As for your business, I don't believe its the devil but maybe you need to get some advice from an expert or look at your advertising. There are many different reasons your business is on the downside.
For your personal life I would say try to have fun, don't punish yourself and keep your mind open. Once you do that life can be a lot of excitement.
What I mean by punish is that when I first let twi I had a lot of twi thinking in me. Thought I had to abundant share 20 percent or something dreadful would happen to me. Well, thought something dreadful would happen because I left anyways. Everything was so negative. I looked for devil spirits around the corners constantly. Geez, I had turned into a paranoid fanatic being in twi and didn't realize it.
I had trouble making friends because I had gotten into twi as a teen and in twi you have instant so called friends that will turn on you at a drop in a hat. To me that is not being a friend. I would rather have one friend that would do anything for me and vice versa than have ten friends that are really enemies.
It took me time to get rid of the rose colored glasses but once I did I really enjoyed life here on earth..... I don't have to worry about being possessed or the devil after me. I can be me. Volunteer somewhere or take college classes to find out what your interests are.
I have read your post, and while I have no practical answers, I am sure of one thing...you are welcome here at the cafe. So many people come and there's always room for another. And, I think I can say without hesitation that those here that do pray will be happy to add you to their list. There is even a prayer forum where you can ask specifically if you have concerns, too.
You're in a difficult and troubling time. But, come in and sit down...the coffee's delightful (if a little strong). Take the time to get to know us better!
quote: The sermon was on the parables about being lost then found (the shepherd leaving the 99 to look for the lost sheep)
Keep reading. In the same chapter later a disgraced son comes back to his father willing to take the lowest position available only to be honored and restored. You may feel like God won't spit in your direction. You sound like it. He will. Umm...what I mean is...no matter how unworthy you feel in asking God to help your business, do it anyway. It really sounds to me like you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders. ASK GOD TO HELP YOU!
Welcome Another Spot!!!! So glad you are here and on the road to recovery. Some of us have been out a lot longer, some shorter and still have waybrain troubles! NO WORRIES!
All I can do for you is #1 pray for you.
and #2 tell you what "I" did.
I have only been out 2 years. And for the first few months it was awful, like you said, no direction........I learned about the Way and all the evils by coming here to GS, then told our fellowship, sianara! Never looked back.
But, with that came many unanswered questions and doubts.
So, I got on my knees. Basically asked God to show me where to go and what to do. He did.
Now,I am spiritually the happiest I have ever been.
So, if you have a heart for the Lord, which it sounds like you do. Then, go to Him. (ASK HIM, like Johniam said).
I had to let all waybrain fall to the ''wayside'' and start over.
Going to church is scary.
But only when you measure everything said by the Way stick!
I tried not to do it. Allowed God to talk to me in the place I was. Not every Church is the same. So, He may tell me to leave the one, and go to another.
my fav verse is Prov 3~ " TRUST in the Lord with all your heart.................Lean not on YOUR own understanding...................in
ALL YOUR ways acknowledge HIM...........................HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS."
It was the anthem to my Way exit.
I can't give biz advise except what Vickles suggested.
If you are letting God lead you though, HE may tell you to get out of that biz............who knows?
Welcome! You will find decent chat here, the odd disagreement and lots to help you. You sound as if you have been lurking for a while - take the time to read the articles here. Some are really helpful. You will know the truth about TWI and the truth will set you free. Read whatever you can, drop off the waybrain and you will really see things come together. (Be warned though, this site can be addictive as you start to get healed.)
What turned people onto Jesus Christ was his COMPASSION for them. It's Christ in you - so *have some compassion for yourself.*
Maybe the sermon felt intellectual because there was no ranting and hissy fits. Just remember who DID NOT go after the lost sheep but rather sent them out to get lost.
God has a great big hug for you and he wants you to hang out with him again. Welcome back, he says. Yeah, really. He's not wanting to condemn you but to help you. Just take time to listen; He has your recovery plan all worked out. Spit on that mean TWI voice that says you're not worth talking to.
In 6 months my own life turned from abject misery and utter despair, to brilliance, enthusiasm, and tremendous success. So many things have happened that they can ONLY be of Godl Life's a real thrill.
He wants this for you too. Looking forward to seeing your post in six months saying that business is booming, you are looking for extra space and you need extra staff to help you cope.
"God has a great big hug for you and he wants you to hang out with him again". I really liked that one. Other comments too.
I spent a lot of time on Way Dale. That helped a lot. Then shut it all off and refused to think about it anymore. Went to Grease Spot a few times. Guess it's time to do more now.
As for the business, I own a video store. I should have done more homework before I started. If I had, I would not have started it. And yep, I've consulted with experts. It's just a very competitive business and the big boys keep offering deals that lose money to compete with each other. Us smaller ones don't have the bucks to do that. That's why you don't see many independents. We don't get the big discounts on movies, either.
"Lean not unto thine own understanding". That whole verse has been my theme song for a week now. And, I guess that's partly what brought me back to Grease Spot and to church. My own understanding isn't enough. I need time with folks who've been through TWI because no one else gets it. I need time with those who never have. Because they never have.
I hope to give something back to you some time. Today I needed something. Thanks for giving it to me.
Welcome to GS... I know you will find some comfort and some answers here.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your feelings. It was very refreshing.
And no be worried about your life. Things have a way of sorting themselves out. Just don't get yourself into that way mind disease that is "it must be something WRONG i'm doing" vortex. Just keep doing what you know to do is right and your peace and answers will come.
I’m still reluctant to read the Bible. I don’t trust my own conclusions because I still don’t know how much of what I think is Waybrain, what is right or wrong. I prefer to stay away from doctrinal stuff and stick to inspirational or comforting things.
.............I would appreciate prayers. Anyone else been here? How did you get out?
Welcome "another spot'....
I hesitate to speak for anyone else on GS because of the diversity of each persons experiences, but I can share mine with you. I had many of the same questions as you. After my wife and I left TWI (or were dropp kicked), we searched for a home church or somewhere to worship all the while trying to get as far away from TWI's doctrine and mannerisims as possible. Not that all the doctrine was bad, but in my opinion the good was destroyed by all the wacko stuff that was allowed to occur.
One thing that I could never embrace in the Christian culture is the 'trinity'. TWI taught that God and Jesus are not the same person, and that I have taken with me (although even as a young child I never believed that anyway). The problem that my wife and I have found is trying to find a home church that does not cram the trinity down your throat. For this reason, we actually now have embraced the Messianic faith (Jewish failth that accepts Jesus as the Messiah) and found that to be a nice fit. TWI (at least in my experience) always taught that the 'old testimate' doesnt apply to us' and thus put all the attention on 'the new testimate'. I dont agree with that and feel cheated now because I never learned anything about the old testimate within TWI. Maybe that was not the case anywhere else in TWI but that was at least my experience.
I guess to make a long story short, God is still God - no matter how distorted TWI made Him, and Christ still sits on His right hand. If you can dismiss everything else and start again with that as your building block and begin to study the bible for yourself, you will begin to build a relationship with God the way He wants you too.
I hope this helps....thanks for tolerating my long winded post....
I go to a church now because I asked the Lord for a church who manifested the POWER of God. I thought of asking a certain group and they gave me a name so I went. Been going 3 years now (when I feel like it--no pressure; sometimes don't know if I'll go until the Lord wakes me Sunday morning). Boy can this lady preach the Word! I love it! Of course she thinks Jesus is God, but she doesn't preach on it...she knows I don't and didn't bat an eye. She loves people, she serves people, she feeds the homeless and visits prisons and orphanages and has a half-way house for those getting out of jail and I get to serve in any or all that I want at any time. What a blessing! What a difference from the wealthy church I grew up in----very little serving people) and what a difference from late TWI years (early years were much bettter)----in LOVING all people! My point: as has been said, ask the Lord what to do and then obey. I thought I was going for one reason, but I'm there for another. He knew that! :-)
Jesus has never left you or forsaken you. so....climb back into Daddy's arms and start all over again!! It's wonderful!!!
maybe so much so it froze your heart because it hurt so much...we lost a lot when we found out how corrupt it was. It hurt me like crazy.
I couldn't really find anyone to talk to 'cept here. Even hubby and I went through things at different times.
All that said, I am not a business advisor, but have owned business. In the past ours always led back the idea we weren't really happy doing whatever it was. Ended up getting it organized and contacted a broker who sold it for us. I can tell you more if you want...let me know--
I know that God does give a poop and it sounds like you are intent are figuring all this out...so your solution is right around the bend.
My approach to this may be different from what you're used to.
Let me deal with the business end first [For context - I've been a serial entrepreneur since 1979, a business coach since 1994 and for 15 years I've owned and supported myself with a company that is not a video store but is around the same business so I know the problems you are facing.]
Disclaimer - I don't know your entire situation so I can't really give advice - consider this education.
The video store business sucks. It's a dying industry and impossible for independents (with a few exceptions base on being in a very unique neighborhood or something like that). If I were in that end of the business I'd get out as quickly as possible. Cut my losses and run. Far away.
That means you should probably get a job. Get one that is not stressful and pays the bills. If it takes some time to disentangle from the store, get a part time job mean while.
As for the rest of your life, [My context here is I spent 16 years of my life in the way. Was in the 5th way corps, was clergy, worked in the field as branch and area leaders and lived on staff. I knew VPW and LCM personally]. I got out many years ago and have rebuilt my life in a way that is better and more fulfilling than any I could imagine when I was in - that includes my business and financial success but more importantly my family and personal success.
You've been traumatized, emotionally and psychologically. It's as bad (maybe worse) than being in a debilitating accident. Put as much effort into rehabilitation as if you got a leg blown off in Iraq. And foregive yourself as well. By that I mean don't think it's your fault. You got taken advantage of. Focus on the future and rebuilding. It's not something you can do alone. Get a good therapist. One who's worked with people harmed by cults. It will take some consistent hard work, but you'll make progress and it will happen. Focus on small improvements. They add up quickly if you focus on them, they seem trivial if you try to focus on the big picture too soon.
I would forget about spirituality and reading the bible. Build your life back. Food, clothing, shelter. A job or work that's at first not stressful and ultimately satisfying. Friends, family, people you like and even love and who like or love you back. The idea that you much have a spiritual aspect to your life to be whole is, in my opinion not true. And it's an idea that has been used to trick and traumatized a lot of people throughout history. I know many here may not agree with me but that's the way I see it. Frankly, what you've been doing recently hasn't been working. No shame in that. We all go down rabbit holes for a while. Now it's time to try something else. I'd try rehab - career wise, and psychologically.
Welcome to GSC, Another Spot [that has to be one of the coolest names I’ve seen on GSC!]…Lots of good advice on this thread…you certainly have my prayers…and I do have some idea of what you’re experiencing. I left TWI over 20 years ago. The first few years out I’d spent a considerable amount of time and energy wrestling with the TWI-mindset in my belief system – I am a Christian...I’ve joined GSC about a year ago and still find TWIt-brain still raises its ugly stupid head once and awhile in the way I react to something…I guess it’s a healing process I’m experiencing as I exercise my thinking skills – good therapy at GSC. Back in TWI I willingly put on their intellectual straitjacket – and all that did was reduce my mental processor to a sponge – I would absorb instead of analyze.
Your statement, “I still have no idea how to approach life on a day to day basis from a spiritual perspective” reminded me of something I read in a Stephen Covey book: The closer our mental map is to reality – the more valuable it becomes. He says something like how useless a map of downtown Chicago would be – if you’re lost in Manhattan…I think there’s something to Covey’s idea. I’m a Christian and believe the Bible is God’s Word. Where I screwed up was in accepting TWI’s re-mapping of reality by their interpretation of the Bible – where God and life can be explained and controlled by rules, formulas, principles, spiritual enlightenment. When you leave TWI – unless you hold on to their goofy perspective – reality has a way of smacking you upside the head!
A mental map of reality is different for everyone. Even if we’re both Christian – your take on the Bible will be different from mine. There’s times when I feel lost – wonder what’s going on when my world seems to collapse. I view the Bible as something that helps me connect with God and to enjoy His presence while I’m on this journey [life].
I think in TWI we bought into a fantasy that life can and should be wonderful all the time.
But it is not. Every life has good times and bad. And lots of times we are contributors to the good or the bad, but not always, because chaotic things we don't control happen. Like accidents, or unexpected inheritances.
In TWI we believed we were responsible for all of it--even the stuff that hit out of the blue. So not only did we have the pressure caused by the life experience, we also had inner and outer pressure of our belief system and fellow believers.
No wonder people were anxious and depressed, trying to figure out how they made some chaotic event happen. And then if we did fail in some way, it was huge. We let down God by not believing...
Remember the non Way wedding vows, for better for worse, in sickness and in health etc? In TWi we refused accept that bad times happen to good people. But they do, all the time, all through human history. No one has found the magic cure all to make life all UP and never DOWN.
And if it was all Up, would we appreciate it? Isn't one of the sweet things about good times the knowledge that life could be bad or hurtful?
I am sorry for your tough times, Another Spot. I do hope things will get better soon.
My approach to this may be different from what you're used to.
Let me deal with the business end first [For context - I've been a serial entrepreneur since 1979, a business coach since 1994 and for 15 years I've owned and supported myself with a company that is not a video store but is around the same business so I know the problems you are facing.]
Disclaimer - I don't know your entire situation so I can't really give advice - consider this education.
The video store business sucks. It's a dying industry and impossible for independents (with a few exceptions base on being in a very unique neighborhood or something like that). If I were in that end of the business I'd get out as quickly as possible. Cut my losses and run. Far away.
That means you should probably get a job. Get one that is not stressful and pays the bills. If it takes some time to disentangle from the store, get a part time job mean while.
As for the rest of your life, [My context here is I spent 16 years of my life in the way. Was in the 5th way corps, was clergy, worked in the field as branch and area leaders and lived on staff. I knew VPW and LCM personally]. I got out many years ago and have rebuilt my life in a way that is better and more fulfilling than any I could imagine when I was in - that includes my business and financial success but more importantly my family and personal success.
You've been traumatized, emotionally and psychologically. It's as bad (maybe worse) than being in a debilitating accident. Put as much effort into rehabilitation as if you got a leg blown off in Iraq. And foregive yourself as well. By that I mean don't think it's your fault. You got taken advantage of. Focus on the future and rebuilding. It's not something you can do alone. Get a good therapist. One who's worked with people harmed by cults. It will take some consistent hard work, but you'll make progress and it will happen. Focus on small improvements. They add up quickly if you focus on them, they seem trivial if you try to focus on the big picture too soon.
I would forget about spirituality and reading the bible. Build your life back. Food, clothing, shelter. A job or work that's at first not stressful and ultimately satisfying. Friends, family, people you like and even love and who like or love you back. The idea that you much have a spiritual aspect to your life to be whole is, in my opinion not true. And it's an idea that has been used to trick and traumatized a lot of people throughout history. I know many here may not agree with me but that's the way I see it. Frankly, what you've been doing recently hasn't been working. No shame in that. We all go down rabbit holes for a while. Now it's time to try something else. I'd try rehab - career wise, and psychologically.
Best wishes. Hope that helps.
My Three Cents has great advice. I did get a therapist who happened to be a nun who got out of the catholic church and married and had kids. She totally understood the whole aspect of what I was going through with my life. It was great to have a therapist that totally understood!!!!! So yes I agree with everything that my 3 cents said. Don't worry about the spiritual side just yet. Get your personal everyday stuff together first and then take a peek at the spiritual if you feel you have to.
I am closing the store, I have actually been thinking about it for around a month. I called today and ordered the utilities turned off at the end of March. At first I felt sad, now I just feel relieved.
I wasn't recognizing waybrain till I started this thread. When business first started slowing down a year ago I blamed myself for not knowing enough. I studied marketing, all kinds of things. Then when things started getting really hairy I decided it was spiritual. You know the rest....
Anyway, it will be a major relief to get my life back. Normal hours (not 12 hour days 6 days a week). Do something that doesn't consume me 24/7. I am going to plant some flowers. I am going to take a week off.
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likeaneagle
I HEAR YA!
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vickles
Hello and welcome.
As for your business, I don't believe its the devil but maybe you need to get some advice from an expert or look at your advertising. There are many different reasons your business is on the downside.
For your personal life I would say try to have fun, don't punish yourself and keep your mind open. Once you do that life can be a lot of excitement.
What I mean by punish is that when I first let twi I had a lot of twi thinking in me. Thought I had to abundant share 20 percent or something dreadful would happen to me. Well, thought something dreadful would happen because I left anyways. Everything was so negative. I looked for devil spirits around the corners constantly. Geez, I had turned into a paranoid fanatic being in twi and didn't realize it.
I had trouble making friends because I had gotten into twi as a teen and in twi you have instant so called friends that will turn on you at a drop in a hat. To me that is not being a friend. I would rather have one friend that would do anything for me and vice versa than have ten friends that are really enemies.
It took me time to get rid of the rose colored glasses but once I did I really enjoyed life here on earth.....
I don't have to worry about being possessed or the devil after me. I can be me. Volunteer somewhere or take college classes to find out what your interests are.
Congratulations!!!!
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QuietThinker
Hello, Another Spot!
I have read your post, and while I have no practical answers, I am sure of one thing...you are welcome here at the cafe. So many people come and there's always room for another. And, I think I can say without hesitation that those here that do pray will be happy to add you to their list. There is even a prayer forum where you can ask specifically if you have concerns, too.
You're in a difficult and troubling time. But, come in and sit down...the coffee's delightful (if a little strong). Take the time to get to know us better!
Yours welcomingly,
~QT
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johniam
quote: The sermon was on the parables about being lost then found (the shepherd leaving the 99 to look for the lost sheep)
Keep reading. In the same chapter later a disgraced son comes back to his father willing to take the lowest position available only to be honored and restored. You may feel like God won't spit in your direction. You sound like it. He will. Umm...what I mean is...no matter how unworthy you feel in asking God to help your business, do it anyway. It really sounds to me like you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders. ASK GOD TO HELP YOU!
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bliss
Welcome Another Spot!!!! So glad you are here and on the road to recovery. Some of us have been out a lot longer, some shorter and still have waybrain troubles! NO WORRIES!
All I can do for you is #1 pray for you.
and #2 tell you what "I" did.
I have only been out 2 years. And for the first few months it was awful, like you said, no direction........I learned about the Way and all the evils by coming here to GS, then told our fellowship, sianara! Never looked back.
But, with that came many unanswered questions and doubts.
So, I got on my knees. Basically asked God to show me where to go and what to do. He did.
Now,I am spiritually the happiest I have ever been.
So, if you have a heart for the Lord, which it sounds like you do. Then, go to Him. (ASK HIM, like Johniam said).
I had to let all waybrain fall to the ''wayside'' and start over.
Going to church is scary.
But only when you measure everything said by the Way stick!
I tried not to do it. Allowed God to talk to me in the place I was. Not every Church is the same. So, He may tell me to leave the one, and go to another.
my fav verse is Prov 3~ " TRUST in the Lord with all your heart.................Lean not on YOUR own understanding...................in
ALL YOUR ways acknowledge HIM...........................HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS."
It was the anthem to my Way exit.
I can't give biz advise except what Vickles suggested.
If you are letting God lead you though, HE may tell you to get out of that biz............who knows?
We are here if you need us.
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Twinky
Welcome! You will find decent chat here, the odd disagreement and lots to help you. You sound as if you have been lurking for a while - take the time to read the articles here. Some are really helpful. You will know the truth about TWI and the truth will set you free. Read whatever you can, drop off the waybrain and you will really see things come together. (Be warned though, this site can be addictive as you start to get healed.)
What turned people onto Jesus Christ was his COMPASSION for them. It's Christ in you - so *have some compassion for yourself.*
Maybe the sermon felt intellectual because there was no ranting and hissy fits. Just remember who DID NOT go after the lost sheep but rather sent them out to get lost.
God has a great big hug for you and he wants you to hang out with him again.
Welcome back, he says. Yeah, really. He's not wanting to condemn you but to help you. Just take time to listen; He has your recovery plan all worked out. Spit on that mean TWI voice that says you're not worth talking to.
In 6 months my own life turned from abject misery and utter despair, to brilliance, enthusiasm, and tremendous success. So many things have happened that they can ONLY be of Godl Life's a real thrill.
He wants this for you too. Looking forward to seeing your post in six months saying that business is booming, you are looking for extra space and you need extra staff to help you cope.
Have a WONDERFUL day.
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another spot
Thanks, folks. And thanks for the welcome.
"God has a great big hug for you and he wants you to hang out with him again". I really liked that one. Other comments too.
I spent a lot of time on Way Dale. That helped a lot. Then shut it all off and refused to think about it anymore. Went to Grease Spot a few times. Guess it's time to do more now.
As for the business, I own a video store. I should have done more homework before I started. If I had, I would not have started it. And yep, I've consulted with experts. It's just a very competitive business and the big boys keep offering deals that lose money to compete with each other. Us smaller ones don't have the bucks to do that. That's why you don't see many independents. We don't get the big discounts on movies, either.
"Lean not unto thine own understanding". That whole verse has been my theme song for a week now. And, I guess that's partly what brought me back to Grease Spot and to church. My own understanding isn't enough. I need time with folks who've been through TWI because no one else gets it. I need time with those who never have. Because they never have.
I hope to give something back to you some time. Today I needed something. Thanks for giving it to me.
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A la prochaine
dear spot,
I love your name.. so sweet.
Welcome to GS... I know you will find some comfort and some answers here.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your feelings. It was very refreshing.
And no be worried about your life. Things have a way of sorting themselves out. Just don't get yourself into that way mind disease that is "it must be something WRONG i'm doing" vortex. Just keep doing what you know to do is right and your peace and answers will come.
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frank123lol
Hang in there it does get better....
Prayer helps I find it a great comfort...Welcome,Remember God is God he will find a way where there is no way
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Mr Incredible
Welcome "another spot'....
I hesitate to speak for anyone else on GS because of the diversity of each persons experiences, but I can share mine with you. I had many of the same questions as you. After my wife and I left TWI (or were dropp kicked), we searched for a home church or somewhere to worship all the while trying to get as far away from TWI's doctrine and mannerisims as possible. Not that all the doctrine was bad, but in my opinion the good was destroyed by all the wacko stuff that was allowed to occur.
One thing that I could never embrace in the Christian culture is the 'trinity'. TWI taught that God and Jesus are not the same person, and that I have taken with me (although even as a young child I never believed that anyway). The problem that my wife and I have found is trying to find a home church that does not cram the trinity down your throat. For this reason, we actually now have embraced the Messianic faith (Jewish failth that accepts Jesus as the Messiah) and found that to be a nice fit. TWI (at least in my experience) always taught that the 'old testimate' doesnt apply to us' and thus put all the attention on 'the new testimate'. I dont agree with that and feel cheated now because I never learned anything about the old testimate within TWI. Maybe that was not the case anywhere else in TWI but that was at least my experience.
I guess to make a long story short, God is still God - no matter how distorted TWI made Him, and Christ still sits on His right hand. If you can dismiss everything else and start again with that as your building block and begin to study the bible for yourself, you will begin to build a relationship with God the way He wants you too.
I hope this helps....thanks for tolerating my long winded post....
Michael.
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excathedra
dearest spot, i myself don't go to church and wouldn't think of it
i will gladly pray for you
much love,ex
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therebutforgrace
Hi Spot,
I go to a church now because I asked the Lord for a church who manifested the POWER of God. I thought of asking a certain group and they gave me a name so I went. Been going 3 years now (when I feel like it--no pressure; sometimes don't know if I'll go until the Lord wakes me Sunday morning). Boy can this lady preach the Word! I love it! Of course she thinks Jesus is God, but she doesn't preach on it...she knows I don't and didn't bat an eye. She loves people, she serves people, she feeds the homeless and visits prisons and orphanages and has a half-way house for those getting out of jail and I get to serve in any or all that I want at any time. What a blessing! What a difference from the wealthy church I grew up in----very little serving people) and what a difference from late TWI years (early years were much bettter)----in LOVING all people! My point: as has been said, ask the Lord what to do and then obey. I thought I was going for one reason, but I'm there for another. He knew that! :-)
Jesus has never left you or forsaken you. so....climb back into Daddy's arms and start all over again!! It's wonderful!!!
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washingtonweather
Sounds like leaving was pretty devastating,
maybe so much so it froze your heart because it hurt so much...we lost a lot when we found out how corrupt it was. It hurt me like crazy.
I couldn't really find anyone to talk to 'cept here. Even hubby and I went through things at different times.
All that said, I am not a business advisor, but have owned business. In the past ours always led back the idea we weren't really happy doing whatever it was. Ended up getting it organized and contacted a broker who sold it for us. I can tell you more if you want...let me know--
I know that God does give a poop and it sounds like you are intent are figuring all this out...so your solution is right around the bend.
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My3Cents
Hi Another and Welcome.
My approach to this may be different from what you're used to.
Let me deal with the business end first [For context - I've been a serial entrepreneur since 1979, a business coach since 1994 and for 15 years I've owned and supported myself with a company that is not a video store but is around the same business so I know the problems you are facing.]
Disclaimer - I don't know your entire situation so I can't really give advice - consider this education.
The video store business sucks. It's a dying industry and impossible for independents (with a few exceptions base on being in a very unique neighborhood or something like that). If I were in that end of the business I'd get out as quickly as possible. Cut my losses and run. Far away.
That means you should probably get a job. Get one that is not stressful and pays the bills. If it takes some time to disentangle from the store, get a part time job mean while.
As for the rest of your life, [My context here is I spent 16 years of my life in the way. Was in the 5th way corps, was clergy, worked in the field as branch and area leaders and lived on staff. I knew VPW and LCM personally]. I got out many years ago and have rebuilt my life in a way that is better and more fulfilling than any I could imagine when I was in - that includes my business and financial success but more importantly my family and personal success.
You've been traumatized, emotionally and psychologically. It's as bad (maybe worse) than being in a debilitating accident. Put as much effort into rehabilitation as if you got a leg blown off in Iraq. And foregive yourself as well. By that I mean don't think it's your fault. You got taken advantage of. Focus on the future and rebuilding. It's not something you can do alone. Get a good therapist. One who's worked with people harmed by cults. It will take some consistent hard work, but you'll make progress and it will happen. Focus on small improvements. They add up quickly if you focus on them, they seem trivial if you try to focus on the big picture too soon.
I would forget about spirituality and reading the bible. Build your life back. Food, clothing, shelter. A job or work that's at first not stressful and ultimately satisfying. Friends, family, people you like and even love and who like or love you back. The idea that you much have a spiritual aspect to your life to be whole is, in my opinion not true. And it's an idea that has been used to trick and traumatized a lot of people throughout history. I know many here may not agree with me but that's the way I see it. Frankly, what you've been doing recently hasn't been working. No shame in that. We all go down rabbit holes for a while. Now it's time to try something else. I'd try rehab - career wise, and psychologically.
Best wishes. Hope that helps.
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excathedra
good advice
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T-Bone
Welcome to GSC, Another Spot [that has to be one of the coolest names I’ve seen on GSC!]…Lots of good advice on this thread…you certainly have my prayers…and I do have some idea of what you’re experiencing. I left TWI over 20 years ago. The first few years out I’d spent a considerable amount of time and energy wrestling with the TWI-mindset in my belief system – I am a Christian...I’ve joined GSC about a year ago and still find TWIt-brain still raises its ugly stupid head once and awhile in the way I react to something…I guess it’s a healing process I’m experiencing as I exercise my thinking skills – good therapy at GSC. Back in TWI I willingly put on their intellectual straitjacket – and all that did was reduce my mental processor to a sponge – I would absorb instead of analyze.
Your statement, “I still have no idea how to approach life on a day to day basis from a spiritual perspective” reminded me of something I read in a Stephen Covey book: The closer our mental map is to reality – the more valuable it becomes. He says something like how useless a map of downtown Chicago would be – if you’re lost in Manhattan…I think there’s something to Covey’s idea. I’m a Christian and believe the Bible is God’s Word. Where I screwed up was in accepting TWI’s re-mapping of reality by their interpretation of the Bible – where God and life can be explained and controlled by rules, formulas, principles, spiritual enlightenment. When you leave TWI – unless you hold on to their goofy perspective – reality has a way of smacking you upside the head!
A mental map of reality is different for everyone. Even if we’re both Christian – your take on the Bible will be different from mine. There’s times when I feel lost – wonder what’s going on when my world seems to collapse. I view the Bible as something that helps me connect with God and to enjoy His presence while I’m on this journey [life].
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Bramble
I think in TWI we bought into a fantasy that life can and should be wonderful all the time.
But it is not. Every life has good times and bad. And lots of times we are contributors to the good or the bad, but not always, because chaotic things we don't control happen. Like accidents, or unexpected inheritances.
In TWI we believed we were responsible for all of it--even the stuff that hit out of the blue. So not only did we have the pressure caused by the life experience, we also had inner and outer pressure of our belief system and fellow believers.
No wonder people were anxious and depressed, trying to figure out how they made some chaotic event happen. And then if we did fail in some way, it was huge. We let down God by not believing...
Remember the non Way wedding vows, for better for worse, in sickness and in health etc? In TWi we refused accept that bad times happen to good people. But they do, all the time, all through human history. No one has found the magic cure all to make life all UP and never DOWN.
And if it was all Up, would we appreciate it? Isn't one of the sweet things about good times the knowledge that life could be bad or hurtful?
I am sorry for your tough times, Another Spot. I do hope things will get better soon.
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vickles
My Three Cents has great advice. I did get a therapist who happened to be a nun who got out of the catholic church and married and had kids. She totally understood the whole aspect of what I was going through with my life. It was great to have a therapist that totally understood!!!!! So yes I agree with everything that my 3 cents said. Don't worry about the spiritual side just yet. Get your personal everyday stuff together first and then take a peek at the spiritual if you feel you have to.
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another spot
Well, thanks to all.....!!
I am closing the store, I have actually been thinking about it for around a month. I called today and ordered the utilities turned off at the end of March. At first I felt sad, now I just feel relieved.
I wasn't recognizing waybrain till I started this thread. When business first started slowing down a year ago I blamed myself for not knowing enough. I studied marketing, all kinds of things. Then when things started getting really hairy I decided it was spiritual. You know the rest....
Anyway, it will be a major relief to get my life back. Normal hours (not 12 hour days 6 days a week). Do something that doesn't consume me 24/7. I am going to plant some flowers. I am going to take a week off.
Then......one step at a time.
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coolchef
i have no advice spot except to follow your heart and plant plenty of nice flowers
praying for you
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socks
It'll get better.
How are you liquidating your business assets?
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