We have been out for 3 years or so... and I am finally getting questions from my husband's extended family about what we were involved in. I am sure they have been wondering for a long time and speculating behind closed doors about it since he first started attending fellowships and leaving his Catholic faith. I think they also probably wondered about me a lot when he brought me back and introduced me to the family after his tenure as a Way Disciple.
So, what do you tell these people? I want to be honest with them, but I know it's pretty hard for them to understand how a normal seeming couple of people could be taken in by a group like this... why would we stay in when it was so blatantly screwed up?
And then there was a question from a younger cousin who overheard a conversation I was having with his mom... I tried to explain what a cult was... not sure I did a good job or not explaining how we were deceived.
Any advice?
I find usually saying less is better. I used to have this paranoia about the whole 'ex-member of a cult' issue. However, contrary to all the BS attitude of TWI, the vast majority of people in the world have never heard of TWI, or if they have know very little about it. Once you start bringing up cult aspects of it, then it draws attention like a train wreck, and the more explaining you have to do, and the less and less most people can relate to it. If you say a lot about it to the well-meaning church members, then they start looking at you like a 'project' that needs 'saving'. Which provides them with a whole other outlet for channeling their energies to distract them from how their life isn't exactly the perfect story.
I usually tell people I was in a Christian non-denominational organization that was centered around home Bible studies. I say I did volunteer work for them. Regarding leaving I just say that over time it became not the best fit for me and my family.
The in-laws are probably a different story a little, in that you might need to answer a few more detailed questions. I still feel the same above principles apply. I keep things simple, factual, and speak of terms in more common language without ministry jargon. Like instead of saying 'I went Way Disciple' I would say I was on a mission through my church for most of a year. I don't need to be the family 'project' any more than I need to be a church 'project'. And every church has their own drama. The Catholic church is not an exception there by a long shot.
With questions like the younger cousin thing I'd probably just say something like 'sometimes over-zealous church people can be kind of mean'.
Tell her that you know a few Dorothys that still travel with the Snake Oil salesmen/wizards, But the scarecrow finally got a brain, the Tin man got a heart, and you finally found your courage. It really explains enough and it won't offend them. Beyond that, you can answer whatever they ask.
I would be reluctant to use the word cult. To me it is too loaded of a term for most contexts (and to be perfectly honest I am still embarrassed by it). I tell people we were very involved in a church we thought was good, but overtime came to realize how legalistic, controlling and abusive it was. We stayed in against our better judgement but eventually severed ties. It has caused me to re-evaluate many, many premises I have held particularly in regards to religion.
I have struggled with the word "cult" in general (although I can think of no better word to describe TWI) because it can be so broadly applied. There are well accepted groups like alcoholics anonymous and denominations like the Catholics (okay Roman Catholics, wayfers) that fit many criteria for the label. Ultimately I decided the label "cult" was not worth using in most cases. Maybe there could be good cults, I don't know. The point for me was that it was an abusive system and that regardless of benefit some may have found there, it was harmful for me and my family. Hence the getting the F out.
I have since met a number of people who have gone through painful separations from unhealthy church involvement. They can relate rather well to our situation but don't consider themselves former cultists.
I don't generally use the term "cult" to describe twi in polite conversation... I use the term "abusive church"... However, my husband's family uses the term "cult" to describe twi. They are pretty direct people (which is one of the reasons I like them so much.)
The start of the most recent conversation went something like this (please keep in mind this was a bit out of the blue):
In-law: So, was this Way thing you were involved in a cult, or what??
why would we stay in when it was so blatantly screwed up?
Are you sure they all know about TWI? I didn't know anything about it until recently.
If they do know about TWI I would just be honest about it and say that you were mislead and that you're embarassed to have been asociated with them. Well-intentioned people won't judge you or hold it against you.
In-law: So, was this Way thing you were involved in a cult, or what??
lol Oh yeah,... they're not into pulling punches. Well just go "Yeah,..." and lock eyes with them and see where they go from there.
Sometimes people are pretty brutal about this stuff until they realize you aren't going to "get stupid" again. Sometimes they have a more warped reason for nosing-in. In-laws are usually worried about you messing up their kid's life first (and are protecting their interest), but they can also just be out to poke the dog with a sharp stick, just to see what it does.
I wouldn't share much except very direct (short) and honest answers until you feel comfortable sharing more of that stuff with them. Be Polite, of course, and keep your chin up.
... That one relative sounds perceptive, thoughtful. You can figure out if rudeness or concern is behind the questions by answering them briefly and honestly.
Using the word "cult" arouses all sorts of perceptions. Try to avoid it.
I say : I was with an abusive or legalistic church. I learned some good stuff and some bad stuff. I met some great folks and some not-so-great folks. And, since it's your in-laws, say that one of the great people you met was their own son. Now I'm learning other stuff from [this church] (if you are).
People who have been going to church, any church, can relate to legalistic churches; quite a lot of people, when you enquire about, have run foul of some legalistic church leader/minister.
If they persist in asking if it was a cult, ask them what they mean, and ask them if [the church down the road] is also a cult. What about the one on the other side of town? Where do they draw the line?
Emphasise positive aspects of life now - love for God, positive or practical things you do based on the Bible, openness to change.
Above all, be as "normal" and positive as you can be, and definitely avoid jargon.
When I first got out I would tell people that I had been in a cult; I found that most people were very judgmental and thought that there was something wrong with me for having been involved in something like that. These days, I find that they only people who really get it are those who have "recovered" or gotten out of abusive situations themselves, e.g. drug addiction, alcoholism, abusive relationships, etc. These people understand how one can be sucked into something harmful, and even stay in it after recognizing the harmful aspects of it.
These days I avoid describing the doctrine of TWI to people, partly because I usually find their own religious beliefs as far-fetched and improbable as some of the crazy stuff that Martindale & Wierwille peddled.
I should probably also clarify - my husband's parents are very supportive and understanding. I am so thankful to have them around, because they have really taught me what being a part of a real family is all about (no offense, mom, if you are reading this - you know what I am talking about.) My family was in twi from the time I was around 12 or so, and before that there was a major divide between my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc... My parents were hippies and had major differences with their families. After my parents were kicked out of the WC and put on probation they kicked one of my teenage siblings out of the house under the advice from their BC. He lived under a bridge and somehow made it through highschool. I thought rifts like this were normal. They aren't. Families are supposed to be tight, are supposed to be understanding. I really get that now.
(Wow, that was pretty hard to type. Thought I was over that...)
Anyway, my mom and dad in law are fantastic people and have helped me a lot with getting my head straight about twi. Talk about unconditional LOVE! They have it in abundance!
The ones who are asking questions now are from the extended family - my husband's cousins and aunts and uncles (he has a LOT of them)... they all grew up together, so it's more like they are brothers and sisters than cousins, so the intrusiveness is a lot more like being hassled by your siblings. And yes, they can be a bit direct at times.
Cult.. Hehe.. Yeah, I don't use the term.. Only because it means different things to different people.. And my in-laws.. Well, they think my wife was in a cult because she was going to a Baptist church in her home town! In her country, any "Christian group" outside of the Roman Catholic Church is considered a cult irregardless of their doctrines/creeds.) And especially Baptists and most Protestants.. The funniest thing is that even the Jehovah Witnesses in her country are larger than most denominations we would consider "orthodox" here in America.
Ahh well, I just tell people I was with a church that I eventually found out had a bunch of corruption at the top.
When I told church people, they were disturbed and looked at me like I was Poison or something...stampeded me to get me "saved".
When I told others they would say oh, hmmmmm....and changed the subject...they didn't really care where I had been or what had happened. I think because they had no inkling what "cult" really meant, it wasn't something they thought was of great relevance.
When I told therapists, this is really true, they said, we don't know how to help you we've not had any experience with cults.
All I all I think it's about being able to relate. How can anyone who never was in TWI really know and understand what it was like? They can't, even if you explained to the enth degree, only those who have "been there" really get it. Less said is better many times.
I just wanted everyone to know and understand....I found it an awakening when no body really wanted to know all that badly.
That's why these kind of websites are vital for those who lived the experience. We "get it" and you don't have to explain. We know.
I've been taught in my human relations courses (okay, they were sales courses) that if someone asks a direct question to give them a direct answer or else you come off like you're dodging the question. In the question you posed, there is actually another question hiding in there and that's the one they're concerned about. They're hoping you'll answer it for them so they don't have to ask it and possibly risk looking rude. So they ask you this question to knock you off balance. Then, no matter what you say, they are in control. With all due respect, they are not being "honest and up front" in my opinion. They are hiding. So, here's a suggestion, and take it for what it's worth.
"You were involved in The Way? Isn't The Way a cult?"
"Well, yeah, I guess a lot of people think so anyway. I'm just curious, why is that question important to you, just now?"
The answer to that question is their real question. There are other ways to say this. Pick one that best suits your personality. Written down it may look a little abrasive, but it's all in how you say it.
If they are being aggressive and mean and ask, "You were in a cult, weren't you!?" Just cut out the softening statements and say, "Why is that important, right now?"
JavaJane. I think that the following quoted response says it just the way I would say it. I was involved from '75 to '87, was an ordained guy, and was obviously very involved. And when it comes to responding to your question, not only do I find it easier for me to respond in the following manner, but I believe that it also keeps the questioning person from tripping over a "stumbling block" that needn't even be there. I don't even tell them the NAME of TWI because I know that they can google it, and come up with this place, the GSC. I don't want my old friends and relatives to "all of the sudden" have to deal with all the info that can be found here. For me, it's a thing of the past, and my friends and relatives needn't be "stirred up" about things that I have left long ago. If we love our friends and relatives, I wouldn't put this burden upon them.
Conversely, feel free to respond and interact here with those who have, like you, "been there and done that..."
I find usually saying less is better. I used to have this paranoia about the whole 'ex-member of a cult' issue. However, contrary to all the BS attitude of TWI, the vast majority of people in the world have never heard of TWI, or if they have know very little about it. Once you start bringing up cult aspects of it, then it draws attention like a train wreck, and the more explaining you have to do, and the less and less most people can relate to it. If you say a lot about it to the well-meaning church members, then they start looking at you like a 'project' that needs 'saving'. Which provides them with a whole other outlet for channeling their energies to distract them from how their life isn't exactly the perfect story.
I usually tell people I was in a Christian non-denominational organization that was centered around home Bible studies. I say I did volunteer work for them. Regarding leaving I just say that over time it became not the best fit for me and my family.
The in-laws are probably a different story a little, in that you might need to answer a few more detailed questions. I still feel the same above principles apply. I keep things simple, factual, and speak of terms in more common language without ministry jargon. Like instead of saying 'I went Way Disciple' I would say I was on a mission through my church for most of a year. I don't need to be the family 'project' any more than I need to be a church 'project'. And every church has their own drama. The Catholic church is not an exception there by a long shot.
With questions like the younger cousin thing I'd probably just say something like 'sometimes over-zealous church people can be kind of mean'.
In my experience, I tend to answer these questions depending on who's doing the asking and the tone of the questioning.
IMO......close family and loving in-laws deserve more patience, more explanation. For some who might have been waiting for years for you to exit......all the missed holidays, weddings, funerals, get-togethers, etc. stifle any relationship. Therefore, if one is to begin building those relationships again, its going to take a significant amount of communication, trust, and time.
Of course....I've had a few church/judgy people who simply wanted to "fly their flag of spiritual righteousness" and strut their pride. With them, I tend to delve into aspects of scripture that, most likely, they know nothing about. In this manner, they see that I wasn't just standing in airports selling flowers for the cult.......
But mostly....after these many years, when I feel a need to explain my "diverse life" I tell neighbors, co-workers and such that I was in a non-denominational church group that delved into specific bible studies. With that, most just don't care to delve into a religious conversation after that.
My own family all know that I was involved in TWI and most have the opinion that it was a cult, but like another poster's family, their negative opinion of TWI was in large part due to it not being Catholic. Many people who got involved in TWI when I did were in their teens or early twenties; there was a vicious cycle between us and our parents where anything that we did confirmed for them how bad TWI was and anything that they did confirmed for us that they just didn't want "the Word". Their reactions to our reactions to their reactions to our reactions...just cemented attitudes on the part of both sides. Alienation from family wasn't always 100% the fault of those of us in the cult.
I don't generally use the term "cult" to describe twi in polite conversation...
I don't think there's any reason to. While TWI may qualify under the definitions of cult that I've read, to me, a cult implies Jim Jones, David Koresh, even doomsday groups and devil worshipers. TWI may have been a lot of things but I don't think it was as extreme as those groups.
Last post for a while. JJ You really weren't given much choice about the "C" word. It was thrown at you. So it's not a question of you avoiding saying it.
You could sign up for the Dealing with the In-Laws Class ...okay, just kidding, just kidding.
Love, of course, is the correct answer. Be lovingly patient with them...
But don't take their crap!!!! kk? Just sayin'...... yanno?
I will miss you, Gen!! And you're right - I can't avoid the c word with this family! I realized today that they wouldn't be asking if they hadn't accepted me into the family. They are a lot more polite to outsiders!
Thanks for the advice, all! I will take it all into consideration - and lots of good advice for anybody else out there who might be having the same issues.
When people ask how my husband and I met I just say we were involved with a ministry and we met through it. I explain we were both on a one year mission in the same state and that we kept crossing paths. When we became unhappy with the way things were changing and our lives in the ministry we decided to leave.
When i am asked about my WOW year I call it a mission where I took one year of my life to serve God and learn more about him and focus on his word for one year.
That is what I was doing... I was pretty much oblivious to the whole Cult Aspect of it. Now Of course I am completly clued in. But it is what I was doing never mind that TWI was all about me bringiong in Money for their Coffers. I realize it now but at that time I was a naive kid.
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Bolshevik
send them to this site . . . we'll fix 'em.
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chockfull
I find usually saying less is better. I used to have this paranoia about the whole 'ex-member of a cult' issue. However, contrary to all the BS attitude of TWI, the vast majority of people in the world have never heard of TWI, or if they have know very little about it. Once you start bringing up cult aspects of it, then it draws attention like a train wreck, and the more explaining you have to do, and the less and less most people can relate to it. If you say a lot about it to the well-meaning church members, then they start looking at you like a 'project' that needs 'saving'. Which provides them with a whole other outlet for channeling their energies to distract them from how their life isn't exactly the perfect story.
I usually tell people I was in a Christian non-denominational organization that was centered around home Bible studies. I say I did volunteer work for them. Regarding leaving I just say that over time it became not the best fit for me and my family.
The in-laws are probably a different story a little, in that you might need to answer a few more detailed questions. I still feel the same above principles apply. I keep things simple, factual, and speak of terms in more common language without ministry jargon. Like instead of saying 'I went Way Disciple' I would say I was on a mission through my church for most of a year. I don't need to be the family 'project' any more than I need to be a church 'project'. And every church has their own drama. The Catholic church is not an exception there by a long shot.
With questions like the younger cousin thing I'd probably just say something like 'sometimes over-zealous church people can be kind of mean'.
HTH.
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waysider
I usually just tell them to renew their minds and get over it.
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Gen-2
Tell her that you know a few Dorothys that still travel with the Snake Oil salesmen/wizards, But the scarecrow finally got a brain, the Tin man got a heart, and you finally found your courage. It really explains enough and it won't offend them. Beyond that, you can answer whatever they ask.
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shortfuse
I would be reluctant to use the word cult. To me it is too loaded of a term for most contexts (and to be perfectly honest I am still embarrassed by it). I tell people we were very involved in a church we thought was good, but overtime came to realize how legalistic, controlling and abusive it was. We stayed in against our better judgement but eventually severed ties. It has caused me to re-evaluate many, many premises I have held particularly in regards to religion.
I have struggled with the word "cult" in general (although I can think of no better word to describe TWI) because it can be so broadly applied. There are well accepted groups like alcoholics anonymous and denominations like the Catholics (okay Roman Catholics, wayfers) that fit many criteria for the label. Ultimately I decided the label "cult" was not worth using in most cases. Maybe there could be good cults, I don't know. The point for me was that it was an abusive system and that regardless of benefit some may have found there, it was harmful for me and my family. Hence the getting the F out.
I have since met a number of people who have gone through painful separations from unhealthy church involvement. They can relate rather well to our situation but don't consider themselves former cultists.
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cheranne
I have been out of The Way International since 1982. I was raised Catholic. Was taught Jesus Christ IS God.
I just wanted to learn about the Bible when I got involved in 1978, After going thru the "class" over and over.
Thinking and speaking "Way Speak"It was easy to get caught up in it. I wanted to live according to The Word of God
but ended up living according to a group called The Way International.
Some people don't need to hear an explanation others are curious,Now I just am an Advocate against Cults .
All Cults.
See groups on Facebook under Cults. Exposure is best thing to bring out the Truth. I also think LOTS of Catholics
got caught in the PFAL class ,now I notice The Way is big on targeting Mexico and Central America .
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JavaJane
I don't generally use the term "cult" to describe twi in polite conversation... I use the term "abusive church"... However, my husband's family uses the term "cult" to describe twi. They are pretty direct people (which is one of the reasons I like them so much.)
The start of the most recent conversation went something like this (please keep in mind this was a bit out of the blue):
In-law: So, was this Way thing you were involved in a cult, or what??
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soul searcher
Are you sure they all know about TWI? I didn't know anything about it until recently.
If they do know about TWI I would just be honest about it and say that you were mislead and that you're embarassed to have been asociated with them. Well-intentioned people won't judge you or hold it against you.
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JavaJane
Trust me, there are no boundaries in this family... they know.
Yeah, I think honesty is the best policy with this group!
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Gen-2
lol Oh yeah,... they're not into pulling punches. Well just go "Yeah,..." and lock eyes with them and see where they go from there.
Sometimes people are pretty brutal about this stuff until they realize you aren't going to "get stupid" again. Sometimes they have a more warped reason for nosing-in. In-laws are usually worried about you messing up their kid's life first (and are protecting their interest), but they can also just be out to poke the dog with a sharp stick, just to see what it does.
I wouldn't share much except very direct (short) and honest answers until you feel comfortable sharing more of that stuff with them. Be Polite, of course, and keep your chin up.
... That one relative sounds perceptive, thoughtful. You can figure out if rudeness or concern is behind the questions by answering them briefly and honestly.
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Twinky
Using the word "cult" arouses all sorts of perceptions. Try to avoid it.
I say : I was with an abusive or legalistic church. I learned some good stuff and some bad stuff. I met some great folks and some not-so-great folks. And, since it's your in-laws, say that one of the great people you met was their own son. Now I'm learning other stuff from [this church] (if you are).
People who have been going to church, any church, can relate to legalistic churches; quite a lot of people, when you enquire about, have run foul of some legalistic church leader/minister.
If they persist in asking if it was a cult, ask them what they mean, and ask them if [the church down the road] is also a cult. What about the one on the other side of town? Where do they draw the line?
Emphasise positive aspects of life now - love for God, positive or practical things you do based on the Bible, openness to change.
Above all, be as "normal" and positive as you can be, and definitely avoid jargon.
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chockfull
trolling for an emotional response IMO. the key is maintaining composure regardless of the words you use to respond.
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Oakspear
When I first got out I would tell people that I had been in a cult; I found that most people were very judgmental and thought that there was something wrong with me for having been involved in something like that. These days, I find that they only people who really get it are those who have "recovered" or gotten out of abusive situations themselves, e.g. drug addiction, alcoholism, abusive relationships, etc. These people understand how one can be sucked into something harmful, and even stay in it after recognizing the harmful aspects of it.
These days I avoid describing the doctrine of TWI to people, partly because I usually find their own religious beliefs as far-fetched and improbable as some of the crazy stuff that Martindale & Wierwille peddled.
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JavaJane
I should probably also clarify - my husband's parents are very supportive and understanding. I am so thankful to have them around, because they have really taught me what being a part of a real family is all about (no offense, mom, if you are reading this - you know what I am talking about.) My family was in twi from the time I was around 12 or so, and before that there was a major divide between my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc... My parents were hippies and had major differences with their families. After my parents were kicked out of the WC and put on probation they kicked one of my teenage siblings out of the house under the advice from their BC. He lived under a bridge and somehow made it through highschool. I thought rifts like this were normal. They aren't. Families are supposed to be tight, are supposed to be understanding. I really get that now.
(Wow, that was pretty hard to type. Thought I was over that...)
Anyway, my mom and dad in law are fantastic people and have helped me a lot with getting my head straight about twi. Talk about unconditional LOVE! They have it in abundance!
The ones who are asking questions now are from the extended family - my husband's cousins and aunts and uncles (he has a LOT of them)... they all grew up together, so it's more like they are brothers and sisters than cousins, so the intrusiveness is a lot more like being hassled by your siblings. And yes, they can be a bit direct at times.
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TrustAndObey
Cult.. Hehe.. Yeah, I don't use the term.. Only because it means different things to different people.. And my in-laws.. Well, they think my wife was in a cult because she was going to a Baptist church in her home town! In her country, any "Christian group" outside of the Roman Catholic Church is considered a cult irregardless of their doctrines/creeds.) And especially Baptists and most Protestants.. The funniest thing is that even the Jehovah Witnesses in her country are larger than most denominations we would consider "orthodox" here in America.
Ahh well, I just tell people I was with a church that I eventually found out had a bunch of corruption at the top.
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newlife
Got involved in 1975----left in 1987.
When I told church people, they were disturbed and looked at me like I was Poison or something...stampeded me to get me "saved".
When I told others they would say oh, hmmmmm....and changed the subject...they didn't really care where I had been or what had happened. I think because they had no inkling what "cult" really meant, it wasn't something they thought was of great relevance.
When I told therapists, this is really true, they said, we don't know how to help you we've not had any experience with cults.
All I all I think it's about being able to relate. How can anyone who never was in TWI really know and understand what it was like? They can't, even if you explained to the enth degree, only those who have "been there" really get it. Less said is better many times.
I just wanted everyone to know and understand....I found it an awakening when no body really wanted to know all that badly.
That's why these kind of websites are vital for those who lived the experience. We "get it" and you don't have to explain. We know.
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Broken Arrow
I've been taught in my human relations courses (okay, they were sales courses) that if someone asks a direct question to give them a direct answer or else you come off like you're dodging the question. In the question you posed, there is actually another question hiding in there and that's the one they're concerned about. They're hoping you'll answer it for them so they don't have to ask it and possibly risk looking rude. So they ask you this question to knock you off balance. Then, no matter what you say, they are in control. With all due respect, they are not being "honest and up front" in my opinion. They are hiding. So, here's a suggestion, and take it for what it's worth.
"You were involved in The Way? Isn't The Way a cult?"
"Well, yeah, I guess a lot of people think so anyway. I'm just curious, why is that question important to you, just now?"
The answer to that question is their real question. There are other ways to say this. Pick one that best suits your personality. Written down it may look a little abrasive, but it's all in how you say it.
If they are being aggressive and mean and ask, "You were in a cult, weren't you!?" Just cut out the softening statements and say, "Why is that important, right now?"
Just some ideas.
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ClayJay
JavaJane. I think that the following quoted response says it just the way I would say it. I was involved from '75 to '87, was an ordained guy, and was obviously very involved. And when it comes to responding to your question, not only do I find it easier for me to respond in the following manner, but I believe that it also keeps the questioning person from tripping over a "stumbling block" that needn't even be there. I don't even tell them the NAME of TWI because I know that they can google it, and come up with this place, the GSC. I don't want my old friends and relatives to "all of the sudden" have to deal with all the info that can be found here. For me, it's a thing of the past, and my friends and relatives needn't be "stirred up" about things that I have left long ago. If we love our friends and relatives, I wouldn't put this burden upon them.
Conversely, feel free to respond and interact here with those who have, like you, "been there and done that..."
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skyrider
In my experience, I tend to answer these questions depending on who's doing the asking and the tone of the questioning.
IMO......close family and loving in-laws deserve more patience, more explanation. For some who might have been waiting for years for you to exit......all the missed holidays, weddings, funerals, get-togethers, etc. stifle any relationship. Therefore, if one is to begin building those relationships again, its going to take a significant amount of communication, trust, and time.
Of course....I've had a few church/judgy people who simply wanted to "fly their flag of spiritual righteousness" and strut their pride. With them, I tend to delve into aspects of scripture that, most likely, they know nothing about. In this manner, they see that I wasn't just standing in airports selling flowers for the cult.......
But mostly....after these many years, when I feel a need to explain my "diverse life" I tell neighbors, co-workers and such that I was in a non-denominational church group that delved into specific bible studies. With that, most just don't care to delve into a religious conversation after that.
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Oakspear
My own family all know that I was involved in TWI and most have the opinion that it was a cult, but like another poster's family, their negative opinion of TWI was in large part due to it not being Catholic. Many people who got involved in TWI when I did were in their teens or early twenties; there was a vicious cycle between us and our parents where anything that we did confirmed for them how bad TWI was and anything that they did confirmed for us that they just didn't want "the Word". Their reactions to our reactions to their reactions to our reactions...just cemented attitudes on the part of both sides. Alienation from family wasn't always 100% the fault of those of us in the cult.
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soul searcher
I don't think there's any reason to. While TWI may qualify under the definitions of cult that I've read, to me, a cult implies Jim Jones, David Koresh, even doomsday groups and devil worshipers. TWI may have been a lot of things but I don't think it was as extreme as those groups.
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Gen-2
Last post for a while. JJ You really weren't given much choice about the "C" word. It was thrown at you. So it's not a question of you avoiding saying it.
You could sign up for the Dealing with the In-Laws Class ...okay, just kidding, just kidding.
Love, of course, is the correct answer. Be lovingly patient with them...
But don't take their crap!!!! kk? Just sayin'...... yanno?
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JavaJane
I will miss you, Gen!! And you're right - I can't avoid the c word with this family! I realized today that they wouldn't be asking if they hadn't accepted me into the family. They are a lot more polite to outsiders!
Thanks for the advice, all! I will take it all into consideration - and lots of good advice for anybody else out there who might be having the same issues.
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leafytwiglet
When people ask how my husband and I met I just say we were involved with a ministry and we met through it. I explain we were both on a one year mission in the same state and that we kept crossing paths. When we became unhappy with the way things were changing and our lives in the ministry we decided to leave.
When i am asked about my WOW year I call it a mission where I took one year of my life to serve God and learn more about him and focus on his word for one year.
That is what I was doing... I was pretty much oblivious to the whole Cult Aspect of it. Now Of course I am completly clued in. But it is what I was doing never mind that TWI was all about me bringiong in Money for their Coffers. I realize it now but at that time I was a naive kid.
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