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about the way indeed


excathedra
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Okay. After calming down somewhat, I realize that I went overboard in my last post, so I apologize to you, Linda, for the parts where I went overboard.

I'm still of the opinion that the folks who come on here and chastise us for 'not getting over it' and like self-righteous TWI spewage often deserve what scathing remarks they get. Since we here at Greasespot are not a 'likeminded' group of people nor are we the kind who wants to go back to twig and play PFAL puppets (well, at least most of us don't), and since that reality is also placed in the introductory statements in the Greasespot Cafe, ... then people should be well informed of this. And if they choose to ignore this reality, they do so at their own peril.

But again, any personal hostility I showed in your direction, Linda, I again apologize for.

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Wayfers typically want the upper-hand in conversations (or, at least think they have it). It's what they've practiced at fellowship and witnessing. They can't control a conversation online like they can't in person, especially one that continues indefinitely. Everyone here has the resources of the web to verify information. A wayfer can't "create" and control their own little world here.

There's no closed door meetings and no LC to barge in and give "light" in situations and give ultimatums to dissenters.

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course, when a younger person says something, it must really chap a wayfer's rear that they can't just start repeatedly hitting them with a stick until they conform to the correct way of thinking.

:biglaugh:

I can just see their faces turning red with frustration.

:biglaugh:

ahh, poor wayfers

Edited by Bolshevik
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The defensive/aggressive posts I often see here may help people posting them to vent their outrage, but do they help anyone coming here for the first time? Who is this site for? Is it only for amusement of the long-time posters?

Everyone is different...some people need to read these agressive posts in order to "snap out of it"...As far as the "us versus them" comparisons to the twi mindset...Linda, really now, I think you're mixing apples with oranges. The twi mindset was based on like minded zombies walking in lockstep...with the end result being MONEY in Vic's bank account and women in the motorcoach...there's nobody getting a payoff here...

...The fact that many people here agree on their anti twi sentiments is because this is an anti twi website! What? We're supposed to back off of what happened because some people might be offended by the harshness? Tell that to a holocaust survivor...I believe that it's only when we passionately tell the story of what really happened, that an impact is made upon people...does it upset them?...

...I hope so.

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Who is this site for? Is it only for amusement of the long-time posters?

No it is not - it is for the amusement of all of us - much like Loud CroMagnan (LCM) is now mostly amusement.

Welcome to Home Despot

The twi mindset was based on like minded zombies walking in lockstep...with the end result being MONEY in Vic's bank account and women in the motorcoach...there's nobody getting a payoff here...

Spot on.

Tell that to a holocaust survivor...I believe that it's only when we passionately tell the story of what really happened, that an impact is made upon people...does it upset them?...

...I hope so.

Hell yeah

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they have been trying and trying to "find their voice" -- greasespot hasn't been helpful

--

I didn't know it was the charter of GSC to be helpful. I think that being helpful was from the BASIC (not WAY driven) goodness of people's own hearts. I believe - if I can still read English - the mission is to tell the other side of the story. While I certainly wish no harm on newbies who have (perhaps...and often fabricated) trauma of their own... simple facts are that GSC is not a certified psychological "help site." Just a bunch of folks telling the "other side of the story."

Excie - perhaps you should go back to the JW site where you have been trashing GSC as well as Pawtucket by his real name. It has not been missed by several here on GSC. Pawtucket gave you safe haven and you have endeavored to trash him on the net. Wanna buy a used motor coach too?

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I disagree. I don't know how we can always meet needs. I think we do the best we can with what we're given. We don't have the advantage of eye contact, body language and the benefit of real time conversation.

Thanks, Shellon, for expressing this so well. Words are often very incapable of expressing what we want in a perfect way.

I guess all I can say is my own intention in being here is to offer what I can, avoid preaching, and try to consider what is going on before I add comments. If I've ever come across otherwise, I trust I will be forgiven.

In regards to the painful experiences recounted here, they are dreadful at times but they are important in raising awareness of the huge problems involved when religion is made into a buisness and leaders abuse followers as happened in TWI and continues according to reports here. I left a long time ago but am still finding out that what I used to think was going on in TWI at times was quite different than what was actually going on.

As regards to our impulse as humans to offer compassion or encourage others to express it, compassion does not exclude seeking justice for criminals nor should it belittle the pain of victims or minimize the seriousness of these things. To me, a good example is how the Dalai Lama recently called what the Chinese gov't is doing to the Tibetans a "cultural genocide." Monks are being beaten, human rights violated left and right. I was recently there myself and understand better now what's going on. As a person with good credentials for understanding compassion, D.L. knows better than most that justice is never excluded in the process of extending compassion. I think this has been a common misperception in the West. Perhaps it has been here at GSC. Compassion is not a band-aid or a way of staying in denial about the reality of abuse or crimes nor is it a matter of brushing off harm done. I think humanity is still trying to figure it all out...there are no easy answers. For many of us, at least.

The grossly unfortunate thing...more like an elephant in the room...is that former perpetrators of abuse are no longer living and never faced justice for their crimes and abuses.

All we are left with are our stories, hoping they will speak to issues that can assist people in the same boat of pain,recovery, denial, or ignorance and warn others not to jump into the boat to begin with.

Peace

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I disagree. I don't know how we can always meet needs. I think we do the best we can with what we're given. We don't have the advantage of eye contact, body language and the benefit of real time conversation.

<snip>

Do we always get it right? No way, nor will we; we're all human too and while we offer what we've got and we're a huge funtioning dysfunctional family here, we do the best we can.

We can't always meet needs - we can meet people where they are, not where we think they should be. We (collectively) rarely get it right when dealing with newcomers.

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Tzaia - I'm not understanding what specifically you would have us do differently. Do you think of us as counselors or facilitators for those still in twi and considering leaving?

I mean no disrespect, but my understanding of this site's purpose is to tell the other side of the twi story and have some fun as we do so.

We are cult survivors - we are not professionals and certainly anyone that needs that kind of help can and are often steered to that kind of help.

I get that we're sometimes harsher than is comfortable, but isn't it human nature that when you see pain or trouble of any kind that you've encountered before you want to avoid it and maybe help someone else avoid it too?

Maybe another site, called something like "Gentle and Painfree Help to Exit twi.com? Pardon the sarcastic tint here, but I'm trying to communicate.

I've been stunned many times here at what is allowed to be said and left posted and what's been removed. Somebody has to make those calls and I think paw and the mods do an amazing and impressive job - and have since day one of this site.

I remain thankful and impressed with GreaseSpotCafe and the staff.

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It takes time to change a mindset.

TWI was all for aggressively pushing "the truth" on people.

Not only that, it pushed a lot of other doctrines.

All of which became deeply ingrained.

Many here can attest to how long it has taken them to overcome specific problems, doctrines, habits, not to mention mental aberations acquired along the way. We were rude and pushed away friends, family, anyone who wasn't "in the Word". We thought we were right. For some of us, it has taken a long time to lose that mindset. For others of us, it's been quicker. Might depend on why someone is no longer with TWI.

Seeing what people say at this website may, probably does, trigger that mindset of wanting to "bring people here back to the Word/PFAL." It may take some time for those people to realize that's not going to happen, and to understand why.

The discourse at GSC has helped people lose that mindset and start to listen to "the other side of the story." It may be tremendously shocking to them. It may take a lot of listening to really hear.

But they will never hear, unless they are given time, and not "run off" by people with the same mindset in reverse - the mindset that makes some want to do anything they can to tear down TWI instead of promoting it.

Be kind. Be patient.

You once thought as some newbies did.

But you changed. In time.

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Nicely said, Twinky.

Penworks, I've never seen you be anything but polite. Your posts are informative and you stick to the facts as you see them rather than resorting to name calling and telling people to take a hike if they don't agree with you. I appreciate that about you.

The next comment is for everyone and isn't directed specifically at Penworks (just to be clear):

No one who's called for less harsh treatment of new posters has suggested that anyone should stop exposing twi for what it is. I know that certainly wasn't my point, but it seems as if some people are reacting as if that's what has been said.

I forgot to say to Shellon, back on the first page, that I admire your nurturing soul. You're always ready to lend a hand, give a word of encouragement, join in prayer for those who ask (and probably some who don't). You're also qualified to give more help than some of the rest of us, given your chosen field. I don't think we can "meet everyone's needs," either. But some of us (not referring to you) could be more patient with new posters here.

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Nicely said, Twinky.

Penworks, I've never seen you be anything but polite. Your posts are informative and you stick to the facts as you see them rather than resorting to name calling and telling people to take a hike if they don't agree with you. I appreciate that about you.

The next comment is for everyone and isn't directed specifically at Penworks (just to be clear):

No one who's called for less harsh treatment of new posters has suggested that anyone should stop exposing twi for what it is. I know that certainly wasn't my point, but it seems as if some people are reacting as if that's what has been said.

I forgot to say to Shellon, back on the first page, that I admire your nurturing soul. You're always ready to lend a hand, give a word of encouragement, join in prayer for those who ask (and probably some who don't). You're also qualified to give more help than some of the rest of us, given your chosen field. I don't think we can "meet everyone's needs," either. But some of us (not referring to you) could be more patient with new posters here.

Excellent comments on Penworks and Shellon. Thanks for thinking of it and taking the time to post it.

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Tzaia - I'm not understanding what specifically you would have us do differently. Do you think of us as counselors or facilitators for those still in twi and considering leaving?

I mean no disrespect, but my understanding of this site's purpose is to tell the other side of the twi story and have some fun as we do so.

We are cult survivors - we are not professionals and certainly anyone that needs that kind of help can and are often steered to that kind of help.

I get that we're sometimes harsher than is comfortable, but isn't it human nature that when you see pain or trouble of any kind that you've encountered before you want to avoid it and maybe help someone else avoid it too?

Maybe another site, called something like "Gentle and Painfree Help to Exit twi.com? Pardon the sarcastic tint here, but I'm trying to communicate.

I've been stunned many times here at what is allowed to be said and left posted and what's been removed. Somebody has to make those calls and I think paw and the mods do an amazing and impressive job - and have since day one of this site.

I remain thankful and impressed with GreaseSpotCafe and the staff.

We (collectively) are cult survivors that appear at times to forget how deeply ingrained the mindset can be, regardless of the amount of time out. As survivors we can empathize with what is involved in coming out of a cult and give people the opportunity to come to an awareness at their own pace. I don't think we can spare or necessarily shorten anyone's journey, nor can we be anything but present (in our capacity as survivors) for these people. I personally don't think we should act as counselors. I think listeners, and to a certain extent facilitators, is a more appropriate role.

When we (collectively) lash out at people who still hold the beliefs taught in TWI close, that is for our sake, not the benefit of the person who still believes. We (collectively) are directing our anger towards people who have been (probably) just as victimized as we ever were - and don't even know it.

I think we can start by finding out why someone is no longer involved with the organization. We could show those who hold to the TWI doctrines how scripture was changed, or "studied" according to a set of "rules" or assumptions that are designed to lead one to TWI's conclusion. We can share how the promise of changing beliefs has more to do with what the "leader" thinks and not what the word says - and there are serious questions about what is "the Word" in TWI-think, as in many came to believe the classes and the written material are "the word". We can share how the research "standards" used in TWI would not hold to minimal standards on the outside, much less God's idea - that people in research were retained or fired based on their allegiance to TWI's doctrine and not due to any ability or inability on their part. We can continue to share the pervasive oral tradition that ironically and unfortunately carries more clout than "it is written" and that is for a reason - that reason being that it's much harder to deal directly with oral traditions in an organization who claims to have no oral traditions.

We can share our journey and how GSC has added to our journey. I know I'm a very different person than I was when I first arrived and that has partly been due to being able to share and learn from the people here and I truly thank them for that opportunity and their patience.

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We are all as unique as our fingerprints.

So for some, they have to be gently brought up and out from where they came.

For others, it's the loud shout that finally helps them to see clearly, whether it is to stay, go away, or go back.

The GreaseSpot Cafe has made both extremes available, with all levels on the continuum as well, and that has been a benefit to so many.

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Tzaia - Thanks for your thoughtful response.

I appreciate it and agree with what you're saying.

I'm not above getting in someone's "face". But I don't do it as a knee-jerk response or as a first response - and I try to do it in such a way that one (hopefully) doesn't get that sick feeling in their stomach. I've had more than a few that I could have chewed up and spit out (and I have been known to take a measure of pleasure in doing so), but it actually is more rewarding in the long-term to restrain myself.

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"Excie - perhaps you should go back to the JW site where you have been trashing GSC as well as Pawtucket by his real name. It has not been missed by several here on GSC. Pawtucket gave you safe haven and you have endeavored to trash him on the net. Wanna buy a used motor coach too? "

i'd rather trash you, thank you

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"Excie - perhaps you should go back to the JW site where you have been trashing GSC as well as Pawtucket by his real name. It has not been missed by several here on GSC. Pawtucket gave you safe haven and you have endeavored to trash him on the net. Wanna buy a used motor coach too? "

i'd rather trash you, thank you

rum runner, why would i want to buy a used motorcoach ?

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" didn't know it was the charter of GSC to be helpful. I think that being helpful was from the BASIC (not WAY driven) goodness of people's own hearts. I believe - if I can still read English - the mission is to tell the other side of the story. While I certainly wish no harm on newbies who have (perhaps...and often fabricated) trauma of their own... simple facts are that GSC is not a certified psychological "help site." Just a bunch of folks telling the "other side of the story."

wanted to just mention that this warms my heart

what was it you said about "fabricated" ?

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I've not been able to ever find a suitable solution to the treatment of new visitors to this site. But do we need one? As stated in this thread, new folks get everything from a virtual cup of coffee; to the harsh and many times unkind comments from some of our more curmudgeonly elders.

The "kind" welcomes seem the way to go. But some of the harsher responses do challenge from post one. I've come to the conclusion that the whole range has it's place. Someone freshly out of the TWI environment carry "Way Think" with them. Are we here to socialize? Are we here to tell the other side of the story? Both are part of the make-up of the forums. Unlike TWI, we allow the range and each of us chooses the opinions we like and dislike. In a way, we lay out a range of viewpoints and within that a range of presentations.

I think where we fail as a community, is educating the new visitors on the range of choices available. Speaking your mind is accepted, but the new person may be overwhelmed with that concept. They have been in a bubble, told how to think. Suddenly they are immersed in a world of divergent opinions and criticisms. It is like transferring from a private school to a public school. All that is familiar is removed and now they have to wander the halls looking for their first class and can't find room #2-45B. Some will give them a map, others will let them let them find it on their own and some will just bump into them to see how they will react. All are legit, just different approaches. Hopefully all will lead them to a point of looking at TWI with some critical thinking.

Just my opinion.

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That WAS more than a little harsh Rum, and not equal to your usual self.

Uhhh harsh to whom? TWI? If so then yes it was harsh. I figured with all of Excie's posts about abuse that if anyone would grin about buying up that coach and setting it on fire she might be first on the list. As long as TWI is selling of property etc I think it might me a real gas to set the coach on fire and post vids on you tube.

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(snipped for brevity) - - - - -

Excie - perhaps you should go back to the JW site where you have been trashing GSC as well as Pawtucket by his real name. It has not been missed by several here on GSC. Pawtucket gave you safe haven and you have endeavored to trash him on the net. Wanna buy a used motor coach too?

Perhaps, Rumrunner - - - you could provide some sort of proof of your statement I quoted from your post above??

You're making (imo) a fallacious statement that requires an apology to both Excie specifically, and GSC in general.

The ex-JW board that you mentioned that Excie is a member of (as I am also), is a "Members Only" board so if what you say is true,

you must be registered there too, eh? I've NEVER heard Excie mention ANYONE by their real name there, and neither have I done so.

I've yet ( and I've been a member of MoChat since it's inception) to hear Paw's real name name mentioned there on that site.

Yup - - - there's a bunch of us there that know it, but common courtesy rules there and those who do not give out their real name,

are never mentioned by their real name. When referring to posters there at MoChat, it's a given that it's the screen name is used;

and NOT a person's real name.

So like I said - - - Put up, or Shut up. You, RumRunner (if you are a member of the MoChat site) will have access to it,

unlike any others here who are not. Please provide a screen shot of the posts she made naming Paw by his real name.

If you can't do that - - - then your allegations are just so much smoke out of your @$$. I'll chalk it up to Global Warming.

If you can do so, I'll apologize. But as it stands - - - I think you made a personal attack on a poster here without validation.

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