There was this Irish priest who hated the English. While his congregation was mostly Irish, he would blame the English for everything under the sun. If there was a fire somewhere, the English did it, a robery, sure it had to be an englishman that did it. As time went on, Vatican II came along, and his congregation began to mix more and more.
Soon the priest was called in on the carpet to explain himself, and the bishop said, "You've got to stop railing the English so much. I've been getting complaints from members of your congregation sayin' you've been doin' this for a long time." The priest says, "I'll try my best, you're emenence."
So, the priest returns to his congregation and throughout the whole year, he refrains from blaming anything bad on the English. Then along comes Palm Sunday, and his surmon went like this:
"Jesus and his apostles were at the last supper, and Jesus said, "Tonight, one of you will betray me." And He looked at Peter, and Peter said, "Not me." And He looked at James and John and both said, "We would never do such a thing!" Then Jesus looked long and straight and hard at Judas, and Judas said, "Ow blyme govenor, you can't mean me!"
You mean The Way had a sense of humor, like Wierwille in PFAL saying Jesus wasn't beating around the bush when He spoke to the fig tree? I know, groan bad pun.
Not only were the jokes corny, but like nearly everything else in PFAL they weren't even original! Years later I found most of those jokes in generic "Bible" or "religious" joke books. Nothing wrong with repeating jokes, but many wayfers assumed VP made them up and thought he was the funniest teacher in the world.
Another joke I thought was original but turned out not to be was something I heard Johnny Townsend say at the ROA one year. He said he was in a record store and overheard one teenager saying to another, "See! I TOLD you Paul McCartney was in another band before Wings!" It may not have been original but I thought it was cool that Johnny told it.
I knew that there was room at the cross for me even though I came from berserkely of Cslifornia because a friend pointed out that Jesus said, "11I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley." :)/>
Once upon a time there was a potato. It was a girl so it must've been a sweet potato. She was born in wealth. Private potato school, potato college, potato finishing school...she had the best upbringing money could buy. One day she told her parents she wanted to get married. "Married?" they said. "This is so sudden! Who do you want to marry?" She said she wanted to marry Walter Cronkite. "Walter Cronkite? Absolutely not! We won't hear of it!" She says, "But, why?" She was full of tears. "Because he's only a 'common tater'".
My final exam for Oral Communications 1 was to do a 5 minute speech. The first minute of it was that joke and I STILL got an A.
Once upon a time there was a potato. It was a girl so it must've been a sweet potato. She was born in wealth. Private potato school, potato college, potato finishing school...she had the best upbringing money could buy. One day she told her parents she wanted to get married. "Married?" they said. "This is so sudden! Who do you want to marry?" She said she wanted to marry Walter Cronkite. "Walter Cronkite? Absolutely not! We won't hear of it!" She says, "But, why?" She was full of tears. "Because he's only a 'common tater'".
My final exam for Oral Communications 1 was to do a 5 minute speech. The first minute of it was that joke and I STILL got an A.
John, I never heard that joke before, but I love it!! Thanks for posting it!!!
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Tom Strange
BAD JOHN! BAD ARC!
... I've been here and I've been there and I've been in between...
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IMAFREEMAN
Here's another one'
A man is pondering life and has a conversation with The Lord:
God, what is a thousand years like to you? God answers," Well my son, to me it's like a second in time.
The man,in awe replies,"Wow thatis amazing". He then asks, "God what is a million dollars like to you"?
God immediately replies," To me a million dollars is like a penny."
The man once once again in amazment says, 'Wow that is cool!! He then perks right up and his eyes get real big and he asks The Lord
"God,can I have a penny and God says, "Sure in a second
IMA
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Mark Clarke
Then there's the one about the first nicotine fit in the Bible.
Acts 16:29
Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas...
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johniam
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrea?
A: A salad shooter.
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Steve Swenton
Here's a fugitive from my years as a RC:
There was this Irish priest who hated the English. While his congregation was mostly Irish, he would blame the English for everything under the sun. If there was a fire somewhere, the English did it, a robery, sure it had to be an englishman that did it. As time went on, Vatican II came along, and his congregation began to mix more and more.
Soon the priest was called in on the carpet to explain himself, and the bishop said, "You've got to stop railing the English so much. I've been getting complaints from members of your congregation sayin' you've been doin' this for a long time." The priest says, "I'll try my best, you're emenence."
So, the priest returns to his congregation and throughout the whole year, he refrains from blaming anything bad on the English. Then along comes Palm Sunday, and his surmon went like this:
"Jesus and his apostles were at the last supper, and Jesus said, "Tonight, one of you will betray me." And He looked at Peter, and Peter said, "Not me." And He looked at James and John and both said, "We would never do such a thing!" Then Jesus looked long and straight and hard at Judas, and Judas said, "Ow blyme govenor, you can't mean me!"
Hee Hee...
Steve.
¥
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crystalclearblue
i remember a joke loym would say about cantelope meaning people couldn't run off and get married......It was dumb.
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waysider
Something like "Cantalope until my honeydew."??
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crystalclearblue
Something like that. Groan.
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
You mean The Way had a sense of humor, like Wierwille in PFAL saying Jesus wasn't beating around the bush when He spoke to the fig tree? I know, groan bad pun.
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TOMMYZ
Remember how people would laugh at "Apple butter" ?
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Watered Garden
Yeah, when I saw the title I thought it was a oxymoron.
WG
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Mark Clarke
Not only were the jokes corny, but like nearly everything else in PFAL they weren't even original! Years later I found most of those jokes in generic "Bible" or "religious" joke books. Nothing wrong with repeating jokes, but many wayfers assumed VP made them up and thought he was the funniest teacher in the world.
Another joke I thought was original but turned out not to be was something I heard Johnny Townsend say at the ROA one year. He said he was in a record store and overheard one teenager saying to another, "See! I TOLD you Paul McCartney was in another band before Wings!" It may not have been original but I thought it was cool that Johnny told it.
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Kit Sober
I knew that there was room at the cross for me even though I came from berserkely of Cslifornia because a friend pointed out that Jesus said, "11I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley." :)/>
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johniam
Walter Cummins told the following joke somewhere.
Once upon a time there was a potato. It was a girl so it must've been a sweet potato. She was born in wealth. Private potato school, potato college, potato finishing school...she had the best upbringing money could buy. One day she told her parents she wanted to get married. "Married?" they said. "This is so sudden! Who do you want to marry?" She said she wanted to marry Walter Cronkite. "Walter Cronkite? Absolutely not! We won't hear of it!" She says, "But, why?" She was full of tears. "Because he's only a 'common tater'".
My final exam for Oral Communications 1 was to do a 5 minute speech. The first minute of it was that joke and I STILL got an A.
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Grace Valerie Claire
Cute!
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Grace Valerie Claire
John, I never heard that joke before, but I love it!! Thanks for posting it!!!
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outandabout
I remember Walter Cummins telling that potato one.
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