We don't do the tie breaker, husband has two votes thing like in TWI. We work it out until we are in agreement. That way the big decisions are "ours" together for good or bad. Neither of us has to "give in." I can absolutely refuse to do some course of action, so can he--then it's back to the discussion.
Lots of times there are no obviously right or wrong decisions...and neither of us can predict the future. We just try to think things through. Or there is just one course of action--replace that water heater, we can spend $xxx.
The big decisions we've made since leaving TWI( buying a house etc) have turned out well.
I'll add that it probably helps that neither one of us is a control freak or has anger management issues, and we like to do things that make the other happy.
I'm sure someone will cut and paste his post like he
said it. yes he did.
To beat all Jean came back and said oh he just was mistaken when he said
it.
Mean while if I was Jean I would have the protected hat.
Are we really going to start this nonsense again? John has never struck me or any other women in his life, as I have said repeatedly. If he ever did HE would need the protected hat. I think Mr. Hammeroni hit the nail on the head when he said this might be a poor choice of words on John's part, and what he meant is everyone hurts others. The question is intent.
We don't do the tie breaker, husband has two votes thing like in TWI. We work it out until we are in agreement. That way the big decisions are "ours" together for good or bad. Neither of us has to "give in." I can absolutely refuse to do some course of action, so can he--then it's back to the discussion.
Lots of times there are no obviously right or wrong decisions...and neither of us can predict the future. We just try to think things through. Or there is just one course of action--replace that water heater, we can spend $xxx.
The big decisions we've made since leaving TWI( buying a house etc) have turned out well.
I'll add that it probably helps that neither one of us is a control freak or has anger management issues, and we like to do things that make the other happy.
You make a number of very good points. I was thinking of one particular situation when I used the tie breaker analogy. We were confronted with his mother developing Alzheimer's and being evicted from her condominium. We needed to decide where she should live. John wanted her to live with us. I didn't. A long (and somewhat acrimonious) discussion ensued. At the end of it, we were still deadlocked. John decided that we should try it for six weeks and re-evaluate and the end of that time. After six weeks, it was obvious that she needed more professional care than we could give her, and she moved to a nursing home. In retrospect, I am glad we at least tried.
I try to stay out of controversy, but I gotta say this: It sounds to me like Jeaniam and JohnIam are very happy with each other. They understand their relationship and what makes it work. So if THEY don't think it's broke, why are Y'ALL trying to fix it?
Everybody is unique. If I shared about my relationship with my husband and how we work things out, some of you would probably disapprove, some of you would think us a shining example of matrimonial bliss. But I don't share, case it's none ya business.
That sounds very much like how we make decisions, Jean--a compromise, or a trial of something. It is often impossible to know exactly how something is going to work until you act on it. Sometimes all we really know is--this isn't working, we must try something else!
I wasn't trying to 'fix' Jen & John's relationship. I was just stating how we do things , post TWi. While in TWI we did do the 'tie breaker' thing. We don't automatically do it now, with hubby's plan being the one we always go with.
It was under Gary Kings' leadership that Rich Urquhart a known homosexual and pediophile was brought to Anchorage and given a TWIG to run
THe behaviors of Gary King in protecting and enabling abusive criminals to run free within the WAY Alaska ultimately led to the arrest of Rich Urquhart for molestation of non TWI children (no TWI parent was EVER allowed to press charges although it is known that TWI children were molested)
THe rest of the tragedy is posted elsewhere
The fact that johniam APPARENTLY holds this man in some degree of reverence explains, at least to my satisfaction, why he believes what he believes.
Like it or not, the Way taught (or teaches) the bible and the bible teaches that the wife be subject to the husband (Eph 5: 22-24).
After all we once were participants in a BIBLICAL group who believed the BIBLE is the word of God?
Nobody was forced to do this and we consented to it, year after year.
This does present a problem for the wife if she does not want to live like that. Of course it does. The whole damn bible presents a problem if one doesn't want to live like that.
But I am still of the opinion that folks should stop blaming twi for something that the bible says right there in plain English.
I would add, I think husbands who love their wives as Christ loved the church are worthy of the wives submission.
i would think that a man who loves his wife as christ loved the church would not make his wife submit to pervers and adultos things
I try to stay out of controversy, but I gotta say this: It sounds to me like Jeaniam and JohnIam are very happy with each other. They understand their relationship and what makes it work. So if THEY don't think it's broke, why are Y'ALL trying to fix it?
Everybody is unique. If I shared about my relationship with my husband and how we work things out, some of you would probably disapprove, some of you would think us a shining example of matrimonial bliss. But I don't share, case it's none ya business.
WG
Hmmm...Has anybody ever met these people?...I suspect that it's just one person posting under two names...split personality?
johniam is being misquoted, here is his original post and the link
Vickles:<BR><BR>quote: johniam,<BR><BR>I have to ask you this and its not meant to point fingers at you at all. But from all the time I've read your posts I get the feeling that there is some kind of anger towards women in general. There must have been something thats happened in your life to take these things to such an extreme. This is what I get from what you posted in several other threads.<BR><BR>Please say this isn't true. I'd truly like to understand why you continuously feel that women get away with stuff and men don't. Is that how you feel? <BR><BR> Yes, it's how I feel! Not "in general", but in specific situations, this being one of them. It seems to me that some women act as though when they do something well they want all respect all the time, but when they screw up, they want to be treated like "special ed" students who should not be held accountable for their behavior like other people (men). Not just women who make headlines like Andrea Yates, but women I see out in public and even at fellowships I attend. I get really sick of having to be the bigger person all the time. I think many women routinely take advantage of men in this way in interpersonal relationships.<BR><BR> If a fly or mosquito buzzed in your ear for several seconds at a time you'd probably swat at it involuntarily until it stopped. That's not violent or abusive, it's merely being human and needing your space. I personally believe that 90% of so called domestic violence cases are initiated by the woman. They get emotional, they don't know or care when to shut up, they keep verbally hammering away at that man non stop, driving him up a wall.......the only defense that man has is to either flee his own house,or clock her like she deserves.But how convenient it's illegal for him to do that. So he stews for awhile until he can't take it anymore and then "swats the fly" and gets put in jail. Who will dare hold the woman responsible for causing this? <BR><BR> It's never going to be legal for men OR women to injure anybody, but this situation in our culture all but encourages women to be predators. Yes, Vickles, I DO think women get away with stuff and men don't.
Hmmm...Has anybody ever met these people?...I suspect that it's just one person posting under two names...split personality?
Yes, there are people who regularly post on greasespot who have met us, and know very well that we are two people, not just one person posting under two different names. If you check our profiles, you will see that John was born in May, 1954; and I was born in October, 1957, among other differences.
I try to stay out of controversy, but I gotta say this: It sounds to me like Jeaniam and JohnIam are very happy with each other. They understand their relationship and what makes it work. So if THEY don't think it's broke, why are Y'ALL trying to fix it?
Everybody is unique. If I shared about my relationship with my husband and how we work things out, some of you would probably disapprove, some of you would think us a shining example of matrimonial bliss. But I don't share, case it's none ya business.
WG
Thank you very much, WG, and Bramble, for your comments and your support. I never meant to say, or imply, by the tie-breaker comment that John's plan is always the one that prevails.
Jean's alzheimer's example is good: sometimes a man may have an emotional issue with something in which he really needs another pair of eyes to work with. Abigail posted that Abraham had to be told by God that Sarah was right, that Hagar and Ishmail should leave. Abraham certainly had emotions to deal with over this.
Like Jean said, I didn't want to put my mom in a nursing home; she was fiercely independent and I had emotional issues with this, but she was ultimately better off in the nursing facility. We had 2 young children at the time and, while nothing bad happened when my mom was staying with us, the staff at the nursing home told us later of stuff she did there that would have definitely been unsafe for the kids if she were still with us.
I think there should be a sort of tiebreaker clause in a relationship, though, because to me it's not decent and in order to have strife over something, especially if there's a time sensitive situation at stake. I think the husband owes it to the wife to listen to her pov. If the wife gets it in her head that the husband is not really listening to her, but just waiting for her to stop talking so he can "pound the gavel" on the situation, well, that's not good. Of course, I'VE never done that.
I thought somebody might have issues with Gary King. Irrelevant to the point I was making. Just for the record, that was the only time I ever saw him make a public presentation; I have no "special place in my heart" for him.
Perhaps the connotative meaning of the word 'abuse' leans toward a chronic character flaw not shared by all, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch to consider that there's first degree (premeditated) and second degree (heat of the moment) abuse.
Apparently some posters cannot disagree with me without bringing up "past sins". Says more about you than me.
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Danny
John
Big paint brush you got there. Everybody
Funny that would come from someone that says a
woman need a good clocking every now and again
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Danny
John
Maybe you should stick to the going back to twig tread.
Really everybody?
From the vantage point of a abusive person I can
see how you come up with that conclusion.
From my vantage NO not everybody.
In fact it is a insult.
There are people that are right and don't abuse.
Go paint in another tread it's much safer.
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Eyesopen
Please someone tell me that John did not say this. Tell me I am misunderstanding...please.
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Danny
I'm sure someone will cut and paste his post like he
said it. yes he did.
To beat all Jean came back and said oh he just was mistaken when he said
it.
Mean while if I was Jean I would have the protected hat.
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Ham
hmm. I think I've seen this before..
*bricks, bricks, you can't have a thread without some bricks..*
sowy..
:)
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Danny
Well we wouldn't have bricks if we didn't
have a brick layer.
And one that wants all of us to be EVERYONE Abuses.
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Ham
I would hope to think that maybe it is just a poor choice of words.. "everybody abuses.."
I think it is "everybody hurts somebody, either intentionally or unintentionally, somewhere along the line.."
I would define abuse as intentional harm.
Battering somebody with words or fists is pretty intentional.
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Danny
Yes big brush and poor words.
he did say he would be back at twig.
And he did say he thinks every woman needs a good clocking.
So do you think it was poor words or the way he thinks?
Do you think vp's words "you can't trust Women"
was poor words or the way he felt?
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Bramble
We don't do the tie breaker, husband has two votes thing like in TWI. We work it out until we are in agreement. That way the big decisions are "ours" together for good or bad. Neither of us has to "give in." I can absolutely refuse to do some course of action, so can he--then it's back to the discussion.
Lots of times there are no obviously right or wrong decisions...and neither of us can predict the future. We just try to think things through. Or there is just one course of action--replace that water heater, we can spend $xxx.
The big decisions we've made since leaving TWI( buying a house etc) have turned out well.
I'll add that it probably helps that neither one of us is a control freak or has anger management issues, and we like to do things that make the other happy.
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Jeaniam
Are we really going to start this nonsense again? John has never struck me or any other women in his life, as I have said repeatedly. If he ever did HE would need the protected hat. I think Mr. Hammeroni hit the nail on the head when he said this might be a poor choice of words on John's part, and what he meant is everyone hurts others. The question is intent.
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Jeaniam
You make a number of very good points. I was thinking of one particular situation when I used the tie breaker analogy. We were confronted with his mother developing Alzheimer's and being evicted from her condominium. We needed to decide where she should live. John wanted her to live with us. I didn't. A long (and somewhat acrimonious) discussion ensued. At the end of it, we were still deadlocked. John decided that we should try it for six weeks and re-evaluate and the end of that time. After six weeks, it was obvious that she needed more professional care than we could give her, and she moved to a nursing home. In retrospect, I am glad we at least tried.
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Watered Garden
I try to stay out of controversy, but I gotta say this: It sounds to me like Jeaniam and JohnIam are very happy with each other. They understand their relationship and what makes it work. So if THEY don't think it's broke, why are Y'ALL trying to fix it?
Everybody is unique. If I shared about my relationship with my husband and how we work things out, some of you would probably disapprove, some of you would think us a shining example of matrimonial bliss. But I don't share, case it's none ya business.
WG
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Bramble
That sounds very much like how we make decisions, Jean--a compromise, or a trial of something. It is often impossible to know exactly how something is going to work until you act on it. Sometimes all we really know is--this isn't working, we must try something else!
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Bramble
I wasn't trying to 'fix' Jen & John's relationship. I was just stating how we do things , post TWi. While in TWI we did do the 'tie breaker' thing. We don't automatically do it now, with hubby's plan being the one we always go with.
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templelady
GARY KING!!!!!!!!
For the record
It was under Gary Kings' leadership that Rich Urquhart a known homosexual and pediophile was brought to Anchorage and given a TWIG to run
THe behaviors of Gary King in protecting and enabling abusive criminals to run free within the WAY Alaska ultimately led to the arrest of Rich Urquhart for molestation of non TWI children (no TWI parent was EVER allowed to press charges although it is known that TWI children were molested)
THe rest of the tragedy is posted elsewhere
The fact that johniam APPARENTLY holds this man in some degree of reverence explains, at least to my satisfaction, why he believes what he believes.
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coolchef
i would think that a man who loves his wife as christ loved the church would not make his wife submit to pervers and adultos things
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rascal
Eyes he did indeed say that.
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GrouchoMarxJr
Hmmm...Has anybody ever met these people?...I suspect that it's just one person posting under two names...split personality?
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Oakspear
johniam is being misquoted, here is his original post and the link
http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/index.ph...=4101&st=60
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Jeaniam
Yes, there are people who regularly post on greasespot who have met us, and know very well that we are two people, not just one person posting under two different names. If you check our profiles, you will see that John was born in May, 1954; and I was born in October, 1957, among other differences.
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Jeaniam
Thank you very much, WG, and Bramble, for your comments and your support. I never meant to say, or imply, by the tie-breaker comment that John's plan is always the one that prevails.
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johniam
Jean's alzheimer's example is good: sometimes a man may have an emotional issue with something in which he really needs another pair of eyes to work with. Abigail posted that Abraham had to be told by God that Sarah was right, that Hagar and Ishmail should leave. Abraham certainly had emotions to deal with over this.
Like Jean said, I didn't want to put my mom in a nursing home; she was fiercely independent and I had emotional issues with this, but she was ultimately better off in the nursing facility. We had 2 young children at the time and, while nothing bad happened when my mom was staying with us, the staff at the nursing home told us later of stuff she did there that would have definitely been unsafe for the kids if she were still with us.
I think there should be a sort of tiebreaker clause in a relationship, though, because to me it's not decent and in order to have strife over something, especially if there's a time sensitive situation at stake. I think the husband owes it to the wife to listen to her pov. If the wife gets it in her head that the husband is not really listening to her, but just waiting for her to stop talking so he can "pound the gavel" on the situation, well, that's not good. Of course, I'VE never done that.
I thought somebody might have issues with Gary King. Irrelevant to the point I was making. Just for the record, that was the only time I ever saw him make a public presentation; I have no "special place in my heart" for him.
Perhaps the connotative meaning of the word 'abuse' leans toward a chronic character flaw not shared by all, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch to consider that there's first degree (premeditated) and second degree (heat of the moment) abuse.
Apparently some posters cannot disagree with me without bringing up "past sins". Says more about you than me.
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excathedra
but jonnyam, do you really believe that ?
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Danny
john
Yes I am a sinner.
Yes I needed Jesus Christ as my savior.
Yes I need him in my life everyday.
Abuser I'm sure at sometime in my life
I did.
I was born with a abuser. Joined a cult with abusers
Despise abusers.
No I am not a abuser.
Will I sin yes.
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