....I saw for the first time in quite a while that the temptations out there are huge...this one was huge and so simple...I gained more than he will ever know!
What would you have done?
Probably the same thing you did... hypothetically, of course.
Apparently, you perceived he was trying to win you over with flattery (or kindness, or whatever way anyone might reasonably characterize his strategy). My hunch is that he's probably done this before and found it to work with some.
btw, if you're not working full-time (which brings plenty of time pressures), I would also encourage the volunteering. I've been volunteering for just over two years now and it's made a huge (positive) impact on my life.
For all he knew you already have a lovely condo and other things he assumed you'd like to have as a bonus to his company.
His approach was pretty ballsy and assumptive (is that a word?) in my opinion.
As a single woman who spent some time years ago considering re-entering the dating pool, I asked a few men how it works and they said it's basically the same as it always has been. When a women enters a bar alone, they take that as a signal she's interested in picking up a man, they take it as a 'yes' before they even ask the questions.
And it's about facial expressions, body language and wardrobe. It all communicates much to everyone in the bar.
I don't know that anyone, male or female, can any longer go to a bar and just sit and people watch without it being assumed that they are looking. I get that you really were only doing that and I wish it could be that way; I'd do it.
Things are much more forward now huh? Remember the bad old days of the simple 'hey baby' or 'wanna see my artwork?'
And also, many men do not wear wedding bands.
HA, this dude wasn't very good at what he thinks he's doing since he folded so quickly when you mentioned strengthening his marriage.
I guess I wish it were simpler. And with the games people play to gain ones trust in order that they might do serious bodily harm it is frightening.
I have been thinking a lot about how "doing the right thing" is so important to the integrity of a person.
Because our kids work for money at such a young age now (almost all have paying jobs in high school), they don't grow up doing "work" chores and having time to help neighbors with yard work for the pleasure of doing it, and it seems to me they are growing up without cultivating the sense of "virtue is its own reward."
In your case, I don't know what I would have done, but it sounds to me like you made an ethical choice, and that's a good thing.
In this day when people so often are not what they seem, and predators put on all sorts of disguises, it is important to be careful always.
America's Most Wanted is a 20-year success story for good reason.
SHellon- I think I flatlined his intentions..:) your right about the length one would go to earn trust..
Kit- THere are certain area's I will not compromise on in my beliefs about relationships..I could of blasted him..but I gave the grace needed for him to move on..
Paw- I guess guessing is a artform....Is it door 1 2 3
Exie- I had a friend a few years ago who dated a married man...she had no concious...finaly, one day it hit her that she was in love with a man that will never be her's..he is muslim and they will never divorce...never..they bought a home together worth about 800,000, and if he ever walks away...she will be empty..its only a matter of time....
I did see him drive off in his silver Mecedes suv..only because I was concerned he would follow me.
Like you, I never went to bars by myself so I know nothing about how "the game" is played either. Still, I'm a little surprised at what happened. Some gentleman. Out cheating on his wife and with the gall to not even take off the wedding ring.
'Phallacy'? ... As in related to 'phallic'? ... A little Freudian slip there, perhaps? ;)
But in all seriousness, he ain't much of a gentleman and loyal to his wife if 1) he wants to have another woman as a 'friend', particularly if/when he promises to shower her with all those expensive gifts, which leads to 2) it sounds like there is more to this guy than meets the eye, in the 'if it looks too good to be true, it usually is' dept. ... Ie., he is most likely bad news.
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Rocky
Probably the same thing you did... hypothetically, of course.
Apparently, you perceived he was trying to win you over with flattery (or kindness, or whatever way anyone might reasonably characterize his strategy). My hunch is that he's probably done this before and found it to work with some.
btw, if you're not working full-time (which brings plenty of time pressures), I would also encourage the volunteering. I've been volunteering for just over two years now and it's made a huge (positive) impact on my life.
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likeaneagle
Thanks Rocky,
He was so homespun and it seemed so genuine...I caught on tho..which lead to his tone change..
I am thinking of working in the local hospital to volunteer..thanks for your imput:)
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Watered Garden
Way to go, Likeaneagle!
WG
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GeorgeStGeorge
I agree! I think you handled it perfectly.
At least he told you he was married. Who knows what might have happened if he hadn't?
George
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excathedra
take the condo !!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha just kidding
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Dot Matrix
LAE
Good Job!
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likeaneagle
George-
He wore a ring..I never even looked for one which I guess is what one should do..
Im glad I can live in my skin:)
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Shellon
I find this mans approach a little insulting.
For all he knew you already have a lovely condo and other things he assumed you'd like to have as a bonus to his company.
His approach was pretty ballsy and assumptive (is that a word?) in my opinion.
As a single woman who spent some time years ago considering re-entering the dating pool, I asked a few men how it works and they said it's basically the same as it always has been. When a women enters a bar alone, they take that as a signal she's interested in picking up a man, they take it as a 'yes' before they even ask the questions.
And it's about facial expressions, body language and wardrobe. It all communicates much to everyone in the bar.
I don't know that anyone, male or female, can any longer go to a bar and just sit and people watch without it being assumed that they are looking. I get that you really were only doing that and I wish it could be that way; I'd do it.
Things are much more forward now huh? Remember the bad old days of the simple 'hey baby' or 'wanna see my artwork?'
And also, many men do not wear wedding bands.
HA, this dude wasn't very good at what he thinks he's doing since he folded so quickly when you mentioned strengthening his marriage.
I guess I wish it were simpler. And with the games people play to gain ones trust in order that they might do serious bodily harm it is frightening.
I, too, am glad you didn't buy his story.
Edited by Shellon Fockler-NorthLink to comment
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pawtucket
He sounds like a game show host. "Do you want what is behind Door number 1, 2 or 3?"
Was his name Bob Barker?
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Kit Sober
likeaneagle,
I have been thinking a lot about how "doing the right thing" is so important to the integrity of a person.
Because our kids work for money at such a young age now (almost all have paying jobs in high school), they don't grow up doing "work" chores and having time to help neighbors with yard work for the pleasure of doing it, and it seems to me they are growing up without cultivating the sense of "virtue is its own reward."
In your case, I don't know what I would have done, but it sounds to me like you made an ethical choice, and that's a good thing.
In this day when people so often are not what they seem, and predators put on all sorts of disguises, it is important to be careful always.
America's Most Wanted is a 20-year success story for good reason.
Glad you are still ok.
Glad you strengthened your ethical "arm."
In hope,
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likeaneagle
SHellon- I think I flatlined his intentions..:) your right about the length one would go to earn trust..
Kit- THere are certain area's I will not compromise on in my beliefs about relationships..I could of blasted him..but I gave the grace needed for him to move on..
Paw- I guess guessing is a artform....Is it door 1 2 3
Exie- I had a friend a few years ago who dated a married man...she had no concious...finaly, one day it hit her that she was in love with a man that will never be her's..he is muslim and they will never divorce...never..they bought a home together worth about 800,000, and if he ever walks away...she will be empty..its only a matter of time....
I did see him drive off in his silver Mecedes suv..only because I was concerned he would follow me.
Edited by likeaneagleLink to comment
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Sudo
Likeaneagle,
Like you, I never went to bars by myself so I know nothing about how "the game" is played either. Still, I'm a little surprised at what happened. Some gentleman. Out cheating on his wife and with the gall to not even take off the wedding ring.
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likeaneagle
Sudo- they just dont make'em like they use too..whoops, I think that is a phalicy!!
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George Aar
Uh, I think you mean "fallacy"? Or... maybe not...
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shazdancer
Maybe not, Geo. She's been positively Freudian. This one kills me...
"I think I flatlined his intentions..."
I don't think it was his intentions that got "flatlined," likeaneagle!
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GarthP2000
'Phallacy'? ... As in related to 'phallic'? ... A little Freudian slip there, perhaps? ;)
But in all seriousness, he ain't much of a gentleman and loyal to his wife if 1) he wants to have another woman as a 'friend', particularly if/when he promises to shower her with all those expensive gifts, which leads to 2) it sounds like there is more to this guy than meets the eye, in the 'if it looks too good to be true, it usually is' dept. ... Ie., he is most likely bad news.
Good move in cooling his jets. :)
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likeaneagle
thanks ya all....
I missed the karioke (sp) ...that was a bummer..
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now I see
Unfortunately, I think there's a lot of women out there that would enjoy that kind of offer.
And it wouldn't surprise me that his boldness and openess about it is a result of former sucess in this kind of arrangement or con, whichever it is.
He gives aviation a bad name.
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waysider
Here's one I heard Johnny Carson tell:
-------------------------------------------
A woman at a party was approached by a gentleman who proceeded to strike up a conversation.
After a bit , he asked her if she would ever consider having sex with him for a million dollars.
She decided to play along and said,"For a million I would consider it."
Next he asked her if she would consider it for HALF a million.
Again she played along and responded that for half a million she might consider it.
Then he asked her if she would consider it for a hundred bucks.
Indignantly she replied, "A hundred bucks?!! What do you think I am?!!
"Oh", he said, "I think we've already established what you are. Now we're just haggling over a price."
--------------------------------------------------
But seriously, I think the part about having a wife was just a ruse to gain your trust.
Say!!! Come to think of it, did he mention anything about his wife having had a botched surgery? <_<
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