I used to joke about my son marrying the daughter of a friend in the Family Corps, but it was only because I thought she was just about the coolest, smartest, kindest little girl I'd ever known. I could picture her growing up to be an awesome woman, and I was right!
But she's married and my son is single, so my fantasy didn't pan out.
Maybe in the Family Corps it was different, but we didn't get pressured much on this subject that I recall. I noticed it more when I went on staff at HQ.
I do remember Mrs. W's "Hearts Club." I never joined, but I wasn't all that hot on getting married again. It was sort of a matchmaking service for Corps, if I'm remembering correctly. I think one of my coworkers signed up, and she did get married--still happily last I knew.
"it didn't matter if you didn't have feelings towards the other corps person, any two believers could make it together especially corps."
I saw this practiced. It was so obviously an absured idea I can't belive we bought it. I saw some people who had no business even dating , get engaged. There was one woman who would hook up with someone from Emporia who would be at Rome City for a semester, she'd end up engaged and it would break up within months. I also used to work the "corps weddings" every year. Two years in a row a couple called it off the night before. So we had to make new programs, a new cake, new seating chart, adjust the menu, etc with a few hours notice. We always pulled it off but what a pain in the butt. If any two corps can work it out then why didn't they? Many many break ups, many divorces.
One of the many reasons I'm happy to be OUT is that I had a nice wedding that ceebrated our love and our families. Not some mass wedding full of perfect strangers.
i married one of the most wonderful fabulous people i know (to this day) but it was wrong. part of it was we would be great "moving the word together" and part of it was we were both just ummmmmm screwed up.... and in a cult together..... ;)-->
My time in residence.....I was in head over heels love with a corps brother of mine. We spent every spare minute together.
My last year in residence, one of the coodinators (whose father was the Trustee over International Outreach) decided that I should marry a guy from my younger corps...the 15th corps. His brother was a corps grad and a country coordinator. She sent us LEAD TOGETHER, LIGHTBEARERS together, and got us into every twig and inresidence situation she could TOGETHER.
NOW...that guy was was wonderful, smart, and great at everything he did....BUT.....there was no way in HELL that he and I were ever gonna get married. She was very disappointed. She spoke to me often about it years later.
Whatever *spirit* was talking to some of those folks......was NOT a spirit that I would want directing anything about my life........ps......
David.....I hope you are reading this and that you and Cheryl are happy.
Many were married with the concept that any two believers could make a marriage work though reality shows that many Way sponsored marriages flopped about as often , if not more frequently, than people outside of TWI. Its not surprising once you understand that meeting someone at the Rock or encountering someone at a Heartbeat festival, or while on Lightbearers , or at the Advanced Class is hardly the equivalent of a seasoned relationship wherein people take time to get to know one another before taking the vows.
Like many here I know of lots of quickie (And arranged) Way marriages that ended in accusations of possession or someone being a "copout". Its yet another example of TWI meddling in the lives of its followers. Obviously there were some longlasting marriages and good for them ! Congratulations that you could make it last under such circumstances and scrutiny from way leaders and their suckup yes men. Of course we all know that some Way leaders had a totally different concept of "marriage" than that which is commonly held by the average joe. Basically if you are a head honcho the its okay to sample from the flock. No - not everyone did but enough did to make it a problem for those who actually respect the institution of marriage.
The arranged and quickie marriages in TWI were
basically enocuraged to keep couples in TWI. They didn't want "salespeople" (aka ambassadors) for PFAL to wander off and marry an unbeliever because that might be a possible distraction for the Way person and thus prevent the spread of PFAL (and the money it generated). I had a friend who married another Way person only after having known them 3 weeks. It was a disaster though instead of walking away from it with the understanding that it was too soon it degraded into a bitter, insult contest with local Way "clergy" blaming them both for not being in fellowship and allowing the adversary to steal away their happiness.
quote:It was a disaster though instead of walking away from it with the understanding that it was too soon it degraded into a bitter, insult contest with local Way "clergy" blaming them both for not being in fellowship and allowing the adversary to steal away their happiness.
I suppose my beloved and I were an "arranged marriage" of sorts. We both had a mutual 9th corps friend who hooked us up, behind our backs, of course.
After we got engaged, she said to me, "You guys are going to have beautiful babies together."
I have to admit, she was right. :)-->
We have beautiful teenage children, and I have to say, I still enjoy being with my dearly beloved. Life is good sometimes, even when one has a checkered cult past. ;)-->
I was never pressured to marry TWI girls/women, but I was to at least date them. There were single girls and women in my area, some that were pretty cute but lacking between the ears (sorry if any of you are who I am talking about!) I didn't get yelled at for dating girls outside of TWI until I moved to Georgia and my twig leader basically told us single guys that he would have to shoot us if we got too attached to non-TWI women.
"... If any two corps can work it out then why didn't they? Many many break ups, many divorces."
And to think, they so often did not want non-corpse to marry, insisting that only corpse-grads could fully understand the comment required. But then to see such a high divorce rate.
My Ps were told by thier leader that he "could see them getting married". Later they talked over thier goals, went on one date, and got married just before we went out WOW as a new family. YIKES!
My bro and sis-in-law were married after graduating from the kork. His whole kork seemed to be pressured a little to get married. I think he wanted to get married to two other ladies but they both were dropped before anything cam of it.
Seems I'm the only one in our family who married for love.
I thought I wanted to marry twice while an innie. One split after the second session of the WAP Class, the other was long distance and broke it off with me on my bithday shortly before I was to move to her area. Thanks for saving me the plane fare. While we were dating and after my leaders were telling me to date someone in our area or our state. That left me with a choice of two or three girls, all late teens or under twenty one. At the time the maturity gap was significant. Not a lot of choices.
Perhaps the lack of available ladies made it easier for me to leave. I for my brothers it would be a lot harder for them to leave (even though they seem to want to, at least to me) because they are either married to gung ho women or are in a serious relationship with a hard core innie.
This wasn't an arranged marriage but rather an arranged date. My in-residence twig coordinater arranged a date for me. (I was very unhappy about it) Anyway, we went out and he expected something from me that I was not about to give.
The next day I was reprooved (by my in-residence twig coordinaters) for not taking care of his needs. UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about making me sick, AAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
I think the leaders in my area were working double time trying to get me and my ex together. They were always making comments to each one of us separately about the other one and encouraging a relationship. It was when they quit trying to set us up that we started noticing one another.
Now that I think back on it, though. I wonder if he didn't just want to be married and I was one of the only single girls his age in the area. He expected me to change so much that between he and TWI I really did become a different person. I think maybe I was in TWI and about the right age and so he figured he would make me into the woman he really wanted to love. :(-->
There was extreme pressur on the single people I knew to find someone in TWI to marry. People would meet someone at a function and move to live closer to them, then it didn't work out and they would go through the same steps.
Heck, TWI won't even marry two people when one of them isn't in TWI. And it's very rare for them to approve of a marriage when they aren't both advanced class grads! Naw....it's not legalistic.....it's not a cult...it's all in your imagination.
During my last ten years in TWI, we had so few people in our area that dating wayfers exclusively was difficult. Most of the single guys were in their late teens or early twenties, the single women were mostly divorced women in the late thirties with kids.
What they did do was put pressure on people to bring the folks they were dating to TWI events, fun nights, picnics, and then fellowships. If they didn't want what TWI was selling, they should be dumped.
The last WayAP class that was run while I was still in consisted of, in addition to children of grads, two girlfriends of grads.
I met not all, but enough of the criteria necessary to become a corpes *spouse*
It was so wierd, like a check list...
Adv class grad, check...multiple wow years check....way homes check....twig coordinator check..... app. corpse ...physically fit ...commitment level acceptable...etc.
Silly me....it never occured to me while being persued, that spouse didn`t actually *love* me.....I later realised (when I read a page in his journal) that I was simply the most *qualified* single female in the area at the time that he happened to be looking for a wife....sigh
You know, the old *any two believers can make a marriage work* doctrine.....what a crock
The pressure was intollerable once chosen, (not by him, but twi) to be that *virtuous* woman....worthey of the title corpes *spouse*... any mistakes made reflected on the hubands spirituality....ugh
I completely remolded myself into what the ministry defined as a good wife (read empty bobble headed doll...smiling vacantly forever nodding my head in mindless agreement....no personality or opinion allowed please......managed to swallow the hurts and dissapointments....endured the cruelty that living with an alcoholic allowed to run unchecked brings.....I completely lost myself...He has suffered his share of dissapointments in me as well....
By the time we left twi, and realised how completely mismatched we were..... we had several small children and were unable to seperate.
Our marriage is such a comedy..... lol.....there have been good things, like the fact he saw the crapo before I did...and got us safely out of twi..... ( I never would have made it out alone, being the kool aid drinking little lifer that I was) We have *grown up* .... have allowed each other to become the people that we truly were ....and even arrived at a mutual respect and caring for one another.....wow, it isn`t easy by any means (torturous comes to mind lol) ....nor is it always pretty, I know that both of us will always wonder *what if* ...it seems so sad to spend so much of ones life simply learning how to *endure* one another.
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Linda Z
I used to joke about my son marrying the daughter of a friend in the Family Corps, but it was only because I thought she was just about the coolest, smartest, kindest little girl I'd ever known. I could picture her growing up to be an awesome woman, and I was right!
But she's married and my son is single, so my fantasy didn't pan out.
Maybe in the Family Corps it was different, but we didn't get pressured much on this subject that I recall. I noticed it more when I went on staff at HQ.
I do remember Mrs. W's "Hearts Club." I never joined, but I wasn't all that hot on getting married again. It was sort of a matchmaking service for Corps, if I'm remembering correctly. I think one of my coworkers signed up, and she did get married--still happily last I knew.
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WhiteDove
I can't think of anyplace where this was not prevalent
:(-->
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Georgio Jessio
"it didn't matter if you didn't have feelings towards the other corps person, any two believers could make it together especially corps."
I saw this practiced. It was so obviously an absured idea I can't belive we bought it. I saw some people who had no business even dating , get engaged. There was one woman who would hook up with someone from Emporia who would be at Rome City for a semester, she'd end up engaged and it would break up within months. I also used to work the "corps weddings" every year. Two years in a row a couple called it off the night before. So we had to make new programs, a new cake, new seating chart, adjust the menu, etc with a few hours notice. We always pulled it off but what a pain in the butt. If any two corps can work it out then why didn't they? Many many break ups, many divorces.
One of the many reasons I'm happy to be OUT is that I had a nice wedding that ceebrated our love and our families. Not some mass wedding full of perfect strangers.
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Shellon
We were never corps, thank you God.
I am now a widow/single mom and another mom at our kids schools and I have decided that our children should marry, after college and they are both 28.
We told them. They think we're fulla it.
We don't care.
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excathedra
i married one of the most wonderful fabulous people i know (to this day) but it was wrong. part of it was we would be great "moving the word together" and part of it was we were both just ummmmmm screwed up.... and in a cult together.....
;)-->
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Radar OReilly
Oh God Exxie I hear ya,
My time in residence.....I was in head over heels love with a corps brother of mine. We spent every spare minute together.
My last year in residence, one of the coodinators (whose father was the Trustee over International Outreach) decided that I should marry a guy from my younger corps...the 15th corps. His brother was a corps grad and a country coordinator. She sent us LEAD TOGETHER, LIGHTBEARERS together, and got us into every twig and inresidence situation she could TOGETHER.
NOW...that guy was was wonderful, smart, and great at everything he did....BUT.....there was no way in HELL that he and I were ever gonna get married. She was very disappointed. She spoke to me often about it years later.
Whatever *spirit* was talking to some of those folks......was NOT a spirit that I would want directing anything about my life........ps......
David.....I hope you are reading this and that you and Cheryl are happy.
Radar
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waterbuffalo
Who was the 11th Corps couple that JAL fixed up right before graduation who got married? Had 1-3 dates and got engaged. Anybody remember that one?
I always wondered if they are still together. Last I heard they had kids.
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excathedra
i dont' know wb
but does anyone remember harve ? and peg ? and the lady in red behind it ?
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washingtonweather
I do remember a race to be in the Corpse Weddings in Emporia for the 12th....my gosh...I was a "photographer"
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diazbro
Many were married with the concept that any two believers could make a marriage work though reality shows that many Way sponsored marriages flopped about as often , if not more frequently, than people outside of TWI. Its not surprising once you understand that meeting someone at the Rock or encountering someone at a Heartbeat festival, or while on Lightbearers , or at the Advanced Class is hardly the equivalent of a seasoned relationship wherein people take time to get to know one another before taking the vows.
Like many here I know of lots of quickie (And arranged) Way marriages that ended in accusations of possession or someone being a "copout". Its yet another example of TWI meddling in the lives of its followers. Obviously there were some longlasting marriages and good for them ! Congratulations that you could make it last under such circumstances and scrutiny from way leaders and their suckup yes men. Of course we all know that some Way leaders had a totally different concept of "marriage" than that which is commonly held by the average joe. Basically if you are a head honcho the its okay to sample from the flock. No - not everyone did but enough did to make it a problem for those who actually respect the institution of marriage.
The arranged and quickie marriages in TWI were
basically enocuraged to keep couples in TWI. They didn't want "salespeople" (aka ambassadors) for PFAL to wander off and marry an unbeliever because that might be a possible distraction for the Way person and thus prevent the spread of PFAL (and the money it generated). I had a friend who married another Way person only after having known them 3 weeks. It was a disaster though instead of walking away from it with the understanding that it was too soon it degraded into a bitter, insult contest with local Way "clergy" blaming them both for not being in fellowship and allowing the adversary to steal away their happiness.
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excathedra
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Zshot
On the flip side...
This happened to me a couple times...
A "VERY" strong relationship was developing with different wc girls at different points in time...
Because I had no desire to go wc... I was dumped. I know that they did marry somebody in the wc.
I hope that they are/were happy with the decisions that they made. Every once in a while I still think about them and wonder...
What if?...
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excathedra
i imagine they wonder "what if...." and are sorry
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GeorgeStGeorge
No offense to Zshot, but I hope the women are happily married. Heck, he couldn't have married BOTH of them, anyway!
George
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ex10
I suppose my beloved and I were an "arranged marriage" of sorts. We both had a mutual 9th corps friend who hooked us up, behind our backs, of course.
After we got engaged, she said to me, "You guys are going to have beautiful babies together."
I have to admit, she was right.
:)-->
We have beautiful teenage children, and I have to say, I still enjoy being with my dearly beloved. Life is good sometimes, even when one has a checkered cult past.
;)-->
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excathedra
just because you guys can renew your minds sis ex .....
;)-->
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Mister P-Mosh
I was never pressured to marry TWI girls/women, but I was to at least date them. There were single girls and women in my area, some that were pretty cute but lacking between the ears (sorry if any of you are who I am talking about!) I didn't get yelled at for dating girls outside of TWI until I moved to Georgia and my twig leader basically told us single guys that he would have to shoot us if we got too attached to non-TWI women.
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Galen
Georgio Jessio:
"... If any two corps can work it out then why didn't they? Many many break ups, many divorces."
And to think, they so often did not want non-corpse to marry, insisting that only corpse-grads could fully understand the comment required. But then to see such a high divorce rate.
:-)
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lindyhopper
My Ps were told by thier leader that he "could see them getting married". Later they talked over thier goals, went on one date, and got married just before we went out WOW as a new family. YIKES!
My bro and sis-in-law were married after graduating from the kork. His whole kork seemed to be pressured a little to get married. I think he wanted to get married to two other ladies but they both were dropped before anything cam of it.
Seems I'm the only one in our family who married for love.
I thought I wanted to marry twice while an innie. One split after the second session of the WAP Class, the other was long distance and broke it off with me on my bithday shortly before I was to move to her area. Thanks for saving me the plane fare. While we were dating and after my leaders were telling me to date someone in our area or our state. That left me with a choice of two or three girls, all late teens or under twenty one. At the time the maturity gap was significant. Not a lot of choices.
Perhaps the lack of available ladies made it easier for me to leave. I for my brothers it would be a lot harder for them to leave (even though they seem to want to, at least to me) because they are either married to gung ho women or are in a serious relationship with a hard core innie.
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gladtobeout
This wasn't an arranged marriage but rather an arranged date. My in-residence twig coordinater arranged a date for me. (I was very unhappy about it) Anyway, we went out and he expected something from me that I was not about to give.
The next day I was reprooved (by my in-residence twig coordinaters) for not taking care of his needs. UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about making me sick, AAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
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Belle
I think the leaders in my area were working double time trying to get me and my ex together. They were always making comments to each one of us separately about the other one and encouraging a relationship. It was when they quit trying to set us up that we started noticing one another.
Now that I think back on it, though. I wonder if he didn't just want to be married and I was one of the only single girls his age in the area. He expected me to change so much that between he and TWI I really did become a different person. I think maybe I was in TWI and about the right age and so he figured he would make me into the woman he really wanted to love.
:(-->
There was extreme pressur on the single people I knew to find someone in TWI to marry. People would meet someone at a function and move to live closer to them, then it didn't work out and they would go through the same steps.
Heck, TWI won't even marry two people when one of them isn't in TWI. And it's very rare for them to approve of a marriage when they aren't both advanced class grads! Naw....it's not legalistic.....it's not a cult...it's all in your imagination.
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Oakspear
During my last ten years in TWI, we had so few people in our area that dating wayfers exclusively was difficult. Most of the single guys were in their late teens or early twenties, the single women were mostly divorced women in the late thirties with kids.
What they did do was put pressure on people to bring the folks they were dating to TWI events, fun nights, picnics, and then fellowships. If they didn't want what TWI was selling, they should be dumped.
The last WayAP class that was run while I was still in consisted of, in addition to children of grads, two girlfriends of grads.
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rascal
Yeah Bell, I feel as if I were in the same boat.
I met not all, but enough of the criteria necessary to become a corpes *spouse*
It was so wierd, like a check list...
Adv class grad, check...multiple wow years check....way homes check....twig coordinator check..... app. corpse ...physically fit ...commitment level acceptable...etc.
Silly me....it never occured to me while being persued, that spouse didn`t actually *love* me.....I later realised (when I read a page in his journal) that I was simply the most *qualified* single female in the area at the time that he happened to be looking for a wife....sigh
You know, the old *any two believers can make a marriage work* doctrine.....what a crock
The pressure was intollerable once chosen, (not by him, but twi) to be that *virtuous* woman....worthey of the title corpes *spouse*... any mistakes made reflected on the hubands spirituality....ugh
I completely remolded myself into what the ministry defined as a good wife (read empty bobble headed doll...smiling vacantly forever nodding my head in mindless agreement....no personality or opinion allowed please......managed to swallow the hurts and dissapointments....endured the cruelty that living with an alcoholic allowed to run unchecked brings.....I completely lost myself...He has suffered his share of dissapointments in me as well....
By the time we left twi, and realised how completely mismatched we were..... we had several small children and were unable to seperate.
Our marriage is such a comedy..... lol.....there have been good things, like the fact he saw the crapo before I did...and got us safely out of twi..... ( I never would have made it out alone, being the kool aid drinking little lifer that I was) We have *grown up* .... have allowed each other to become the people that we truly were ....and even arrived at a mutual respect and caring for one another.....wow, it isn`t easy by any means (torturous comes to mind lol) ....nor is it always pretty, I know that both of us will always wonder *what if* ...it seems so sad to spend so much of ones life simply learning how to *endure* one another.
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rascal
Glad to be out...EEEEEEEEEYUUUUCKY!!!!!!
Unfu--ing be LIEVE able....You were repoved for not putting out????
My God when the the horney perve didn`t *get some* ...he had to sulk and pout to somone?????? Actually TATTLED on you to your tc????
If it wasn`t so awfull, it would be hysterically funny!
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