abuse from TWI abuse since they were concurrent and fueled by the same fire.

BUt I am proof it is possible to outthink , outwit, and become THE survivor :D-->

[jewel]

A survivor, survives. A conqueror comes out with the spoils. Better off than he was. Which are you all? Jewel

[templelady]

A conqueroring survivor

[tFloat]

I have been wrestling with a belief in God since I left TWI in '92.

I am currently working for the Salvation Army running a small homeless shelter, and I am beginning to to come around by watching the few homeless that come thru the shelter and make a successful re-entry into productive lives.

harvey

[jewel]

tfloat, I believe in a God I don't understand. It gives me comfort to know that He knows what I cannot understand. My children believed in me even when they didn't understand who I really was. They understood I loved them. I understand God loves me but that's about it. All those years in TWI studying and all I know now is God loves me and you. Jewel

[dmiller]

Wow Bell, that is amazing .... it completely describes our situation....espescially the part about having a hard time trusting a spiritual system or fellow christians...It would seem twi is able to steal from us even decades after leaving.........

I agree. It took me a long while to learn to differentiate between the *hot stove lid* and the *cold stove lid* after getting out. :unsure:

Edited September 24, 2005 by dmiller

[Watered Garden]

Belle thanks for posting this list. I can identify just about everything there. I have a lot of trust issues. I am sufficiently hurt by criticism that I have a hard time defending myself. It's getting better, because I realized how far, far away from God TWI is. And how far-reaching God's grace is. But it sure helped me that you posted this list. Thanks again.

WG

[washingtonweather]

;)

ww

[Belle]

Bringing this to the top for a friend of mine who recently left TWI. :)

Proud of Ya, Dude! ;)

[lilbit]

Thanks Belle.

I can identify with all of the above. It's a sad commintary that I cannot trust the Christian God nor trust that The Bible is inspiried. My whole perception of spirituality has taken a 360 degree turn since my experiance with TWI. The journey I'm taking now is filled with enormouse life, is a never ending adventure and is most of all guilt and shame free. I guess I had to experiance the bad in order to be open to recieve what I believe to be my journeys path to true spirituality. So I guess without TWI I would not have known there was better. NAMASTA

[MadeItThrough]

Hey, I want my money back!

Rosie, I was screwed out of 20 years of abundant living.....can I get a refund?

What! It was all a fuxking joke!!!!!!! Just a bad dream?

"Curiousity killed the Seeker... the cat was too smart to stay."

[MadeItThrough]

Hi Lilbit,

I certainly understand how you feel about the Christian God and the Bible, especially after TWI. TWI burnt a hole in my head, heart, and pocket. TWI left me for dead and laughed at my spiritual demise because I walked away from their ulitmate wisdom and knowledge....refusing to worship LCM on his thrown.

I was cursed to death by TWI facist personnel, "You'll literally go insane without us...", "God damn you Linda!", "You have been touched by the Adversary with your rejection of the Word!", "You are in the grip of Leviathan!" and Lilbit, "You're life will NEVER be the same...you'll see!" AND they could actually throw just the right scriptures behind these curses to posion my mind!

When I lost my heart, soul and mind to these posions and lost my career over my acute anxiety (No TWI = No God) and ended on the streets homeless and financially bankrupt in Jacksonville, Florida; I thought, "God...I asked you for wisdom, knowledge and love without sex being the constant price in life and this is what you gave me?" "Well....Fuxk You God!"

I came from a very unloving, disfunctional family. Blindedly, my childhood abuse lead me to further abuse as an adult....namely, TWI-2. I understand this now.

Today, I am finding a concept of a God through a 12-Step Anonymous Program. The 12-Step Anonymous Programs should be listed in The White/Yellow Pages Phonebook. It is not a religious program and does not refer to the Bible for any "golden nuggets of wisdom or knowlwdge" nor does anyone RULE over you in your quest for Spirituality with God (a loving Higher Power). You know, etc...etc...etc...

I couldn't help but understand your current feelings for God and the Bible, and hope you'll find comfort in love...just plain love....without a membership fee. I am so very glad that you have taken steps towards freedom both mentally and spiritually! Sounds like you are on your way to a good life!

*I may have de-railed on this. I still have holes in my head!

[jardinero]

MIT / Linda:

My heart hurts reading what you posted above, but I am so glad to hear that you have found a 12 Step program to help you on your life's journey.

Many of us here have experienced childhood abuses, addiction problems and/or some horrible experiences in twi that left major holes in our hearts upon leaving the organization finally. Some have found 12 step programs, counseling, volunteering in non-profits, going back to finish an education, family support - - and yes, even a good, supportive church - - to be helpful in providing a compass back to some sense of "normalty". Everyone's place in life, age, family situation and twi experience was different - - but many of us "regulars" have found great help and refuge in our participation on Greasespot as a place to learn, heal, sort, vent, heal, vent, sort some more, understand and sometimes be understood, and sometimes just to read and know.

So, welcome here. Please know that there are others here who have experienced very difficult journies as well and wish to offer some comfort and hospitality here - - even if there are some who will never "get" what our journies are all about. Some of us DO understand, are pained by the like suffering that has been expressed and try, in our own ways, to offer support.

Thank you for sharing a part of yourself.

J.

[MadeItThrough]

Well Thank You Jardinero! I wished the innie's would see, hear and understand.

I love your flower...it reminds me of life and the beauty of it.

MIT

[Belle]

MIT, my heart goes out to you! You must be very strong to continue to overcome such obstacles. I truly believe that TWI and the leadership who rape and pillage God's flock will pay dearly. Hopefully you'll have a front row seat for that!