Bullying

[JavaJane]

I don't remember really.

But now that you say it, I am reminded of my Mother.

She would always tell me "Oh they are just jealous of you". Those words didn't help and certainly didn't bring any comfort.

Yeah right. Everyone was jealous of the girl who was beat up, tortured and verbally abused. Who wouldn't wish to be that? LOL.

I guess she didn't know what to do.

But like you, it did make a big difference the twi people were nice to me. At first.

This is a quote from the "Manipulation of One's Consent" thread... Along with the accounts of VP and LCM using accounts of sexual abuse from corps women's "From Birth to the Corps" papers as a way to choose victims, I started thinking...

How many of us were bullied by peers or abused by authority figures as children? And by bullying, I am talking about more than just being picked in once in a while. I am talking about repeated abuse by your peers, to the point of being afraid to go to school, depression, even maybe having suicidal thoughts.

I wasn't abused by my parents (one of my brothers was, but that was under the direction of twi leadership - my parents wouldn't have been like that on their own.). I was, however, the victim of bullying at school. I was always a bit of a misfit. Smarter than most of the other kids, I loved reading (read all of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, including The Hobbit over a week the summer of my third grade year. I even would read the encyclopedias when I ran out of reading material.). My family was not wealthy, and my parents were hippies. They dressed me like a hippy kid, which made me stand out. And, since they were hippies, I was raised to be a pacifist. What a perfect target for bullying.

My parents put me in a private religious school when I was in second grade to get me away from the bullies. That worked - I was more accepted there. But tuition became too expensive, and I ended up back in public school by 6th grade. It was like hell every day for me. The first day I came home and told my mom and dad that I kept telling myself to wake up because I didn't think school could be that bad in real life. Six months later they pulled me out and I was homeschooled for a year. They tried again to out me in public school. I was beaten up every day after school by the same group of girls that ridiculed me all day. It was horrible. I considered suicide. I was 12 years old the first time I thought about it. I remember telling myself over and over "I hate you! Why can't you just be NORMAL? Of course they hate you. Look at you! You're weird, you're ugly, you're stupid." we moved when I was halfway through 8th grade. It helped having a fresh start somewhere else. My mom had just taken the foundational class of PFAL, too. Great timing.

I think this helped mold me into the kind of person who would fall for twi hook, line, and sinker. I was desperate for acceptance. I had never really had a group of people other than family who accepted and loved me before. And when my parents went into the WC, I went WOW. I felt (in a way I didn't acknowledge until after I left twi) that they had abandoned me for twi. I had just turned 20, and my safety net was gone, replaced by the WOW family.

As I think about this stuff, I realize that I was the only one of my siblings that STAYED with twi in unwavering loyalty when my parents were marked and avoided. I was also the only sibling that experienced the bullying that I did. No wonder I was so so so unquestioningly loyal to twi. They accepted me, loved me, and didn't tell me I was unworthy...

...not until later, anyway. By the time I had gotten through the WOW year, I was being bullied again. But it was more subtle than the kids at school. And it snuck in... And by that point I was convinced that the only place I could get love was from "The love of God in manifestation in the renewed mind in the Household" (you have no idea how thankful I am that I probably didn't quote that definition correctly!)

It wasn't until I was married and in a stable relationship that had the support of my husband's unwavering love and the love if his rock solid family behind it that I really saw that REAL unconditional love existed, and I didn't have to be abused or bullied to have it.

Wow. I was really messed up. And I was pretty weak. But I'm not anymore.

So, my question is, how many of you were bullied or abused? Do you think it had an effect on your involvement with twi?

[OldSkool]

So, my question is, how many of you were bullied or abused? Do you think it had an effect on your involvement with twi?

I was always the smallest, youngest kid and was usually the brunt of all the crap around my hood. So, yes I was bullied. So by the time I was around 14 I got into weight lifting, spent several years kick boxing, spent several more year studying Ju Jutsu. I also have a concealed carry permit and have had a good number of hours in firearms training. I am a really nice person with a really nasty side. This is a by-product of being picked on, it taught me I had to learn to fight and I became pretty good at it. Therefore, I have nothing to prove and understand there is always someone tougher. I simply want to be left in peace and do my best to treat everyone with the utmost respect. I can honestly say I am not afraid of anyone, but am the type of person who will do everything humanely possible to avoid trouble with people. I don't like violence and don't want to see people hurt. I simply will turn away unless I have no other choice.

I conducted myself this way in TWI and had no problems for many years. I think Rosalie and the gang misread my kindness for weakness. When they tried railroading me and my family I fought on and off for a year and a half until I could extricate myself from their midst. And I did so on their dime. Rosie - you were outFOXed and never saw it coming.

I didn't know they were bullies until I saw them treat others that way. I wrongfully assumed that if I did the best I could for them then God would open doors where I could change things for the better. Instead God opened doors that eventually opened my eyes and the rest is history.

[Twinky]

JJ, I think we all have a (or several)weak point(s) somewhere and some aspect of twig-love fulfilled the need we had - everyone wants to feel accepted and loved. Once accepted into a twig, however, the pressure mounted to "take the class" and so off we went on the slippery road to non-acceptance and conditional love.

Sure bullying might have been a factor for some, but there are many other aspects of family/"group" life that predispose towards wanting to be with a group of people who appear friendly, don't badmouth others, and are genuinely enthusiastic about life.

[excathedra]

well my heart just fruucking breaks for JJ and OldS

i was most definitely abused pre-wayfer days. i would call child sexual abuse "bullying" for sure

i don't know why this life is so tough

i will say i have tried beyond trying not be an abuser or a bully

[OldSkool]

i will say i have tried beyond trying not be an abuser or a bully

Same here. It's beyond me how anyone could be in a position of authority and use it to hurt others. But apparently some folks have a proclivity for such things.

and thanks!!

[DogLover]

Old Skool, You put it very well...lots of people in the Way's leadership mistook kindness for weakness.

[johniam]

quote: ...lots of people in the Way's leadership mistook kindness for weakness.

Perhaps they were envious. They can't be in kindness mode because they're "leaders", so if someone else shows effortless kindness (not unusual for a believer walking in love)this is a "problem" to a leader cutting his teeth...or sharpening them. It comes to the humble realization that if you're going to be a good leader at anything, you need major contributions from those that follow you.

[geisha779]

quote: ...lots of people in the Way's leadership mistook kindness for weakness.

Perhaps they were envious. They can't be in kindness mode because they're "leaders", so if someone else shows effortless kindness (not unusual for a believer walking in love)this is a "problem" to a leader cutting his teeth...or sharpening them. It comes to the humble realization that if you're going to be a good leader at anything, you need major contributions from those that follow you.

An unkind AND envious pseudo Christian TWI leader,,,,,sharpening their teeth on people? Sounds about right.

[Twinky]

I remember a Corpsman once telling me in my early days, "You've got to really love people." Context was in relation to being Corps, can't remember the details now. He was kind and thoughtful, that I do remember. He was English, would have trained in the US but this was at Gartmore.

Funny now, in context of then being subject to ultra-legalist ultra-bully Geer. I wonder what became of that Corpsman?

Anyway - really loving people is such a far cry from bullying them.

[OldSkool]

Funny now, in context of then being subject to ultra-legalist ultra-bully Geer. I wonder what became of that Corpsman?

Hard to say. I would bet he either left and remained a loving person or stayed and became corrupted like Geer. That has been my experience anyway. At some point well meaning people have to choose either to stay around and carry out evil directives from these false teachers, or take a stand for what is right and leave.

[JavaJane]

A lack of empathy was encouraged by twi leaders, at least in my experience. When I marked and avoided my parents (encouraged by leadership) I had a few weeks of times where I would burst into tears. Most of these were brought on by thinking of how my parents felt, anc my siblings, and my grandparents, etc. it hurt to think of how I hurt them. I sought counsel from my leadership - their advice? Stop thinking about how they feel. Stop putting yourself in their place. That isn't according to the Word... and they are no longer part of the Household. Don't concern yourself with them. The best thing to do if you really love them is to stand on the Word and Mark and Avoid them. This MIGHT get them to the point of godly sorrow where they might be able to come back. In reality, you are saving their lives by doing this.

I turned off my empathy by doing what they said and became a bully with the best intentions.

[excathedra]

ohmygod look up bully in the dictionary and there is psychogeer

[100% Free]

A lack of empathy was encouraged by twi leaders, at least in my experience. When I marked and avoided my parents (encouraged by leadership) I had a few weeks of times where I would burst into tears. Most of these were brought on by thinking of how my parents felt, anc my siblings, and my grandparents, etc. it hurt to think of how I hurt them. I sought counsel from my leadership - their advice? Stop thinking about how they feel. Stop putting yourself in their place. That isn't according to the Word... and they are no longer part of the Household. Don't concern yourself with them. The best thing to do if you really love them is to stand on the Word and Mark and Avoid them. This MIGHT get them to the point of godly sorrow where they might be able to come back. In reality, you are saving their lives by doing this.

I turned off my empathy by doing what they said and became a bully with the best intentions.

Java Jane,

It's understandable to me, I went along with the same crap they fed me. I look back on people I was unkind to, truly thinking I was being bold spiritually- thus helping them. Yikes. I cringe now when I think of it. I was loyal to the wrong people. I let go of some people that would have been true friends.

I hope you don't mind me asking but, is your relationship with your parents restored?

What you previously shared about your brother stayed with me. I still think about him and pray for him.

Edited February 24, 2012 by 100% Free

[Ham]

Why do people.. suck. Or why is it that people have to suck..

[Twinky]

JJ, you were right and they were absolutely wrong.

Empathy and TWI are poles apart. Oil and water.

The BoT doesn't know what compassion means, and would think that what Jesus did and how he conducted his lifestyle, would make him a real loser. Jesus was "moved with compassion." He "wept" at the plight of those who were oppressed. What a useless wuss! He should have stood immovably and harshly confronted their failure to put God first. Told the man with the epileptic son it was his believing that was at fault. Told Peter his MiL's fever was her own fault. Told Mary and Martha to get their act together and Lazarus had died because of his failure to believe and they should put it behind them.

Thank God he didn't do any of those things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[OperaBuff]

A lack of empathy was encouraged by twi leaders, at least in my experience. When I marked and avoided my parents (encouraged by leadership) I had a few weeks of times where I would burst into tears. Most of these were brought on by thinking of how my parents felt, anc my siblings, and my grandparents, etc. it hurt to think of how I hurt them. I sought counsel from my leadership - their advice? Stop thinking about how they feel. Stop putting yourself in their place. That isn't according to the Word... and they are no longer part of the Household. Don't concern yourself with them. The best thing to do if you really love them is to stand on the Word and Mark and Avoid them. This MIGHT get them to the point of godly sorrow where they might be able to come back. In reality, you are saving their lives by doing this.

I turned off my empathy by doing what they said and became a bully with the best intentions.

Stories like this make me want to punch something. Unless your parents were axe murderers on crack, or some such, who in this world would ever force you to separate from them?

It's interesting to me that the word 'leader' appears only once in the New Testament. In Acts 24, the orator Tertullus accused Paul of being a leader, in an attempt to condemn him before the high priest Ananias. I just thing that's interesting food for thought.

[JavaJane]

I have a good relationship with my family now. I don't think it will ever be completely free of the shadows of my actions in marking and avoiding then for years, though. But it's ok. In some ways it showed me how strong families can rebuild and forgive each other. What bothered (and bothers) me the most is knowing that I am capable of that kind of cruelty. But NEVER AGAIN. I have a child now, and I will NEVER EVER cut her out of my life. I don't care what she does. It would be a non issue. Family is too important. I am trying my best to teach her that importance, too.

My brother is doing much better now. He has a son now, is going to college for social work, and has a small business he is running. He recently got full custody of his son (the mother kept getting busted for meth) and I am so happy that my brother is able to give that sweet nephew of mine a stable loving home to grow up in. He has been clean for over two years now. I am so proud of him. He says his son has been his salvation. My nephew went from speaking only three words when he moved in to reciting story books from memory a couple months later. He says please and thank you. He has a good dad.

[WordWolf]

Yeah,

any part of life not centered around twi must be dropped and ruined.

The people must be obedient and must be beaten down until they obey.

Must be why I was never REALLY a good fit in twi.

Looking back, virtually all the attempts at verbal bullying I've ever

had as an adult all came from people in twi. And my response was generally

a flat look and being SUPREMELY unimpressed. Oh, they HATED that.

One person, though, lightened up and talked like a normal human once I

called him on it. Then again, he wasn't finished with his way corps

"training" yet.

[excathedra]

((((((((((((( jj and family ))))))))))))

[JavaJane]

Thanks, ex! Hugs right back at ya!

[100% Free]

So, my question is, how many of you were bullied or abused? Do you think it had an effect on your involvement with twi?

I really think it did. It was the first time in my life I felt accepted. I had gone to different churches over the years, but even as a young child I was able to realize when something (religion, church-wise) was not for me.

When I was about 17, I was witnessed to by a couple who taught me an eastern prayer that was supposed help me get whatever I wanted. At first I was excited about it, as if it would be a magical cure for my life. I agreed to go to a meeting with them the next day.

I went home that night and practiced the prayer I'd memorized. It was in a language I didn't know. The more I recited it the heavier my heart became. I kept looking at my bible sitting on my desk and I didn't want to do the prayer anymore.

I did want a magical cure to my life, I did want things. But it hit me how selfish the prayer seemed, even though I didn't know what I was saying. But the motive was all wrong and I felt like I was betraying God.

So when they called me the next day to arrange to pick me up, I told them I'd changed my mind. They both tried talking to me, but it ended with me saying "I agree I may not know what is right,but I do know this is wrong." I didn't let them pressure me, tempt me or guilt me into going to the meeting.

I went from being the kind of person who believed in my freedom to choose my beliefs-to devoting too many years of my life to the craziness of twi. Even when I knew it it was destroying me.

twi had given me acceptance after being treated like an outsider. twi had won my loyalty so I stood by them even though it screamed insanity to do so.

The wowzies that witnessed to me were young and fun. I couldn't wait to be around them. They gave me the friendship and validation I desperately wanted.

Besides being horribly bullied, my home life wasn't so great. I did have a family that loved me and I try to remember the good things when I think about it. But my parents had a lot of problems. They didn't pay attention to me and were not very encouraging. They didn't even open my report cards, did not care or notice if I was ditching school.

I think they were releved I immediately went wowzie, because it gave me somewhere to go and something to do that would not require any effort on their part. Again, they did love me but they were too involved in their own problems.

So yes, I do think a lifetime of being bullied and abused along with the problems at home had a huge effect on my involvment with twi.

I also think if twi hadn't come along I would have grown up as people do and figured things out. Because after twi, I did.

twi caused a huge detour on my way to self discovery and healing.

OK- Long enough post!

[excathedra]

excellent post, 100%, and not too long at all

thank you so much