It is not too much unlike changing jobs and moving to a new city...like a transfer, the difference is- we stay in the same place but need to change all the people along with reevaluating all our values.
I have found just plain geting out...health club, volunteer stuff and even checking out differnt churches (which can be really a hoot) start a group for walking at 7am or something, after work whatever.
It still follows that life is in the doing of it and that is where you decide...ewww...or oh yeah!
Life is ongoing too....you will not be the same person you are now a year from now....
I loved studying Buddha in college, but my big complaint with him was the detachment...life is about the connections we have, the interactions we are involved in. If we dont have interactions....we don't have a whole lot.
love ya girl,
washingtonweather
Ps Check out the book "Finding your own north Star"
our house was the gathering place for all the believeres in our area. always a full house and we loved it.
wife threw me out because she was a little more brain washed than i was even though i was respected by the higher ups in the way.
hell flew on ambassadoe one once to hq.
when wifey threw me out all of the people who respected and loved me {i was tc for years} all of a sudden had no time for me. i refused to give up some of my old man ways!!
still do.
how did i find myself again?
i found new friends
new hobbies.
joined a club this was 20 years ago and the club i joined {f.o.e.} has been good to a for me
i have been pres of it 5 times am again this year and will be new england pres in june
we are a nonprofit but raise tons of money for good causes
i never gave up my bible and i encourage you not to. God loves us this i bank on
most of those friends that shunned me on the off set are now friends again as a mater of fact the guy who stole my car from me so he could give it to my ex is now a notary and married me and my new wife
don't give up lost friends but don't dwell on them either.
if one thing that veepee taught me back in the 70's and 80's is that if you can use on hand to count faithful friends you are a lucky man.
i am
and a few of the ones{4} shunned me but now are back am i rambling or not makeing any sense
hope not
i'll stop now belle but don't give up you r bible and know you are in my prayers
Belle: What did you LOVE to do pre TWI that you had to give up for TWI lent? Reading material? Music? Sports? There's gotta be something. Any people associated with those things? There's lots of strings you haven't pulled yet probably. There has to be something you did just for the sheer enjoyment of it, not for "spiritual reasons".
Lucy and I got booted (well, technically, I got booted and she came along) right after we got engaged, so we had to figure out what to do for spiritual enrichment and to arrange our wedding. Since I had never lost touch with old friends, it wasn't hard to find an "offshoot" fellowship to join. And the leader is ordained, so he handled the wedding. The odd thing was that we couldn't invite people we had considered our best friends. (We COULD HAVE, I suppose; but that would have only put them all in awkward situations.)
Though TWI was a main part of my life for 20 years, it was never my WHOLE life. And Lucy was a relative "newbie" to TWI (about 2-3 years), so she had other interests, as well. We have plenty to keep us busy (even without fellowship 3-20 times a week).
I don't know if Texas is "realer" south than where you are, but the people here are friendly, and there are still lots of jobs.
Wow. I can so relate. I've been out almost six years now, but only in the last year or so have I realized how much twi put my emotional and social growth on hold. My therapist recently told me that I am now emotionally about 21 years old. That's an improvement, because four years ago, she told me I was 16. I was 17 when I got involved with twi. I'm 48 now.
I like to bowl, so I've been in a bowling league now for four years. I also checked out some churches and I started running. Exercise does wonders for the body and soul. My self-esteem has finally begun to rise from the ashes. I also found a job where I am appreciated. It took me a long time to realize that most folks are good people and will like you for who you are and are.
I've pretty much had to build a new social network from scratch. Only we Greasespotters can really understand what we're going through.
I am thankful for the years I have left and the unique awakening that I am experiencing. I don't know where I'll end up either, but I like where I'm heading.
Alot of times, I don't feel my age. Like you, Belle, I kind of feel like the girl I was before I got so involved in TWI. After the first year out, my interests all seemed to revert to what they were way back then. Since I was in TWI 20 years, I often feel out of step!
When I talk to people my age it is like I lived in a cave or something. My sister is always astonished at all the movies I haven't seen. I didn't watch TV or read, or listen to popular music during those 20 TWI years.
Who is U2? Madonna? I only realized recently that my niece used to dress like Madonna! So when I do social things, overhear people chatting, I often feel like I'm in a foreign country. I run home and google stuff all the time. I'm sure people think I'm odd!
Hobbies have been a great help for me. I didn't have time for those much in TWI--we ran a twig, later we didn't run one but had kids and the mess of the nineties to deal with.
Hubby and I took a gardening class together, met some nice people. I took a writing class and am sporadically involved in a little wicca type group, made some friends in both those places.
But I confess I often feel more comfortable with people online, who all have a specific interest in common, then with groups of living people! I'm good at 'on topic' not so good at OT.
I suspect I am doing now--in my forties-- what I should have done in my young adult years, and didn't.
It is weird seeing your husband do the same thing. Who will we be in ten years??
outintexas - oh my God, I can so relate. I have been out now a little over 4 years and am just now discovering how much TWI mentality had a hold on me.
It is almost like at first, when I got marked and avoided, I just had such conflicting emotions. I felt wonderfully free, but at the same token, scared about being a "greasespot by midnight." Especially for my children. It is almost like I just shut my mind off to it and now I am realizing how much of my present thinking was still dominated by "Way thought". Some of my deep rooted beliefs were still those that had been instilled in me by the "WAY".
I went from like the total freedom to like total fear and lately I have been thinking, it is OKAY to THINK. We had been so limited to what TWI wanted us to think and we had to be obedient to think etc. etc. etc. I am allowed now to think beyond the BOX and consider other's research or book-writing and not think I am going to be struck dead or become possessed because I dare to THINK or CONSIDER other avenues of thought.
I hadn't realized I had carried it over for so many years. I am always very leery about telling others I was in a TWI. It is just recently after being with my husband for 4 years that I have been able to tell him some of the things that had gone on. I was very embarrassed to admit I had been "had" by a grifter or "cult" as I tend to pride myself on my discerning of good and bad.
But, I too went to where I wanted to be a teenager again, having been in the WAY for the majority of my adult life. I took the class in 1975 and left the Way permanently in 2000. That line of thought has been my thought pattern for the majority of my adulthood. I am 48 now.
I think lots of people suspended personal deverlopment while in TWI. Our relatives and friends who stayed behind (i.e. didn't go into TWI ) had to deal with the mundane and routine problems associated with daily existence and consequently know more about living life than we do since they had to be practical and get on with life in most cases. I know lots of Way people , including myself, who used TWI as a type of insulation against our personal problems and difficulties we were having with relatives and parents. It was cool to tell ourselves that our mission was more noble and prized than what they were doing. Thats kind of tragic. I mean I know lots of "corpses" (people who never went in TWI) who put together great lives while dealing with aging parents, chronic illness, career challenges, rearing children. They have the life skills to deal with all of this whereas those of us who spent lots of time with TWI were focused on some pretty odd priorities that inhibited our potential in developing as men and women.
I mean I know lots of missionaries who have helped build cities in other countries, taught English, taken care of the sick, dealt with insane levels of poverty and they are wonderful people. And LCM wanted those went LEAD or Corps to brag about hitchhiking 50 miles.. like that was "walking out on the word" ? There is no comparison. I mean who would get more "rewards" at
the bema ? Some Wayfer who signed up 10 people for PFAL / WAP or someone like
Mother Theresa who really showed people what ministering was all about ? I put my money with the latter. But then again TWI was the only organization I ever encountered who was so obssessed with "Rewards" in the eternal life anyway. I include myself in the statement that many Wayfers are immature and somewhat demanding when it comes to things simply because we have learned to have a sense of entitlement which has displaced any natural humility that life gives to people via experience which is common to most. But its hard to encounter those experiences if you are in some controlled environment with someone telling you what to feel, when to feel it, and how to feel it. But
living in the "real world" will lead to those experience soon enough.
What to make of post Way life ? My advice is to keep living and learning and don't be afraid to learn from those around you who , regardless of their spiritual interests, might have tremendous practical wisdom that will be of particular value to you and anyone else looking to carve out an existence without the almight Way there to provide the direction. Even when I was in TWI ,I used to reject the idea that God had some "Cookie jar" for his kids where you reached in to get a "cookie" (revelation). First what parent gives his kids cookies all the time and what type of Father stands with is kid all the time to fight his fights and dry his nose in difficult times ? If this happened there would be no way for the child to learn about life and experience the pain (and love) that can happen to the common man. The only positive thing I took out of TWI were some of the friends I made and a concern for finding a purpose in life. But I had those before I joined TWI so I don't give any crefdit to the Weirwille gang for that. But those things help. I just realized that there are people in the "world" who have forgotten more about practical living than I'll ever know ! Good luck....
I left in 2000. I finaly feel comfortbul with all the changes in my heart since I left. I went thru several spouts of depression and felt so lost. dont let go and get busy thiking about good things and how God is still faithful. I felt like I leaped out of a bubble into a world I haad to discover and survive.Life is real good. Try to put the past in the past and look for tomorrow.
Things changed for me rather quickly. By things I mean my belief system and by belief system I am talking about what I consider to be the superficial beliefs. God and such. My core values did not change. My basic personality didn't change. As I said in another thread, I am still "ME".
I did realise some new things about me, once I started allowing myself to think outside the TWI box. I still suprise myself at times. I can see how so many people here think that some of us just snapped and changed our beliefs because of twi abuse. All I have to do is pull out a journal that I had just before and after I left the ministry. I see that I had been mulling a lot of things over for some time.
Some things are hard to distinguish whether they are twi leftovers or just the way I am. Things like motivation. I realise that in some respects I never grew up. Someone was always there to tell me what to do. "Wise council". That has possibly been the toughest issue,learning to jump. That has been a little tough as a new husband and father. There are other people that are affected by any percieved risk and there are no overlords to tell my what to do. That is freeing and a little scary. So that may have slowed the proccess a little.
But I have a wonderful and supportive wife and amazing little one. My wife tells me how she is amazed by how well I have taken things. That is incouraging. I think it is important to realise that you are still YOU, everything else is the little stuff. That will change, don't loose any sleep over it.
This from someone posting at 1:30 in the morning. :)-->
There are so many things that have helped me move on.....I find that God seems to be able to work through any of the people/activities that I chose to indulge myself in.
The key is find something you enjoy....I trained dogs for search and rescue for a while untill I had too many small babies to continue...the kids and I participated in local theatre doing musicals when they were small...when the theatre closed.....they all played baseball and softball...we have all been participating in karate for 3 1/2 years now and that has been fabulous for meeting great people, making new friends and redefining ourselves.
Our newest course of adventure is parelli natural horsemanship....kiddoes and I are passionate about learning to comunicate better with our 1200 LB *BUNNIES* lol as Pat Parelli refers to our pets who are in reality ... nothing more than prey animals who are prone to flightfrom us *predators* at any miniute.
The key is....pick something that you enjoy...have FUN!!! We have spent so many years taking life WAY too seriously.
Sandwitched in between al of these activities have been volunteer work for the humane society, fund raisers etc.....church activities...developing a *band* for the kids to preform at old folks homes church services etc....
The more activities we expose ourselves to, the more oportunities for growth and change...I feel like my years in twi were so stagnant and repressing....I love the adventure I have embarked upon....the exhileration of being allowed to form myself into whatever person I want to be......
Lindy, your last paragraph reminded me of my Dad`s 2 rules for life that he abides by......
WW, those interactions with all kinds of people are what I think I missed most in TWI. I love getting to meet people from all walks of life and with all kinds of interests. I haven't studied Buddha yet, but I have enjoyed learning about other religions and cultures related to them. I'll definitely check out "Finding Your Own North Star" - thanks for the suggestion!
coolchef - I'm so sorry for what you went through! Congratulations on your new President status! :D--> Living well truly is the best revenge and the best for us, isn't it?
johniam - There are things I gave up for TWI lent (love that term!) and I did slowly start going back to some of those things in the last year before I left. I've also picked up a few new hobbies and volunteer jobs. It is helping. I just feel so far behind sometimes and even though I know it's going to take time, I just want to make sure I'm on the right path and sometimes wish it would go faster. I should just slow down an enjoy the journey, eh? ;)-->
George - I think people like you and Hope who never let TWI infiltrate your WHOLE life have/had an easier time adjusting and getting out. You already had things to fall back on. I so wish I had done that, but in my situation, it wasn't really "available". (puke!) I like Texas; I may just have to check it out. Don't you have to speak Spanish, though? ;)-->
Outintexas - I never thought about being emotionally 25, but reading your post makes perfect sense to me! We were taught that emotions were "icing on the cake" and basically that we should ignore and control them to the point of supressing them instead of recognizing and learning from them. I'm glad you're having a good, fun time adjusting! :)--> It IS hard for people to understand what it takes to adjust who haven't been in our shoes. Thank goodness for GSpot to help with that!
Bramble - LOL! I relate to the cave dwelling comment, but moreso from my ex husband's experience than my own. I am a news junkie and I have always done pretty good at keeping up with the latest trends, but he didn't know that people had died and sometimes we'd be talking about something and he'd say, "They're DEAD? When did that happen?" I feel like I'm doing the things I would have been doing in my late 20's and early 30's, so I really understand. Thanks for your input.
outofdafog - I went through the same "Free at last! Thank God, I am free at last!!" emotions to the "Oh God! What have I done?? What are you going to let them do to me??" Thankfully, my lurkdom around here had already pretty much convinced me that I was NOT going to end up a greasespot.....well, not the kind of GSpot lcm talked about! ;)--> Maybe we should have some kind of rebellious GSpot gathering and everyone come dressed as the age they "feel" and the fad clothing from what years that would have been. A "Come as you feel" kind of party.
diazbro - lots of sage wisdom in your post. Thanks! We did manage to avoid dealing with "real world" issues in so many ways, didn't we? Especially those of us with "unbelieving" family members. I never did think about rewards or working toward them till TWI. Even now I catch myself wondering if I'm going to get or lose rewards for this or that. But then I laugh and think about how surprised the TWIts are going to be at the bema.
likeaeagle - "out of a bubble and into a world I had to discover" that's how I feel! I've missed out on so much and didn't realize how much there is out there that I don't know squat about. It's really exciting and I'm looking forward to continuing to learn and experience new things that TWI insulated us from. I'm glad life is real good for you now, too!
It's funny- I picked up just about where I left off- but with a little more rationality.
Before TWI, I wanted to do chemistry- so I returned to school. Local community college- about 75 percent towards an associate degree in chemistry. If possible, I plan on continuing towards a bachelors and masters. Maybe further- don't know yet.
I bought all those old wineskin albums that I unceremoniously "dumped" in the good old days- of course now they are CD's. I found I can listen to Led Zepplin and enjoy it without feeling afraid of getting "possessed" or worse. Even newer music is OK, but not rap. Some call it an art form, I just could never see it..
Even Jazz, or country-western sounds OK- blues, almost anything.
For the past several years, I have refused to open a PFAL book, blue book, green book, orange book, etc., but I still open my bible.
I don't take a whole lot at face value. Somebody claims they can jump over the moon, I expect to see THEM do it first- even if it "hurts their feelings". They made the claim, not me. But I'm usually nice- don't try to goad them or anything.. some cases, it may have to come to that though.
I think I found out that the world was still, actually THERE- didn't go anywhere.
In terms of "Finding Yourself"...... I found this study interesting.
Topping the list of psychological needs, a study finds 1) autonomy, 2) competence, 3) relatedness and 4) self esteem emerging as the most important.
"Attaining popularity or influence and money or luxury is not what makes people the happiest and is at the bottom of the list of psychological needs, according to a new study. Topping the list of needs that appear to bring happiness are autonomy (feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence(feeling that you are effective in your activities), relatedness(feeling a sense of closeness with others), and self-esteem."
These findings appear in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA).
Getting away from cult-influences would be THE FIRST STEP.....I might add. :D-->
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DaddyHoundog
It is not too much unlike changing jobs and moving to a new city...like a transfer, the difference is- we stay in the same place but need to change all the people along with reevaluating all our values.
I have found just plain geting out...health club, volunteer stuff and even checking out differnt churches (which can be really a hoot) start a group for walking at 7am or something, after work whatever.
It still follows that life is in the doing of it and that is where you decide...ewww...or oh yeah!
Life is ongoing too....you will not be the same person you are now a year from now....
I loved studying Buddha in college, but my big complaint with him was the detachment...life is about the connections we have, the interactions we are involved in. If we dont have interactions....we don't have a whole lot.
love ya girl,
washingtonweather
Ps Check out the book "Finding your own north Star"
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
hi belle
gee i want to answer you but don't know how.
but i'll try.
i wasn't kicked out by twi but by my wife.
our house was the gathering place for all the believeres in our area. always a full house and we loved it.
wife threw me out because she was a little more brain washed than i was even though i was respected by the higher ups in the way.
hell flew on ambassadoe one once to hq.
when wifey threw me out all of the people who respected and loved me {i was tc for years} all of a sudden had no time for me. i refused to give up some of my old man ways!!
still do.
how did i find myself again?
i found new friends
new hobbies.
joined a club this was 20 years ago and the club i joined {f.o.e.} has been good to a for me
i have been pres of it 5 times am again this year and will be new england pres in june
we are a nonprofit but raise tons of money for good causes
i never gave up my bible and i encourage you not to. God loves us this i bank on
most of those friends that shunned me on the off set are now friends again as a mater of fact the guy who stole my car from me so he could give it to my ex is now a notary and married me and my new wife
don't give up lost friends but don't dwell on them either.
if one thing that veepee taught me back in the 70's and 80's is that if you can use on hand to count faithful friends you are a lucky man.
i am
and a few of the ones{4} shunned me but now are back am i rambling or not makeing any sense
hope not
i'll stop now belle but don't give up you r bible and know you are in my prayers
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johniam
Belle: What did you LOVE to do pre TWI that you had to give up for TWI lent? Reading material? Music? Sports? There's gotta be something. Any people associated with those things? There's lots of strings you haven't pulled yet probably. There has to be something you did just for the sheer enjoyment of it, not for "spiritual reasons".
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GeorgeStGeorge
Lucy and I got booted (well, technically, I got booted and she came along) right after we got engaged, so we had to figure out what to do for spiritual enrichment and to arrange our wedding. Since I had never lost touch with old friends, it wasn't hard to find an "offshoot" fellowship to join. And the leader is ordained, so he handled the wedding. The odd thing was that we couldn't invite people we had considered our best friends. (We COULD HAVE, I suppose; but that would have only put them all in awkward situations.)
Though TWI was a main part of my life for 20 years, it was never my WHOLE life. And Lucy was a relative "newbie" to TWI (about 2-3 years), so she had other interests, as well. We have plenty to keep us busy (even without fellowship 3-20 times a week).
I don't know if Texas is "realer" south than where you are, but the people here are friendly, and there are still lots of jobs.
George
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outintexas
Wow. I can so relate. I've been out almost six years now, but only in the last year or so have I realized how much twi put my emotional and social growth on hold. My therapist recently told me that I am now emotionally about 21 years old. That's an improvement, because four years ago, she told me I was 16. I was 17 when I got involved with twi. I'm 48 now.
I like to bowl, so I've been in a bowling league now for four years. I also checked out some churches and I started running. Exercise does wonders for the body and soul. My self-esteem has finally begun to rise from the ashes. I also found a job where I am appreciated. It took me a long time to realize that most folks are good people and will like you for who you are and are.
I've pretty much had to build a new social network from scratch. Only we Greasespotters can really understand what we're going through.
I am thankful for the years I have left and the unique awakening that I am experiencing. I don't know where I'll end up either, but I like where I'm heading.
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Bramble
Alot of times, I don't feel my age. Like you, Belle, I kind of feel like the girl I was before I got so involved in TWI. After the first year out, my interests all seemed to revert to what they were way back then. Since I was in TWI 20 years, I often feel out of step!
When I talk to people my age it is like I lived in a cave or something. My sister is always astonished at all the movies I haven't seen. I didn't watch TV or read, or listen to popular music during those 20 TWI years.
Who is U2? Madonna? I only realized recently that my niece used to dress like Madonna! So when I do social things, overhear people chatting, I often feel like I'm in a foreign country. I run home and google stuff all the time. I'm sure people think I'm odd!
Hobbies have been a great help for me. I didn't have time for those much in TWI--we ran a twig, later we didn't run one but had kids and the mess of the nineties to deal with.
Hubby and I took a gardening class together, met some nice people. I took a writing class and am sporadically involved in a little wicca type group, made some friends in both those places.
But I confess I often feel more comfortable with people online, who all have a specific interest in common, then with groups of living people! I'm good at 'on topic' not so good at OT.
I suspect I am doing now--in my forties-- what I should have done in my young adult years, and didn't.
It is weird seeing your husband do the same thing. Who will we be in ten years??
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outofdafog
outintexas - oh my God, I can so relate. I have been out now a little over 4 years and am just now discovering how much TWI mentality had a hold on me.
It is almost like at first, when I got marked and avoided, I just had such conflicting emotions. I felt wonderfully free, but at the same token, scared about being a "greasespot by midnight." Especially for my children. It is almost like I just shut my mind off to it and now I am realizing how much of my present thinking was still dominated by "Way thought". Some of my deep rooted beliefs were still those that had been instilled in me by the "WAY".
I went from like the total freedom to like total fear and lately I have been thinking, it is OKAY to THINK. We had been so limited to what TWI wanted us to think and we had to be obedient to think etc. etc. etc. I am allowed now to think beyond the BOX and consider other's research or book-writing and not think I am going to be struck dead or become possessed because I dare to THINK or CONSIDER other avenues of thought.
I hadn't realized I had carried it over for so many years. I am always very leery about telling others I was in a TWI. It is just recently after being with my husband for 4 years that I have been able to tell him some of the things that had gone on. I was very embarrassed to admit I had been "had" by a grifter or "cult" as I tend to pride myself on my discerning of good and bad.
But, I too went to where I wanted to be a teenager again, having been in the WAY for the majority of my adult life. I took the class in 1975 and left the Way permanently in 2000. That line of thought has been my thought pattern for the majority of my adulthood. I am 48 now.
Great topic Belle.................
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diazbro
I think lots of people suspended personal deverlopment while in TWI. Our relatives and friends who stayed behind (i.e. didn't go into TWI ) had to deal with the mundane and routine problems associated with daily existence and consequently know more about living life than we do since they had to be practical and get on with life in most cases. I know lots of Way people , including myself, who used TWI as a type of insulation against our personal problems and difficulties we were having with relatives and parents. It was cool to tell ourselves that our mission was more noble and prized than what they were doing. Thats kind of tragic. I mean I know lots of "corpses" (people who never went in TWI) who put together great lives while dealing with aging parents, chronic illness, career challenges, rearing children. They have the life skills to deal with all of this whereas those of us who spent lots of time with TWI were focused on some pretty odd priorities that inhibited our potential in developing as men and women.
I mean I know lots of missionaries who have helped build cities in other countries, taught English, taken care of the sick, dealt with insane levels of poverty and they are wonderful people. And LCM wanted those went LEAD or Corps to brag about hitchhiking 50 miles.. like that was "walking out on the word" ? There is no comparison. I mean who would get more "rewards" at
the bema ? Some Wayfer who signed up 10 people for PFAL / WAP or someone like
Mother Theresa who really showed people what ministering was all about ? I put my money with the latter. But then again TWI was the only organization I ever encountered who was so obssessed with "Rewards" in the eternal life anyway. I include myself in the statement that many Wayfers are immature and somewhat demanding when it comes to things simply because we have learned to have a sense of entitlement which has displaced any natural humility that life gives to people via experience which is common to most. But its hard to encounter those experiences if you are in some controlled environment with someone telling you what to feel, when to feel it, and how to feel it. But
living in the "real world" will lead to those experience soon enough.
What to make of post Way life ? My advice is to keep living and learning and don't be afraid to learn from those around you who , regardless of their spiritual interests, might have tremendous practical wisdom that will be of particular value to you and anyone else looking to carve out an existence without the almight Way there to provide the direction. Even when I was in TWI ,I used to reject the idea that God had some "Cookie jar" for his kids where you reached in to get a "cookie" (revelation). First what parent gives his kids cookies all the time and what type of Father stands with is kid all the time to fight his fights and dry his nose in difficult times ? If this happened there would be no way for the child to learn about life and experience the pain (and love) that can happen to the common man. The only positive thing I took out of TWI were some of the friends I made and a concern for finding a purpose in life. But I had those before I joined TWI so I don't give any crefdit to the Weirwille gang for that. But those things help. I just realized that there are people in the "world" who have forgotten more about practical living than I'll ever know ! Good luck....
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likeaneagle
Hi Belle
I left in 2000. I finaly feel comfortbul with all the changes in my heart since I left. I went thru several spouts of depression and felt so lost. dont let go and get busy thiking about good things and how God is still faithful. I felt like I leaped out of a bubble into a world I haad to discover and survive.Life is real good. Try to put the past in the past and look for tomorrow.
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lindyhopper
Things changed for me rather quickly. By things I mean my belief system and by belief system I am talking about what I consider to be the superficial beliefs. God and such. My core values did not change. My basic personality didn't change. As I said in another thread, I am still "ME".
I did realise some new things about me, once I started allowing myself to think outside the TWI box. I still suprise myself at times. I can see how so many people here think that some of us just snapped and changed our beliefs because of twi abuse. All I have to do is pull out a journal that I had just before and after I left the ministry. I see that I had been mulling a lot of things over for some time.
Some things are hard to distinguish whether they are twi leftovers or just the way I am. Things like motivation. I realise that in some respects I never grew up. Someone was always there to tell me what to do. "Wise council". That has possibly been the toughest issue,learning to jump. That has been a little tough as a new husband and father. There are other people that are affected by any percieved risk and there are no overlords to tell my what to do. That is freeing and a little scary. So that may have slowed the proccess a little.
But I have a wonderful and supportive wife and amazing little one. My wife tells me how she is amazed by how well I have taken things. That is incouraging. I think it is important to realise that you are still YOU, everything else is the little stuff. That will change, don't loose any sleep over it.
This from someone posting at 1:30 in the morning.
:)-->
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rascal
There are so many things that have helped me move on.....I find that God seems to be able to work through any of the people/activities that I chose to indulge myself in.
The key is find something you enjoy....I trained dogs for search and rescue for a while untill I had too many small babies to continue...the kids and I participated in local theatre doing musicals when they were small...when the theatre closed.....they all played baseball and softball...we have all been participating in karate for 3 1/2 years now and that has been fabulous for meeting great people, making new friends and redefining ourselves.
Our newest course of adventure is parelli natural horsemanship....kiddoes and I are passionate about learning to comunicate better with our 1200 LB *BUNNIES* lol as Pat Parelli refers to our pets who are in reality ... nothing more than prey animals who are prone to flightfrom us *predators* at any miniute.
The key is....pick something that you enjoy...have FUN!!! We have spent so many years taking life WAY too seriously.
Sandwitched in between al of these activities have been volunteer work for the humane society, fund raisers etc.....church activities...developing a *band* for the kids to preform at old folks homes church services etc....
The more activities we expose ourselves to, the more oportunities for growth and change...I feel like my years in twi were so stagnant and repressing....I love the adventure I have embarked upon....the exhileration of being allowed to form myself into whatever person I want to be......
Lindy, your last paragraph reminded me of my Dad`s 2 rules for life that he abides by......
A) Don`t sweat the small stuff....
B) It`s ALL small stuff....
I am considering adopting them for my own...lol
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Belle
Thanks, y'all!
WW, those interactions with all kinds of people are what I think I missed most in TWI. I love getting to meet people from all walks of life and with all kinds of interests. I haven't studied Buddha yet, but I have enjoyed learning about other religions and cultures related to them. I'll definitely check out "Finding Your Own North Star" - thanks for the suggestion!
Love ya too!
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Belle
coolchef - I'm so sorry for what you went through! Congratulations on your new President status!
:D--> Living well truly is the best revenge and the best for us, isn't it?
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Belle
johniam - There are things I gave up for TWI lent (love that term!) and I did slowly start going back to some of those things in the last year before I left. I've also picked up a few new hobbies and volunteer jobs. It is helping. I just feel so far behind sometimes and even though I know it's going to take time, I just want to make sure I'm on the right path and sometimes wish it would go faster. I should just slow down an enjoy the journey, eh?
;)-->
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Belle
George - I think people like you and Hope who never let TWI infiltrate your WHOLE life have/had an easier time adjusting and getting out. You already had things to fall back on. I so wish I had done that, but in my situation, it wasn't really "available". (puke!) I like Texas; I may just have to check it out. Don't you have to speak Spanish, though?
;)-->
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Belle
Outintexas - I never thought about being emotionally 25, but reading your post makes perfect sense to me! We were taught that emotions were "icing on the cake" and basically that we should ignore and control them to the point of supressing them instead of recognizing and learning from them. I'm glad you're having a good, fun time adjusting!
:)--> It IS hard for people to understand what it takes to adjust who haven't been in our shoes. Thank goodness for GSpot to help with that!
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Belle
Bramble - LOL! I relate to the cave dwelling comment, but moreso from my ex husband's experience than my own. I am a news junkie and I have always done pretty good at keeping up with the latest trends, but he didn't know that people had died and sometimes we'd be talking about something and he'd say, "They're DEAD? When did that happen?" I feel like I'm doing the things I would have been doing in my late 20's and early 30's, so I really understand. Thanks for your input.
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Belle
outofdafog - I went through the same "Free at last! Thank God, I am free at last!!" emotions to the "Oh God! What have I done?? What are you going to let them do to me??" Thankfully, my lurkdom around here had already pretty much convinced me that I was NOT going to end up a greasespot.....well, not the kind of GSpot lcm talked about!
;)--> Maybe we should have some kind of rebellious GSpot gathering and everyone come dressed as the age they "feel" and the fad clothing from what years that would have been. A "Come as you feel" kind of party.
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Belle
diazbro - lots of sage wisdom in your post. Thanks! We did manage to avoid dealing with "real world" issues in so many ways, didn't we? Especially those of us with "unbelieving" family members. I never did think about rewards or working toward them till TWI. Even now I catch myself wondering if I'm going to get or lose rewards for this or that. But then I laugh and think about how surprised the TWIts are going to be at the bema.
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Belle
likeaeagle - "out of a bubble and into a world I had to discover" that's how I feel! I've missed out on so much and didn't realize how much there is out there that I don't know squat about. It's really exciting and I'm looking forward to continuing to learn and experience new things that TWI insulated us from. I'm glad life is real good for you now, too!
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Steve!
Gaaah, I just had a really ugly thought.
Could you imagine growing old while still in that cult? Reaching retirement age, in such a sheltered environment?
Ick.
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rascal
....shiver...
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Ham
It's funny- I picked up just about where I left off- but with a little more rationality.
Before TWI, I wanted to do chemistry- so I returned to school. Local community college- about 75 percent towards an associate degree in chemistry. If possible, I plan on continuing towards a bachelors and masters. Maybe further- don't know yet.
I bought all those old wineskin albums that I unceremoniously "dumped" in the good old days- of course now they are CD's. I found I can listen to Led Zepplin and enjoy it without feeling afraid of getting "possessed" or worse. Even newer music is OK, but not rap. Some call it an art form, I just could never see it..
Even Jazz, or country-western sounds OK- blues, almost anything.
For the past several years, I have refused to open a PFAL book, blue book, green book, orange book, etc., but I still open my bible.
I don't take a whole lot at face value. Somebody claims they can jump over the moon, I expect to see THEM do it first- even if it "hurts their feelings". They made the claim, not me. But I'm usually nice- don't try to goad them or anything.. some cases, it may have to come to that though.
I think I found out that the world was still, actually THERE- didn't go anywhere.
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skyrider
In terms of "Finding Yourself"...... I found this study interesting.
Topping the list of psychological needs, a study finds 1) autonomy, 2) competence, 3) relatedness and 4) self esteem emerging as the most important.
"Attaining popularity or influence and money or luxury is not what makes people the happiest and is at the bottom of the list of psychological needs, according to a new study. Topping the list of needs that appear to bring happiness are autonomy (feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence(feeling that you are effective in your activities), relatedness(feeling a sense of closeness with others), and self-esteem."
These findings appear in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA).
Getting away from cult-influences would be THE FIRST STEP.....I might add.
:D-->
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